Thoughts & Stream of Consciousness, rough and ready, from an award-winning filmmaker and author you’ve never heard of, while walking off long Covid, and listening to podcasts…walk day 5/17/2024 [After a covid shot this morning, the next day was rough, so it took a few days to get this up online, apologies...]
Damn, I just got my spell checker working again here. I hadn't noticed it was broken. Cheers!
Moving on and back to our regularly schedule program...
I've never seen such a time
when so many
think they know so much
about so little & yet
are utterly clueless
about just how wrong they are
about so very much.
- from
Quotes Along the Murdock VII
America was based upon a concept of a free people who can govern themselves guided by common sense & belief in a Greater Good. Sadly, Republicans today decided to forego common sense AND that greater good for their minor one, through which they will force govern all by, their few. This is not liberal democracy, or a republic. It is autocracy enforced by self-desire.
- from
Quotes Along the Murdock VII
Democracy is good for everyone, if you keep capitalism under control from becoming toxic. While fascism is good only for the Fascists, until they finally get around to eating their own.
Just listening to them talk on Hacks podcast about the shows protagonist losing parents too young. I was four years old when we had moved to Spain from 1958 Tacoma and suddenly one day... my dad was gone, kicked out of the country by my grandfather who had gotten him the job over there in the first place in Franco Spain. We were in Roda, Spain.
I was just thinking about this yesterday, writing it up for my autobiography. I thought I might write the section backwards, starting with my step-dad after moving back to Tacoma in 1960. Backing up to Philadelphia the year previous and asking my mom where dad was and when is he coming home? How she progressed from the first time I asked that before we had moved back from Spain. Where's dad? "He went home ahead of us." Upon arriving back in the States, where's dad. "He'll be here soon." Then, where's dad? "He's not coming home again." I was four. Then five, when I realized Dad was somehow gone? Could Mom be gone? Then the step-dad arrived and I did not like him. It was a downgrade. What if dad can be gone, then mom can be gone. Will I be stuck with this guy, then? Fear.
It might not have been so bad, as it goes, if the new stepdad we’re "better than", or if I had liked him more than my dad. I remember little about my dad before he left. I remember mostly, after. After we had moved back to Tacoma and he took me out a few times. I remember very clearly when I was like five or six. I remember he took me in his brother's boat and let me, ME, drive it, at five years old. We left the dock at Point Defiance Park, and went over to Vashon Island.
I remember playing in the shallow water on that beach. I remember on my sixth birthday, dad taking me out to the "
B&I Circus Store" on South Tacoma Way. Took me to the toy section and said get whatever you want. And I went for it. A store famous for "Ivan" the gorilla. A
movie, "The One And Only", was made about it, with Bryan Cranston.
I had my arms full of toys that day at the B&I. Finally, Dad squatted down and looked at all the stuff I had, likely thinking there wasn’t enough in his wallet. He was a construction electrician. But divorce can be costly. So he picked one of those toys and said, “OK. You can have this one, or you can have all of those you’re holding.“
That was a miserable choice. But I chose the one. A plastic replica of a Winchester rifle with a speaker in the side butt. When you pulled the trigger, it made a weird "shooting sound". A "Sound of Power". I thought even then it was a corny sound, but in 1960 you made due. And that was my birthday present. My second gun. My first gun having been t wooden army rifle, which they mass-produced after World War II.
There’s a big story about that one. I was wearing a navy sailor suit when we traveled to Spain. Mom had my older brother and later my younger brother and our sister all in cute little Navy suits for photo portraits that hung on our family home wall all the years of our growing up. Guess she had a thing for Navy guys. Though my dad was Coast Guard, saw action and had a Purple Heart medal.
We had taken the train from Tacoma, to either New York for the flight, or more likely to Philadelphia where our larger family lived. When we took the TWA plane from Idlewild Airport to Madrid, there were all these lockers where you could lock your stuff up until your flight. I thought it would be cool to stick my rifle in there. So when they called our flight over the public address system, Mom said, "OK, let’s go." I told her I couldn't. I had to find my gun! I was in a panic.
She looked at the hundreds of lockers and realizing we could miss our plane, probably wanted to kill me. All of my life since, I remembered crying and her dragging me to the plane, I’d lost that rifle and regretted and resented it ever since. Until a few years ago when I was looking at photos and our photo of us exiting that plane in Madrid, Spain back when still walked down portable stairs, brought up to the airplane on the tarmac plane parking...and there in the photo, as I was walking down those stairs with my mom and sister, is my rifle. That really blew my mind.
About that Navy suit and Army rifle. There’s a notorious photo of me on the tarmac at Idlewild Airport taken by TWA professional photographer, Ken Fletcher, Public Relations. He asked if he could take the picture. My mom just kind of looked at him. He said, "Mam, you got a cute little boy wearing a sailor suit, carrying an Army rifle. This is priceless. I have to take this picture. And I promise I will send you a copy of it. So she said, OK. And so he did send us a copy and I have it.
On back of the 8"x10", it says:
"For Worldwide immediate release: Idlewild Airport, N.Y., Sept. 17 (1958): Mixed-up sailor, 3, carrying an army rifle stands guard before boarding his TWA Jestrream flight to Madrid, Spain. The Tacoma, Washington, youngster will be joining his dad, a construction engineer, for an approximate three year stay. Photo by Aviation News Pictures, New York International Airport. Ken Fletcher, Public Relations, 380 Madison Ave., New York City, Oxford 5-4525 Ext. 701"
So I don’t know… but I like to think that 1958 my photo did go around the world for advertising for TWA Airlines. And we loved, Trans World Airlines.
So I’m retired, on a fixed income. Though I’m still trying to produce things to make money. I won’t go into that here, now. I’m living off of retirement from the company I retired from and my Social Security. So, fixed income. But I’m doing OK. I'd hoped to be doing better but then considering how I started out in life, I couldn't be more pleased how well I've done.
Like many, I too go through this round-robin of streaming services and cable TV that a lot of people do. I pay way too much for my Comcast cable and Internet and I also have my cell phone through them. After many years of Verizon since I first got a cell phone, I got tired of paying almost 80 bucks a month, when it went to free with Comcast. So I switched. I get their cable package plus some streamers. I get Max for free. I get Peacock for free. But it's pricey. I go around with Hulu, Apple+ (which I’ve been keeping steadily for some reason). I do like Paramount+. But like for this month, I got Netflix. I watched everything I could & was interested in. Saw some good stuff. Then I let it expire at the end of 1 month. Then I start up another one, this time probably Paramount+ for a month. Or I'll skip a month or so trying to keep the already staggering overall price down.
I had Hulu and actually kept it for a couple of months longer, maybe three even. The last thing I watched was "Shogun". I have the original on DVD with Richard Chamberlain. But my end of Hulu month hit too soon and I didn’t get to see the last episode of Shogun. Bummer. So how can I watch it for free? Or do I just buy another month? I could. I have the money. But try to keep costs down, or they can get out of control after a while, especially if you don't keep an eye on it.
I go through that with Amazon Prime on buying movies. I watch what I can for free but allow myself a movie purchase on holidays. Otherwise, you realize you've spent $100 or $200 with no idea how you got so out of control. I told that to producer Robert Mitas whom I was working with a few years ago. He's a producer with Michael Douglas. We were working on my true crime screenplay, "The Teenage Bodyguard".
He'd said something about watching some film he thought I should see, and I offhandedly explained how I try to keep costs down by not purchasing movies without attempting to keep the numbers I watch low. He chuckled, obviously unaware of not having a lot of money. It was a bit uncomfortable because we both realized that from opposite ends of the financial spectrum. He might have been talking about his produced film, "
We Have Always Lived in the Castle" (2018). I highly recommend it. I ended up watching it and it was a fun film. It's from a Shirley Jackson story (she wrote, "The Lottery"). Michale Douglas was also a producer on that film.
Shogun...I see they renewed it for two more seasons, or as they say in the UK, two more "series". So I think maybe I’ll just wait for the next season two and watch the last episode of season one that I missed when Hulu month ended too soon. In the past, I have watched the last episode of a new season arriving, just to get back up to where I should be for that season. So maybe I stumbled upon something that will be kind of useful and most cost-effective.
Well, I got in an art podcast today with the Hacks podcast, but it was short. So I switched over to "Pod Save America" now. I already listened to the last WTF? With Marc Maron. Have to wait till next week maybe for a new one of those. I feel like I did when I discovered Jon Stewart on The Daily Show after years of him being on. "Why didn't I find him sooner?"! I liked Jon when he was a VJ on MTV in the 80s.
So it looks like Biden and Trump will have two debates with no audience. Thank God, so it’s not just another Trump circus. Hopefully, they’ll turn off the other’s mic when one is talking. Trump has had his circus long enough on debates. Time to get back to adults debating and following debate rules, not Trump bullshit disinformation and distraction (lack of) rules.
I’ll just say this: fuck Trump and any who still support or follow him, who are too lazy to go out and double check how DIS-directed they are. They would throw that back in my face no doubt to say YOU check YOUR information because WE are right. Sorry, but I did that years ago. The first thing you ever do is go out trying to prove your beliefs or information are wrong and if you can't, maybe you're correct. THATS professional researching. I’d been a professional researcher as a senior tech writer for years. You cannot turn in a white paper on something there to management and be found out it's all nonsense. I would’ve been out of work ASAP. And yet I survived in that career for some time. The respect I received in that career was beyond any other career I've had. I wonder sometimes if it was a mistake leaving it to delve deeper into computer mechanics, systems, and processes?
So MAGA...on your information. If you were right about the insane things you believe in then I would be agreeing with you And since I’m not, sorry. You're wrong. Sounds like I'm full of myself, but when you've done the work, the research, the vetting, you earned it. Unlike those who faultily "do their own research" and come away unduly full of themselves and thus, disinform ever more easily distractable and delusional people. Something our enemies, and Trump, and the GOP depend on anymore. Sad, but true. Proven to be true, over and over and over again.
Fox News is losing their shit over this debate thing saying that Biden is slinking away from the debate by sending it to liberal news networks. Apparently, they never watched a debate with Trump in it. It’s a fiasco. It’s not a debate at all. It’s a little bitch whiny... little bitch, interrupting adults. And trying to make it look like it's all a joke. And his people love that because he's their failed TV entertainer. It's not a joke. It's our lives, our country, our democracy, that they're trying so hard to end. Literally.
When you hear conservatives talk about "we're not a democracy, we're a republic," that's a whistle call for what is now called MAGA Speak. Anti-democracy, for the purpose as we've now see, of minority rule because conservatives know better what is best for America and Americans. It's just authoritarianism, pure and simple Simplistic binary thinking. Black & white, nothing is grey. You're good or bad. You're with them or an enemy. "IN God We Trust"! Division, separation, partisanship. Friend or foe.
Which is all bullshit. We're a very blended citizenry, unlike most nations. We support immigration. Not divisively pick it apart and make trouble over non issues, inflating issues, acting like bigots, etc. The immigration system was purposely broken for purposes of division NOT what they profess today.
E Pluribus Unum. Out of many, ONE. THAT is America and THAT is what we need to get back to. This has been a decades-long slow moving coup. And it's finally, here. Republicans are not our enemies but have put themselves in that slot. Some are trying to get that party back finally seeing the dangers they have wrought in trying to regain control. Neither party NEEDS control. We need to work together. Compromise. Taking the other's side, when they are correct. Not refusing to work together because you're not winning. THAT is either idiocy or working for our enemies, saving them money, time and effort.
I guess there will be a vice-presidential debate and that ought to be delicious. I have an odd feeling that VP Harris will shred any MAGALoon Trump picks for his ridiculous VP.
According to Hannity on Fox News, Biden challenging Trump to debate is him avoiding a debate. Good to know? I tell you, these people are fully in some other universe where nothing functions.
The rule I would like to see for the Biden-Trump debate would be both of them in glass cages, and when the other one's talking, no matter what the one does, the one who’s screaming and disrupting would be Donald Trump… You would see his mouth moving and that’s it. I would even suggest CGI to block out his mouth so you can’t see what he saying to lip-read. All we should be asking for is to give each guy a chance to speak and only then let the other one talk and without interruption. It’s always been that way. And if people don’t like it, don’t watch the debate. Because if you’re looking for entertainment, you're just into Trump. If you’re looking for a clown show, that’s where it is.
One has to remember a couple of things about Trump and his GOP and the whole maggot mindset. No, no... I said MAGA mindset and voice-to-text translated that as "maggot". You may know I don’t play that game. Those are American citizens. I do think they are loony, so I do call them. "MAGALoons" because they are NOT based in reality. But that's a joke. It’s satire… You’ve heard of "Looney bin"? An ugly term from the past referring to people with mental issues. However, after a university degree in psychology, I learned that we don’t call the people you take care of in that field “Patients" but “clients “. Because "patient" indicates they're ill and you want their mindset to be that they are either healthy and healing from something, or they are becoming healthier in being your client.
Yes, you could argue under that paradigm that I shouldn’t even call them what I do. But I’m going from a lot of people who are trying to dehumanize American citizens as insects which has led other countries into genocide or a Civil War. Which the right keeps pushing for. And the left keeps seeing may be needed, but we don’t want to go there. So for now, "MAGALoon" it is.
It’s actually meant in a softer satirical tone. Somebody acting Looney we can help. Somebody that’s a maggot needs to be excised from humanity. Let’s not go there in a country of diverse cultures. And again, let’s get rid of that stupid fucking theistic motto “In God we trust “because it’s led us to far too much of this crap and this devicive and this dividing us and looking down on others and Christian nationalism which the FBI is worried about regarding domestic terrorism. Which is just enhanced religious bigotry.
Back to "E pluribus unum" or “out of many, one.“ Back to a cohesive country, or at least trying to be one.
We need to all come together to try to stand in the same basic reality and see where we’re all going wrong, together. Enough standing apart, hating.
I constantly try to see the other side and can modify my view closer towards them, IF I see they have a valid point. A point-based in reality, obviously. Where so often now it is simply not based in reality.
But I don’t see that on the other side. I see their religious based beliefs and dogma. This is what they wish to force reality to fit with and: "I will kill you if you get in the way of that."
Yeah. Let’s not do that.
So I caught Covid for the third time last month. Feeling pretty good now after they put me on Paxlovid on the second day. Which I think helped me with my long Covid. About two weeks after I caught Covid the last time, the VA sent out an email telling everyone they should get a Covid booster now. Damn, weeks too late, guys.
So I went and got a shot yesterday at Safeway. They said the VA would pay for it, but so would Medicare, so they went through that (or Aetna, I’m not sure). It was a Moderna shot. I’ve only had one of those and my arm hurt the next day and I didn’t feel good for a couple days. But maybe because I still have some Covid immunity from actually having caught this version, my arms a little sore today, but I’m out walking and I feel pretty good. So far.
Long Covid has this nasty habit of triggering dormant viruses in victims. I’ve been suffering that since March 2022. The end of last December, as I detailed before I went through a nightmare involving that, has gone on now for months. I’ve had a bunch of tests since December and I’ve been sent to a new doctor to get things checked out. A specialist because my primary care physician isn't sure what the hell is going on at this point. But now all of a sudden, it’s like I’m healing from that, too. And I don’t know if that was part of the Paxlovid but seems like it.
I know last year I read that a study gave an infusion of Paxlovid in one shot to help with long Covid suffers and their long Covid went away for somewhere around six weeks. If you’re a long Covid sufferer, especially if you have it bad, that’s a Godsend, even with only a few weeks off. Which might even help you in the long run with the condition.
I just realized I’ve been previously saying lately it was two weeks for long Covid alleviation, after a Paxlovid infusion treatment, but it was six weeks. Because I just noticed my calendar says next week my six weeks are up. Which means my long Covid could return. Here’s hoping not!
Starting mile three.
I just thought of another debate format Biden could pull against Trump. Things go the way Trump does it. You know it’s like an adult debating with a child who doesn’t have answers and just throws a little tiffs and fits. So when Trump interrupts, just lean back at your podium and let him go and at some point ask something like, "Are you done with your little tantrum? Can I talk now?"
And just keep it that way, exhibiting what a fool and immature brat Trump is. Fllod the news, esp., where MAGA would see it, to prep them for what Trump will pull. His anti-debate tactics have to be neutralized. The thing is, MAGA needs to really see who he is. They praise and worship and support and follow that clown and Biden needs to have stored up like 30 or 40 little debate-deflating knife piercings for Trump who can throw Trump’s bullshit back in his face during the debate. Things that would either shut Trump up, or down, to show HIS audience that they really should be embarrassed.
That would allow the old concept of free speech, where we allow bad and evil speech out there and those people who support it, TO talk. But we need people smart enough to counter them, to debunk and deflate their premises. I do believe Biden is a lot smarter than Trump. But the problem is that kind of debating idiots and disruptors, takes a very kind of special debating skill. Trump doesn’t have good debating skills. Trump has pontificating and obfuscating and distraction skills.
Trump is basically a five-year-old, who at that age, most kids also have those skills. Apparently, Trump locked into those emotionally, but never matured into an adult. Something you get from alcoholics, drug abusers, and the pathological narcissistic sociopath in a career criminal such as Donald Trump. The image above is one that I shared online the other day of a brain scan of a person with Trump's pathological condition.
"Pod Save America" has a good point here about those debates. If Biden makes the mistake again of saying another country for some country he’s referring to, huge five-alarm sirens go off with the conservatives and maybe everybody. But if Trump says "gravity isn’t real" people just laugh and say "Ha ha there goes Trump again". There’s a sad double standard that’s dangerous to this country. And to democracy at large. Because people around the world, watch America closely.
Damn, I think I just walked by JD Vance’s parent's house…
Trump went to Wildwood, New Jersey the other day and said some weird shit. I got roughed up by a cop there when I was 16, on the boardwalk, and for absolutely nothing. Anyway, people need to see these debates because they need to see what a fool Donald Trump really is. But for that to work, they need to be primed and ready. As I mentioned above.
They need to put our promos detailing what to watch for from Trump in the debate. Use a viral orientation with humor or something. In such a way that makes it obvious when you see Trump actually do it on stage in the debate, that it takes you aback. A shock a little bit so that you go, "Oh fuck I’m supporting THIS guy? I used to think this guy was funny. Maybe this isn’t funny. Maybe it’s not funny anymore as Nikki Haley said she believed he was the right guy for POTUS45. Though she was 100% wrong. Where now she says he’s not that guy anymore at all. And he’s not."
Sitting through this criminal trial is ripping up Trump's personality and ego from the inside out. He may go forward-looking the same to some, but he’ll never be the same again after this. When he’s convicted, well… there it is.
I hear the podcast, that Biden isn’t making a mistake in attending the debate because it’s a "high variance maneuver". It may be time for high risk action. I learned this when I was a child… when there’s something you’re fighting off, or fearful of, or in a situation that is existentially dangerous, you need to hit it head on. Hit it as hard and as fast as you can. DEAL with it. And you know what? That has worked for me really, really well. It takes your opponent off their equilibrium and disorients. That's what Trump is so good at. Disrupting, and disabling people's decency, and their expectation of normal behavior.
I think honesty and openness are healthy for humanity. So I’ll admit this. I can count on one hand the times I let fear overtake my better judgment. Not my better angels. When I was at risk, I may have shied away. It didn't happen often, as I was trained for that very young. But when others were at risk, I didn’t shy away. I don’t know. I go to stupid protection mode, maybe because of my childhood nuclear family dynamic. But I’ll say about those times... I can count them on one hand… those failings when I wish I had acted better. We are all weak or strong at times. IF the wrong situation hits in those moments, we can find we have exceeded or failed, for those moments.
So "heroes" can be seen as cowards, and vice versa. That is part and parcel of being human. Some act correctly, heroically, always. But they are honestly few and far between. Most people react out of self presevation. Training increases the odds of acting above the norm in extraordinary situations.
Had my orientation been different? I probably wouldn’t be able to count all those sad moments, as being limited only to one hand, out of my 68 years at this point. Personally, I think that’s a pretty damn good record.
This was fun. I had a salesman call from
Armed Forces Vacation Club yesterday. He asked me some questions and I answered and he thought it was odd. I could tell. I told him I’m 68. I could tell it wasn’t a salesman tactic, but he was taken aback by that. He said, "Wow you don’t sound 68 to me." I thought he meant the texture of my voice. But I shared that with my son later and he laughed and said, "Well, look at the conversations we have about physics and different things. You don’t have an addled brain at all." I had to laugh at that. But, good to know.
As for mentioning my condition and health status at times, this is a blog about walking off long Covid. I mention my condition, symptoms, and issues from time to time for the same reason I wrote a book on long covid. So if anyone reads this who has long Covid and reads some of the things I’m going through, it may aid them in some way, or emotionally give them some kind of benefit. Or relief. Or warning. Forewarning, hopefully.
And on that note, I’ll say that because it was winter and I wasn’t getting exercise I wasn’t feeling well. I’ve had to use melatonin to get to sleep and stay asleep. I use 5 mg tablets and break them in half. I don’t think I got enough exercise and sun, which is important for the production of the melatonin hormone. But I try to take it as little as I can. You have to understand that anytime you take something into your system it alters it. The view that eating is medicinal isn’t a bad way of looking at things. So if you take in melatonin regularly and then stop, your body isn’t going to immediately produce enough.
As far as Trump claiming Biden took drugs whenever he seems animated or at every debate that he’s on something? Fine. Give both them a blood test before the debate. Both of them! Better, as I'd said before, surprise them. See if Trump doesn't mumble as he runs from the studio.
Well, I was gonna try for 5 miles today as I shot for the last time, but only made 4 miles. But I hadn't gotten a Covid shot then and now I’m a little concerned. I might be overdoing it. That’s what the consideration was in walking at all today, as it might be overdoing it. So long Covid and vaccinations and such, it's best to err on the side of caution as much as you may want to push on through. It's normal for me to push on through, but with Covid and long covid, it could kill you. Though I think I may be beyond that point now, it can lead to being unnecessarily uncomfortable for a day or two.
So today it’s 3 miles.
I know my mom was pretty emotional when I was growing up and I know she had some interesting emotional or mental issues. Though I know she was smart as a whip, but also only made it to to ninth grade. I always said that I’ve followed my heart guided by my mind. Though I have come to wonder, although my life wasn’t that bad, that maybe I should’ve reversed that. I know those who did that but I wouldn’t want to have lived their life.
It could just be that they tended to push things too far on top of it. Maybe I wouldn’t have. I don’t know. I do know I was a little sociopath when I was a kid as most children are. I think most of us grow into our higher emotional levels. Or EQ. Something that Trump is very low in. My mother had some pretty strict rules within an environment that was rather loose, even for those times. I think that helps to get you into your teens and 20s to a time when you evolve more and lose that sociopathy. Hopefully. Although some of us never do.
Once again...Donald Trump.
I will add about that "little sociopath" thing. I jest some. But it's also true. I didn't have a deep emotional base as a kid, but then I did. Mostly about animals. I think I had the basis for emotions. I was emotional about some things. Very protective of my family. I was teased about it as a teen. I wasn't emotional about movies, even when a nearby female typically was crying from a film. So I used films in my mid to late 20s to grow emotions. Once in college studying psychology, I worked to grow emotions and I used films to aid that. As a touchstone. Until finally I did feel things without trying when watching a film.
It's well known we become more emotional as we age. In old age, we can become quite emotional. It's why we do not send older people to war, but the youngest available. They lend themselves more so to the blood lust of battle. I'm now at a point where it's almost too much. An advert can even get me emotional now. As my younger self laughs...
And on that note, I’ll bid you adieu…
And leave you with that. And it’s noon now and time for lunch.
As always, I wish you all, all the greatest success and good health!
Just put in the time and effort for those successes.
Until next time!
Cheers! Sláinte!
