So you think mother's are a wonderful thing, do you?
Obviously, you've not met my Mom. A lot of people like to say that. But, for few of them is it true.
With my mom, it is, indeed, the truth. To quote Kathy Griffin, "I think my mother gave me a mental illness an hour ago."
Yes, she was wonderful in having me (she was pregnant like five times and got married after each time except the first, but only because she lost it). So, yeah, I'm glad she didn't abort me or end up aborting me, be it by choice or accident or act of her very confused God.
Then there were the early years, yeah, she was pretty cool, a fun mom (psycho, but fun). Actually what I thought then was fun I realize now was her being a bit insane. I didn't see her inconsistencies, I thought she was just like me, turn on a dime and do something for no apparent reason.
Later years? Yeah, she stood up for me. Like the time I blew up my Jr High. No one got hurt, and I was trying to be careful. When I told her on the phone when I got home, like the Vice Principle told me to do, she laughed.
She used to drive my older brother and sister around, their band members and all their equipment. She hosted band practice every Thursday night 7:30PM to 10PM (curfew). Everyone in the neighborhood used to sit on their front steps and listen in the summer time. There were always hot teen girls hanging around on band night and others times, I was about 12. The band was The Barons, but there were two other bands in town named that, so they had my sister join them (my brother was 19, my sister 14, she played the organ). So they added her name to the band's name and off they went.
They even one the battle of the bands at Ft. Lewis Army Base. They rented an old church in Lacey, near Olympia, the state capital. Weekend I'd watch a little tiny b/w TV and sell drinks and stuff from a closet with a French door. But we didn't have a license so the city told us to stop, that funded the rental and the gas money so we had to stop. But it was cool while it lasted and it was all there was for teens to do in Lacey back then on a weekend night.
But then the down side. Not to mention her four divorces. The obvious trouble with her husbands, both during and after marriage. The degree of vitriol she held for her last husband, whom she married like five times total for some reason. He always seemed to hate me. Except when he liked having me around. Which wasn't often. They continued to live together until one summer, in 2002, when they had the week from hell.
Long story short, they now live opposite sides of the US. My sister moved to Dallas twenty-five years ago. I asked her husband one day a few years after they moved, jokingly, "So, did you guys move far enough from Mom?" His answer: "there is no where far enough. The moon is too close."
My Grandmother. My Mom's Mom. She told me once, that she often wondered, did someone swap her daughter out in the delivery room? I could believe it. My Aunt, my mom's older sister, and my Grandmother were far more similar than my Mom and they ever were. So what happened?
A few deaths in the family, misusing drugs, not achieving her fantasized potential, things like that probably; possibly, some mental illness on top of it all, and a lifetime of ADD probably too.
So, what's the point of all this? Bad things happen in life. We don't all reach our potential, "potential". Life can be difficult. The Buddhists say, life is suffering, its all about how to make it through. Sometimes life really isn't worth living. So, what do we do about it? We survive. We continue on. We do our best. We enjoy the little things.
So, pay attention. Notice the positive things; dwell on the good, not the bad. Sometimes, smile, even though you don't want to. Because, its a fact, if you smile on the inside, you smile on the outside. And if you smile on the outside, it makes you smile (at least a little bit) on the inside. See? If you have bad times, you focus on them, so don't focus on them. Focus on the little good you can fine, lower your expectations, in order to make it through. But always strive, work toward a better life.
Think! Make REASONABLE plans to better your life, achievable plans. Be good to people, it acts like a magnet, and good will come back to you. That's not farfetched, or New Age thinking, its rational, reality. Smack someone every time you walk by, they will fear and hate you, flinch when you approach; but smile, say nice things, help someone, and they will be far more predisposed to feel and be that way toward you. Do it on a larger scale, and well, you can see the perspective.
Above all, hang in there, survive, and smile.