Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts

Monday, April 8, 2019

Does Having A Child Change You, Asked Boyd Crowder

Just watching the last season of Justified and something was said, that got me thinkin'.

Character Boyd Crowder asked US Deputy Marshall Raylan Givens:

"Does having a child change you?"

Raylan took a moment to think about it.

And so did I. I paused the show. It got me to thinking back.

Back to about a year and a half after my son was born. I was driving down the street, alone. I can remember it like it was yesterday. So I must have thought about it many times since then. Plus, I can see myself driving in this memory, so it's not an original memory.


I was thinking: if I have a kid now (I did) and considering some of the ill feelings I have about having been a kid myself, perhaps I should consider knocking off the wild stuff in my life? Now I hadn't done any wild stuff for a while since before he was born anyway. But the future was unfolding as I thought about it and I knew quite clearly just who I was. And what I might want to do at some point or other. Add some excitement to my life. Do something fun, dangerous.

Still, because of my own childhood, I did have an unusually strong consideration of responsibility about things. Most especially, toward children. And more so, toward my own.

Film audition headshot of myself around the time my son was born
So I decided in that very moment, surprising even myself, that my life would have to change where much of my "crazy" was not going to be allowed to be active any longer in my life. Because I felt I should be there.

At least until he grows up and moves out. But even then decades after, when it might be nice for him to have a dad around. My hope? That I die first, before my child. As every parent does. But then, he had my genes. And his mother's. Good grief. She was even wilder than I was, in ways other than I had chosen.

See, I had myself two dads. I grew up with my mother and my step-father. But neither dad figured much in my life. One ignored me as he had remarried and had eleven kids. My stepdad seemed to hate me. My mother said he was jealous of me. Weird. Just, weird. In some ways in my own mind, they did have some relevance in my life. But not in their active, positive and daily influences on me. Not really so much in reality.

Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is... about that question? "Does having children change you?" That is really a loaded question. At least two issues about it now immediately come to my mind.

Yes, my son, who was an exhausting, but awesome kid
One is that day when you change and take the responsibility, not just for your kid. Which hopefully you did some nine months before they were born. But also for yourself and how YOU fit into THEIR lives.

Now we get into question number two, what people mostly mean about, "Does having a child change you?"

In the daily activity (and misery, and joy) of raising a child, that bonding, that restrictiveness of action and motion, and desire, that downside and then that upside...all eventually come together. Should, come together.

Eventually, you start to see the upside more and try to laugh at or ignore the downsides. You begin to enjoy a laugh, read things into what the kid does, start to play with them on their level. Or manipulate them into having fun and giving you a laugh.

Essentially and unknowingly, programming yourself into what they call, bonding with the child. Something hopefully you have also and already done along with your child's other parent. But they are on their own journey, along with you, and along without you. Childrearing can at times be a very lonely thing.

And so too I realized, that I had indeed finally bonded with our child. I hadn't been ready to be a parent, you see. I wasn't sure I ever wanted to be a parent. Though I knew I wanted to have an offspring some day. But I questioned if I ever should propagate, or endeavor to raise a child. My childhood had been pretty messed up. Did I want to pass that along? Would I?

Now some people do bond quickly, even immediately. Some weirdly, ahead of time. Others? Well, it takes a while. Some never do bond. Or ever take responsibility to change their lifestyle. All when it's really all about the child.

And if you don't get that? Well, puppy dog, YOU (and a friend presumably) brought THEM into this world. Sorry, it IS YOUR responsibility. Your responsibilities.

Just like if the government puts you in jail. You are now their responsibility and the things you can no longer do, they now have the responsibility for, to take care of, and to pay for, YOU.

But for your child? That doesn't mean protecting them to their point of paranoia (or breaking), either. Because you have to let them live, to fail, to become prepared for actual, LIFE. To be able to think their way out of, if not at least a wet paper bag, of any of life's future and traumatic situations they may come upon.

So when someone asks, "Does having a child change you?" The answer is two-fold. At very least. So know that.

Of course, you don't have to answer both parts publically. But you do have to know that both are there to be answered. So do know it. Do know, them. And address it all. Let that full change happen to you. Evolve.

Because really, it may be the most productive thing you can do. For yourself. Certainly for the child. And perhaps one could argue, even more important than either of you, for society at large. As well as for History. Even before it's been made.

So? Does having a child change you?

You're god damned right it does.

Even if you run away, never to see that child again? Yes, even that, just changed you.

Just go the other direction. You'll be glad you did. And so will someone else.

Including all the rest of us.

With my son many years ago...




#BoydCrowder #child, #childrearing, #Children, #dad, #father, #fatherhood, #Justified, #kids, #maturity, #parenthood, #raising,

#Raylan

Monday, August 19, 2013

Live It Outloud! Season Finale Rock Concert 2013


On Saturday August 10, 2013, young musicians in the Live it Outloud! program, had their final concert of the season at the Pantages Theater in Tacoma, Washington. It was really a lot of fun. 

"Live your dream", their flyers say. And they're not kidding. They also say, "A summer rock-music school for aspiring musicians 12-18".


The bands were to play their rock show from 1PM to 4:30PM, but due to Union stage techs having "technical difficulties" it really didn't get started until more like 2PM. Which personally I thought was unacceptable as well as unprofessional. But hey, that's just my humble opinion and in the end, what are you going to do? Now I've heard stories before about Union techs who have pre-show "technical difficulties" setting up just in order to set the stage for the show running late and therefore mandatory overtime kicking in. But I'm quite sure that wasn't the case this time, at all.

The Pantages itself is a really nice theater, quite comfortable and in the end I really didn't mind the wait all that much. Not once they got to playing, that is. Okay, it seems to me if you're a paid professional and especially a Union member, the epitome of a professional workman (as I didn't see female techs that day), then you get the job done, on time. Show up early enough to be sure everything is ready so the crowd doesn't wait. Whatever. Having the crowd waiting at a performance because the tech staff is having "issues", should just never be a concern. But maybe that's just a lifelong pet peeve of mine....
Pantages balcony seat left of stage
So anyway, the kids got done playing just a little after 5:30PM. It was a long day sitting and listening, but I really didn't notice it that much as I was having a great time.
Pantages ceiling main auditorium above my seat
Live it Outloud! is run by Joe Wilson for (or through?) Ted Brown Music in Tacoma, Washington. Even with the technical difficulties and occasional sound issues during the show, I was still pretty happy to be there.
Andy and Joe
See, I had shown up last year at the last hour and only got to see the last three bands. I realized pretty quickly that next time (this year) I'd show up early, and so I was there a couple of hours ahead of time. Okay, I was a little bit earlier than I really needed to be.

It's an amazing amount of talent these kids have. Joe Wilson and the mentored performances put on by the kids through an eight week period, really did a wonderful job. Just as Joe has been doing over these past few years that the program has been going.


The kids sign up for the program and are then matched up together with other kids to make a band. They then practice together, get mentored, receive studio time and play a gig (which I believe was at Jazz Bones), leading up to the finale. The winners in the end receive even more sound studio time. I'm sure there is more in this experience for them than I'm listing here, but you get the gist. It's a great program.


From the Live it Outloud! Facebook page:

8 Week Rock-Music Program. Tuition is 250.00 per student for the entire 8 week program. There are a limited number of need based scholarships available from Ted Brown Music OutReach. Contact Joe Wilson at 469-964-1415 to learn what is available and how to apply.


Mission
Teach kids how to write, play and perform rock-music and have an outrageously good time doing it.
Description
Live It OutLoud -Tacoma Ted Brown Music Outreach is an eight-week Summer Music Program for aspiring (12 to 18 year old), non-professional musicians produced by Ted Brown Music Outreach and sponsored by Ted Brown Music. Each student is placed in a band with a professional music mentor to create, develop, and perform on a professional level. You're going to Live it OutLoud, no more singing in the shower. The program is educational, inspirational, nerve wracking and most of all fun! The Adrenalin will flow…the power intense! Space is limited so Sign Up Now!

Also, from Agora Entertainment in Texas, Producer/Partner Daniel Nanasi kindly flew in to shoot video of the show for the DVD as well as a professional photographer with AP whose name I didn't catch.
Agora Entertainment
Oh, the names of the bands were: Odd Ones Out, Resisting Ordinary, Chains of Ace, Strangers with Candy, Forsaken Nightmare, Five Days Away, Behind Blue Eyes, Missions 253, The Renegade, Living Convictions, Feedback and Stolen Society.

Here are photos and videos of the bands performing from the August 10, 2013 show. The visuals are a little fuzzy from the smoke machine, I think. If I can I will update this with band names and all but as it is now....photos of the bands in concert (videos after).

first band
2nd band
third band
fourth band
fourth band
fifth band
sixth band
Andy and Joe
seventh band
Seventh band
eighth band
tenth band
eleventh band
End and choosing of winners - a Tie!
Following are various videos I shot throughout the afternoon with my Droid RAZR cell phone camera. As I hadn't planned on shooting anything I didn't have my camera and tripod. But I thought I'd give it a shot and see what happened, which then lead to writing this blog. The first video is the longest as it is the opening, and the last is the next longest as it is the announcement of the "winners" and the closing. I couldn't shoot all the bands so I selected what I could that I found interesting.

A couple of the bands weren't quite as polished as I'm sure they wish they could have been, which is to be expected. After all some individuals are always going to be more skilled than others, quicker to acclimate to a new environment, skill set and inter-operability with other band members.

Let's face it, learning to play in a band is definitely a new skill that requires functioning through a novel and potentially challenging environment (on stage, in front of an audience, etc.), as well as working together with others in a creative and artistic way. Yet they all still did an amazing job. And when you consider how good the really good bands were, it's even more amazing still because you suddenly realize in taking in their performances that they are still kids and not a professional touring band.

So below you can see some videos from the show and get an idea of what it was like. Be aware it might take a bit to buffer prior to viewing. I haven't done much of this video processing for online streaming but it seems to work pretty well.

And remember. Before eight weeks ago, most of these kids never played together or even knew one another although there were some siblings in the program.

After the show some of us including Joe Wilson, his wife, their daughter, actress Brandi Nicole Wilson, Producer Daniel Nanasi, myself, and a few friends headed over to the Harmon Hub restaurant, where we had some excellent food and company.

In the end, this was an excellent show and I had a great time. The three finalist bands felt (and sounded) to me like they could start touring immediately. At the end a local band, The Propellers, played while the judges cards were scored and the winners decided.

As indicated, it was a tie between two of the three finalists. The two winners were the bands, "Resisting Ordinary" and "Behind Blue Eyes" (with Amanda "Cat" Dewell). But as Joe said on stage, there really was no need for a winner as just to get on stage and put on a show like they did, made them all winners. That may sound trite, but try getting on stage like that and put on a rock show.

I'm definitely going next year if I can at all make it. If you can make it, I highly recommend it. Or if you have a child who might be interested, or you, if you're the right age (12-18 but younger exceptions might be made and it never hurts to ask), and want to get involved, check out the Live it Outloud! web site or call Joe (see phone number above).

If you think it might be for you, give a call! Or if you have instruments to donate as they have supplied a lot of instruments to the kids, please call. It's hard work, it's practice, and maybe some scary moments in getting used to being on stage. But I'm pretty sure it's worth it.

If you dream such dreams of performing, that is.

Then if you do go for it, you just might find out what it's like to be a Rock Star.