Walkabout Thoughts #88

Thoughts & Stream of Consciousness, rough and ready, from an award-winning filmmaker and author you’ve never heard of while walking off long Covid, and listening to podcasts…walk day Saturday June 22, 2024.

Weather for the day… nice day, starting out, 60°  overcast, cool with almost no breeze starting out, got back to home 61°.

Finishing up Pod Save America from the other day, Trump Loses It Over Fox News Poll

I would like to mention a post I’ve made online today about the presidential debate next week. Finally, they’re going to have a real debate. Like many of us, I’ve been sick of the Trump clown show. I want to see an actual presidential debate with grown-up men, sadly not women, as the case is this time.

On that note, we really need a woman president. The fact we haven’t done that yet is embarrassing. And no, we don’t need a conservative woman as president. They’ve shown to be just as much a nightmare, as the men. Especially when they’re working against the least best interest of women. This is so weird, but you toss religion into the mix and it makes more sense. It doesn't make sense, but it's comprehendible. 

But for some who say in foreseeing an actual debate and turning off the mics so manchild Trump can’t talk over Biden, and so on. They get I believe 90 seconds to respond but in being old, I believe they both need 30 more seconds. Stop trying to force what you want and work with what you have.

This debate format cuts Trump off at his knees in his clown show circus of needing an audience, which they won’t have, which they don’t need, while will not allow Trump to shine his insanity and immaturity. But it will give us somewhat of a substantive format for what a president is and should be.

We’re electing a POTUS, not a TV reality star. Which Trump eventually failed at, anyway. And so far, seems to be his encore. He thought he would just become POTUS in 2016 as his drop-down next adventure from reality TV, or something?

What people DON'T GET about criminal Donald Trump, a sex-abusing, pathological lying narcissist is the control he's exerted over others, esp., women, is exercised on OUR citizens & Others.
Like licking your neck & there's NOTHING you can do about it.
As he savors his control & your disgust.
He wants that to be propagated to as many as possible. It's sick, truly.
We've seen his behaviors as such with French Pres. picking "dandruff" from his shoulders.
Or holding a handshake too long, or pulling another national leader into him during a handshake.
It's a pathology that you do not feed. Electing him POTUS fed that, making all of us his victims. It's so clear from a psychological POV, it's disturbing.

People need to stop treating our government and elections as a game, or something they don’t have to care about. If you’re a US citizen, we’re talking about your life and that of others.

I voted in just about every election since I was 18, back in 1974? I went through much of my life though with a very cavalier attitude about elections and government. I slowly evolved and in my late 30s, I finally started paying attention. The problem was, I felt like I didn't understand what was going on. A good reason not to vote. But not a good reason to not take the time to find out, and vote. Yes, some of us are burdened in life. But we have to find out how to make time. Life's not easy if you live it correctly. It doesn't have to be impossible, but if it's too easy, you're not doing it right.

How? Aside from my studies and what I had previously learned in government, civics, world problems, and espionage, all from a factual point of view, through most of my life since high school, and understand, I refused to read fiction spy novels until I accepted that I was no longer going to go into that career, and that, that part of my life was over. That was fun. Sad one chapter of my life closed. But opened up a world of great novels. 

I read a lot of books, some of the best on the subjects, over my lifetime. I read books by leaders of international espionage organizations who retired and wrote books. That includes a former leader of the KGB. Former leaders of MI5 and MI6. . The latter of which is not known by those terms, domestically in their countries, or perhaps I should say professionally. But popularly in their countries and internationally and in the media and entertainment. Former leaders of the CIA, too. And former spies. That can be fascinating reading. But more so if you read a lot of them as you begin to run into juxtapositions.

One notable account was in three books I read. One written by a former KGB director, one by a former Japanese espionage officer, and one by a former British MI6 (British Secret Intelligence Service) officer. Each of their books included an account of a meeting that happened years before and might have been in Hong Kong. The thing that’s so interesting about that, which I’ve written about before, is that when you read an account of an incident reported to be true and factual by those who were there, by those who are our friends and enemies, a good researcher can pick out the reality. And often the lies.

I remember reading those books years ago and suddenly realizing what was happening in that they each were detailing the same incident from vastly differing points of view. You could see the inaccuracies, but you could also see what lined up. Suddenly I realized I had read about this meeting before. 

You could also see where someone might garner conspiracy theory from reading one of these accounts, or even all of them. You could see and recognize where reality was shining out to you as a researcher, but also how many who might read those accounts, might not comprehend what they were reading, in failing to assimilate and recognize what very likely what had happened.

It was in my previous knowledge and hopefully, wisdom, that I later applied in the 1990s and began to see what was going on in America. The flashing red light was the Republican Party. The warning sign was to notice you’d seen this all before but it was from the Soviet KGB in their disinformation tactics against the West, and their anti-democracy campaigns around the world. Why was this coming out of the American Republican Party?

I was seeing the same tactics being used by our own conservative party of big business, the Republican Party. The self-labeled party of law and order. Over time, I came to realize and recognize this was being greatly magnified by one person, Newt Gingrich. I didn’t know that at first. I just heard things coming out of the Republican party, which, when I vetted that information, turned up false, repeatedly conflated, spun, and eventually evolved into outright lies. What was happening?

Then VP Gore lost the 2000 election to George W. Bush in a very questionable situation. I already knew when Bush got into office, and then read more about it, that he was going to start a war against Saddam Hussein in Iraq. 

Then 9/11 happened.

I told everyone I could that America was going to go to war because we’d been hurt and intimidated and frightened. We had to punch another country in the "mouth" even if it wasn’t a country who did it, even if it wasn’t A country who attacked us.

I was very concerned about that. And sure enough, we went after Iraq. I knew that Bush “Junior “was still disturbed by his father’s war in Iraq to protect Kuwait, after the invasion by Iraq. "HW" didn't take down Hussein at that time, perhaps rightly so. I do think Saddam Hussein believed he was given a greenlight by America, by POTUS George HW Bush, even if he hadn't. I could never figure out if Bush did that on purpose to evoke Hussein to act, or if it was advertent. I suspect it might’ve been inadvertent, though as a former head of the CIA, it didn't bode well for "HW" as POTUS.

Domestic and especially international politics are extremely complex and lend themselves easily to conspiracy theories. Conspiracy theory is something that is evoked in those who think they have more knowledge than they do, who think they have a better skill set than they do, or perhaps can. But it’s also used and weaponized by those who know better, who know very well what’s going on, but see it as a social manipulation, their goals being where their ends justify whatever means they use against others, as long as it’s not themselves who are harmed.

I look forward to having a government and international community where we don’t have to pay so much attention. You’ll one day notice at some point that you don’t have to watch the news daily. Or weekly, or monthly, to where you can go through the year paying less attention without fear and trepidation.

But here’s the thing about democracy. 

"If you snooze you lose", and if you don’t monitor and adjust, if you let "evil" insidiously invade...in fact, as history has shown us, it takes only a few “cells “within a body politic to more easily affect negative changes.

If you are part of that body politic it requires, it demands that you “be “a part of that body politic. Otherwise, you will one day find that you are part of another body politic altogether that you didn’t sign off on. Look through history. You will see that occurring again and again.

The thing I never understood about the Republican Party was it's far easier and far cheaper to affect change through proactivity, awareness, and a good and positive orientation for all, and not just for the few.

We can do better. We just need to want to do better. We need to easily and lazily believe not that our government is merely corrupt and we need to bring it down. But all governments always need fixing in continuous and hard work in order to affect positive change.

So often and especially on the extreme sides, the left or the right, the easy path is destruction and rebuilding. But that’s a lie. That’s a belief of children. It’s binary thinking and expensive both in resources and human lives.

Any adult knows that those times of necessitating the tearing down and completely rebuilding from scratch, are few and far between. Just because some points of contention exist, does not mean that the situation you’re looking at has all those necessary conditions that necessitate destruction.

"Occam‘s Razor" is too often misused. Incorrectly applied. The biggest problem is knowing a little is not knowing a lot. Not enough information can be highly destructive in applying things that don’t fit the situation. That is perhaps the greatest weapon disinformationalists have in their toolbox.

When you notice that those you believe in, or the tribe that you belong to starts moving from informational spin to outright lies, such as we've seen the Republican party do with their MAGA infection, with their cult of personality for career criminal and convicted felon Donald Trump at its top, you can be sure you’re on the wrong path to glory.

Starting mile two…

I mentioned the other day about facing one's fears and my story about that as a kid. But facing isn't conquering. When I heard to face my fears or I'd be running from them all my life, I thought, "Screw that!" I started facing them. Sometimes, a bit terrified. Monitoring the experience as it happened, wondering if I could push through to the end of experiencing it.

After completing a session of facing them down, I was disappointed to find it didn't kill them off. They remained. Different fears needed conquering in different ways. Some were just simply repetition to let them fade through familiarity. Some took understanding you weren't killed by them, or damaged by them. Some were simply pushing through them and killing them off later, in hindsight, through reflection and using humor to denigrate them into nothingness. There's nothing quick and easy about it. It takes work, time, perseverance. Some more than others. Some evaporated quickly in little time or effort as they just took going through the process and realizing it was all in my head. But not always. Surely, not always...

From the podcast… I agree about debates being superfluous. We’ve had many leaders and I’ve experienced this in myself… with great leaders who are not great in things like public speaking or debating. Doesn't make them bad at what we most need. I might offer Hillary Clinton to some degree in that respect. Who isn't that bad at debates but comes across harsh in some ways making her unelectable for them.

But if we have two candidates in a debate where one is an amazing debater but a horrible administrator? With the other as the opposite, won’t we end up electing the wrong person? A person who makes us feel good is laudable and desirable in a leader. But I'd rather not feel good whenever they speak but know that things are running well and they're keeping us safe when making choices both internationally and domestically.

And making the best choices not for that person‘s party first, but for our citizens as a whole. Not as just America first, but as equally so, humanity 1st. Not just as humanity 1st should extraterrestrial life ever contact us or be contacted by us. But life 1st. You know what I mean?

We would not sacrifice our own survival for the sake of others, but in our efforts to enrich and improve human life, why wouldn't we consider the well-being of all humans and all forms of life?

I guess that’s my Buddhist nature speaking. Enlightenment encompasses all things. While you still have to make the hard choices, hard decisions. But at least you’ll do it with awareness rather than ineptitude or disregard.

As "Starman" said in the movie played by Jeff Bridges, "Humans have such potential." We try to achieve more than we can:

“You are a strange species. Not like any other. And you’d be surprised how many there are. Intelligent but savage. Shall I tell you what I find beautiful about you? You are at your very best when things are worst.”

Just because we fail, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t continue because we should’ve learned something to better succeed the next time.

Sadly, that’s what we’re seeing with Donald Trump and his MAGA. His January 6th insurrection failed last time. He likely won’t next time. And no one should want them to succeed. Perhaps Putin, perhaps Kim Jong Un. Perhaps China’s President Xi. But maybe even China doesn’t want us to fail.

If the North Koreans knew us and knew their own reality, they wouldn’t want us to fail. If Russians were more aware, as they are becoming about their own country and leadership, they won’t want us to fail. But not fail in ways that do not harm them.

We have to succeed, not just with our own interests in mind. Because that’s the quickest path to eventual failure.

It can be cathartic to denigrate others who are against one's own "tribal" beliefs, or who are just obviously ignorant and destructive but it doesn’t help us achieve the goal of changing their orientation for the road they are on.

The podcast is bringing up something that’s always bothered me about America. I love watching the British Prime Minister in Parliament having to debate against the leaders of their citizenry. I would like to see that here in America. As a point made on the podcast, we may get these presidential debates here, but then it doesn’t happen again once they become POTUS. They enter a room and people "stand up and salute."

That's starting to seem problematic because it lends itself to a cult of personality and somehow that has led us to Donald Trump and (his) authoritarianism.

Something that is anathema to democracy...or a constitutional republic. Remember when you hear someone say we’re a constitutional republic, not a democracy, that has become just a whistle call for authoritarianism.

From the podcast… it’s conjectured that this debate next week between Biden and Trump, the first of two with the next one being closer to the election… may be the most impactful event in this entire campaign, and election.

So much of this election on the Trump side is theater when it should be politics. It should be about whose best to lead us. So this curated debate will be about disallowing Trump his clownish games and his bully tactics to give us not Trump-style clown theater, but actual contrastural political discourse. Substance over the informational vacuum  we are served up by Trump so very often.

This debate will be a display of the caricature that Trump actually is, contrasted with the POTUS who Joe Biden actually is and who we need for the next four years over that of a criminal clown. Sad if you don’t like Joe Biden, that’s our reality. Administrator over that of criminal. An actual criminal. Not make-believe “Biden crime family “nonsense.

Here’s an interesting thought, because a lot of people are so worried about Biden’s age when Trump’s age is just as much, if not more of a concern, considering his pathologies. Who exercises and tries to eat well at his age to try to be healthy? Not Trump.

If we were to slow things down in time and look at the actual work Biden is doing… in meetings he has or conferences he attends, or with national leaders he’s met with, and then do the same in observing and slowing down Trump’s actions and demeanor, Biden wins hands-down, every time, and easily.

Starting final mile three for the day…

Just now walking along, following this woman with her dog in front of me. Got me to thinking about being married, or dating.

Nope. 

Done that 3.5 times when for whatever reason it hasn’t worked out. Sadly. I’d love to have a partner to go through life with, especially at this point, in this stage of life. But it does seem problematic. After my wife and I divorced in 2002, after a while even my kids, then in junior high and high school, were saying "we need a woman, a 'mom' here, Dad." And I could only say, I’m trying. But I had a four-hour commute every day, a job that was taxing and mentally exhausting.

I tried the online online dating thing. I had some interesting encounters and weird experiences. The last time, a Vietnamese woman, a businesswoman in Seattle, had contacted me. We met and it actually clicked. For almost 2 years. I never introduced girlfriends to my kids back then, until this one. Actually lost one potential girlfriend because I wouldn’t let my kids meet her in the beginning until we were more established. She got miffed and that was the end of that. Probably for the better.

When I called it off with the Vietnamese woman, it had occurred to me that she wouldn’t introduce me to her family. A cultural thing perhaps? Because I was white and not Vietnamese, I think. She broke up with me four times. Someone much later asked me if that could have been her beginning of menopause? 

I hadn’t considered that and it made me sad. Had I known it was a condition and not just her view of things, or her personality, I could have dealt with that. She had been with the same guy and only one guy, for 27 years, in a kind of abusive relationship since she was 18 when they separately came over to America, having escaped Vietnam on a boat. In the end, I told her I hoped I had helped her transition as a rebound guy into her next relationship that would hopefully make her happier with someone she found better suited to her needs. I mean, I didn't think at the time that we could’ve suited one another's needs better. But there it is…

So the single life? It sucks. On the other hand, especially as my last marriage was with someone addicted to drama. Who actually accused me of that once or twice, while everyone who knew me just laughed and said, "No, no that’s her." I have no drama in my life now. The little bit there is from my adult kids from time to time, for issues in their own lives. But that’s part of being a parent...until you die.

So, Single life? Who knows. As far as I can tell? I still have decades to go. We’ll see what happens.

As I continued to talk about relationships here...up above, the sprinkling on me stopped. Maybe I pleased the Gods, or the Universe, or some nonsense like that?

Cupid? That you? Why is Cupid always a boy baby? A baby with a bow and arrow. How problematic.

On that thing about relationships. When I was younger, I saw myself as an “intellectualist". That meant everything I did was to try to strengthen my mind, to enhance my knowledge and wisdom, to be a better person, and to always stretch my limits and my limitations. I went until I hit my limitations. If you never hit your limitations, you can’t stretch beyond those limitations as you're not really aware of those limitations. 

How do you know where they begin or end? You have no way of judging until you hit them. I've known people who couldn't understand that. They said they just "knew" where their limitations were, and so they didn't need to reach them, or push them, or even experience them. Seems like fear to me. And it can be, and is scary. But facing that, experiencing that, gives one the strength you're seeking to increase.

I hadn’t realized when I was younger and trying to do that, that it makes finding an appropriate mate extremely improbable. It’s interesting that in my lifetime those women I found myself most attracted to, who I thought were equals or betters to me, seemed most to recognize... "This isn’t for me." Good for them but, my loss.

More power to them. As it is for everyone, the group available to you are those you come into contact with. Certainly before social media. If you're not meeting who you want to be meeting, you have to be where they are. Right?

I did seem to inspire a very strong desire from some women. It wasn’t until just a few years ago that someone pointed out the issue of falling in love with those who are strongly in love with you. Maybe because of their strong love for you. And that can be a problem.

So is that what happened? Is that the only way it can happen?

I mean, what are relationships? What should romantic relationships be? What is the range of what is desirable versus acceptable?

That concept of "reciprocity in affection", is where a person may develop feelings for someone because they feel loved and valued by that person. It’s not classified as a psychological disorder but is a recognized behavior pattern in social psychology.

Some issues to be aware of in that realm: 

• Nightingale Syndrome: a situation where a caregiver develops feelings for their patient. Nurses and doctors may run into this with their potential romantic partners.
• Stockholm Syndrome: hostages develop a bond with captors, often as a survival strategy.
• Erotomania: a delusional disorder where a person believes another person, often of higher status, is in love with them. Obviously in power imbalances, this can be an issue and in today's work environments, can cost one a career or one's respect from coworkers.

While these aren't pathologies, as social patterns they're things to be aware of.

In recent years, I seem to inspire and attract those on the edges. However, you define that. My last relationship about six years ago turned out to be one where I felt a need to fix her because she was desperate to be fixed and needed help at that point in her life. I have a strong constitution and a degree in psychology and I think I did a lot of good in that relationship. But in the end, something didn't feel right for me and I decided it wasn’t for me. My kids also spoke to me about that. Listen to your friends and loved ones.

We do the best we can in life and move on. Or we should.

Politics again… I find it interesting, those Trump supporters who said, "I’m all for Trump but if he gets too crazy, I’m out!" Then he got too crazy and some of them indeed said they were out, like Mitch McConnell and Lindsey Graham.

Then the masses said, "All right, I’m all for Trump, as long as he doesn’t get convicted." Then he got convicted. Not a few felonies, but 34, not to mention the E Jean Carol judgment. Twice.

Then those people said, "OK sure he got convicted, but unless they put him in prison, it’s not real."

WTHF? Over rationalize any?

Now it's, "Unless he receives punishment, imprisonment, I'm all for Trump!" Shifting boundaries is a sign you've lost the game.

What’s next? "OK, they executed him, but unless he rises from the grave, I’m all for him. IF he rises from the grave, I'm still all for him!"

MAGA logic. Authoritarian logic. Anti-American logic. Do you HEAR the insane in that?

Oh yeah, my son sent me something yesterday about AI. There’s "Personal AI" a company with their  Model-2 AI. They say it has very low hallucinations and for $40 a month, or $1000 a month, you can have access to their amazing AI. Not "large language AI" but "Personal Language AI", more tailored to the individual.

I have been saying that this was coming. Also, the prices would come down and useful AI would become more functional for each individual.

The thing about this AI is that it's acculturated/acclimated to you and you alone. Something that will evolve bigger and better and won’t take that long. I’m assuming prices will get down to that of streaming networks, somewhere between $5 a month and $20, or more for "Cadillac versions".

As it is now, I really liked Bing's Copilot, until lately 50% of the things I ask it to do either it couldn’t or refused to do. It’s getting up to 60% or 70% now in rapidly becoming useless. I’m getting much better responses off of Gemini and ChatGPT (where I started with all this).

Oh, I just thought I’d drop this here, as I may have mentioned it in the previous blog. This thing about the 10 Commandments in schools? Kurt Vonnegut once pointed out that makes you a follower of Moses, not Jesus. And if you’re a Christian, you follow Jesus, right? So what are you doing?

Good question. But if you’re asking Christian nationalists, that’s really a whole other cup of toxic tea.

Joe G u/EastEndJoe This. Is. Fantastic! Truly teaching the 10 Commandments

And now in talking about this, it’s starting to sprinkle on me. Interesting

On that note, I’ll bid you adieu…and I’ll leave you with that.

Cheers! Sláinte!

Research My Life - The Teenage Bodyguard Screenplay

This is odd.

I have searched for over five years now for a real person from my true crime screenplay, The Teenage Bodyguard. A pivotal character. I've searched over the years through my stuff for his last name. I was unsure of the spelling of his first name as he has one of those where the first letter can be one or the other letter.

The Teenage Bodyguard is a true crime biopic from my past about a time when I was 18 when a woman asked me to arm myself and protect her for a week until she could escape the local mafia in Tacoma, WA.

It's an interesting story I am not turning from a drama with thriller elements in it, into a full out thriller with the help of a producer in Hollywood. Today we are having a phone call to begin that process of rewriting and shortening the story into a very sellable and producible project.

This actually leaves me with the current form of my screenplay where one day I may be able to see it produced as the original drama and biopic that it is. Still, it got me to this point to be producing a film I wrote and I certainly have no complaints.

I had wanted to write it as a thriller originally, but I found too many issues from my wanting it to be as 100% accurate as possible. Knowing full well that pursuing a sale of it as a drama would cripple, or at least hamper my ability to sell it.

In the end right now, I would prefer to sell and see produced a film I wrote. I'm still building my name as a screenwriter and film producer. And we all have to start somewhere. As it is now I have just begun production on a film I am directing from my own screenplay titled, "Gumdrop". It is a short horror film based on a short story of my own ("Gumdrop City") published years ago, which was based on a highly disturbing true crime.

Then yesterday, after all this time, I found the correct spelling of his first name in an old HS yearbook. I then found his last name after searching on Classmates.com by putting in his first name and the name of every high school in Tacoma Washington, where I was born.

For all I knew he may even have attended school outside of Tacoma. He had been my best female friend's boyfriend through high school. In my sophomore yearbook, I found my friend's comments which took up half a page. I cannot now remember when we met, or how.

This boyfriend had already graduated. Not unusual at our high school. Many of my male friends were frustrated that most of the girls we wanted to date were already seeing guys out of high school, in college, or in the service. Mostly the Air Force as McChord AFB (and Ft. Lewis Military Training Base are both) is just outside of Tacoma. Both together now known as Joint Base Lewis-McChord (JBLM).

This affected my friends and I to the point that we all swore when we graduated high school we would never date a girl in high school as it was so unfair to guys still IN high school. And we didn't want to be, "those guys" who dated girls still in school. It was something that later affected me in another relationship that lasted through my college years and slightly beyond. But that, is another story.

He, let's call him, Tom (his name in the screenplay, as names have been changed to protect the guilty) was a drug dealer. He was my drug dealer, for a time. A big guy, older than us as I said. We had graduated in 1973. He, in 1970 as I have now discovered. But I wasn't even sure of that for a while.

And then, I hit on a name that was familiar. I've come to believe completely not, that it is him. I've been trying to remember his name for decades really, just for the heck of it. But as he has a pivotal role in my screenplay, it became more important to me for purposes of background for the story. And the curiosity to see what he's up to today.

I know it is him now because of the name of the author of a sci fi book I had read in high school. They had similar last names and this new name I've found fits that. Also, I found ONE photo of him on Facebook and I can see him from back then in his face now. Even though he is much older and a lot heavier now.

My point in bringing this up is this. When I found him on Facebook I reviewed his mostly secured page. But his posts are open. Friends aren't, most photos aren't. Is he paranoid? A holdover perhaps from his drug dealing days in the 70s?

Fears (still?) of the mafia who had been dismantled in the late 70s as detailed in my screenplay? I've heard recent rumors they are still active through the younger generation of those original members. Those original OG types being all dead now.

What I found so interesting is that he is a conservative now (is that where drug dealers go?). And apparently for a long time now. He is also a die-hard Trump supporter. Delusional as they do tend to be. I'm not surprised as I had discovered in researching my screenplay story, that he had used me to block the Tacoma mafia seeking a murder witness he was familiar with, by using me as a cut-out.

He may have rationalized I would be safe. Maybe.

I only realized what he had done once I women I took from where she was staying at his house, to a new location he knew nothing about. There she opened up to me. He hadn't wanted to know where she was going. That seemed very important to them both. And they made that weirdly clear to me.

In these recent times, I became upset with him when I realized it what he had done. I deluded myself into thinking we were friends as we had known one another for years. But it appears it was very one-sided. I was just, a customer. Knowing now that he is a full blown conservative nut, it makes sense.

The next time, a while later, after the week with that women, I looked him up. Probably, I was looking for some weed. But he and his roommate had both moved. Gone. I never saw them again. Well once. I did see him one more time. A year later at the Tacoma Mall. I was walking along and there he was, plain as day. I went up to him and said hi. He reacted oddly, almost a frightened look in his face. He was with a very beautiful, tiny woman holding a baby. His baby. It was his new wife.

We talked briefly, I caught his consternation. I assumed he didn't want me to blow his cover as a previous drug dealer. I assumed he had never told her about it. Now that I reflect back on it, I have to wonder if he was worried not that I might blow his cover, but that I might be pissed off, and blow him away entirely, with a gun. But I was happy to see him in my utter and sheer ignorance. Perhaps that too confused him.

But I'm a gentleman. I was gracious. I let him go and he hurried her away. I thought it odd she didn't get what was going on. But when we are fully ignorant of something like that, why should we notice anything odd? I watched them walk away that day in 1975, and never saw them again. Until Isaw his photo on Facebook.

Overall The Teenage Bodyguard is an interesting story, as is the screenplay I have written. It's not a documentary. It's a fictionalized account of a piece of my life.

One I hope and believe, we will be bringing to the screen in the next year or two. And that I have and will continue to make great strides to achieve.

Just as a caveat, beware researching your past. You never know what you might dredge up.

On the other hand, you may just find that you have a very good motion picture on your hands.

To AI or Not and Yes, I Do Talk To My Alexa

Indeed. I do. I have two. One in the living room I call Echo. I called it Alexa until I got my second to avoid confusion if one heard me addressing the other (that was weird), and I tried Computer but Echo is shorter. The one in the bedroom I call, Alexa. You have three name choices sadly, one voice, one accent. The name Echo is kind of weird.

But this talking to an inanimate object isn't something new for me. Years ago I was with a somewhat new friend and after we were together a few hours she said, "You spent a lot of time alone as a child, didn't you." Indeed, I did. I had to find ways to entertain myself. It wasn't great back then many times when I wished I had a friend. But it gave me a lot of imagination and creativity and it's paid off in a way that is neverending.

IF you can talk to yourself and learn something, you can talk to a "smart speaker" and learn. Or exponentially more so, with an "AI".

First wave Internet AI

I also dabbled in AI in the late 80s. Used to talk to ELIZA on the internet through its various incarnations and versions:

"ELIZA's key method of operation (copied by chatbot designers ever since) involves the recognition of clue words or phrases in the input, and the output of corresponding pre-prepared or pre-programmed responses that can move the conversation forward in an apparently meaningful way (e.g. by responding to any input that contains the word 'MOTHER' with 'TELL ME MORE ABOUT YOUR FAMILY').[9] Thus an illusion of understanding is generated, even though the processing involved has been merely superficial. ELIZA showed that such an illusion is surprisingly easy to generate, because human judges are so ready to give the benefit of the doubt when conversational responses are capable of being interpreted as "intelligent".-Wikipedia

I also talked to my dog. I talked at times to the air walking down the street. Or to a wall. You are you, talking to you, to be sure. But you CAN learn things. Once I discovered that it opened many doors and windows for me. When I was a kid someone heard me talking to myself. Really, I was just bored and muttering aloud what I was thinking.

Still, they said, "You can't learn anything if you talk to yourself." I thought, really? I wonder. So I actually tried it.

Why? I'm not nuts, actually. When I was a kid, I had to learn to play chess alone because no one was interested. Surely not as much as I wanted to play it. I've blogged about this before, how I did it and all. It took time but I learned to take both sides, try not to know, or use info on what the "other" side was thinking. And so I applied this to talking to myself as if I were two people with two orientations. Basically just picking an orientation and then taking the devil's advocate POV. And just go at it.

That first time I tried that I was stunned. Because I realized, I actually did learn something from it. that person was wrong. You CAN learn something by talking to oneself. Now understand, you CAN. But you also, can NOT. After all, it depends on what you are doing, what your goal is and how you go about it.

Years ago I read something a famous philosopher who said that it doesn't even take two people to have a valid and productive discussion. So I tried it. And again, I learned from it.

It's important that we ask questions. But it's also important when we don't. Not when you can work out the answer yourself anyway. If that is the case, in asking a question that you can actually answer yourself simply by accessing long term memory, or by analyzing the concept at hand, then you're just wasting another's time by asking them for the answer. It's lazy.

Now you could say, "But what if I just want to hear another's perspective, what answer(s) they came up with. That's valid too. But, you have to first know what YOU think the answer is before you ask another. Otherwise, you rob yourself of the exercise and weaken your own mind. But answering the question first yourself it's like doing pushups. IF you always ask someone else to exercise for you, how does that make you stronger? People don't always think about that. That in doing, you are enhancing.

Now that is different from another concept I believe in. "Being lazy." For that concept is different. I tend to go about my life in what I see (perhaps somewhat humorously) as being lazy. I've gotten some interesting comments in the past from coworkers and even a spouse on this. They would say that I never seem like I'm busy, or that I don't seem to work that hard and yet, as they claimed (and it was true) I always seemed to get a lot of work done. In many cases in multiples of what others were doing in the same or similar efforts. To be sure many times I was doing twice or more the workload of others in my department or area, or team.

I came to realize that was because of a few things. I was told in twelfth grade that I need to get my anxiety levels down because of my childhood and family life being stressful for me. Mostly because of my step-father, family dynamics and our parent's relationship. I had to learn to be relaxed, not be a Type A personality, not be a perfectionist as I was. So I studied that. Found Asian philosophies I had first learned in martial arts in grade school. Found Buddhism, and TM and all kinds of information. This being in the early 70s. Eventually, I turned into that person people found difficult to understand in how relaxed I usually was.

There was another reason for that. I started being "on call" in the late 1970s in the USAF. We were on call for nuclear war (I worked at a SAC base supporting B-52s and nuclear weapons). I found that morally and ethically difficult to deal with back then. I found it stressful. It was hard to get through but I did well. I received commendations for my work, a Good Conduct medal and other benefits.

When I got out, years later I worked in IT at Unversity of Washington Medical Center and Harborview Medical Center in Seattle. Later, I was in IT at various places like UW West Technologies and then eventually retired from a large health insurance company.

When I first got to that last company, there was a day when things were going very wrong at work. Some system broke or something, I don't ever remember. But I do remember one woman coming up to be and asking me how I could be so calm when everyone was freaking out so much and we were in such a dire situation.

I thought about it and my mind shot back through my past and I asked her, "Is anyone dying?" She got an odd look on her face and said, "No. Why?" Then I told her about my USAF and Hospital jobs. I explained to her that since we weren't about to go to nuclear war, since no patients would actually die because of a mistake I made in IT, this? Was a cake walk. I couldn't be happier here. Right now. We'll fix it. It will be OK. Then we'll address the next "dire issue" when it arises. I think that actually calmed HER down some too.

Getting back to what I was saying before, I discovered in 10th grade in high school that I kept asking questions. Discovered it, not so much. It was blatantly pointed out to me one day in class. The teacher at some point, though I was being a bit of a smart ass, politely asked me if I was just asking to be asking. I thought about it and said, "No, I seriously want to know these answers." The teacher was a pretty great teacher.

They said, "Okay then, if you really want answers, talk to me after class. Because now we're taking up everyone's time for you to get your answers. And some of those answers, if you just have patience, you'll learn in the course of our classroom time today. And what you don't, you may just find out if you allow yourself to think about it, to discover the answers by yourself. For yourself."

Okay, seemed fair. So I shut up. And they were correct. Over the next fifteen minutes or so, I did discover all the answers to my questions from what I heard in class, from our interaction with the class, and from my own deductions. I could indeed, think.

Pretty damn cool! Again doors and windows into intellect were being opened for me.

What I did discover in the future, in college, however, was that if I did ask questions in class, many times they were the same questions others had. I could see it in some of the student's faces when I'd asked a "stupid" question. I could see in turning back and looking over my classmates, a look of appreciation and relief someone else asked the question.

Some of these classes and professors were very high level and very intimidating to put yourself out there on the line, to perhaps been seen as ignorant. I felt that way my first month or so of college but eventually got over it and got brave enough, once I got into the swing of things. to take the risks.

As I'd learn so much and when you asked the question, you could direct the next question perhaps into a more interesting question and answers than others in the class might delay knowledge, dragging the class into areas uninteresting or banal. IF I controlled the next question, we had a better chance, as I discovered, of going into deeper and more complex issues.

I also realized I had a responsibility, to the class, and to the professor. It only took my abusing this situation once or twice in the beginning, to have a professor, as my high school teacher had done, to intellectually swat me down like a fly. The professors didn't suffer fools. And I did my best not to be a fool. And it paid off immensely.

Some students didn't want to ask questions because of that. It could at times, be brutal. Some wanted to ask but didn't care as long as their question got asked and answered and I felt the same. As long as anyone asked my question, great!

Eventually, I started to realize that I was asking questions others weren't even thinking of and they were happy to hear them (and in some cases felt relieved, these were difficult, but challenging classes as I said). Then after class somestimes, they'd come up to me and thank me for taking the chance of asking, or we'd continue the conversation between the two, or three or four of us and all learn even more. Sometimes leading us tot he professors office for more questions. That was also something I discovered was invaluable. A professor's office time. It is a benefit many did not avail themselves of.

I know those things as I said because we were all friendly after and out of class and everyone had the same orientation: To Learn. It didn't matter who or how we got answers, as long as we were absorbing as much knowledge as we could. I felt the same when someone else took the lead, or if I was having an off day and wasn't tracking that well that day. It's not about ego. It's about answers and exploring topics, especially ones I found fascinating. Something I found I could manage somewhat in the classes I chose to take.

It was an exhilarating environment, being at university. One that hurt not having it after graduation. Few jobs are ever like that. Few have that kind of drive and fascination toward the Truth or the group motivation, that thirst for knowledge.

The university environment can be intoxicating. It's a protected environment. Contrary to common belief, it's not about grades but learning. Though not all see it that way. You could see them striving for straight A's and not necessarily learning all that much.

So, what the hell is my point and what about talking to my Alexa, or an AI (or myself)?

My point is, it's all about what you make it about. What you want to get out of anything. What you can get out of even the banalest situations or the dumbest question, or the most boring person.

IF you direct the path you are on, you can learn, and sometimes, the amazing happens, and they learn something.

You can learn from talking to a wall, literally. And you can learn talking to an AI.

Am I polite to my AI? (OK, Alexa sadly, certainly ISN'T an AI, but you will sooner than you think, be talking to one, or many). So yes, I talk to my dog like it's human and do not expect it to be. As well I talk to my smart speaker, or an AI as if it were a human. We are creatures of habit and I'd not like to think that my being succinct or rude to an AI or smart speaker or pet, could make me more than way to other people. Especially, people, I see once in my life and move on.

What I do, do, is understand it is NOT human (yet?). I do not get emotionally involved with the inanimate. Maybe one day we can and will. IF one gets to anthropology an inanimate, a process, one is setting oneself up for some serious emotional or psychological issues.

IF your AI (or smart speaker) breaks, should you feel as you would if your favorite pet, or a loved one dies? Well, you can feel bad to be sure as it breaks connections in one's mind. But keep it reasonable. And many times we may be able to run a backup into a new device and reclaim exactly what was lost. In that case, was it the device, or the intellectual property you built with it over time that is most important?

That may not always be the case. One day we may be able to get back a loved one who is merely a copy and no, that is not the same as the original.

And yet, that too may one day becomes a moot point.

Humanity is on a path into the future and a journey. And it is about to get interesting, very interesting indeed.