Showing posts with label ruminations. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ruminations. Show all posts

Tuesday, July 2, 2024

Walkabout Thoughts #95

Thoughts in Streams of Consciousness, Rough & Ready, and Lightly Edited from an Award-Winning Filmmaker/Author you’ve never heard of while walking off Reality and hopefully the last half-life vestiges of Long Covid while listening to podcasts.
Walking Day is Sunday, June 30, 2024

Weather for the day… nice day, starting out, 61° with no wind, overcast and I feel like I’m walking through a mist. I can’t see, 64° back at home.

Podcast is Jon Stewart’s The Daily Show podcast episode Jon Stewart and Michael Kosta Cover the First Presidential Debate | ICYMI
I tried to listen to the podcast, but he said it was being released just before the debate Thursday night so I’m skipping it for a live version on stage of,,,
Pod Save America, an episode from one day ago, a day after the debate: 

I wanted to listen to Jon Stewart, but lately, the news seems to age by the minute, and while I want to hear from him, what I am most concerned about is the  most up to date discussions.

So yes, I hear what they’re saying on the podcast about how MAGA wanted a Trumpy candidate who will bluster and play like he’s fighting for them. Now people are sick of them and long now of so very sick of Trump. I too want someone who will beat the crap out of Trump in a debate, or anywhere.

"Brave enough to live the lies you want to." That explains what MAGA Is doing.

I think the issue in the differences between those who support Trump and those who don’t isn’t about specific issues. It’s about a selective paradigm of the cohesive hole in how each individual Trump supporter finds kinship with him. And it’s similar on the other side with Joe Biden.

It’s kind of a "forest for the trees" thing. But if you step back and take a look at the forest the Biden supporters or more realistically the supporters of America and democracy,we see and push a fairly healthy forest. 

While the Trump supporters pick out the available individual green trees, in a forest that is dying. Which they cannot see overall and they refuse to see what is there because they are selectively choosing what to see. Everyone does that. They just do it to a degree that is unbelievable. Unreasonable.

About that democracy issue…

I posted a couple of tweets, seems stupid to call them X’s just to satiate the emotionally adolescent Elon Musk… and those tweets about democracy seemed to do well today.


In 2000 we had "hanging chands". In 2020 we had "hanging Pence". Time has changed. Both issues were Republican-based troubles.

We live in a democratic constitutional republic.

When you hear someone say, "We don’t live in a democracy, we live in a constitutional republic" or "We live in a republic." That is the right-wing whistle-calling to those who understand it from their info-bubble where they believe that democracy is bad. like everything else they do or say, they’re conflating and inflating things for purpose.

Yes, a full (absolute) democracy is arguably bad. It's too specific but too wide open. 

A republic is a subset of democracy. To claim it’s not a democracy at all though is delusional, and in this case, it's pushing extreme right-wing authoritarian fascism or fascist authoritarianism if you will.

A whistle call is a placeholder, a shorthand for a concept where it doesn’t do well to mention it openly and. So you use a kind of mnemonic to positively trigger those who understand your meaning and are supportive of what you’re saying.

What’s interesting about that? It's similar to what a mob boss does to his underlings. He orders a crime to be committed but uses code. Which is what we’re referring to here, to protect himself from accountability or responsibility for his actions. Actions he is delegating to others to commit.

You may notice if you’ve ever seen a police procedural or a mafia/mob/organized crime film, when a hitman is contracted to execute someone by order, the police want to take to trial those who ordered it, at times giving amnesty to the actual murderer, the hitman.

If you want to understand Donald Trump and the MAGA movement, you merely have to study, or at least familiarize yourself with organized crime functionality. Once you do that, it becomes crystal clear what’s going on with those people. Donald Trump is the most despicable person ever to become or run for POTUS. Hillary Clinton was 100% correct about how despicable he is, as is his agenda. In saying that in public speeches, she misspoke by labeling all of his supporters as that.

Indirectly, it is true, she was correct. But in trying to do what Trump does in speaking to his base and gathering to him those fervent believers in what he believes in, or wants them to believe in...while it may work for Trump, it's a specialized case. It's not something that works well in a socially healthy group, in a liberal democratic republic.

Isn’t the problem on either side? Everyone else.? Not Trump?  There may be a moment where the left thought they could do what the right was doing with Donald Trump, just serviced the base. That’s not how democracy works. 

That’s South African apartheid. That’s minority rule. Which is where we’re at with the Right, with the Republicans, with the MAGA, with Donald Trump and him wanting to be titular head of a fascist authoritarian government. Moving us from perhaps oligarchy to kleptocracy, where the criminals truly do run the government.

We have long talked about criminals and how shady politicians are, etc. etc. Which explains MAGA falling in line and buying into the propaganda from the right and Donald Trump, from his disinformation, from Republican disinformation.

But if you actually have any reality-based common sense, you’d realize that the decades of diatribe I too heard against our government throughout my entire life, it’s just been something to complain about. Lay blame where you don’t understand things. Blame for things that are making you miserable, even if it’s your fault, even if 100% your fault. Or your party's fault in the case of the GOP.

Pretty much 100%. So whatever negativity the GOP is comfortable spreading around there’s enough to spread around at least some to everyone, except for the right, for them, who are trying to blame everything on the left, in trying to claim that is equal to what the left does, simply makes for a false equivalency.

Today’s left is not equal to the right. 
BLM does not equal Christian nationalism or white supremacists.

When you’re in the wrong and you’re demanding to be treated as well as or better than those in the right, even when they act inappropriately at times, you're building a false equivalency for your own benefit and of one against the whole of the nation.

Over the decades, we allowed too many things to just go unbidden. When those unconstitutional little militias started up, we didn’t take them to task. We let them go thinking they were either harmless or would fizzle out... and many dead.

When the 2nd amendment was latched onto and forced into meaning something, it was never intended to mean, we didn’t push back enough. Even Supreme Justices have said it’s bullshit, all this conflation regarding the 2nd Amendment meaning all should have guns and little or not restrictions. It has led us to a kind of madness.

What is that adage about a lie? if you repeat it often and loud enough people will believe it? If something lasts long enough without countering it, it becomes true to some. I remember my old property where I lived in the woods, if you had use of a part of a neighbor's land for seven years and they didn’t do anything about it, you then had permanent access to that.

It’s similar to some concepts in society. Only in the case of ideas they can be recuperated.

When you have the situation we have now, with a vein of authoritarianism and fascism, bigotry and racism, which has been festering since the South lost the Civil War and the abuse they suffered by carpetbaggers and scalawags, and others, con men, and bad politicians, especially when the North, when you have people exhibiting and Confederate flags, the flag of treasonous losers who tried to secede from the United States, we should’ve taken example from Germany after World War II and protected our future. Swastikas and Nazism and the Nazis salute and all that bullshit was made illegal. They addressed issues regarding: Denazification, Prohibition of Nazi Symbols and Propaganda, Holocaust Denial, Banning of Nazi Organizations, Regulation of Public Memory. I suspect America didn't do enough. But then that was the 1800s and Nazis were the 1900s.

I know we’re America and freedom and all that. But it’s come back to bite us now. Hopefully, in being the country we are, it will just mean we will have a dark period and eventually come back to reality as a nation.

The problem is that in some other countries that are not a mix of cultures like we are, who are more greatly one people, the British, the Irish, the French, or whatever. It makes more sense. But even in those countries others have become citizens and been there for generations. But we’re not those countries. We’re not Iran. We’re not a theocracy.

We have to find a way to agree to disagree and remain a cohesive hole because that’s how we’re powerful. Right now we’re perceived as weak and fractured and Russia is doing everything it can to apply pressure to our found pressure points to exploit that. And don’t think China and North Korea aren’t doing the same. Or possibly Iran or others.

We are constantly shooting ourselves in the foot for no apparent reason other than bigotry or a search for power over the majority. This ridiculous hatred of “the other “who just doesn’t exist. While the Republican party feeds off of the fear of that in their attempts to acquire power.

Starting my 2nd mile…

Medhi Hasan is on the podcast with some the Apple TV show Dark Matter from the novel. Love that show. It takes physics as we understand it and shows you how bad it could get.

The podcast is making fun of Biden’s comment in the debate about Immoral Alley Cat Trump. They’re not at all getting what the reference was about. It was about Trump having sex with the porn star and all of Trump's criminality, convictions, and denials involved therein.

I don’t know, I liked Biden's comment it seemed off the cuff funny. Maybe it was planned, but I find that hard to believe. They could’ve come up with something better had they planned it.

But it’s not as they joke in the podcast, about homelessness and it’s really not about slut shaming because Trump is one of the biggest sluts in America, at least as a well-known individual. But it’s about the lack of ethics and morals involved in Trump’s behavior with sex. That was what the comment was about and I would say it was spot on.

They mention Biden being very proud of his comment that Trump is a lot like Herbert Hoover, who was 1929 to 1933 as POTUS. I get that doesn’t spark up the youth vote. But when you have to reach that far back in history of American Presidents to find that kind of corruption Trump involves himself in, damn, go look in up when you hear a reference like that. Think about it. THINK. 

I remember when people used to have posters of that hanging up back in the 70s. Just a single word, "THINK" on a blank background. Used to see them everywhere. It would do good for MAGA to start thinking nowadays because I don’t know what they’re doing at times, but thinking seems not to be part of it.

Maybe "calculating" but I doubt it. Seems too complex. For me thinking involves a Buddhist sense of total awareness. Enlightenment. Zanshin. What is that? Look it up. When you hear something you don’t know about, when your mind snags at you and asks, "What is that? We should know about that?" Listen to that voice.

I know, I know, some people, very few don’t have an inner voice. Some refuse to listen to it. Somehow some hear it telling him that they should worship Trump.

When you have a Heritage Foundation leader who says he wants to turn the GOP into Trumpism, that’s a problem.

I get how the Right tries to claim the Left are fascists because of their hardline refusal to accept uh, fascism? Yes, back in World War II Germany, Nazis did get their feelings hurt when anyone spoke out against them because they were pretty horrific. They would just kill whoever bothered them and then go have a drink. Except where there were sadomasochistic tendencies. But there are good people on both sides, right?

Not too fetish shame their S&M but there’s S&M and then there's S&M. When you’re doing it for pleasure and say applying pressure rather than damage, I don’t have a problem with that. When you’re drawing blood and physically damaging people permanently for your sexual pleasure with your sex fetish whip with razor blades on it? I do have a problem with that. You need help. Or we need to be aware of that and force you to get help, if not lock you up.

Had they done that with the Nazis, how much better the world would have been.

Germany gave the world a fascist, a bigot, a racist, and a toxic authoritarian for those damaged people in succeeding generations to look to for a model of how to abuse humanity.

I may have mentioned this in previous days about the Phoenix, Arizona Republican focus group who watched the debate and when asked about ii, had little to say about Biden’s performance, but were very angry at Trump for telling the lies that they thought he just didn’t need to tell.

I’ve been saying this for a while, that we won’t know until after the election, in hindsight if we see then that Trump never had a chance of winning this election. But that’s not how you treat it at this point, at this stage of the game. As we had two in 2020, as we should’ve done in 2016, we need to pull out all stops and keep this SOB from ever having public office again. Give him a chance to go through his court trials, to be convicted, to go to prison for the rest of his life. As one can only hope.

And if his MAGA doesn’t like it, we will deal with it. Because that’s the only choice we have as a democratic constitutional republic!

I realized yesterday in editing my blog for this morning that doing this blog is not just mental exercise for me, but I’m also picking up speed and getting through the blog faster to get it online.

Yes, I know. It’s only getting one draft before being published. But that’s the format of this blog. I’m not giving a lot of thought to it to change things to make it perfect, to protect myself, or things I say. Kind of laying myself open and bare there. But I think there’s something positive to be said for that sometimes.

Hasan says on the podcast that the debate missed two words in the entire event: 
"Project 2025".

Oh, brief aside… When I was 11, I had a Huffy Stingray bicycle, with a hand brake but no gear shifter. I loved that bike. It took me everywhere and my parents never knew where I was, even if I was miles away. They would’ve freaked out. I used to jump it. I loved the broken concrete sidewalk on our block from tree roots pushing up underneath the concrete. I would use those as ramps to jump my bike. Or jump big dirt mounds around housing construction sites. Get some serious air.

Bike below is a photo off the internet, not my bike, but a little similar to it.


One day I had gotten so good on my bike I thought I could put my feet up on the handlebars in the center, which makes it harder to steer actually, and took my hands off the handlebars.

I went about 8 feet before I crashed. My right leg dropped down, the handlebars spun to the right trapping my leg against the center bar and with forward movement I fell on top of my leg, sissoring a crushing motion on my inner leg below the knee.

Hurt like a son of a bitch. But nothing came of it. I didn’t go to the doctor and probably should’ve. It swelled up in that spot and over the next days and weeks, it turned interesting colors settling into a yellow, down to flesh tones again after a couple of months.

But the bump got harder and never went away. Which kind of freaked me out. Still going to karate every day back then. Still having five fights a night at the dojo, still fighting tournaments. Still getting bruises upon bruises, before they would heal. Which had me worried at one point as a kid that I might get cancer from it someday. This is in the late 1960s.

About the time I think I was 20 or 22, after 10 years, it finally faded away.

In that same spot for months now, I’ve been having a weird little pain off and on. I thought it was just long Covid blood clotting.

Starting my 3rd mile…

But at the doctor one day they said there’s no vein there so it’s probably just muscle strain. So I went with that. I had noticed that taking an 80 mg aspirin could make the pain go away for a few days or a week. Maybe that was helping with muscle strain from pushing my limits. That also worked for minor blood clots. I write about that at length in my Long covid book.

I’ve noticed recently that it seems to be bigger of a pain, more like a muscle strain in that location. Unnerving that it’s in the same location as that childhood trauma.

I thought I'd treat it like a strain. So I’ve been putting ice on it. Especially after a walk and then add heat. So the day before yesterday I put an ice pack on it and I realized that I had left it on too long.

That night, I noticed there was a sort of oblong redness, not a rash, but in that area where the ice had been. Yesterday morning it was just patchy like it was going away. So I thought be careful about applying cold for too long.

Later yesterday I put just heat on it. I have this elongated bag filled with some kind of seeds or beans or something and you throw it in the microwave and it works great. I put it on my leg and it felt a little hot, especially in one area, about the size of a quarter. I lifted it up let it cool down and put it back on. Last night I noticed there was a blister there. At first, it freaked me out.

The last time that happened was a crush wound, last year. And a blister but one that had dead flesh under it. I tried to take care of it, but I ended up at a Wound Clinic that finally got it to heal up over a month. After a couple of months trying to heal it myself.

So yesterday was an unnerving flashback. Then I applied critical thinking and realized it was a surface wound issue probably not an underlying issue as there was no crush event. There was no fall or intense impact as before and the more I thought about it I came to realize in at first thinking it was frostbite, instead (“Occam’s razor "), I probably put the heat on it and it was too hot, which usually happens. I had put it in the microwave for a minute and a half and usually then I either wait till it cools down just a bit or I put it on but I’m very careful.

It’s easy because your skin tells you, "Hey, this is too hot!" That was when I remembered that wound from when I was a kid had a certain area where I don’t have any feeling in an area the size of a silver dollar.

That was when I realized I apparently had scolded myself and got a blister from it. My Id wanted to freak out. I forced my superego to stick with critical thinking. If it was worse today, I’d go to the doctor tomorrow. I put a Band-Aid on it to keep it from breaking the blister. Because the doctor said when you have a blister keep it as long as possible as it’s natural protection.

The problem with my crush wound had been with that kind of wound you need to go to the doctor immediately to debride the dead flesh. All I did was protect the blister and flesh under the blister so that when it broke, it got infected. What I didn't know, or the ER doctor, was that as soo as the impact occurred, the underlying flesh was dead and decaying. Good Times.

Especially as you get older, take care of your wounds. You’re not a teenager anymore. As it was it took a month to heal. The wound doctor at the specialized Wound Clinic said he was surprised it healed in a month. He'd expected at least two, maybe three months.

I said, "I told you I’ve always healed pretty fast. Just not as fast nowadays as I used to."

So hang in there. Be aware. Be careful. Take care of yourself. And as you get older recognize that.

The podcast is talking about why Biden didn’t bring up Trump being a convicted felon earlier in the debate.I fully agree. I kept waiting for him to say something. Finally, he did. But I would’ve started the debate with: "I really shouldn’t be here debating a convicted felon running for POTUS. But in a peace offering to Americans who support him still for some reason, here I am. Now to answer the question…"

I feel they must have "debate prepped" Joe and he was just exhausted. I’ve been exhausted in recent years and you don’t just feel too tired. You can feel like you’re dying.

One person on the news yesterday said they think he may have been over-prepped for the debate. Which is a mistake every time. Because with so much stuff swimming around in your head, you have trouble accessing it within the time allotted.

And that’s kind of what a lot of it looked like in the debate where the rest of it was just Joe with a look of disbelief on his face in Trump being the asshole that he is, the despicable SOB that he plays on TV, and in politics. No ethics, no morals only the end justifies the means, and fuck America.

I truly don’t know why MAGA cannot see that is what is going on with him.

You know, I don’t say the mean or bad things about Donald Trump just because I don’t like him. Don’t get me wrong. I do not like the man. He makes my skin crawl. I get vibes off of him that aren't good. I get along with almost anyone, I can interface, and blend with anyone. But. I get liar vibes from Trump. I get no ethics from him and "I'll fuck anybody if I get a chance to profit off of their pain."

I have a pretty reality-based, analytical mind. Based on being trained in emergency services at a young age, and being a researcher. I have only wanted the truth since I was a child. I think ADHD made me a bit OCD about that. Plenty of times in my life I have gone against myself and suffered for it because I knew I was wrong or because I couldn’t do to another person in. If I'm wrong, I'll 'fess up. Especially when we both know I was wrong. 

Trump would just smile and fuck the person. Because he's all that is important.

That’s why I say things about Trump like I do because he’s earned it. That’s who he is. That’s what he is. And as I said in 2016, Trump is the type of person you never allow near any public office and you certainly don’t ever give him power.

That’s the problem in business where sociopaths tend to do well and when they own the company or they're CEO, there’s not a lot you can do. If they’re producing profits, the company board of overseers is usually just happy with that and happy to take their bonus home.

Which I think is where the mission statements comes in. "We’re not just about profit, especially where it damages people or the environment." Pretty much all you need. And then stick to it. Have a department that monitors you with some "teeth" to make you do what's right.

That’s the thing about toxic capitalism that we’re so stuck in today and why there’s such a disparity between the economic classes that's just been getting worse and worse as the GOP and conservatives push the capitalist agenda to their breaking points.

I assume it'll happen to swing back around one of these days. We just have to hope it’s before America is not America anymore.

Medhi Hassan has a great mind and is a great debater. He says the debate last Thursday night was not a debate because in a debate you have to moderate it and they did not moderate it. So there's that.

I guess the positive thing about that debate, which was miserable on both sides, is what the gentleman has to say about it who has been correct in selecting the winner of every presidential election for some time, Allen Lichtman: This debate will have zero impact.

Well, that’s good to know.

Here’s another issue about Trump being POTUS. For those people who said will Trump did this and that which was good or that he did something while president and that was good and gee I liked that… You don’t need Trump for that. All the man did was play golf and get on TV to glorify himself. All you need is whomever he chooses as advisors and there you go, because he didn’t make the great decisions. Those were made for him. Sure he must have done something, but what? Everyone who worked for him, good minds all, whom he fired, now all lay it out. The man is a moron. Not really, but in so much as being a real POTUS, anyway.

Trump played golf as president. It’s why he didn’t age like other presidents because he didn’t put in the work. He didn’t worry because he didn’t care. And as far as golf, he cheats constantly. Ask anyone who’s golfed with him except Lindsey Graham. because his head is so far up Trump‘s ass he can’t even think anymore. The story is, the reason famous people play golf with him anymore is so they get their own ludicrous "Trump cheated me while playing golf with him", story

What the hell is that? I don’t blame them for that. I might’ve done it myself except I don’t think I could stay in the room with the guy for a few minutes. Or on a golf course for very long. I’ve been in the room with CEOs like him. And I just leave the room as soon as I can.

We once met our new CEO a couple decades ago when I worked in IT at a 4 state Blue Shield company and everyone gathered around him to meet him. Some shook hands, while I just edged my way to the back and completely avoided him. Turned out a year later it I was correct. But I won't go into it here. I have elsewhere before.

Somebody asked me what was going on with that. I said the dude gives me vibes like a shady used car salesman. I just have a sixth sense for that. My second wife would do catering. She kept trying to make deals with people that fell through or the people turned out to be lowlifes. I kept telling her to just let me meet them before she ever made a deal with them. I could tell her if she could trust them. Eventually, she said absolutely from now on she would as she was tied of getting screwed over. After that, she never had another one turn bad.

I was in a martial arts newsgroup on the internet back in the late '80s. I remember a guy talking about "predator sense". Sounded bad, it wasn't. His explanation was when you’re at a certain level of martial arts, and martial means war, so if you’re a very good soldier, or very well trained, or you’ve actually done the work out in the field, some get a sixth sense for people. You can walk into a room and just know who is the dangerous person. Even if they seem not to be to others.

I’ve always been able to walk into a room full of people and immediately know who the person of concern could be. He addressed that in saying, if we’re both in a room together with a lot of people, we’re quickly going to know each other. From across the room we'll lock and just know. 

He said, "Typically, I’ll just nod and they will nod and everything is fine." I've had that happen. It's weird. Everyone seems so oblivious, having fun. In such a case you may just recognize not that someone is to be concerned about, but they're just another "predator". Anymore that term just has negative connotations. But one with those skills is a predator. It's how you utilize those skills that make you good, or bad.

Here I could go into the different levels, and different types of predators. Guys like him are straightforward. They're easy to pick out when on the job, or if they don't have the skillset of subterfuge. It's the others that really bother me. Ones you have to exchange a word or two with before they are visible to you. Or worse, a sentence. Or the one's who have the skills but not the control or maturity. They're dangerous in another way entirely. Anyway...

If you could ask the producer of The Apprentice, Mark Burnett, he would tell you that Trump didn’t fire anybody on the show. We told him who to fire. We told him how to fire them. Trump was horrible at firing people. Trump says he’s fired people? As I understand it, he’s never fired a person in his life. He's always gotten somebody else to do the dirty work for him. He is emotionally, incapable of firing someone.

Obviously, he could do it on TV. It wasn’t real. It was a reality TV show. And he was told to do it. He acted. He’s a TV personality. He’s a failed TV actor. Somebody made him president of the President of the United States of America, and put him in the most powerful office in the history of humanity?

WTHF? What the holy fuck?

And on that happy note, I’ll bid you adieu…and I’ll leave you with that. 
It’s noon and time for lunch.

Cheers! Sláinte!

Monday, July 1, 2024

Walkabout Thoughts #94

Thoughts in Streams of Consciousness, Rough & Ready, and Lightly Edited from an Award-Winning Filmmaker/Author you’ve never heard of while walking off Reality and hopefully the last half-life vestiges of Long Covid while listening to podcasts.
Walking Day is Saturday, June 29, 2024.


First up...Happy JULY! My eBooks will be promoted/discounted on @Smashwords for the month of July as part of their Annual Summer Sale! Be sure to follow me for more updates and links to the promotion for my books and many more!

I just realized something. When I was a kid reading comic books I loved the grab bag from Johnson Smith company ads where I got my gimmicks and magic tricks and gags that my older sister hated so much.I refuse now to spend money on a grab bag of anything. But that's what my walkabout thoughts are. Sharing my walking around in my mind thoughts from while I'm walking about thinking. Wel, it is what it is...Welcome to SchizoLand.

Weather for the day… nice day, starting out, 64° with a no wind and mostly blue sky 75° back at home, 75° .

Podcast is The Playlist about the Apple+ show Dark Matter from the novel. Love this show. It takes physics as we understand it and shows you how bad it could get.
'Dark Matter’: Joel Edgerton and Showrunner Blake Crouch Dive into Finale Spoilers, Season 2, ‘Star Wars’ & More [Bingeworthy Podcast]

Which is what I did in my first published dystopian sci-fi story back in 1990 in a horror quarterly magazine. “In Memory, Yet Crystal Clear “ is a story I wrote back in 1980 about a genius who turns himself into a computer.

I forgot the history of this story till just now. I blasted this out on social media today because I saw Ray Kurzweil being interviewed about the AI singularity and how he viewed things coming.

My short story: I had been through the Air Force. I had yet to get my university degree or even think about getting one.

When I got out of the Air Force, I got a divorce, and couldn’t seem to get a good job. After all the responsibility and I guess. prestige I had in the USAF, I was surprised I couldn’t even seem to get a job at McDonald’s (no I didn't apply there). I did interview with RadioShack. 

I had the bad luck of their district manager being there that day. I could tell from the get-go he didn’t like me. People usually do, so I couldn't figure out what the problem was. The manager of the store was also there and I was reading something from his looks on his face in listening to the interview. Embarrassment? Irritation at the District Manager who would say some things and the store manager would kind of wince.

As it turned out, he made it clear he didn’t like ex-military and thought they were all thieves and lowlifes. Though I would’ve been a very good employee. I was long into RadioShack. But I couldn’t seem to find a decent job at the level I should’ve been able to get one. Considering what I did in the Air Force. I was parachute shop supervisor responsible for the lives of certainly anyone who jumped chutes. I packed the parachutes the Pararescue guys, Known as the PJs, jumped, daily out of helicopters. I was responsible for over $1 million in equipment, which back then was quite a bit.

Finally, I decided on what are my dream jobs were since childhood, of a sort, and had started to apply for those thinking, what do I have to lose? Radio Shack seemed like a no brainer. 

I had been going to the unemployment office and finally did get hired at Colortyme TV and Furniture Rental. I told them upfront I will not do repossessions and they SAID, "No problem. Show up tomorrow."

When I got there the next day, they said I would be doing repossessions. I said no, I made it clear I wouldn't do that. But they just smiled and said, "If you refuse this job now, no unemployment benefits and we will go against you for that with the unemployment office." Outside of questionable ethics, they were actually pretty nice guys. Just not if you rented from them.

They had a scam of letting you fall behind on payment, if by one day we picked up what you were renting, were told to tell the customer that it wasn't a problem, just come into the store tomorrow and sign a document and we'll bring it all back. What we didn't tell them was, didn't give them time to right then pay it off, call someone or something, was that once we picked stuff up, their contract started from scratch. Some people had only a month left to pay after a couple of years, but they then started it all over again. Keeping them on the hook. Which to me was a rip-off. I couldn't do it.

I finally just quit when I had picked up a TV from a very nice black couple with two of the cutest kids. Seemingly middle-class family. Just got a little behind. I felt I was lying to them the whole time I was taking their 8' console stereo TV console. The kids had been watching cartoons and they were crushed and it broke my heart. 

The week before that I had tried to repo a tv and a guy's wife answered the door. She was pretty attractive wearing a tank top. We were a few blocks north from the north end of McChord AFB runway in a run-down area of low-cost single-family rentals. 

She told me her husband wasn't home and had told her not to talk to anyone about the TV. She said he also told her to tell anyone trying to take it that he has a gun.

This job wasn't worth my life. 

Not that it was something that would typically stop me, ever. Fuck him. I have a gun, too. Probably knew how to use it a lot better than he did. Big deal. But doing a job like this? Being threatened over what I didn't even want to be doing anyway? No.

Then there was that family with the cute kids...during CHRISTMAS time? No, no, no. 

I quit the next day. To be fair about the gun guy? The store manager told me that wasn't any of my concern. It was his job and he'd handled it. Go out there with a Sheriff's Deputy the next day. Whatever.

I went to the unemployment office and they said I was refused compensation to carry me over to another job. I appealed and the guys from the store I was working at on 6th Avenue in Tacoma Washington showed up. Three of them for some reason. They thought it was a lark and were smiling. Screwing the guy who didn't want to be part of their crew. They did indeed make sure I didn’t get any unemployment compensation in quitting over their questionable issues of ethics.

I ended up losing my 1975 very clean, very fast 350 Camaro RS I had configured for doing 140 MPH when I spent weekends with my wife home in Tacoma until Sunday when we'd return so I could get to work on Monday at Fairchild AFB. I could take that 4 1/2 hour drive and turn it into 3 1/2 hours. When that car hit 100MPH, it settled down and became an entirely different car. 

Couple of times I got a ticket on the other side of the river going uphill on some great winding curves that were great fun to drive in a Rally Sport Camaro. Both times that happened I got chewed out by a cop for doing 70+. I had to bite my tongue, considering how fast and how long I'd just been going on a straightaway (only with no other traffic).

My belief had always been as it was I believe on stretches of the German Autobahn, one should have good equipment to drive and the skills to handle whatever speed you choose, and not drive in a reckless fashion. 

Anyway, being after quitting my job, losing my car, I had no bills. But, I ended up living in the shed in the back of my brother's house. I fixed it up, set up the wood stove he had in there, and spent the winter there. He changed me by cutting up all the wood so both the main house and my loft would have heat. He worked construction and would bring random wood and cut-up trees home that he had scavenged. 

It was a good deal and for a while on food stamps, I had a small fridge, my stereo amp and speakers, I took some time to post-military service decompress. Those would good times. Some weed may or may not have been shared there at any hour reasonable or unreasonable when friends dropped by off the alley.

The friends who would come over were my girlfriend's friends. We'd sit around and get stoned. Then one day three of them were over and I jokingly said that I could write anything, make any storyline premise work. Which wasn’t quite true but soft of and I was kind of kidding. Years later after getting my university degree and more so after being a senior tech writer, I really was able to. I also tried to write everything I could in all formats and disciplines. The more you stretch your capabilities the better you are at your chosen or favored ones.

They had laughed at me. So, I said, "OK wise guys, come up with a story you think is impossible to write and I’ll write it." They came up with a "guy turns himself into a computer chip." And so I wrote a story that later got titled, "In Memory, Yet Crystal Clear". Titling it as a homage to Isaac Asimov‘s first autobiography “In Memory Yet Green“. An author who was one of my childhood writing heroes.

They used to give me a hard time about stories. I would write because I never gave them an ending. They complained about it. "We love your stories, but a write a damn ending!"

Fair enough.

That didn’t really happen until after my second-degree when I graduated from Western Washington University. I spent the 1980s sending off my “Ahriman” screenplay about a prince/profit from another planet who gets accidentally sucked onto Earth by our scientists. I also sent all of my short stories off in a round-robin of submissions that led nowhere. I did get to correspond with Clive Barker in London and met him a few times, which was fun.

Finally, in 1990 an East Coast horror quarterly magazine offered to publish my story. If I cut 1500 words. That freaked me out. My wife at the time suggested I look in the story for a block of 1500 words, just to see if either there was a cuttable block, or the publisher was trying to see if I was smart enough to figure out what passage of text he was asking to be cut.

Oddly enough I found nearly an exactly 1500 word section and cut it. It wasn't necessary to the story but added flavor to it. I submitted the story to him and it was published. When I republished that story myself as an e-book in 2012, a little later as an audiobook, I put that 1500 block back in. It wasn't necessary to the story, but it was kind of a fun scene. It did offer some more information about how the famous surgeon and friend was experiencing what was happening.

The story is about a world-famous surgeon whose son disappears in the Amazon. His son had a childhood best friend who asks for help saying he needs life-saving surgery, on his brain. The surgeon helps the guy. It turns out the guy is turning himself into a crystaline computer chip.

With the help completed, the son's friend goes online, gathers advocates, sycophants, and protectors around him, and eventually eases the surgeon out. The problem is the guy was always a little mentally off, as geniuses can be. To fund his research and existence he starts to take on projects.

He does some adverts for TV that are so good, over a brief period, a few and then all American businesses hand him their advertising campaigns.

What happens when a mental defect and narcissist is handed leadership of a country? And the guy basically controls America’s minds. Because for one person to control all media and advertising they would become positioned to re-orient how America thinks.

This effort takes very little of this guy’s processing power and soon most of the world wants him to do their advertising. Because what he produces is so perfect and beautiful and moving. However, Canada and Mexico both start distancing themselves from America. Because they're so close and are better positioned to see what’s actually going on.

It wasn’t until Trump became president that I started to see the similarity between this story, Donald Trump, his authoritarianism, and his narcissistic and pathological lying.

I believe the story ends the only way it could. And I hope that’s not true for America. We may find out in this election because if Trump becomes POTUS again, all bets are off on maintaining democracy in America or in the West. Because Russia and the East have been pushing us in that direction and have been for decades.

Back in the 1990s, oddly enough, the Republican party picked up on this and started going in this direction. Authoritarianism has been creeping back, growing in the democratic West, and needs it to be stopped. ASAP.

Basically how you can tell if anyone’s playing into that is if they support Putin or are against aid to Ukraine. It’s gotten that simplified. Also if you support Donald Trump, then you’re obviously supporting the demise of Western democracy. He has tried to distance us from NATO and other international alliances that are for the betterment of all humankind. You hear from them Christian nationalist speaking points and isolationism

We can change this. We just all need to wake up. Including all of those against Trump. Because even a lot of them aren’t seeing what’s been going on.

This is not a conspiracy theory. That’s not how I came into this information or my understanding of what’s been happening. I had been studying something else completely, when the comparison became clear.

As I’ve said many times before, I didn’t come into this by being a Democrat. Most of my life I was an Independent. I voted for the best candidate of any party. I came into all this by studying the Soviet Union and its expertise in disinformation. Suddenly I'm seeing it in the 1990s coming out of the Republican Party. I thought it had to be something Russian, but it was coming out of the Republican Party who was utilizing those techniques... against our own Americans. 

Because in using Russian techniques, they found themselves rising in power. Do not think Russia did not notice this. It's where their expertise really lies. Observing, assimilating, weaponizing, feeding back into the opposition system, applying pressure in the right few places, hidden from sight, magnifying using useful idiots and cutouts, then sitting back and cheaply reaping the benefits. Republicans loved that concept. 

It’s a heady mix.

Getting back to the podcast, the guy who wrote the novel Dark Matter, Blake Crouch, I’m really enjoying his show based on it. Heavy on physics, but that’s something my son and I communicate back-and-forth about all the time.

This author is apparently written several books that have been made in the shows I have watched, never knowing where they came from. Like Wayward Pines.

Starting my 2nd mile… The sun is kind of warm, but not too bad yet.

Blake Crouch, and then actor Joel Edgerton are interviewed on the podcast. I've enjoyed Joel's projects. 

I've been a consumer of horror books, films, and shows for decades, since the early 1960s? I believe it was one night in 1959, in Philly, I got up at about midnight and my mom let me watch a late-night vampire movie with her in her bed. Being up at a time I never was allowed up at. Hanging with mom. Watching a scary movie in the dark? Life, is good..

I enjoyed that so much that I begged her to wake me every time she watched a late-night horror film. Being a good mother, she tried to dissemble over that. She offered to try flashing a flashlight in my eyes while I was sleeping when the show was starting, and if I wake up, I could watch the movie with her.

I don’t know if she ever did that. She may have because she could be like that. But I don’t think there was any way I was going to wake up. But it shut me up for the time being.

I have to say in the show Dark Matter, in a very reasonable and I think realistic way, they touched on a trope in a different way that was very disturbing and fun to experience.

Blake says he’s envious of those who came up with the show Severance (I like that show too) and said he'd bet when they came up with the conceit of that show, they were punching in the air in celebration.

Blake loved Red Rising, a book that is sci-fi and fantasy. A Game of Thrones sci-fi fantasy set on Mars. He said he’s not usually into leaving Earth for such things, but this is a good series that should be made into a show.

He said he really likes the show Primer. He said he heard they made the show for like $7000. I’ve seen it and I enjoyed it myself. I was a voracious reader through the first half of my life, slowed down when I started needing reading glasses when I turned 40. Now I’m having all kinds of vision problems, making it difficult to read and at times even to watch TV. I don’t know if it was 30 years of sitting in front of a computer screen, or not.

I was used to having better vision than anyone I ever met. I could read road signs down the road from further away than anybody who was ever in a car with me. Sometimes they thought I had memorized all the street signs or something. My hearing was checked in the Air Force and was so good it went right off the edge of the IBM punch card that was recording the session. Te technician running the test thought the machine was broken. But apparently no matter how faint the sound or high-pitched it was, I could still hit the button when they sounds started and exactly when they ended.

In that USAF test, everybody who worked on the flight line near jet engines had to be tested. I realized during the test that I couldn’t quite hear sound at a certain point. I started to think if I couldn’t hear the sounds, I could sort of “feel “them. So I started hitting the button and letting go by a feeling in my chest. Apparently, I was spot on. 


Anyway, my hearing was fine. I was always very protective of my hearing, wearing sound Protectors around jets or the wheeled "ground units", or "ground power units". Generators, basically engines on wheels generating power for the jets to warm up so you didn’t have to burn jet fuel on board. More modern one shown above.

We also had to be careful about being a 25 or 50 feet too close to the exhaust of a jet engine due to radiation or simply being picked up and blown backward. That was the USAF 92nd Field Maintenance Squadron from 1976 to 1979. Interesting times. Even got to meet a Russian agent once off in the woods, in a camper on a truck monitoring the base's signals communications. Nice guy. Base said they didn't care. Fine for the enemy to expend resources counting jet deployments (flights) or unsecured communications but wasn't worth their effort to stop it. Just part of the mission.

Then there was the security police I ran into in the woods across from the base main entrance. Just sitting in their cars getting blasted on cannabis. That next year after that I came to base in the morning from my house near downtown Spokane to be met with heavily armed security police with guard dogs everywhere. Randomly all over the bast, on the streets, which you never saw on base.

Got to our shop and I was told what happened. There was an inspection in the security police barracks and they found 14 cannabis plants growing on the roof so they busted 3/4 of that squadron. On a nuclear SAC base you have to have security police at full staffing. So they called in SP’s from around the nation, over night and while we slept.

I got tasked along with one person from each shop to go around and find mattresses so these guys would have something to sleep on, on the floor somewhere because there was nowhere to put them all. That only lasted few days, a week or so until we got actual replacements requisitioned.

Podcast: apparently, in 2014 the author sold Dark Matter to Sony features. He had only written about 140 or so pages at that point. Damn that must be nice. He said they had sold it to a publisher and somehow the pages got leaked.

He said he and a few other really good screenwriters tried to write a script to make it a feature film, but they could never really crack it. Apparently, I needed a series. They must have done a good job because I’m liking the series.

He said they were having to "kill their darlings" (as we do as writers and filmmakers) and remove the character emotions and character beats that were so important to the story and so eventually gave up making a movie and it moved over to Apple.

This makes me think again that maybe I should take my screenplay “A Teenage Bodyguard” a true-crime drama, that I put massive research into over the years. A story I lived in 1974, though I didn't have a clue the world I was being immersed in. It’s been an interesting journey, living it, forgetting it, decades later writing it, researching it and rewriting it. I just want to get the damn thing out there for people to experience it.

It’s sad because if that story had come out in say 1980, it would be impressive. There were a few people around like I was back in the '60s and '70s as young people who had, let's say, an interesting history. Now partly because of advancements and from social media, everybody knows somebody who did something utterly amazing and none of this is really all that impressive now, which is in a way, too bad.

Still, it did get me a producer a few years ago who works with Michael Douglas. He did get three directors interested who I thought misunderstood the genre or just the story. I see it is a true crime drama. They saw it as a teen romp of some sort.

About Dark Matter, I do like stories about the Multiverse. Like the one based on Thor’s brother, Loki.

Starting mile three…

Apparently, there’s no season two coming as of yet for Dark Matter, and he won’t say at this time.

I agree with the author that in his stories, he likes to leave things open ended, and then hand the baton over to the reader. I like to do that with my own stuff. “In Memory, Yet Crystal Clear“ that story can continue. But you could also argue that it does have an end.

I’ve been wanting to have spaghetti and meatballs lately so yesterday I did. Also drank a half bottle of Malbec red wine. Great fun lunch. Had some fun dessert. But then suffered for in histamine levels I think from the red wine. Had to take half a Benadryl in the evening. Then before bedtime another half. Good times.

I don’t know if that’s a leftover from long Covid or still some long Covid happening. If it's temporary or permanent. But histamines are a big deal with long Covid. It gives you a feeling that is uncomfortable to the point of thinking that something serious is happening.

Anyway, also took half a melatonin (2.5 mg) and I was able to sleep through the night. Woke up feeling an allergy hangover though, maybe a histamine hangover.

I do not feel like walking 3 miles today, as I am. But here I am.

Since I’m having trouble reading anymore, I should make a list here of fun sci-fi TV shows I’ve been watching. Because of long Covid and Covid starting in February 2020 when I first caught it, I’ve watched more TV in a shorter span of time than in my entire life at any one point. That being said, I have tried to learn from it since I do write screenplay and make films. I also watched a bunch of "the making of shows." Love those.

Let's see, sci fi/fantasy  shows I've been watching that I like in no specific order.
  • Silo
  • Dark Matter
  • Various MCU shows
  • Various Star Trek shows
  • Various Star Wars shows
  • Snowpiercer (thought the concept, ridiculous, but still watched the film & TV shows.
  • Fallout
  • Beacon 23
  • 3 Body Problem (Or another version, Three Body, in Chinese)
  • Outer Range
  • Sweet Tooth
  • The Umbrella Academy
  • Orphan Black
  • The Boys
  • For All Mankind
  • Foundation
  • Monarch
  • Severance
  • See (thought the concept ridiculous, but very well done show)
  • Hello Tomorrow
  • Wheel of Time
  • Game of Thrones (obviously)
  • House of Dragons
  • The Last of Us
  • Peripheral
  • Carnival Row
  • American Gods
  • Good Omens
  • Outlander
  • The Magicians
  • The Witcher
  • His Dark Materials
  • Russian Doll
  • The OA
No doubt I'm forgetting a few. Not to mention some you should already know like Stranger Things, or Supernatural, or many of the standards. I'm focusing more on the streaming shows here. So many more than I'd realized. So much great stuff to watch. 

Blake also says he thinks his show exploited the subject matter of the book better than he had. For instance, the primary nuclear family in the story has one son in the book. But at some point in the show, they are a family of four. And that does make the show more interesting. Blake is talking about the difference between writing a novel and producing a show. 

Which has a lot to do with why my own Bodyguard screenplay has yet to be made into a movie. It could’ve been a movie already at this point, I just had to say yes. The director was interested. The producer was excited about it. But that was off the screenplay I rewrote with the producer's input. 

I now call my screenplay "the original". Which is far more historically accurate. My first drafts were more like a docudrama. Lost that format very quickly. But I tried to stay true to the facts. So the screenplay is pretty accurate up to about the halfway point where it becomes necessary to fictionalize somewhat because it is after all an entertainment narrative film.

There were things about the lead female character I simply didn’t know about. So as difficult and frustrating as it was, I took my best guess, and I think what I wrote was entertaining and bittersweet.

When producer Robert Midas read the screenplay the first time he said when he got to the end, his heart broke. That was my goal, at least in part for the story. Because that’s how that story goes.

I think in a different kind of genre I would’ve written it for a feel-good ending. But I was trying to write it for what was more realistic.The world that woman had lived in was very realistic. People were abused, people died.

I think the final scene would’ve been one hell of a scene for a movie's post-credit position. So after turning down three directors, I stopped getting calls from Robert and I started to pursue my original screenplay again. He's a very nice guy. Good at his job. I liked working with him. 

I’ve sent both screenplays off to screenplay contests and so far my version has won more awards. So I think the problem was that Robert was simply trying to make a screenplay, a spec script, that would sell. And it did. But his view of production was at a far lower level than what I see for it as a film. Maybe he's the more realistic one and it will never get made. If not, that would be too bad.

I’m thinking $5 to $7 million and I think he was thinking around 1 million. Take or leave a few hundred thousand. Better to leave a few. But I think that doesn’t do the story justice. I think that doesn’t do the lead female character, justice, and over time I’ve gotten to where I more wanted this to be her story being told, more than my own. I didn't write it from her perspective because I know this story from my own experience in living it.

Originally it wasn’t my story I wanted to get out so much as I wanted to get something produced to acquire some money toward my retirement. Because in the last 20 years, things were rough as a single parent. All of my 401(k) retirement is gone now. Which is fine as my kids are up and living on their own, functional and happy as adults. But we had some rough years there.

Now I have Social Security and my original retirement from the 1990s that was shut off when they switched to a 401(k). So luckily, I still have that but at some point, especially with how politics are going and some wanting to kill things like Medicare and Social Security. Or that Social Security is having problems because of the baby boomer generation being so large… I still don’t quite understand that. If we paid our retirement into Social Security, where the hell is our money in that we won’t be getting it all? Or what?

As I understand it instead of getting increases in Social Security every year, soon we’re going to get decreases. Fun.

So yeah, let's make some money!

I did pretty good this week getting the blog articles up from a walk every day of the week at 6 AM. Missed today's though. I didn’t get around to working on the blog until after lunch and by then the wine had taken affect and I had another extra glass. Usually, I get two meals out of one bottle of wine. Two glasses for the one meal leaving two more for the next one. But I was having so much fun, I took a little bit more and then a little bit more up to less than another full glass. But as I’m learning, especially with red wine nowadays due to whatever reason, if I go over two glasses, I’ll regret it at bedtime.


It’s interesting to think in the Multiverse there’s another version of me somewhere from decisive moments in my life that failed where they succeeded for them elsewhere. I can think of at least three times in my life that, I had something gone the other way, I would have made a lot more money. 

In 1980 I almost published a manual with Digital Equipment Corporation's Digital Publishing with a book I wrote based on a wordprocessor app on the VAX 11/785 mainframe. But because I pointed out where their bugs were and how to get quickly past them, which usually took people hours, Digital proper got pissed off and threatened me. Literally threatened me. They said if I tried to publish it elsewhere, they’d crushed me and they could do it. That was a comedy of errors, that whole process.

I had written a manual that two major Seattle hospitals loved and used for years after I left that job. The Digital publisher said I would be making about $50,000 a quarter with worldwide sales of the manual going out with every VAX computer and PC they sold. Then things changed.

He had told me to rewrite the manual, not to use the specialized format I composed that everyone LOVED. He showed it to Digital Equipment and they didn’t like it. They suggested a way that I had originally designed it to be! And then the bugs were their final straw. You did not admit, surely not in a manual, to having bugs in your software, if you were DEC, back then. 

Dialing into our modem. We caught Digital one time dialing into our modem, applying a patch that brought the mainframe down the next day for two hospitals: UWMC and HMC who we supported. I actually worked for the University of Washington's MCIS handling Pathology and Radiology for those two hospitals

Digital denied putting in the patch. But we could clearly see it in the logs. So my manager said always to keep the modem turned off. They'd have to call and ask us to turn it on for access from now on. And that fixed that. They were kind of shady back then and now? They’re out of business.

When I decided to look for another job from that position, all the jobs around Seattle, all the available jobs were for people who could run IBM mainframes.

So things in my life like that screwed up. What if in another universe, I had fixed those issues and they published the manual? My whole life would’ve changed. I would’ve still gotten divorced though perhaps not for a few more years. Maybe she wouldn’t have become the alcoholic she did, that she was trying so hard to be when we were married, and that I could not see.

Maybe my oldest son wouldn’t have some emotional issues because of when he had been with his mom. Then maybe I wouldn’t have married my last wife which also gave my son even more issues because they hated each other. He was challenging and she didn’t have the maturity or expertise to handle him. My youngest son would be gone now though. I’m pretty sure. Because they had said if I hadn’t been there after the divorce, they wouldn’t be alive now. So maybe things are just how they're supposed to be...

On that note, I’ll bid you adieu…and leave you with that.
It’s noon and time for lunch.

Cheers! Sláinte!

Sunday, October 2, 2022

Walkabout Thoughts #7

My thoughts, while walking off long Covid and listening to podcasts...a blog designed and meant to be freely associating, on the run, and not perfectly edited:

Today’s Instagram walkabout post

Today’s podcast is from John Heilemann's Hell and Highwater #108 - Stuart Stevens and Rick Wilson - This is one of the best podcasts I’ve heard explaining what’s going on in our government… Not just dissing Donald Trump or the Republican Party because this are ex-Republicans talking. NOT John Heilemann who has always been an independent. But how things work, how they’ve been done, what’s going on and, how easily it can be done for certain types to take down a country like ours. To turn it into something it’s fully against, since it’s establishment, over 200 years ago. For example, page down to the * paragraph below.

There’s a very good comment later in the podcast about The Lincoln Project. The comment was made that it’s now bigger than the RNC or the DNC and has a lot of donors. It’s not what the MAGA or RINO Trump politicians and voters think it is. It’s not about any person or party. It has members from all sides of politics and donors as well. So especially those who think they hate The Lincoln Project are the people who most need to listen to this because they are about our country and not about any one individual or entity. Just America and America being functional and fruitful as intended to be. Not a mind numbing, ridiculous autocracy. Remember, we were founded as a response against tyranny while what we’re seeing now is a move by Trump loyalists invoking a kind of tyranny because they’re rejecting the “tyranny” of democracy (which makes no sense) and is maligned redefinition of what democracy truly is. All because they don't get their way, in going against what America is and always has been. It's kind of mental defectively bizarre.

I just want to mention that since I’ve had a bad case of COVID-19 a couple times now over two years, and as I have long CoViD now, since I am recently 67 years old, should I die, and in today’s climate and with my growing toward 2,000 articles online since about 2010, with my calling out both traitors and before that international terrorists going back to9/11, as I've stood up for Egyptian people during their Arab Spring uprising as many of them were hitting my blog when cut off from social media by their government, as I've stood for Ukraine from day one, and stood against fascists and traitors in our own country since Trump began to run for POTUS in 2016 (and ridiculously won) and then again (ridiculously again) running in 2020, should I happen to die, my blog, in being titled "Murdockinations", is available online, as you may know, by using that word with a Dotcom suffix (murdockinations.com). I mention this only because if I were to die, as I pay for that domain name and  URL forwarding to the base URL, jzmurdock.blogspot.com. While the easy name to get there will eventually expire, you’ll be able to get to the base URL and hopefully for a very long time. Maybe even long after my death someday, and after Trump dies and his toxicity is pruned and painfully squeezed from our body politic and international consciousness. I hope you’ll still be able to see people like  me online who spoke out for what is right and what is correct. What is moral and ethical and what our country was founded upon, not what fools have tried to hard to subvert into being. That being in so illiberally trying to force us into being a national fascist, autocratic state. We are a Republic, and a democracy, if we can keep it. If the fascists win, if Trump or his criminal family win, people like me may be wiped off the Internet and then only those who have read me or others like me, will remember us until a they too are neutralized or eventually die off. Gladly, there are international entities who are making copies of the Internet in other countries and those will hopefully survive. Unless this entire planet goes insane and turns into a giant ant hill led by a top despotic ant. As fascist's always wish to be, in being that top single power and single point of consistent failure. As Putin has made himself into being now. As Trump tried to make himself into being. And as America was never designed to be.

The Lincoln Project documentary series debuts on Showtime on October 7.

I think John Heilemann was correct saying when Tump's Mar-a-Lago residence had a warrant served by the FBI, inside Trump's tiny self involved mind he went, “Yippee! Attention on me, me, me again!”

Back in the 80s and 90s those who knew Trump best in New York City rightly treated him like the clown that he is. As someone who worked for Giuliani said, "Trump is the guy you throw a couple of parking passes to and ignore." Well, when you let the stupid and worse, the criminal lead, you find there’s a stupid voting block that will follow. As well as those  attracted to breaking norms, destruction for fun, and crime for the sake of its entertainment value.

“What the fuck are you talking about, Trump is not a billionaire. I am a billionaire. Trumps a clown living on credit.“ From the book, By Rick Wilson, "Everything Trump Touches Dies - A Republican Strategist Gets Real About the Worst President Ever"

There's a problem with the Republican Party? When you have a party that will vote for someone who is indicted? When an indictment would actually help his election acquiring Republican votes? When you have a Republican Party who will vote for someone who is an obvious criminal and even spawned an insurrection? Yes there is indeed a problem with the Republican Party.

When Trump was attacking the FBI for serving a legal warrant founded in fact and evidence, where were the real Republicans or even the RINO Republicans? Regardless which side you’re on, or how you see either of those terms, where were any Americans, one time Trump supporters, or Republicans of any flavor, of any note, standing up and saying, “THIS is wrong!“ And IF there WERE any incidents you can point to, where someone did speak up? There wasn’t enough of them. It wasn’t enough, obviously.

We need to understand exactly when a conspiracy actually is just a conspiracy theory. Because 99.9% of all the conspiracies we’ve heard in the past 10 or 20 years or not based on enough factual evidence to support the reality of the contentions. In science, which is the ultimate version of seeking facts in reality, a true scientist who has made it an art, which is science beyond science, actually can... let’s call it, intuiting a judgment, that is then eventually backed up with the science. That IS possible. However that is not every person who thinks they have “evidence“, who thinks they have made a correct and proper judgment. Even most professionals fail at that. Because of that, conspiracy theories have run wild and led to an actual and true mental defect and criminal morph from his lifetime as a “business“ mob boss/leader, to POTUS45. How can this happen? Decades of poor education all across the country. Mostly Republicans weaponizing our education system. Weaponizing serious issues for their own benefit toward acquiring power and profit. Even going to the point of considering themselves a Prophet...for their actual profit.

It’s 9:26AM, closing in on walking my 2nd mile. It’s already getting warm. It won’t be long before it’s too warm for me to walk. Air quality today was 40, considered healthy and yet I can see a mist in the distance that I wonder if it’s water particles or smoke, or something else. I shouldn’t even be on this walk considering my condition. I’m just hoping the exercise outweighs the downside.

MAGA, those who thought Trump was a Bernie Madoff and they his investors supporting him, and were beating the market. Until Madoff's scheme failed and the FBI arrested him, brought him down and showed him his new permanent residence in a federal prison. Just as Trump should be. Although he has seriously earned one and only one punishment, crowding out all others for capital punishment, our nation’s most serious punishment One that we should never use, because I’m against capital punishment, EXCEPT for very few, very specific types of cases and crimes. Donald Trump has gone way above that bar which is an area he’s excelled in as he’s expert at lowering bars he the crawls beneath going ever lower until he hits the very lowest levels, that no one ever conceived possible.

^

My adult son manages a health food store and who is a local CBD expert where doctors call him to ask for comment on prescriptions for their patients, sent me an article from some research. We do that kind of thing all the time. On astrophysics, on astronomy, on whatever. Including politics, mostly because of the ongoing insanity. Trying to keep each other along the lines of the factual and real. Anyway, new research is showing people who abstain from alcohol, but drink a little once in a while, even those into moderate use, up to heavy even usage perhaps (yeah, I thought that too), are exhibiting benefits toward warding off conditions like Alzheimer’s in their later years. I started smoking weed in August 1972 just before 12th grade. And it saved my life. I drank like anyone in high school, but I had somehow gotten onto pills for a while. Though I didn’t like uppers, speed. Valium seemed to help with my ADHD. My somewhat stressful family life, landed me in the hospital during my last semester of 12th grade, for a few days. Three neurosurgeons reviewed my situation and gave me a prescription for Valium. Then said, "Here you go. Now, either move out of your parents or, take these." A few months later, at 17, I graduated and got a job and moved into an apartment. I also stopped taking Valium. But that August previous had really helped me curb my pill usage. Which honestly may have led to my hospital stay, as I didn’t have anything powerful enough to help me cope with my situation. I mention all this because in the late 90s and early 2000s I quit smoking cannabis out of fear that if I got caught, I could lose my kids. That’s abuse by the state via just bad laws. Cannabis should never have been a schedule one drug like heroin. Or illegal. After my divorce in 2002, as stressful as it was in raising two kids, I still didn’t smoke pot. But when they were about to move out as adults around 2010, I went back to it. I wasn't really worried about losing young kids to the state anymore. I bought my first vaping table device, because the goal had always been to be healthy. Which is why we switched to bongs in the med to late 1970s in being better than sucking hot smoke and ash into your lungs. My how times have changed… Cannabis is now legal in Washington state, though it desperately needs to be federally legal nationwide, and internationally. As for alcohol, I only ever drank socially, after my late teen years. By time I turned 21, I was done going to bars or parties. Once into college, after the USAF, I watched my younger college friends partying, but I was glad to be over that party of my life, so I could spend my energies on studying. It's just nice to kn0w that how my life turned out, seemed to be a lot more healthy for me in the long run, than I'd ever anticipated.

9:38 AM starting my 3rd mile and getting even warmer.

OK. As far as Donald Trump‘s right wing bubble, thinking that he can mentally declassify our most top-secret documents, this is technically what we call, bullshit, and for many reasons. If he finds a way to prove that case through a bazaar series of legal maneuvering, well... whatever. At that point, we would need to nail down these laws so this never happens again. But honestly, I’ll be surprised if he gets away with it, as he’s already gotten people killed. Yes, classified related deaths we may never hear about it.

Donald Trump again (I'm so sick of hearing about this national disaster...): "Gee golly whiz, I declassified everything, I just use my mind, I can do that because I’m the president." Uh huh. That sounds very similar to when you think you’re so famous you can just walk up to a woman and grab her by the pussy and believe they’ll just let you do it, let you do anything. The thing about these toxic personalities is they don’t even realize how many times the people they don’t seem know they’re abusing, or really they don’t care they’re abusing, keep getting away with it. While those are people they are victimizing, damaging, and potentially ruining the rest of their life. Which is why we have laws against people like that doing things like that. They're called, predators.

As John Heilemann says in today's podcast, when Trump was a reality star he thought he was omnipotent. Which I kept saying before Trump was elected, and after, that you never ever give a personality like Donald Trump power and certainly never make them the most powerful man in the world, as president of the United States. That, is utter stupidity and as we’ve seen, extremely dangerous. And may even destroy the country. That is yet to be seen. That’s how dangerous this is, completely aside from international relations he ruined, or the Ukrainian war he may well have invoked because Putin has similar thoughts. Thinking he is omnipotent. Think about the hundreds of thousands of American citizens who died because of Trump manipulating and gaining political currency by how he handled the pandemic. As I'd also said before, before Trump was elected, you don’t elect someone like him because if something bad happens, and he’s in power, very bad shit will happen. And did. And so hundreds of thousands of Americans died because of everyone who cast a vote for Trump as president.

The defect in Conservatism that I’ve always mentioned is when you get a toxic personality like Donald Trump, in part because of evangelicalism, in part because of religion in general, especially Christianity, which has been a part of a defective Republican Party for decades now, that party collapsed right into Trump's lap. AS they began to politically fluff him until today, fellating him politically and monetarily because they couldn't do it physically and sexually, apparently. That’s the Republican Party people belong to now.

After experiencing these past years with how Trump manipulated people and how they fell into praising him as "Lord" or something, if not just political Lord, I will never again ask myself how the 1930s with Hitler happened. Or how Hitler was able to manipulate people like Trump does, only until the holocaust happened and literally millions of people died all over Europe and Russia. Political actions that also allowed Putin to continue, which could allow Trump to have power again. Do not think we won’t see these things again, because it’s already beginning, and it’s already happened in Ukraine and elsewhere via Putin. We are lucky today in that Hitler was smarter than Putin or Trump. But what Putin and Trump lack in intelligence, they do their best to make up for with their other illegal illiberal actions. Don't think that Trump in power again, unrestricted that time, won't devolve into a nightmare.

Interesting, the only way Germany could stop the workers from becoming Bolsheviks and taking over, because the elites had been so out of touch and made such a dual class system, was in supporting Adolf Hitler. And that’s exactly what we’ve been seeing with McConnell and others in the Republican Party in their supporting Trump. So many laws and actions Republicans have pushed through, stacking the court, stacking in the Supreme Court. Manufacturing crises, with immigration, while refusing to work together to update immigration laws for decades, weaponizing things like abortion issues, and bizarrely, women’s health issues in general, weaponizing isseus surrounding immigrants and minorities, sexual and gender issues. Criminally using human beings like pawns as Florida Gov. DeSantis did. We’re watching the modern American version of what happened all through the 30s in Nazi Germany. And if you can’t see that, then you’re in that bubble supporting it happening. Best you pay better attention. Better we all pay better attention.

There is an interesting technique in podcasts I just noticed. Though it has been used all through history and broadcasting. At the beginning you play a few short clips of what’s coming in that next time frame. When you get to that in the podcast, and hear those words again, your mind is a double take. It says, "Hey I’ve heard this before." Hopefully you’ll recognize you just heard it in the beginning of the podcast, maybe 30 minutes ago. But I believe there’s a second function that kicks in. The "I have heard this before… Somewhere" recognition. Even if that lasts for a second, it adds weight and veracity to the quote. Because in the back of your mind, which keeps working on things like this for at least a few seconds or minutes, you color that thought with a color of import. Possibly that you’ve heard it from another person. Which doesn’t say to you, "plagiarism" in this format. Rather it says to your internal, lower level processing mind, that if two people said this thing, then there must be more importance, relevancy and actuality to it. This is in part what phenomenology is about, studying and recognizing things like this. It's what I studied and got my university degree in psychology in. Observing the human experience and human interactions with literally everything. It’s observations like that which I can include in this blog, that made me initially think there might be some relevancy and usefulness to my posting it in a blog for people to read and consider. I believe all the other stuff I talk about here, will eventually move over to that side of the process. So, hopefully, more to come.

*How does a strongman/autocrat come to power? First, you attack civil systems. You even attack the election system. Because once you get people to believe everything you say, once they start to believe that their democracy and their government are that dysfunctional, what they desperately will feel they need at that point is... a strong man to fix it all. And look, all along, here was a strong man who has been claiming that he and he alone can fix all of this. Which to any adult or  critical thinker would immediately recognize as utter fantasy. Especially in a country with all the specializations we have. You can’t come fix my sophisticated computer program just because you’re a good leader. Even if you ARE a good programmer, you still have to know that specific computer language or operating system. And you may even need to know that specific application well enough to fix it. So how did someone like Trump, get so many to buy into his utter and complete bullshit?

Do remember that the Republican Party walked right up to the edge of supporting Putin and his genocidal campaign against a friendly neighboring country of Ukraine. And then they saw Trump leap into it and realized finally, "Oh shit! We’re on the wrong side of this!" And they just tiptoed away... slinking back under rocks and into their dark recesses of right wingednesses. Until they were able to come back out again for other things that abuse our citizens and government, in so many other ways. Because that is what they do. And keep doing.

Donald Trump‘s way of doing things is a shotgun approach to insanity. Throw shit up against the wall and see what attracts the most flies. The flies being his MAGA supporters. The Republican Party didn’t know what the hell to do with this in the beginning and so they rebuke him, strongly. Until one by one they were brought to silence. Because they saw how effective his method was. Until finally they started doing it too. This Trump mental illness and criminality is insidious. It's infectious. It’s gone into their political party which Trump infected during his presidency and he injected it into our government. Remember, Louis DeJoy is still Postmaster General. Three Supreme Court Justices and hundreds in the Federal courts, many who were patently unprepared to be judges. This is going to take decades to fix.

10:20 AM It’s gotten even warmer and I question doing this last mile but, hey, I’m doing it.

As I mentioned above earlier, I wanted to write this blog as a phenomenologist observing everything. A lot of it is about politics because right now, considering Putin and nuclear war, it’s probably our most relevant, existential consideration, and threat. So much of my observations in this blog and in the past few, since I began, I know, they are very political. But it’s more and more been getting me oriented to try and get to the phenomenological side of things, which is what really excites me. But as with someone strangling you, regardless your orientation, your first and foremost consideration will be to be able to breathe again. So hopefully with time, I will indeed get to the phenomenological side of observing our human existence and experience.

Apparently, The Lincoln Project is the only political entity that POTUS45 (Trump, for foreigners and those comatose these past years) really tried to shut down. That and that alone should make you realize that they are the greatest pro America entity to evolve since the beginning of Trump and his curious and criminal version of politics. Hopefully they will supplant him entirely and the mindset that he infected others with and all those who have been afflicted with his terminal political and social disease.

There it is, 10:36 AM and I just finished 5 miles. That’s 80 miles in the past week, walking. That's 320 miles a month, if I can keep it up.

I just got home, and saw my voters pamphlet in the mailbox. I’ve been voting all blue all through Trump because the Republican Party lost their damn mind and needed to be reminded, we're all Americans, not citizens of Trumpland. How many Republicans wisely left the party? Some of those led to creating The Lincoln Project. Which, had some problems, but they have self corrected. They got an outside legal entity to legitimately evaluate them and they’ve now course corrected. Problem people are now gone. Aside from that, I saw some Republican official talking on the news a couple weeks ago who suggested that we please don’t use a vote all blue. And I was like, yeah right, good one. But he had a valid argument. If we vote blue for a candidate we know will lose against a MAGA candidate, they will win... unless people vote for the Republican candidate opposing him. We do really need to vote for that Republican candidate, who is for what Democrats are for, America, just a differing opinions. Who is not a hater of our country or democracy. I’ve said all along I don’t hate Republicans, I do dispose the stupidity they have embraced. We need to have an opposing party in our two party system, regardless of what you think, or want. We just don’t need an opposing Republican Party who thinks they exist nearly to oppose the Democrats. That's childish and stupid, but effective in politics and has proven to be. But it subverts democracy and may well end it. They should only be opposing Democrats when they have bad ideas, because they don’t always, and sometimes they have good ideas, just with poor executions. That's when Republicans should pick up the idea and come up with a better way to execute it. Which would get Democrats on board. I don’t know why that’s so difficult to understand anymore. Vote vote vote, but vote, wisely!

Monday, September 19, 2022

Walkabout Thoughts #1 - Walk For Life

My thoughts, while walking off long Covid and listening to podcasts...a blog designed and meant to be freely associating, on the run, and not perfectly edited:

Today's Instagram post (this post was shot just below this previous post).

 I've been fighting Long CoViD for over six months now. I'm finally doing better. I'm writing a book about it, so far titled, "Suffering Long CoViD" (LC). I'm doing better, but it's been a nightmare. Getting over it this much in this amount of time is very pleasing. First time was eight months going on eighteen months from February 2020 into the next year.

Part of my treatment has been exercise. Which I couldn't do for a long time. After a few months I started walking. Ten minutes the first day. Today I did four miles. I've gotten up to five miles (in walking every other day for a day of healing from the walk), but the poor air quality from forest fires in Washington state this past week shut down being outside (with this condition). We had I'd heard, twelve forest fires going on. 

To make the walks more endurable, I started listening to music. Then I got to where I would listen to a whole album. Then a couple. Finally switched to podcasts and found that much more useful. The walks, and the podcasts even more so, invigorated my creativity and I started taking notes on my walks.

I would use those notes when I got home (after taking it easy, hydrating), to work on my book on LC. Or posting to Twitter, mostly political commentaries but also just some thoughts on life at times. 

It has gotten now, with these longer walks to generate longer thoughts and more of them. It got to be burdomsome to post them to Twitter. Today it occurred to me to maybe just post them into a blog and be done with it. I liked that idea. It frees my time up. I want to get this book finished and out there. I haven't written in it all week as I wasn't feeling well and my head hurt all week long.

So, here it is, just posting all my thoughts in a blog. Apologies. Or, enjoy! Your choice.

Walkabout Thoughts:

I was listening to this past week's Pod Save America ep. 671 "The GOP's One Man Ban".

First, a disclaimer about how I’m really not partisan, or never had been until the Republican Party forced it as necessary, more and more over the years, until they elected Donald Trump, making it impossible to be any other way.

We need Republicans to quit trying to be "good" Christians and start being good Americans again. Stop following theology and get back to your science and medicine. Which at least has something other than emotions to do with women’s rights and having their choice of what actually needs to be done, over what some "morally" believe should be done.

Republicans are trying to eliminate democracy to decrease our people's control. Which would decrease the control of our people over our government. How can one not draw the natural conclusion that what they’re shooting for is a new version of the Soviet Union, this time through capitalism not socialism? The stupidity in the direction they are taking this is mind boggling. It makes one wonder how an enemy nation isn’t pulling their strings on them. Which I don’t believe they are. So why are they acting as if that IS the case? Just as Trump did, making us all think he was a Russian agent. Which he still is acting as if he is.

Liberal's politics have a base of science & ideology, ideology that’s based on people, community and the future. Conservatives, especially MAGA follow their ideology as it leads them (as Donald Trump's Chief Ideologist Steve Bannon designed for him, as Trump had none before him, as filthy and disgusting at it is), but doesn’t give a shit about people, or anything except following dogma. This is a form that has started wars, genocides, has weaponized faith and now Republicans who lean deeply into it offering their assuming power and control, and money thru lies, leading they think, into a civil war. Which is already engaged. It's just evolved beyond the form of our first civil war.

Republicans have attacked conservatives who well may be smart, who try to be, to recognize threats, but are not wise. Wisdom recognizes threats but also sees the other side of that in any instance or situation, in evaluating a threat, and then tuck it away if that’s the best choice. Which so often it is. This excessive carefulness in thought, has created MAGA who attack unnecessarily and actually attacks the very things those people believe they are fighting for. It is again that pilot who is upside down and pulls "upward", directly into the ground in being utterly disoriented, but trying to do the right thing.

By the way, voting for anyone who appears "better than Trump", is not realistic. It’s defeatist. It’s accepting the lowest bar he did everything in his power to lower, minute by minute.

I’ve been saying this all through the Trump administration years, that the only thing more dangerous than an idiot like Trump as POTUS is someone who’s not an idiot but tries to imitate Trump. Which makes them far more dangerous. Yes, I’m talking about DeSantis, or people like him. Just another faux conservative bully. So for those voting for DeSantis who are breathing a sigh of relief, stop it! Hold your breath until he is off the political field.

The problem with researchers who studied biking vs walking, who say that mile for mile bicycling is equal to walking, seem to be ignoring the fact, or the caveat is not getting out, that when you’re coasting, you’re not walking. If half of your bike ride is coasting, that’s not walking.

To my friend and fellow director (and podcaster) Kelly Hughes: I would like to propose something to you. I use my postings in social media, which admittedly are generally political or entertainment based, to hone my skills in debate and being concise. Which leads me to research, honing those skills. I’ve been using Instagram in recent months to do just that, with my camera work. I would propose start using Instagram, try to see things in your environment that are worth sharing, then shoot it in a way, within 30 seconds or less, that sharpens your camera work and filmmaking skills, exhibiting that to the public. That seems to be why I have been getting up to 30,000 views on some of my videos. Also, for you, your best skill may be your voice, interviewing and commentary, especially off the cuff. So you could shoot videos where you have only a few seconds to say something clever, to sound clever and interesting. Decades ago I heard a famous author say that one of the best ways to prepare to write a novel is to write the shortest stories you can, down to a paragraph. Which I did practice doing. Some will argue that’s not how you learn to write a novel or book. Which is true, because that’s far more complicated. But every novel or book is a sentence or paragraph first. Some of the best fiction I've read are essentially short paragraphs which are little essays that lead to a larger cohesive whole.

This is not a country founded on Christianity, but initially a country of mostly Christians who founded a country for freedom, All in part because of abuse of religious beliefs in the countries those people's ancestors fled from. It makes no sense therefore, that a minority who are theists, attempt to apply their specific theology in their freedom of thought, and work to subvert our government, to apply all that against other people's freedoms of action.

The theory of the "attacking dying wild animal" fits so much today of what’s been going on. We’ve called the Republican party a "zombie" party for years. Conservatism, toxic as it is, is broken and dying. It's been trying to kill itself. Religion too has been broken, mostly by reality over hundreds if not thousands of years, is also dying. I see this in many places. I’ve been fighting long CoViD now for going on seven months, not for the first time in over two years. When I got my updated booster last Monday, I went through hell week, until I woke up Saturday morning and felt it was almost gone. Again as if the virus was an attacking dying wild animal. So don't assume what you're seeing around us is a growing movement, but a dying while animal, made "wild" by consent and with purpose of its leaders.

Maybe I should start blogging these walkabout thoughts, instead of tweeting them. Because it’s getting burdensome to Tweet them all. Then I could start a new series of blogs of my "Walkabout Thoughts", or something. "Walking Thoughts"?

And...here we are.

Cheers! SláinteNa zdravie!