Wednesday, August 4, 2010

If Twitter were available to Napoleon

Napoleon: Josephine! My Petit Whore! How are you?

Josephine: How is my Petit Caporal, on his campaign today?

Napoleon: The secret of war lies in the communications. I tell you, I freaking LOVE this Twitter thing!

Josephine: Oui, mon Cherie, but you know how I do not like to talk about ugly war things. Couldn't Twitter help you win the wars easier?

Napoleon: What? Nonsense, its but a toy. Oh, well...and you know? People keep referring to me in the street as, "That Corsican"! So rude!

Josephine: I do not think it sounds so that bad, Cherie? You can be MY petit Corsican any time.

Napoleon: But, I hate it! I HATE it! I'd rather be called..."Le Bishop"! Or, ooo, I know! "Le Emporer"!

Josephine: Aw, they'll call you "Le Emporer" one day. Just keep demanding it. France will simply forget not to call you that & just fall into step.

Napoleon: France? No, Germany? Maybe. But maybe so. And after all I've done for them, too!

Josephine: Oui, decreasing the burden on the State through massive attrition WAS very creative, Cherie, my Great big, petite mon Emporer!

Napoleon: What? What was that? I didn't quite hear you....

Josephine: Oui Cherie, my Great big, petite mon Emporer! And you can't "hear" text, my petit fool.

Napoleon: Say it again....?

Josephine: Come back here and I shall whisper it to any part of your petit self that you wish!

Napoleon: Arghhhh! I really hate this Spanish country! You know I've had to recapture Madrid...AGAIN?

Josephine: When you return I will recapture Your Royal Madrid my petit Grand Soldier.

Napoleon: How are you coming along with that whole, giving me a male heir thing?

Josephine: But, you are not here and you know, and I need to practice practice practice....

Napoleon: Oui, Josephine, I am practicing daily.

Josephine: What?!

Napoleon: I mean, I think about practicing, daily. Merde!

Josephine: You are not playing with those little whores who follow your war machine everywhere you go, are you?

Napoleon: Hello? Hello? Damn, reception here is so bad!

Josephine: Don't you give me that, you petit midget. You'd better NOT be playing the field.

Napoleon: But, mon cherie, it is my JOB to play in the fields, and you know, slaughter, bludgeon, and KA Bang!

Josephine: Oui, cherie. Well, bang well, Cherie, I will boom you like a cannon when you return.

Napoleon: Merde! I hate Spain!

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