Art of JZ Murdock: Unlocking Beauty in Greeting Cards & More, More, More...

Welcome to my world of creativity!

I’m very excited to share that my artwork is now available as beautiful greeting cards and other unique products on platforms like Zazzle and Redbubble.

Original Photo, Frank Ruman, 1914, my grandfather

My initial reason for starting a media catalog on Redbubble was about my film posters and books. My reason for starting a store on Zazzle was about my grandfather's photos of early racing cars he had been a mechanic on. He died in 1974. 

When my mother died a few years ago, I received some of her old photo albums. Some included her dad's old photos and negatives. I was fascinated by his photos of old racing cars from the 1910s in Brooklyn, New York. 

Photo as a greeting card on Zazzle

So I looked for the best venue for greeting cards as I thought they might be most accessible to the public. Redbubble was lacking in that but Zazzle, though the platform is not as well thought out as I'd like (in making it easy to use I think they made problems for creators), it does work out better than Redbubble.

When I first bought my Cannon 80D camera in 2016, I had to learn to use the camera in order to shoot my own films. Which I wanted to do toward turning my writings into independent films. I've now done that with films like "The Rapping", shot with my oldest adult child. "Gumdrop", a short horror, my first narrative film with a cast of actors. I also used pieces of "The Rapping" in that film. This film is a prequel to my previous true crime fictionalized story, "Gumdrop City". 

My most successful project to date is a "filmic poem" and historical WWI documentary, "Pvt. Ravel's Bolero" (a film I shot to help me recover from long covid). The "Bolero" film, based on "Bolero" composer, Maruice Ravel's experiences in WWI, exceeded my greatest expectations at now over 60 national and international film awards.

From my screenplay

First I had to learn my camera. As I looked for things to shoot, I discovered that my new city of Bremerton, Washington, had amazing sunsets and photo opportunities. After fifteen years of raising my kids while living on some idyllic acreage in the forest behind Suquamish, Washington (where Chief "Seattle" is buried), on the waters of Puget Sound, I moved to Bremerton, a Navy town. 

I thought shooting still photos was a good beginning so I spent months shooting pictures. I saved them all thinking that one day perhaps, they could be useful. I was pleasantly surprised recently when I reviewed all those photos to find some were very professional. My youngest child, now in their early 30s, is a photographer and was an intern to several professional photographers (one who shot the first world-famous "Marlboro Man" photos). 

Whether you're looking for the perfect card to express your feelings or a one-of-a-kind item to brighten your day, there's something special waiting for you. I've been on Redbubble for a while. I found Zazzle has far better capabilities for creating greeting cards. I may create other products on there over time, but for now, it's mostly greeting cards. And some very interesting ones.

My cover artist for my books and other things, Marvin Hayes has been there for a very long time now. He is the greatest artist I have ever even met. While my covers are very interesting, his own art is far beyond those.

Warren Avenue Bridge to East Bremerton with an legal from my backyard

Why Choose My Art?

1. Original Designs: Each piece reflects my passion for art, bringing unique and heartfelt creations directly to you.

2. Versatility: My designs aren't just limited to greeting cards. Explore them on a range of products, from home decor to accessories.

3. Quality: Both Zazzle and Redbubble ensure high-quality prints and materials, so your chosen items look stunning and last.

Seagull over Silverdale, WA headed to the Olympic Mountains

Greeting Cards for Every Occasion

Whether you’re celebrating a birthday, sending holiday cheer, or simply saying "thank you," my collection has the perfect card for every occasion. Choose from vibrant illustrations, serene landscapes, or whimsical designs to match the mood you want to convey.

What I like about Zazzle is, when you purchase one of my cards, you can edit it to add your own message inside, or delete my area for your heading and message and simply writing in my hand what you wish to say.

Taken from my home front window

Beyond Greeting Cards: Explore the Possibilities

• On Redbubble: Discover my art as movie posters, on tote bags, t-shirts, stickers, mugs, and more. These items make fantastic gifts or can be a fun way to treat yourself.

• On Zazzle: Customize my designs on calendars, planners, or even invitations to make your special moments unforgettable.

How to Support My Art

1. Visit My Zazzle Store collections.

2. Explore My Redbubble Collection

3. Share With Friends: Spread the word by sharing my work on social media or recommending it to others who love art.

Stay Connected

Follow me on social media for updates on new designs, special promotions, and a behind-the-scenes look at my creative process.

Thank you for supporting independent artists. 

Every purchase not only brings joy to you and your loved ones but also fuels my passion to create more. Let’s celebrate the beauty of art together!

Bremerton Sunset

Compiled with the aid of ChatGPT

The Art and the Artist: Navigating Ethical Dilemmas in a World of Controversial Creators

I grew up admiring figures such as Woody Allen, Bill Cosby, even O.J. Simpson, and others who have since been revealed to have led questionable, even criminal lives. Despite this, their artistic contributions remain significant. The challenge lies in how one can separate their work from their personal misconduct. Of if one should. What happens to the consumer of such "scandalized" or "discredited"  artists and performers who have proven to be "disgraced", or a become a too "controversial" figure?

I'll get to the point but first this is going to be a bit of a trip around the block...

While I still appreciate Allen’s art I now find it difficult. But I cannot avoid it as I had studied his work along with Alfred Hitchcock and Stanley Kubrick at university. But expressing such things could expose one to criticism. As an artist myself, would it impact my professional standing? Should it? Shouldn't it? How can one ethically navigate this dilemma, balancing an appreciation for their art with an acknowledgment of their behavior? Especially when they have become unavoidably integral to who I am as a person and an artist?

What do you do with that? Even if one is not an artist and as a consumer who once enjoyed their works. This has bothered me for some time now. I have my own thoughts on it but it occurred to me to ask an AI what it thinks. First off, what do I think?

In point of fact, it pisses me off! It pisses me off because these artists whose lives were so warped, first they did those things to those they did them to. Then once you get past that, because they got us to buy into their brilliance and decades later waylaid those of us as fans with reveals of their despicable acts. But it's not them but their products and the brilliance of what hey produced. Respecting their minds, and their talents, but not their personal lives. I've always tried to give them their personal lives. They, most of them, deserve their privacy. 

So getting past all that, maybe ask the AI and see if it's more clear headed about the topic. Often when I do that I get an answer that includes things I had forgotten to consider, even though I would have later. Or it offers things I had not or would not consider. Or offers a new perspective.

So I asked ChatGPT what it thought.

But first, how did this come up. Well? That's a story. Two weeks ago I started binge-watching The West Wing. I'd tried to do that during the Trump presidency but I couldn't. I found it too depressing. Even though the staff at MSNBC was doing that to get THEM through that clown show. So when I considered it recently I thought I'd give it another try.

It worked. Took about a week to get through all 7 seasons. I learned a lot. Like Aaron Sorkin is a genius. Also, that Bradly Whitford and Lawrence O'Donnell were writers and actors on that show. I had a great time watching it. I did some research and found after that show, Sorkin did Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. 

Then The Newsroom. Which has one of the greatest opening scenes to a series perhaps ever (video). I'd watched The Newsroom when it was first on TV and loved it when it was on. But not Studio 60, about a Saturday Night Live type sketch show. 

I loved SNL when it arrived in 1975. I was sitting alone at home one night in Spokane in my downtown apartment waiting on my wife to get off work at the hospital a few blocks up the hill from me at midnight.

I was sitting on the couch wrapping the scabbard of my 14th-century Wakasashi (long story about how I got that for $2 in 1973 from a friend after we'd just graduated high school, hanging at my girlfriend's apartment. He was a garbage man and had found it in pieced on a garbage can. I'd offered him $2 thinking he'd laugh at me. He laughed at me and said, "Cool! Cost of a torpedo!" A "torpedo" is about 66 ounces of beer. 

I was alone at home wrapping the scabbard in string so it would not fall off, it's still wrapped from that. Then I painted it black. While I was doing that, took a couple of hours, I looked in TV Guide and saw Saturday Night Live was on. Never heard of it so I put it on. Long story short, it was amazing. 

Anyway, after binging The West Wing, I found The Newsroom on the MAX streaming channel and watched it. I got the idea to see if I could get the DVDs. I found them on ebay and bought them. Then I found Studio 60. Which just arrived and I'm watching it now. I can remember when it was first on TV but I ignored it back in 2007 not knowing what it was about and anyway, I wanted to watch The Unit about spec ops team, a show created by David Mamet, of whom I've long been a fan. Since studying screenwriting at university in the early 80s.

I thought about getting The West Wing DVDs but 7 years? That's about $80 so I figured I'd hold off. I'm really liking Studio 60. On the wall in Matthew Perry's character's office was a framed poster of a cover of a Life magazine with Woody Allen and Humphrey Bogart on it.

Mark McKinnon (from Kids in the Hall, playing a depressed writer), Bradly Whitford and Matthew Perry in Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip

I've had that magazine cover in a frame hanging on my wall forever but since I moved here 6 years ago in a too small house, it's in my spare room with all my other art and framed works.

I know, so said about his passing, my friends seemed to think back in the 90s when people were trying to figure out which "Friend" you were in your group of friends, that I was Chandler. I was never quite sure how I felt about that, but, he was funny, so... 

SO, finally getting to the point...I kept seeing the Life mag cover in the office in Studio 60 and I started thinking about where my framed copy was. Should I hang it? If I do, where? If in the living room and people see it who come over, well then what? How will they react? How should I react? Should I hang it? That pissed me off because I loved his movies, books, plays, and then he had to be human and do weird things and now what? 

Sigh... so many people like that. My mother couldn't stand Charlie Chaplin who was incorrectly maligned for leaving for France. I grew up separating the artist from their art or I felt, we'd have no art. Or much much less.

So that got me to thinking again about the philosophical, ethical and moral implications of all that all over again. Which led us to here, now.

Anyway, this is what ChatGPT said:

This is a challenging issue, especially as many public figures and artists have seen their legacies reevaluated in light of revelations about their personal behaviors. The tension between appreciating someone's artistic output and acknowledging their harmful actions is real, and there isn't a single answer that works for everyone. However, there are some thoughtful ways to navigate this, especially as an artist who has to balance personal ethics with public perception.

Here are a few approaches to consider:

1. Separate the Art from the Artist (to a Degree)

Some argue that art should be evaluated on its own merits, independent of the artist’s personal life. The work may still have value, evoke emotions, or offer insights regardless of who created it. In this view, you can appreciate Allen’s storytelling or Cosby’s comedy as cultural contributions, without endorsing their personal behaviors.

However, publicly defending this perspective can indeed invite criticism, especially if people feel it minimizes the harm caused by those individuals. If you choose this approach, be prepared to explain how you separate appreciation for the work from endorsement of the artist's personal choices. You could acknowledge their actions as reprehensible while recognizing the influence of their art.

2. Ethical Engagement with the Art

You could continue to engage with the art, but do so with critical awareness. For instance, you might highlight how problematic aspects of the artist’s personal life inform or even taint their work. In Woody Allen's case, some have pointed to themes in his films that might now be viewed differently in light of his personal controversies. By engaging critically, you demonstrate that you’re not ignoring the ethical issues.

This can also extend to how you publicly talk about the artist’s work, showing that you’re aware of the complex dynamics and not just passively consuming the art.

3. Reframe Your Engagement with Their Work

Instead of completely avoiding or wholly embracing the work of controversial figures, you might frame your engagement with it in a way that opens a discussion. For example, you could discuss how your feelings toward Allen’s films have evolved over time, or how you now see certain aspects differently. This acknowledges the impact of the artist’s actions without dismissing their artistic contributions.

As a fellow artist, this can be particularly valuable because you’re showing that you are conscious of the relationship between art and morality in a way that others might appreciate. You're not endorsing bad behavior, but you’re also not erasing the value of art.

4. Limit Financial Support

If it’s important to you to maintain some ethical boundaries, consider how you engage with their work financially. For example, you can still watch Allen’s movies but avoid purchasing new releases or giving direct support to ongoing projects. You could also donate the money you might have spent on their art to causes related to the harm they caused (e.g., supporting victims of abuse).

This allows you to still engage with the art, while making it clear that you’re not financially supporting individuals whose actions you disagree with.

5. Acknowledge Public Sensitivities

Publicly endorsing the work of controversial figures could harm your reputation as an artist. If you’re concerned about marketability, it might be worth carefully weighing how and where you express your appreciation for Allen or others like him. You can still privately enjoy the work while being mindful of the current cultural climate.

In creative spaces, especially, how others perceive your choices (even in terms of what you admire) can affect collaborations, opportunities, and audiences. Acknowledging that their behavior is wrong, while critically engaging with their art, can strike a balance.

6. Transparency in Personal Artistic Influence

If you draw inspiration from these figures, consider being transparent about how you engage with that influence. For example, instead of simply saying "I admire Woody Allen’s work," you might say, "Woody Allen’s earlier films have influenced my understanding of comedic timing and character development, but I struggle with reconciling that influence given what we now know." This demonstrates a nuanced position and shows your audience that you’re aware of the larger conversation around such figures.

7. Move Toward New Influences

If the ethical conflict feels too strong, it might be worth seeking out new influences that align with your values. The art world is vast, and there are many filmmakers, comedians, and creators who produce incredible work while maintaining ethical lives. Shifting focus to these figures can not only alleviate your ethical dilemma but also introduce fresh perspectives into your own work.

8. Open Discussion

Opening up a dialogue about these issues could humanize your approach. As an artist, if you express that you, too, are grappling with the complexities of separating art from artist, it could resonate with others who are having similar struggles. This might involve discussing these topics with your audience in interviews, on social media, or within your work itself. It could demonstrate intellectual and moral consideration.

---

Ultimately, it's about striking a balance between your personal enjoyment of the art, an ethical response to the artists' behavior, and your public positioning as an artist. There's no simple answer, but thoughtful, nuanced engagement can help you navigate this complicated issue.

So, about the framed Life magazine cover. What did I do about it? It's now hanging in that spare room with the rest of my art. Yeah, I don't know either, but is it we who have to suffer for someone being less than we expect of them, even if by far? I think in the end, it's a personal decision. 

I still haven't been able to watch a Woody Allen movie since it all came out about that family and Woody involvement. I may not be able to give him money for a new film because of it. Then, he may not be around much longer as he's 88. But the framed Life mag cover? It's just enough that it's still good and pays some kind of homage to that part of my personality that is still innocent. And always will be.

What is an Artist?

This is the article that got me inspired to post a comment on Facebook about, just what is an artist? Basically putting up an item as in the photo below, is art?

Danh Vo, Theodore Kaczynski’s Smith Corona Portable Typewriter, 2011.

ARTNEWS

Artist Marvin Hayes took up the challenge and responded to my initial comments below. He is an incredible mind blowing artist. I can't show you all I've seen of his works over the years, you'll just have to take my word for it. And I've met some very, very good artists, by the way. But no one to the degree he has achieved. You can see some of his works on Redbubble. He has also done many of my book covers.

Here is what I initially had said:

I get that art is in the eye of the beholder, but it seems to me that to get paid for art, to be an "artist" one has to actually produce art, preferably from the ground up.

Which takes away from rappers and musicians who sample other's music and artists using other's art and mediums in their art. This is the same issue that caused such an uproar when musicians (though I wouldn't call some of the first rappers actual musicians if melody was not involved and only percussion and spoken word but, that's another issue), who started sampling other's music, even if out of homage or tribute. I do get that.

I'm just not sure what they should be called. Artist? Perhaps.

I just think there is a difference from the artist who produces art from the smallest denominator with a vast and qualitative skill set, to those who effectively "cheat" in quantitatively using the art of others.

And I don't use cheat in a necessarily derogatory way. I just see a difference between an artist with the skills to produced incredible art from nearly nothing, to one who borrows and actually has little or no technical skills but can conceive and produce.

I do see value in both. I just think we need to call a card a card.

Marvin Hayes:

Although I generally agree. Myself, I don't see it that way overall. I'd say coincidently one of my top pieces is the collage I did for you (see below).

Piece by artist Marvin Hayes

I put about as much work into it as any other pieces I have done (it is a mix of images from magazines and some painted enhancements). I do both from scratch and assembled works. I feel assembled works are made of medium similar as one would do from scratch (not always). In one I would paint or sculpt everything from scratch. In the assembled I'd use pre existing images as my paint medium. Or found objects.

Kris Kuksi

Two of my top 5 artists do or did assemblages. One only does assemblages (Kris Kuksi) the other did multiple mediums (Max Ernst). Although most of the assembled Max Ernst works are not what I like about his work. I like his from scratch work.

Max Ernst

Steampunk is mostly assembled works and one of my fave alltime art styles. Also Junk art I love, made from found objects.

Technical skill is only one part of art. Communicating emotion plays a big part. Some of the worst painters technically are some of the greatest artists. Hitler for instance was a great technical drawer but failed emotionally in his art. And he was a very outwardly emotional person.

As an artist one has to project emotion through the art medium. Hitler seemed to be able to do that not through his art but through his communicating to his hateful base (like Trump). A sort of performance artist. Although I hate even referring to either monster as artists.

So bottom line is technical skill matters but more so the artist's ability to project emotion by any means necessary, matters more. And a core skill set like perspective drawing and anatomy help the artist more easily project emotion. As would a solid knowledge of music theory would a musician. Similar in all arts. Best to have the core skills but not required.

Rarely are things black and white. Mostly things are shades in between.

mechanized metal sculpture by Marvin Hayes

But I do get a little unnerved by those that just throw something up as their art when they had little or no input. Andy Warhol and Chihuly I consider two of the most overrated "artists" in history. Being that they rarely touched their medium. Warhol just regurgitated, took credit for things he never did. Chihuly similarly.

My response:

I agree with what you're saying and you're surely more the expert on this than I am. As you indicated, I have problems with someone taking an old typewriter and calling it art. Effectively making labeling something, or pointing to something, an art form. It's confusing, and disconcerting. Because I do believe you can be an artist in something that does not seem art related but there is still deftness and artistry in your product or actions. And effort.

restoration by Mavin Hayes

My ex (an "artist" and she did make some interesting art pieces, one I even sent to Clive Barker because he liked the image of it I had sent to him, this was many years ago). But something like say, gluing things to a car and calling it art, is or isn't? Simply gluing crap to something is not (should not) be art, unless there is an underlying principle involved that requires one would think, an understanding or an education in art.

Because I can glue things to something and evoke an emotion, I'm not so sure is art. So often that "artist" merely stumbles into it being conceived as art, but not because of any real thought on their part. Art by guesswork, essentially. It has artistic tendencies to be sure. But is it art?  Or something merely to be considered as such, when the person lacks foreknowledge of what they are doing? Not art by erratic action, but shouldn't it be considered and informed thought as an artist?

I do believe it's of social benefit to say, "anyone can be an artist", or a creator (more likely). As it frees one to produce and could lead to an artist who hadn't previously existed until their attempts or efforts come to fruition. But does it do a disservice to an actual artist? I think of those "authors" on Amazon who self publish utter trash and poorly written books.

painting by Marvin Hayes

They have diluted the market and made it harder for actual, effective and talented authors to self publish. And the notion that the best will rise to the top like cream on milk, is mostly trash. There is too much to wade through without the money from the author to bring their works to the attention of the public, or at least the right influencers.

It is a kind of travesty and that is in part my concern on all this about artists.

There is the "artist" for me in different contexts. I'll just say I do not like art in galleries or museums that are actually "placements" or merely collections of random things the artist didn't build but put together in a theme. Though I do get they can be art.

pencil drawing by Marvin Hayes

I just think "art" should be elevated beyond that of mere "creation". I think there should be some competence, technical skill, knowledge and education involved. For the most part anyway. I did a phenomenological study at my university toward my psychology degree about, what is art and my conclusion was, it is creation, in a most base sense. Which, freed me to try artistic things, which refers back to what I had said above, earlier. I do get that.

I don't have a problem with an artist with no education, or learned technical skill. If you look at it and it just says art, and more so if they can explain it to some degree bordering beyond craft to art. Though craftsmanship (craftspersonship?) can certainly be elevated to art.

Dragonfly sculpture by Marvin Hayes

On the other hand I don't have a problem with Warhol or Chihuly. Though I do see there, a difference in what I'm trying to say. Still, they did start out competent and then turned more into managers of art. And as Warhol asked, I think, at what point does it go from art to product? Or product to art?

Seattle Installment of Chihuly glass

Anyway, my main complaint is with the faux artist who really isn't an artist (and may very well know it, some of those being confidence people "conman") but acts and produces as if they are one and worse, when others incorrectly label them as such.

Marvin's response:

I should have said "focussed emotion". Emotion driven by intent not just response. But purposeful response based on some sort of skill, emotional skill or technical skill set... a mix. Best to have an even mix of technical/emotional.

I agree Chihuly had the core benefit of actual skill and production, knowledge of his medium. Later being a supervisor over a crew with skills ( after he lost his eye ).

But Warhol on the other hand was what I call a spinolio. A rather hollow wooden person that others project skills onto. He had little skill, almost no talent and yet ended up being considered one of the greats ;-/ Mostly by misunderstanding. Projecting genius onto an idiot. He is referred to by some to be a sociopath. Not sure I agree with that but he was definitely a manipulator that took credit for things he had little or no part of.

painting by Marvin Hayes

That documentary Exit Through the Gift Shop is a good example of how an "artist" might manipulate or steal others work and pass it off as their own. There is a lot of BS in the art world. In fact most of the art scene is total BS. Mostly the art dealers, collectors. But also disingenuous "artists". Some on purpose, some not.

All artists do a certain amount of "stealing" from others. Not just artists, it:s how evolution of anything works. We build on what came before us. All art is derivative. All innovation is also. A chain of thought.

Myself I'm regretful I didn't take anatomy and perspective courses. I struggle through that because I didn't really think I needed it. I really avoided doing people or buildings, etc., for most of my life. Depended on models.

My advice to any artist is take anatomy and perspective first! Use it as a core.

painting by Marvin Hayes

My response:

You have done some brilliant art though. I know no other artist in your class, not personally.

Marvin's response:

Thanks ;-) This would be a good thing to bring up in an article. Artists struggle with these sorts of questions. It's always a shock when one realises that the questions, what is art and, what is an artist, is so elusive. Everyone wanting a simple explanation. To me it comes down to mostly expressing ideas through a medium.

Marvin then continued in a group where I had also posted the original article and my comments:

This one doesn't piss me off as much as the one with 3 basketballs placed in an aquarium. Like to punch the "artist" in the face! ;-/

One thing I noticed is people tend to align with crapier art because they feel that art generated by extreme skill is out of their reach, their comfort zone. They feel more akin with what they feel they could possibly achieve themselves.

There has been research to back this up. And PunkRock was given as an example. People generally feel Rap, Folk arts and what others might call outsider art or Low Brow art is closer to them. Rather than higher arts, classic music or the masters.

I can relate to that on some scale I guess.

sculpture by Marvin Hayes

My comments after all this to you:

As I say above, Marvin is the greatest artist I have ever met. If you haven't seen his works, you should.

So, how does one close up an article like this? Well, I love Tim Minchin. Let's end with one of his recent tweets:

painting by Marvin Hayes

From Tim Minchin - @timminchin

"An excellent [see video link] review. Really worth watching if you’re interested in the craft of arts criticism."

Uh, yeah, click on the link so you can watch the video to which he refers. Sheesh.

And now let's end with this....

When Artists Move From The Margins to the Center

Cheers! Sláinte!

sculpture by Marvin Hayes

Just a Few Old Thoughts....

I have a lot going on in my life lately. 

First of all, have a pleasant Memorial Day. Maybe take the time to use today as it's intended. For reflection and appreciation. We have so many to remember and honor. I was a Cold Warrior as they say, in having been in the military during a period of peace (1975-1981), during the Cold War. I have a framed government certificate on my wall that says just that. Just through my own personal experiences, I feel I have much to be thankful for, to appreciate, for those who served during war, who suffered and died on our behalf. 

I mostly only had to deal with the typical life of someone in the military. One who was stateside, who only had to deal with the stress of the job, the knowledge that my job supported those who "melted cities" as an AFSC (Air Force Specialty Code, the numerical equivalent to my job title), and Soviet spies and their agents. 

I met one of them in the woods once, nice guy, but he was still obviously doing the job he was doing, for money, and not in America's best interests. We didn't discuss what he was doing, but I knew and he knew I knew, and later I found out that the air base knew. They couldn't stop them from gathering ELINT (Electronic Intelligence) and mere statistical and logistical information. But they kept an eye on them (there was more than one around the entire base) a few in truck and campers with a lot of antennae and electronic equipment, monitoring anything they could. 

The one thing that kept me going was that my job wasn't directly related to killing, but to saving lives (I was a parachute rigger, survival equipment technician, fabric and rubbergear specialist). At the end I went through the grueling process to be vetted and accepted into the AFOSI (Air Force Office of Special Investigations), their FBI. Then I left government service, got a degree in Psychology and writing, and took an entirely different career and life path. 

And so now here I am. Writing and working in IT for the past few decades. 

There's lots of changes in my job in IT. I work for a health insurance company on their servers and web sites. In five years we expect to not be a health insurance company with the way things are going. If America (hopefully) finally goes with single payer health insurance (Medicare), my company will disappear, so we're becoming something new and better. 

I'm staging myself to finally do what I've wanted to do, for so long.

I'm prepping my house, staging it for viewing, packing up and selling my home of sixteen years. It's the longest I've ever lived anywhere in my life. My marriage ended within a year of moving in here in 2000. My kids grew up here from the end of grade school on and even then some more after graduating till they got on their adult feet. Now they seem pretty stable out in the world, one at the end of his twenties, the other approaching the middle of hers. 

That's all a story unto itself. 

This past weekend I went to Crypticon at the Hilton in SeaTac, Washington. It's a convention of horror... stuff. Just about you name it. I went last year. I saw new things, made new friends (finally met  horror icon, Tom Savini), and now I've been in two films because of it. 

This morning I was at the Hilton latte bar waiting on Kelly Hughes, director of the film I was just in (The Mephisto Box), We were going to have breakfast, then I had to head home. 

Lance Henriksen at Crypticon 2016

Lance Henriksen walked up, ordered a latte and started talking to me. Many know his work in Aliens, the TV show Millennium, Near Dark, and well, so very many other great roles and films.

We hung out there talking, waiting on his drink and a bit after he got it. Nicest guy ever and one of my all time favorite actors. So yes, I was pretty pleased to have gotten a chance to talk to him one on one like that and away from fan based interactions. We talking about the weekend at Crypticon, about fans, about perseverance, and about his latest project, Gone Are The Days. He said he was flying out today for California where he is starting on the production of the new western where he plays a bank robber at the end of his career. Check out the IMDB write up, it sounds like it's going to be a fun film. 

Good times all around!

I wrote most of this on Thursday last, before this is to be posted on Monday. Just in case I'm too beat to write a new week's blog after I get back on Sunday. Sometimes I do have them staged even week's ahead of time. But I've been hard pressed lately, I've been so busy working on my house and packing up and all,. I really haven't had all that much free time. 

Well now I am back and updating it a bit and I am beat, and I am glad I wrote this ahead of time and I am happy to update it about my meeting with Mr. Henriksen and eventually I'll get around to talking about my weekend at Crypticon. For now I'll just say it was fun and I learned a lot overall and in some of the panels I attended. Two of which director Kelly Hughes was on the panel for. He's a smart guy. 

One of the panels was about the pitfalls of producing a web series with among others, members from Luchagore Productions. Another about horror westerns where he shared the panel with Charlie Jack Joseph Kruger (one other was supposed to show but didn't make it).

I not only learned a lot in the horror western one (go figure right, who knew?) I also got ideas for two new screenplays. Yes, western horror films, You know I've not written a western of any type...yet. 

Sadly...we missed the Lance Henriksen panel (Aliens, panel I think, with a few of the actors as Michael Biehn was there this weekend too with his wife as is usual). I had wanted to attend that panel but I didn't know when it was and we had a schedule. Turns out we could have made the panel but not the hour of questions afterward (Lance said it ended at 10pm). Nuts. Anyway....

Part of the reason I'm selling my house is for a new beginning, to lower my overhead, to stage things so I can start to write much more than I have for years. Maybe ever.

This past year, past month, past weeks of working on the house, fixing it up to sell, packing up, going through things from my past, packing more stuff, it has all been been an emotional roller coaster ride. I just gave my ex back some of her things that I found stored in my garage, buried beneath my kids and my stuff. My kids who grew up and moved out several years ago. Or more.

Really. It's time to move. It's time because I want to.

One of the things I uncovered during my rummaging through and repacking things was a box with writings in it. Well I found many of those. I'm a writer. But one in particular. It had a page in it from 1994. Along with that I found a folder about an inch thick full of writings I thought I'd lost that were even older, of more writings. Things I wrote that I didn't even remember. Very cool. Very, very cool.

The following is a short rumination I found in that box. From 1994. 

Apparently titled: Epiphany

Date: Fri, 2 Sep 1994 14:40:05 -0700 (PDT)

Subject: To myself: Epiphany

You know?

I was just thinking:

I get these little spurts of feeling, of imagery at times. 
Similar in nature to a "Deja Vu" experience.

No.

I'm not nuts. 

My degree in psychology was in Awareness and Reasoning Division, Phenomenology, Alternate States of Consciousness, Systems and Processes. Attending Western Washington University was itself and alternate experience. But then, any college experience is. Or should be. 

Between that education and martial arts training since childhood, it may be easier for me than for many, to "see," to see into other's thoughts. To "feel", to feel things in their mental and emotional processes. That might explain with the head of our psychology counseling department tried so hard to get me to change my orientation to therapy. But I couldn't have taken it myself, emotionally. Day and and day out listening to what is tearing people apart. Of course, there'd be the up side....

Sometimes I can see things that many people don't realize are there, within them. Things that ARE most definitely there. Within them. Things that are in everyone, really. Things we may not want to think are even there. 

But it just takes looking inward.

I know there were people I've talked to in the past who thought they were talking to a real screwball (me). Especially some of the more banal types I've spoken with.

Then it occurred to me.

The only times I'm really happy are when I am writing away at some project. When I am deeply involved in a novel I've developed, a screenplay or a piece of some sort that I have fully conceived of myself. Or a project I've developed along with a significant other in my life. As opposed to a project at work or one given to me by an instructor. I get these little flashes of really... good... feelings from it. Feelings I can only attribute to being "feelings-of-well-being." Of euphoria.

Feelings too that I can link pretty much only to heightened emotional experiences, events from my past.

Perhaps a moment's "Deja Vu" from being in the mountains. Or looking out over a spectacular sunset on the ocean as viewed from a scenic beach. Or watching a waterfall unraveling in the middle of nowhere while I sit, all alone, with no one around for miles, the sun glistening off the cascading flow of water. Or droplets on the moss in the mountains in the early morning dew, the crisp moist air hugging me, the fresh smell of life biting, deliciously, into my lungs.

These Little Flashes of Moments.
Moments that give me this feeling.
Feelings that I can conjure up while writing.
While creating. While making a Universe.
While watching something spring to Life out of nothing.

You know? It just occurred to me.

There must be a reason I like to write.
One other than the pedantic reason of simply being able to do it well.

Perhaps it was taking those little sojourns, those brief intense strays of exotic moments gleaned from books read at a tender young age? Maybe that has something to do with it?

No matter how I look at it though, I will never be happy until I am making a living writing; and writing whatever I want.

Writing what feels like it is being born from my inner being, springing from my mind, from within my chest, separating out from my heart, leaping out from my soul.

It's just a thought.
Just a moment.
Just a comment. Or two.
An Epiphany upon the Downs.
A thought upon the Velt.

A Revelation.
A Splendor in the Grass.
A Triumph at Dawn.
For that is all it is.

An Epiphany.

On Creativity

On the professional networking web site, Linkedin, I made a post myself on a thread on creativity. Yes, yet another post on the never ending stream of online threads about creativity. To paraphrase, I said that putting creativity "on the back burner" as someone had said, is the gestation period, which is different for everyone. I need to take in the information necessary to create a piece, then simply create it; typically, to write it.

Maybe it's just calling it different things but I don't see that as creativity, per se. Synthesis more likely. Once I have the info I need and start to write, the creativity comes from choosing the obvious next step. With each scene, the description, narrative or dialog that I write builds upon itself. Much of the "creativity" involved is in the "seeing" or imagining of what should come next and then, how it should develop. As many people say, at some point it starts to write itself. And it should, if you can see the logical options available. 

I've heard writers say that readers (or viewers in film) should almost be able to mouth the words a character is going to say next, as it should make that much sense to the readers (or viewers) that they might know what is coming. When I'm writing I take that to mean that I need to try to hear what should come next in my own mind, then try to find a way to twist that so that what comes out will leave the readers/viewers to think, "yeah, sure, I see that, but oh, well now, that's interesting and not quite what I had expected."

We serve up to them an interesting, intriguing situation. Then lead them down a common path, twist it, and play it off of what they expect to hear, making it fresh and intriguing. 

Therein for me anyway, lay the creativity. Give people what they expect, then please them with what they don't see coming, giving it some relevance to them. The more the better.

Most of this talk on creativity is simply about what should come next. Of course picking a good starting point helps but it's not necessary. It's the same in outlining ahead of time. You have a situation/scenario, how should it develop? Where should it go? I find many times that I start a story in the middle and end up adding to the beginning and ending. Still, I always have the intent to end up with the beginning as far as possible toward the middle as I can work it.

If I start with an ending in mind, do I backtrack from there? O do I start at a random beginning and fill it in to make it work? There's certainly different ways to do all this. But in the breakdown I see the creativity as a small thing in. Or maybe I just try to see it that way so as not to overload myself? Like tricking myself into thinking it's really not all so hard to do (it is pretty much, but if you see where I'm going here, don't let that stop you). The point is, it really shouldn't be so intimidating. Don't let it become that. It just looks big from an outsider's point of view. Many times that outsider is a new writer being intimidated by themselves until finally, they have writer's block. Or give up altogether.

My editor, Ilene Giambastiani had this to say about that:

"I think every writer has a unique process. Some like to know every step of the story ahead of time, and so they outline like crazy. Some are content to let the story unfold in a more organic fashion. I think it is up to each writer to keep working on the honing of one's craft, and trying new ways to stimulate the creative process. IMHO, being too comfortable with one's process is not a good idea. Nothing like a bit of sheer terror to spark the creative process!"

Good advice. My response was:

"I agree. But to me this relates to several issues writers have problems with. Like "writer's block" and the definition of "creativity". In fact when I got my degree in Psych I took the opportunity by designing my own independent study class to research what Creativity is. What does it mean to be creative?"

I continued:

"I once shot a phenomenology video about creativity for two Phenomenology Psych Professors of mine at WWU. I had to turn it in at the end of the quarter, along with a journal detailing what I did and, a paper about the experience. 

On a side note, one of those Professors showed it to all of his classes and I ended up with a kind of celebrity status on campus for a while, which was not only uncomfortable but somewhat annoying. Not half of the trouble of the notoriety was constantly getting stopped between classes and trying not to be late. The discussions were all interesting but after a while it got old. Also, I had a few technical issues with the equipment that forced my end product into something I simply hadn't intended. Those technical difficulties were something that plagued me later on while being a Producer on public access cable in Seattle in the early 90s.

In the end, I learned what creative is. To be brief here, it is to create. Pretty simple, right? Create, creative. Many of us think it is about some unattainable process, some undefined genius where the end product that results from it has been born of some magical ability. That does exist or seems to, but is really an altogether different thing. 

The other issue that keeps cropping up with this thing about being creative has to do with what is called, "Writer's Block". Which I almost want to call, "Writers' Block". A subtle distinction. So, never mind....

I think that with both issues, one need only to look at the smallest particle of what those things are. If you do that, as I stated in the initial post, life just ain't so tough in being a writer. One step in front of the other and eventually you have crossed a continent. What seems at first impossible is in the end workable with time and effort.

Where it can get tough sometimes is in pleasing others, in selling a work, or in becoming popular in the Industry, Craft, Art, or media. Those are also separate issues. We just choose typically not to see it that way. 

To do "Art", to be a "Writer", requires doing it, learning it, practicing it. It requires showing your work to others, taking their "constructive" comments and discarding the rest and then, doing it all again and again. It is not letting our fears hold us back because we're not, "good enough". You're as good as you want to be. True or not, that is the thought to hold on to if you ever want to get anywhere. Have you ever noticed some artists seem to get somewhere, but aren't really that good, yet their attitude is such that people simply seem to buy into it? We all need a little of that to achieve success, but the effort also needs to be there, and the quality. 

The point of all this really is this, do not get caught up in the romanticism and elitism of what "creativity" is or what others think it should be. it is what you need it to be. But to be accepted, you have to convince others and make them see what you see. If you can't do that, then the creativity is all yours, and yours alone. Only you can decide whether that is good enough for you. Most of us however, want others to see and believe in what we have created.

The important part here is to just do it, learn from it, and do it again. 

It is when you find after some time and effort that you are not progressing, that then is the time move on and go to something less "creative" and find another venue to be productive in. If that is even possible. Because to create is to be creative. The issue there is in being accepted as being a "creative" in a "creative" field, like the Arts. 

Sometimes our "bliss" is not what we want it to be. Recognize that. 

If your bliss is not in being a "creative type", then find what it is and find your passion for it. Or find somewhere that the two can compromise within you to allow you to be something that gives your life meaning. Meaning above and beyond. It certainly beats being miserable all your life just because your capabilities and talents aren't what you imagined or wished them to be. If and when those two things match up in life, it truly is a wonderful thing and yes, then it's easier to get into that productive, creative "zone" that people talk about. But not everyone has that perfect "zone". You see those types (but not always) in places like the Olympics, as famous artists or authors, even Doctors, or Space Engineers, or whatever. But you may know them by name. 

Still in the end it's your choice. It has to be. 

The wonderful thing about being a human being is that you can decide your destiny. It's not typically easy. Not for most of us. Good hard work pays off. But also luck, making your own luck, being in the right places at the right times, knowing the right people for your need and, in never giving up on a dream that is reasonable for you to attain. Even if it is unreasonable, you can still attain it (within reason). There are two meanings for "reason" here. One is if it is improbable or worse, impossible. The other is if it can happen but cannot happen within all known realms of information. Many great things have been done when someone did what all others assumed to be the impossible. On the other end of the spectrum, some have wasted entire lives and never gotten anywhere and what they achieved was never of any use to anyone, anywhere at any time. Just do your best not to fit into that last category.

You'll never fly simply by flapping your arms, but it doesn't mean you can't invent a way for you to fly.

Whether you are born into being someone creative or not, whether it's genetic or environmental or both, work with what you have and make it be what you need. Don't let your need be something you cannot attain, but don't let yourself think you can never attain the unattainable. Sometimes our reasoning changes on things and what once was unreasonable can quickly becomes reasonable, and mundane. Consider the cell phone and what it was like in the 1960s to contact others. Think about the personal computer, iPads, Smart phones and so on. These were all things that were unreasonable and yet, someone made them reasonable. 

You can become who you want to be. 

Just make educated, well informed decisions on your desires, have a little imagination (or a lot) and push the envelope. Most importantly, just start to make something where there once was nothing. 

And then creativity can be yours, too.

#creative #writer #author