A Creative Mind and Life

I have noticed something of late and I wanted to share that. Full disclosure, I had ADHD as a kid. ADD as an adult. I'm getting older, I turn sixty-four near the end of August. I was lucky. As a kid, I had lots of activities that taught me control and discipline.

Myself as a kid

It was torture to master. Years of practice. Years of pain and frustration. Years of delayed gratification. We all need some of that, some of us far more than others. Structure to be unstructured. Discipline to be undisciplined when the right times come upon us.

I noticed as I got older that I had better control over things. Far better than many. Not as much as some, to be sure. I had built good habits growing up. Or they had been built into me. Probably out of necessity so as not to kill me as an offspring.

It was a struggle to figure out, to learn, but in the end, I did figure it out. I found I had a certain way of thinking and that it was more productive to work with what I had rather than to work against it. As we are typically taught in school through K-12.

Once I realized that my life got easier. I also realized I had to hide it. To be perceived as the other kids. To fit in while not fitting on. So I had to work around things, had to work harder and faster than others. Reminds me of that comment on Ginger Rogers doing what Fred Astaire did, only backward, and faster. I'm not claiming to know the female experience in life as I'm male, but intellectually, I do get it.

I learned to make notes for myself. I learned to take responsibility. To not be a victim to my circumstances but to find a way to succeed despite them. I learned that if I had to do something I had to see it got done to completion and if that required extraordinary means, so be it. If I had to walk the extra mile from others, no one cared, as long as I got my responsibilities cared for.

I realized that I was very good at creating in going forward, not so much remembering and regurgitating. I was exceptional in synthesis, in synthesizing things. In taking from one concept and adapting it to many others.

I was very good at taking something and modifying it, making it far better. Eventually creating from scratch myself and then modifying that over time. As they say in the writing field, writing is rewriting. So it is in other fields. To create, you make something and modify it, over and over to perfection. To YOUR perfection.

As you modify you learn. When humans do anything, in doing it over and over they find the flaws and find the enhancements needed. Those who sse that, who apply that, find success. The other end of that is the business side of creativity which is hard for most artists and why so many fail.

My grandmother told me repeatedly, if you start a book, always finish it. I can today count on one or two hands, all the books I've started in my life and not finished. Probably on one hand.

Another side of this is perseverance. Those who give up fail, by definition. Don't be defined by your failure. As Thomas A. Edison said: "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." I've heard so many who have "made it" who said it was luck. You do have to, as they used to say, "take a licking and keep on ticking." Persevere.

Being in the right place at the right time, making that happen, so that luck could happen to them. So it is luck, but it's also setting yourself up for luck to happen, rather than failure. They've also said that in their never giving up, while their friends had, who started when they did, some who were even better then they were at whatever their endeavors were, while they made it, the others didn't. Because they quit or couldn't take rejection after rejection.

A famous author once said about rejection in relation to writers, that you should collect your rejections as a positive thing. As a collection. Put them on your office wall where you see them every day. Collect more. Fill the wall. Fill another wall. Fill all your office walls. Then start to fill another wall in another room.

By the time you fill your wall, or your office, or another room, or your entire home, you will have a sale and then another. You have to acclimate yourself to so-called, failures. Because each failure is a success in learning, in moving past that failure to the next and so eventually to the success you want. Or another success you never saw coming. And be sure to see that when it arrives.

Opportunity knocks only once, they say. Be sure to answer when it knocks. Truth is, opportunity knocks in our lives many times. But we often never ever hear the knock because we're looking for a knock at another door. Or listening for a knock when it is a doorbell or a whistle from outside our windows.

My High School Graduation Photo

My sister suggested when I entered high school (and that was the year after she had graduated so we missed one another), that I should write notes and put them in my jeans pocket, the pocket with my keys in them. She said it had worked for her. And I knew she was smart. After some months I found that some days, I would have a pocket full of small pieces of paper with notes on them.

When I was leaving school at the end of the day I would reach for my keys, in 12th grade, it was my car keys to drive home (even better) and I would feel the notes, read them, refresh my memory on what was to come.

Or if it was for the next day, leave it in my pocket for tomorrow morning to refresh again my memory and then try to remember to, remember. Or to keep checking my pocket throughout the day. It got to be a habit as the day went on to just touch my pocket, to feel if there were notes in there. I would remember (maybe) what the note(s) said (which actually helped my memory) or when I couldn't remember, pull them out and review them. Which also helped my memory.

My confidence grew. I made it a point to show up for things on time or a few minutes early. I came to be known as punctual. Also, dependable. A teacher pointed out one day the difference between most kids who sit in the front or back of a class.

I started putting myself on the front line, in the front row. I found I could pay more attention, get more involved. I became more interested. I had always felt I didn't want to engage (a holdover I think from my lower grade school experiences. I found ways to trick myself to, or to force myself, putting myself into positions where I had to learn or to become involved. At first, I hated it. But I persevered and eventually got to relish the interactions.

All this led to a change in how I was perceived by others. For two reasons. My strong desire to be trusted and dependable, and those pocket notes. For a while later on, it became my watch with an alarm. But there were times, without a supporting pocket note, that the alarm would go off and I would have absolutely no idea why. Nowadays, of course, I have my smartphone and calendar app along with other apps for support.

My reason for bringing this all up though really has to do with creativity. Something I studied at university. My major being psychology, one of my classes actually was titled, Creativity. And it wasn't an easy class. I quickly realized that shot name classes were hard and classes with longer names were easier.

I've noticed something for some time now about my creative pursuits. I'm very good at them. I can produce a lot, much if not most being of very high quality. But not always. And, why not?

What I have noticed first, is a change in myself as I age. When I was younger, I had massive amounts of energy. In fact, I seldom got a full night's sleep in high school. I would lie awake most of the night until four or five in the morning. Then fall asleep and wake exhausted to my alarm clock.

I had a night job at a drive-in theater snack bar. I became the snack-bar manager for the last couple of years there. I went to school during the day, then to work in the evening, then home and bed. I learned to get my homework done at school during the day.

Sometimes working in one class on homework for another class. Teachers weren't stupid and they'd rail against kids doing that. So you had to be smart about it. And you still had to pay attention to the class you were in. But I seemed to be good at multitasking and it kept my mind from wandering (ADD again).

But at night, I was usually running at a high rate of speed by the time my head I hit the pillow.

Still, I had the energy to spare when I was young. In fact, being ADHD/ADD I had far too much energy most of the time. I just had to learn to use that to my advantage and not disadvantage.

What I've noticed as I've aged though is that decrease in energy. Obviously. I'm getting older. Regular workouts become ever more important as we age. It's not just that I could be in better shape though.

There is another and well-known component involved. I asked my doctor at a checkup some years ago about changes I'd noticed. I seemed to feel things more deeply. Emotionally. I'm more affected by things than I ever used to be. He said that was really quite normal (normal, there's a concept).

Obviously, as you age you gain experience and so you feel things more deeply, he said.

OK, that made sense. Then I noticed that my creativity seemed to become more problematic. That is, I've always been able to produce quality on demand. I still can, to be sure. Years as a technical writer do that, just as Isaac Asimov had claimed in his first autobiography, In Memory, Yet Green. A book that affected me deeply when it came on the market years ago. But for pure creativity and comfort, I've noticed a change.

Example. in 2016 I sold my house of sixteen years and moved to a rental in another town, Bremerton, WA. I went where the best deal possible was at the time. I had to. I wasn't rich and I was going to retire and live off of my retirement at too young of an age. Because I could.

I was retiring, young at sixty-one I was tired of on call and IT work and wanted to finally take the time and effort (and could) to explore my creative pursuits. Writing fiction, screenplay, become proficient in film production, perhaps shoot my own films from my own writings. And so I am now doing all this and making progress.

I expected to live there a year or two and look around, find where I really want to live after having sold the house, and then move to a more long term situation. I was also retiring from twenty years in IT. Which I did. One month after moving.

Now, if you talk to a realtor, they will tell you that buying (or selling) a house is like dealing with the death of a loved one over the course of that year. There is actually a numeric scale of how much stress you should have in a year that gives you a kind of guide by which to know if you are heading into taking on too much, if not headed into more serious issues.

Friends told me when I retired that it takes people anywhere from six months to two years to recover from retiring. It is a massive changed after all and I had not only sold a house I had moved into with my wife and children, but was now a house I was to move out from without that wife and kids now full grown. And I was retiring. All that in one year was a lot. Apparently.

Yet, I figured, "I'm tough, I can handle it." Maybe a month or two to reorient and I should be good. Several months of partying and doing whatever I wanted and having drinks nearly every day if not more, one day I realized that I wasn't slowing down. It was over six months later that I realized, I was finally getting over that previous summer's house sale and move.

Two years now after selling my house and moving, I moved again.

In the interim, I had to deal with family member situations, my dog of fifteen years dying and within a month, my mother dying. There was more family drama overall going on than I want to go into here but suffice it to say, it took a lot out of me. Now that I look back I think over this last move, even though it was only from one rental house to another and only a mile away at that, it really was more intense and compromising than the move two years previous.

Once again I am trying to get back onto my creative feet and needless to say, it's been difficult. Though to be fair now, there were issues with this move too. I had volunteered to help refurbish the new rental house so I could move in earlier without paying rent for the partial first month.

The guy moving out had three large dogs, hadn't paid rent in several months and seldom on time when he did and he took questionable care of the house and yard. It was a mess. We had to rip out all the wall to wall carpet and replace them and paint the entire inside as well as clean and remove things left by the previous renter. Unused to 10-12 hour days of physical labor and during some very hot summer days, I was pretty beat when finally I moved in.

Because the carpets were put in a week after I moved in all my things were downstairs except for a bed we had to move to have the carpets installed. So I'd been delayed in getting all fully "moved in". It took a while to get my writing desk in place or a working...workspace.

It was a little frustrating. My youngest child (mid-20s) was having problems finding a place and so had moved into the previous house and about a week into the new house before moving to a new location, and suffered the interim condition of the house along with me.

My real point in bringing this all up is... I find when I go through mental duress, and working for a month requiring oneself to ignore the pain and exhaustion of remodeling in sweltering heat at my age, is a mental thing too. I find that it compromises my creative endeavors.

I find I need a period of decompression, if you will. Of relaxation and perhaps, of healing. I can fight it, or I can give it its space, which I did as I happened to still to have that luxury. Lucky me, to be sure.

I have struggled to do what creative things I could. My hardest work is writing. Alone, blindly and boldly creating, if you will. I've done some events and other physical things where I could do something creative. I've worked on and been in a few local small indie horror film projects for instance. Attended some Cons. But my goal has been writing, creating, and film production as in filming and editing my own works.

Here's my mental image of what I'm dealing with.

It's like my mind is a vast and finite cacophony of (as in a murder of crows) eggshells, all arranged in a massive solid structure. Each next to and stacked upon another. When I go through these periods of, shall we say, challenge? Some of these get crushed. So I need time once the difficulties are over, for these things to heal back up. Or be replaced. Whatever works.

If the structure is somewhat crushed I cannot traverse the creative routes. Like trying to wind through a maze in a forest, where there is too much overgrowth and too many downed trees. IF however, I take the time to clean up that part of it, to allow things to heal and grow back, then I'm back to normal and not untypically, even better.

It's just that I find now that it is easier for this structure to get crushed than ever before. Though now that I think about it, there were times in mid-life when I had trouble being creative and I gave that up to laziness. When in hindsight I can now see it was daily stress and just many of life's compromises.

It is frustrating now though because I now have what I've worked toward for some years and I'm unable to be that creative or productive. Still again, my point in bringing this all up is that I know it will pass and I only have to work with myself in order to get back on track and... I will.

I have for one, made an appointment for the first time with a top rated consultant on a screenplay of mine that has been consistently getting high reviews (THE TEENAGE BODYGUARD). I have high hopes for it, as do others. But also I need to be writing every day for a full day at a time and I'm not. Still again, I know it will come... and eventually, I'll get to where I'm headed.

Because it's all a matter of time and allowing myself to take the time I need, to properly heal up and then step bravely into a new stage of my life.

But for now, I feel kind of broken.

Like my fragile list of daily habits has been broken. Floating, drifting, rudderless. I just need to rebuild my list with a new set of habits. Or the same exact list as I had before, which can be frustrating. When you get used to that happening in your life, that urge to rebuild that which shouldn't have been broken becomes more challenging. First world problems, I know.

Taking the time to live the new life, to get used to it, to assimilate it, the list will come, eventually. If I need it faster, then I need to do it intellectually, pedantically. to know that the rest of me will eventually catch up, organically.

It is in not understanding that, where some people go wrong. They become irate, unsociable, irrational. When all you need to do is relax, be patient, and work towards a positive outcome. As best and quickly as you can. No stress, just effort.

No. It's not all wonderful. But it doesn't have to be a big difficult life event either.

You just have to let yourself... Live.

I wrote the above during the third quarter of 2018.

At this point so much has happened. I have produced my first short horror film. I'm about to start shooting my second, more than twice the length of that first eight minutes short. I'm now working with a Hollywood producer on my screenplay, The Teenage Bodyguard. This week I'm shooting an interview of me to hopefully be included in a horror documentary from the UK on horror writers and filmmakers. And I now qualify ss both.

It took me a while but I'm finally in a good place to explore the creativity I had always wanted to explore over most of my life. Those skills and things I've gone through over a lifetime have paid off and I'm seeing hope for a new career. I've met many new and interesting people. I see a path up now.

It hasn't been easy, it hasn't been quick. Not by a long shot. But those who persevere, who set themselves up to be in those places where luck CAN happen for them and others they have surrounded themselves with, who hone their skills and creativity, who take the time to make themselves indispensable to others who can help them...they are the ones who have a chance.

They are the ones who made their opportunities. And when that knock comes, will hear it. Even if it is a whistle.

And I'm just getting started...

Firewalling Sexual Abusers

"Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't.” - Mark Twain

My view of sexual harassment, domestic abuse especially against women and children, slander or libel against women especially for merely speaking out against those who are abusive, has always been the same. Stop it from happening, support women in fighting back. Firewall those who are abusers, cut them off, block them.

Stop calling women liars, stop slandering them, stop muckraking them through the media mud. Support our women, support the abused, don't just ignore them, turn away, abuse them even more!

This is not a partisan issue, nor a political issue. It's a human issue. Men need to lock arms with women over this. In a nonsexual, platonic, professioanl fashion, supporting women for their worth, their skills, their equality to us men. And not just a pretend equality, but a real and substantive one.

I suspect most men may be good and decent people, but enough men are not that this has to be addressed and we have to stand for those who are abused and then more especially abused when they are brave enough to speak out about it and who is being abusive toward them.

We have a culture of abuse against women by men in power over them.

We have elected a president in Donald Trump who has admitted he is a predator. We have people declining invitations to the White House because of him and that. Enough obfuscation about peopple like Bill Clinton, or even Al Franken, when we have an actual accused predator in the oval office RIGHT NOW.

And Republican Judge Roy Moore. A man who has been an historical embarrassment and obvious sexual predator of minors. Who been removed from the bench twice for refusing directions from the Supreme court. Who had his own community when he was a district attorney, ban him from their Gadsden Mall, and from the local YWCA for inappropriate behavior of soliciting sex from young girls. And he is still running for Congress and being supported into it.

Women who have a claim against Bill Clinton should be supported to seek their closure, but as a nation we need to pay attention to what is here and now of those in power at this time. As for Franken, it feels less than it's made it out to be and regardless, an investigation is in the works. But I suspect it will end in little being discovered as those who know Al seem to see it as I do, that what was reported was an outlier in being a bad behavior, and not a bad actor as we see in Trump, Moore and others like them.

We are America and we need to start acting like it, and clean up our act!

It's wrong. I can't believe this is happening, still! But then, I first saw this kind of thing when I was in my teens and in a way that really put my life on the line for it. In part that event from 1974 set a tone for me throughout the rest of my life even up to today.

Maybe it's because I had so much of my childhood governed by women, my sister, my mother and especially my mother's mother, I've always been more understanding of their plight. And I've always been easily angered at hearing of their abuse.

I had an awesome grandmother. In so many ways, she has my thanks for who I am today. In finding out I hadn't learned multiplication tables because of how often we had moved, because at one grade school they learned those tables in fourth grade while my next school in third, she wrote out the multiplication tables from one through twelve all over her kitchen wall. At every meal we would go over them whenever I stayed there, until I had learned them all.

I grew up loving women, respecting them, and also in having a solid sense of self respect in that regard, in having a great respect for women. I had trouble learning and K-12 was kind of a nightmare. I had a step father who seemed to hate me and tell me at every turn that I was stupid. It wasn't until the military and later college and a university that I truly began to believe that just perhaps, I wasn't stupid after all.

So men who lay blame for their actions against women are because they had poor self esteem, or couldn't talk to women and so use their power and control to get sex, just doesn't wash with me. It's lazy, it's abuse pure and simple.

There is a theme going all though my fiction of empowered women. Or of bad things happening to the men who abuse them. An example from my own life of my orientation in being pro women, is uniquely available to the public, as I've written a true crime semi biopic screenplay.

This may seem like a shameless plug for a screenplay I'm shopping around to producers and studios, but hey, it's hard getting a screenplay sold. That being said however, it is also a pretty amazing example of my orientation on supporting women in my life and I would also argue, a very good example of how we need to stand up for women. More than once I've put myself physically on the line for women against some guy, usually their guy, and women that I sometimes, many times, did not even know. AND most importantly, I had expected NOTHING from them for my efforts.

I stood up for them merely because... it was the right thing to do!

I currently have two titles for it as I shop it around. Teenage Bodyguard, or Slipping "The Enterprise" (see links for more). "The Enterprise" was what that mafia group called themselves and what we tried to do that week in trying to slip by them until the woman in the screenplay could leave town at the end of that week.

She introduced me to a lifestyle that I'd had no idea about. I'd read The Godfather in high school, I saw the film. But didn't realize just how women truly were treated by some of these guys, if not most.

The screenplay details an actual week in my life at eighteen in 1974 where I protected a woman from the local Tacoma Carbone crime family until she could leave town. Why do I bring this up? It's not to go on about a screenplay I'm currently shopping around, but to point out that even at eighteen, I felt strongly about women's rights and treating them decently, that I put my life on the line for a woman.

I've gone through my younger years and throughout my life being disgusted by what has been put upon women, merely for being female, or attractive, or in a position where a guy having power or control over her, can feel free to be abusive. Not just in sexual but also in issues of power and control. To be fair, these men I'm detailing in this were abusive to human beings. They abused their control and power over men also, and in many cases, murdered them. The ultimate abuse.

In my screenplay and back then in reality, I had been introduced to a woman who was around ten years older than me. I was initially just asked to give her a ride to her new location where she was to stay there for a short time. I found out later it was because my "friend" wanted her out, fearing the mafia who was looking for her and in the process, put me front and center in their crosshairs. To be fair, they didn't know I'd accept helping her. They just asked me to give her a ride.

I was naive about many things in life back then, and in some ways so was she. She was also obviously traumatized. My reason for bringing this up regards why I took on the challenge of protecting her, with a gun, for that entire week.

Once I got her to where she was going to be staying for that week, she sat me down and handed me a newspaper clipping about a recent murder. It was the murder of a bouncer at a local (Tacoma's first) topless club, run by this crime family and called the Tiki restaurant in Lakewood, Washington, just south of Tacoma. It was a murder she said, even though to this day it is labeled an anonymous murder, was done by the crime family, to one of their own.

She outright asked me if I had a gun. I admittedly said, yes. She then took a chance, seeming lost, asking if I would get that gun and stay with her for that week until she could leave town. She feared they would find her and take her, and potentially murder her too for what they believed was being a murder witness against them. They did that kind of thing fairly regularly, all through the 1970s. I didn't know what to say until she explained further.

It was her explanation that convinced me that I had to help this woman.

I bring this up because even at eighteen, I felt I needed to stand up for women. And, as this case clearly exemplifies, I put my money where my mouth is. I put my life on the line for this woman, because I was so horrified at the abuse this woman and others at her job had been put through.

I've had that orientation all my life. I've stood up for women when I saw them being abused but sadly, many times, the women went right back into that abuse, much to my shock and dismay. But we do what we can. And in this case, I did.

I'll just share that scene in my screenplay:


SARA
Do you have a gun? You don’t happen
to have a gun do you?

ME
A gun? A gun. Oddly enough, I do.

SARA
What. A rifle, probably--

ME
Yeah but a handgun, too. .357
magnum actually.

SARA
Can you use it? You know how?

ME
Yes. Yes, I do.

Self-assured but naive and it slightly confuses her.

SARA
I don’t know why, but I trust you.

ME
Again, I have that affect on
people. I’d have to go home, just
to get the gun.

SARA
You live with your parents?

ME
No. I have an apartment.
(light chuckle)
Graduated, got out at seventeen. I
have a job, an apartment, car
obviously. I’ve had a job since
ninth grade. Days. I’ll need to go
to work. Have to pay the bills,
rent and stuff. Could take the week
off but, really can’t afford it.

SARA
No, that’s fine, I understand, you
need to work, pay bills. If I need
to go anywhere I’ll just wait for
you. No one knows where I am or how
to find me. That’s what all that
was about at Erik and Dave’s. It’s
safe here. Really. I never told
anyone about them. I don’t want to
take any chances. Not mentioning
this to anyone goes without saying.
OK? And don’t let anyone here know
you have a gun.
I don’t want to-- freak anyone out.
Especially Mary being PG and all.
You know?

ME
I get it, I’m used to it, really. I
don’t show if I’m carrying. About
these guys--
(Indicates newspaper clipping)
Dangerous I take it?

SARA
Sometimes. I was in the office that
day with Ron. He was all worked up
over something so I let him throw
me up against the wall for a bit.
That always calms him down. I know
they killed Danny. The bouncer. He
was nice. To me, to all the girls,
not like the others.

ME
Sorry? You let him throw you up
against the wall?

SARA
(Confused he doesn’t get
it, uncomfortable)
You know. Sex. Most of the girls
let him do that. Like I said, calms
him down then he’s much easier to
deal with. Danny I think just got
in their way. He stuck up for us.
Maybe they finally had it. I know
they killed him though. I do know
that.

ME
Why not just fire him?. Who kills a
guy for sticking up for women?

She looks away.

SARA
Johnny Carbone does. May have been
something more, I donno. Maybe he
heard something, spoke up at the
wrong time? Who knows?

ME
OK, well, look. I’ll head home.
Back in a few. I won’t be long.

When she asked me if I had a gun, I told her I did, but I wasn't convinced yet. It was when she made it clear what her working environment was, and there was more than I put into the screenplay, in how it was for all the women there. And my research for this screenplay has proved this to be true and even then some. My mind was made up. Screw those guys, she had me 100% on her side.

That's the kind of motivation and support we need to give women today.

This nonsense has to stop. Men need to not just support women, but themselves in not acting like animals just because they have a little (or worse, a lot) of power.

Women, as has been said repeatedly over time, are our mothers, grandmothers, aunts, sisters, daughter and friends. They deserve our respect and support. Even if we have to pick up a gun to support them (obviously not illegally, go to the authorities if need be).

And that is the end of it.

We have now elected a president who has admitted he is a sexual predator. Well, I didn't and wouldn't have voted for someone like him. Women have come out against him for his abuse and what have we done, what has he done?

Abused them in the media. Dragged their reputations through the mud and slime that sexual abuse leads to.

But that is changing. Times have changed and it needs to change. We will ALL be all the better for it! As we will when women more and more have positions of power and control over men and women.

Stand up for them. Support our friends and loved ones who have historically suffered abuse all through history.

#MeToo #SexualHarrassment #StandForWomen #Producer

On Being a Writer and a Professional

Time to dump reality and politics for a week (at least) and talk about something more fun, entertainment.

The creative process, then sharing with and hopefully fascinating people in maybe perhaps hopefully making them happy, or in possibly making them sad, but doing it all in such a way that they forget their own reality and enter mine, is what it's all about. At very least to have them enter a story that I have weaved for them to experience so they can attempt to wrap their consciousness around it for at least the short time they lend me their attention.

If they might happen to later think of it again at a later date, say the next day or better still the next week, just adds icing to the creative cake.

It is my responsibility to keep their attention, at least until they want to let it go. If things go really, really well, then hopefully I will be done with their attention before they are done with lending it to me.

Hopefully, I will leave them in a state of mind where they will still want more from me. If not now, then at some future point in their entertainment universe.

Hook them, then make them want to come back for more. It's what it's all about. Attempting to be fascinating and addictive.

This all started for me in 10th grade I suppose, with my first short sci fi story after written after having just finished reading Dune, by Frank Herbert back in 1970. When I finished that book I couldn't believe I had only just gotten it from my sci fi book club when it had actually been released five years previous. I was to say the least, inspired.

Maybe in part because I had been into sci fi for years already and had started so young. Science Fiction back then wasn't really a part of American life as it is now. Maybe because I had read Asimov's Foundation Trilogy years before written in the early 1950s, though I didn't get to them till the mid to late 1960s. Still, I was properly prepped for a book such as Dune when I read it. Or maybe it was because Dune was just that good of a book.

That short story I wrote the day I finished reading Dune, was the last complete short story I produced until college. I knew I could never aspire to be such as a "Writer". Or even more difficult to achieve, an Author of a Book. My first university fiction writing class in my senior year showed me something different. In fact it was actually my professor in my earlier and first college composition class in my sophomore year who made it clear to me that I had a spark and a talent for writing.

He was a man of passion and energy and he begged me to consider being a writer. I was impressed. More so than I think he was impressed with me. He both scared me, and motivated me.

It's an odd feeling to live your entire life dreaming of an unachievable thing and then to have someone you respect, and who is paid to know what's up in that area, tell you that you have a talent for achieving that dream. Then later on to find others consistently backing up that contention to where finally it seems as if you will allow actually that possibility to seep in, to take you over. To allow for he possibility that you may indeed have something to work with.

As with most things however, there is more to it than just having the talent.

Just as there are brilliant chess masters out on the streets playing for a buck a game. Masters who no rated chess master anywhere could ever beat. And yet those virtuoso live and play and die on the streets where no one knows their names. Their fortunes are only in the awe of those who do know of them, or have been lucky enough to have gotten to play one of them. For a great story on this see Jerry Seinfeld's interview with Michael Richards.

To paraphrase as has been said, "Dying is easy, comedy is hard." I'm unsure who actually said that first. The point behind that statement however is that living is one thing, trying to entertain is another universe entirely. Where one might think they are the best, there may very well be another field or another section of a field where others are even better.

Art, is not something that should be easy to do. Otherwise everyone could do it and it would lose all meaning. Though there are a few special cases who may seem to be able to do it more easily than the rest of us, even they should strive to push their limits. Like loving ice cream and trying to eat five gallons at a sitting, the quality is not in the eating. It's in the creating and a well trained palate will always discern the difference between the tasty and the truly delicious.

All that being said, I've always been able to spin a good yarn. I used to love to practice telling a story, to see how long I could draw it out before I began to see the attention wan in someone's eyes. Then spin it up again to see if I could once again enrapture their attention.

How long could I tell a really boring story in yet a very entertaining way? It was amazing how long I could go at times, how long some people would let me go on. It was also good training that I didn't realize I was exhibiting in the long run, more for myself, than for others.

One day a guy listened to a story of mine for about twenty minutes. When I got done he realized that the substance of what I had just told him could have easily been told in a sentence or two and he commented on that.

"I can't believe you just took like twenty minutes to tell me all that. But don't get me wrong, it was very entertaining to listen to. Thanks."

High praise. It was around that time in starting college when I realized I could put pen to paper and do the same. That writing was simply an extension of my verbal storytelling. So I began to do the same too, on paper. How long could I spin a story out, say almost nothing but in such a way that is very entertaining to read?

I first noticed this with some of the old writers like Edgar Allen Poe. Years later with Clive Barker. I found I really didn't care where they were taking me, as long as they kept spinning those amazing words in the order they ordered them up in. Beautiful prose. Something that has gotten somewhat lost today as we want writings that we can read quite easily on a train, in a bus station, during a few free moments. Rather than devote an evening to reading a good book, we mostly now prefer to watch a show on TV. Or, the Internet.

I guess I've gotten somewhere along those lines as an author who reviewed my book, "Death of Heaven" (now in its second edition) had to say:

"[Death of Heaven] ... has a Books of Blood vibe [referring of course to Clive Barker's seminal horror books], which really works well. It's in these tales that the author's writing ability shines. He demonstrates a lovely turn of phrase and some of the writing is almost poetic in its beauty."
From Author & Reviewer Michael Brookes.

You can also get just the first full chapter of my book by itself in ebook or audiobook format as, "The Conqueror Worm". I tell anyone semi-jokingly, I dare you to read that first full chapter and then honestly say that you have no desire to go on to the next chapter of the book.

That's not bravado, it's an accurate observation. I simply did a very good job on that story and of all my writings it's the one story, when every time I read it and get to the ending I get emotional. It's almost impossible not to. It is as I said, a well written piece of horror.

Or as one first chapter contest write up put it:

"The story itself is very strong, lulling the reader into a false sense of security as two young boys hunt for treasure, before ultimately morphing into a violent and sometimes disturbing tale of horror. This is done with such swiftness that it takes the reader almost completely by surprise, which only enhances the effect." from WILDSound Writing Festival's First Chapter Contest

Please feel free to drop by my website sometime. There's much more available there. Don't let that web site freak you out either. It's just oddness there, is all. Hang out on there for a little while, you'll see what I mean.

Anyway....

I just finished reading Tough Love Screenwriting by John Jarrell, I very much enjoyed that smack in a screenwriter's face by someone who should know all about it. I'm also re-reading Syd Field's seminal Screenplay, The Foundations of Screenwriting. As well as Storyline, Finding Gold in Your Life Story by the charming and talented Jen Grisanti.

They say, "write what you know" but people take that wrong. Most do, perhaps.

You need to know what you know and write from that perspective. Taking those diamonds of experience, you then need to be able to recognize them from you life and spread them around in your writing or storytelling for others to experience in such a way that it fits your purpose.

You can also then use them over and over if you just use them properly to your advantage. Twist them around until they are unrecognizable and remember, these are yours to use.

I'll give you an example. I used my son's CD of music from high school that he wrote, played and produced in my video book trailers. But you can only use so much of a limited amount. Eventually I started using pieces I had used before and by using some music editing software (Audacity) I twisted them, running them backward and playing with them until even my son didn't recognize his own music. In this music, only we have license to it (as he gave his permission) and I don't have to use music I need to pay for, or even make my own to use

Interesting story there. To keep it short, for years (since the 80s) I've kept a few cassette tapes labeled "practice tape #x" with music from when I was playing guitar alone, practice and simply enjoying myself.

Recently I pulled them out to possibly use on my videos, but none of that music survived for some reason. Ruined, lost or recorded over either on purpose or inadvertently, or perhaps an ex did it as I'd experienced that kind of passive \ aggressive thing before.

I was truly unhappy about the loss of those tapes because I remember really liking some melodies I came up with. I had planned to keep them in case I wanted to use them later or to finish out a song or two. But now sadly they are lost forever.

In that train of thought, that reminds me of another truism in writing: "kill your children" or "kill your darlings." Meaning that when you have some writing in a story that takes the reader out of the story and they see or realize they are reading the author, then you need to cut those pieces. Do not slow down the reader just to enjoy your brilliance. It should flow seamlessly. So either be brilliant always, or avoid hills and valleys whenever possible.

Yet also do not throw away your brilliance. Ever. Print them out or store them in a digital file, but don't delete them, that would just be showing your mind disrespect for the effort and intelligence it has shown and you should reward that whenever possible.

You can always use them in another story later. I've actually looked these tiny gems up and built entire stories around them. Freebies if you will. The work put into those gems came from my brain originally and eventually the processes leading up to the creation of that gem were stored in long term storage. So in using them later you access entire passages of your mind that you don't even know exist now. Time savers, really and truly.

Here are some of screenwriter John August's comments on writing. Among films he's written are, Big Fish, Frankenweenie, Dark Shadows, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Charlie's Angels, and Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle and more. It's just always nice to hear another writer's perspective on writing, on life, on the effort it takes, and the payoffs it can give you.

All I have said here has only one thing tying it all together. That is, why did I write all this today? To sell my wares? To make you think I'm "somebody" (I'm not)? Or that I'm wonderful (I am)? Or that I'm some kind of genius? I'm not, I assure you, otherwise my life would be way better than it is now.

No. The common thread in all the above is this:

Entertaining people is a wonderful thing to do. You too can do it. If you really want to.

That's it. That's all I had to say in this blog for this week. Though I did try to add something more in case you were interested in writing yourself, or like once I was, thought you could never write anything worthy of others reading, thinking it was quite beyond you.

The mechanics of writing was what stopped me for decades until that first professor I told you about said, "Hey, don't think about the mechanics. That's what editor are for, after all." Thus giving me license to relax and simply tell my stories.

That's true and everything about editors but honestly in the end, we want to be our own editors as much as possible. It only enhances your writing and saves time. Sure get one, but make their job as easy as possible and learn from their work on your writings. If for no other reason it's cheaper for you that way. Not to mention they will brag about you to others which is just free marketing and publicity.

So how does one write a fiction story?

Pen to paper, really. Fingers to keyboard. Mouth to microphone. Just get the story out because in the end, writing is really rewriting. More rewriting for some than others surely. But to write fiction you have to write.

Find your idea, think of a kernel of a thought. Stabilize it on audio recording, or analog with pencil or pen or, digitize it with a keyboard. Whatever it takes for you to get your brilliance down where others can examine or enjoy it.

Give it a middle, as you have to start somewhere. Or give it a beginning or an end. Then write forward from that or backward, out outward. Then, read it back in it's entirety. Missing a good beginning or end? Write backward to the start, or forward to the finish. Play with it. The biggest obstacle I've seen is options.

Beginning writers (and experienced ones too) simply see too many options in what to write, what direction to take. But that gets narrower with experience, so relax. The more you write the easier it gets.

For myself I don't worry too much about an ending. For me in the beginning, for many years, that was my killer. A fear of endings. My friends told me years ago that they loved my writings but they told me, with love, "Give it a damn ending!" But I was terrified of endings. An ending meant you had put your stamp on it and if others didn't think it was brilliant, you were an idiot. It wasn't until I had to turn in many non-fiction papers in college that I started to feel the confidence to generate decent endings.

Once you have the elements in place, a fun story (fun in funny, or fun in sadness, but entertaining, scary, intriguing, etc., whatever). Then read it and fix any issues that bug you, that stop you, that slow you down. You need to do what I used to say as a tech writer was "massaging" the text. Smoothing it out, perfecting it. Read it as if it's not yours. Wait a day or a week and read it. Then as you read it once through keep in mind the stuff that bugs you, slows you, speeds you up, gets your blood racing or kills your mood. Keep notes if need be.

Then read it again and fix it. 

Read it again then and if you find now (after two, or twenty rewrites or re-edits) that it flows smoothly to a conclusion, but there are some really good parts that stop you dead, even if they are brilliant, that's when you kill your children, slaughter your darlings. Cut them. Save them. Move on.

Once you are past a first draft, get someone to read it. Someone you trust not to damage you over it, who can give you some advice ("I don't like this character, or this part", or "I love this part but...."). I had to do this on my own because for many years no one would read me. Certainly not family, not girlfriends, not wives. They couldn't seem to be less interested and that seems to be a common thread.

"No one listens to the prophet in his own village." There is a reason for that, so don't feel bad if no one is all that interested in your writings. 

Mostly, I got here by myself. It just takes practice, perseverance.

It was only in the past few years that I found some good readers and an editor to whom I'm forever grateful. In doing it myself all these years, it was not unlike playing chess by myself. Reading my own writings as if I'd never seen them before (usually waiting a week allows for that),

I have gained a lot in having had to do it all by myself. But then in getting an editor I learned that little bit more I just couldn't have done alone. Also, watching massive amounts of videos and documentaries about writers, reading their (only the good ones) good books on writing, I continued to educate myself

And then.... read your writing again. In the beginning of becoming a writer there are many rewrites. But as you do this over and over you do get better and better. The rewrites become fewer and fewer. Read it again. Edit it until it flows as well as you want it to.

In my beginning years I would say that I did this process until I wanted to throw up and could no longer look at a story, then I knew it was done; because I couldn't look at it anymore. Some would ask me back then, "how do you know when to quit writing and editing?"

I would tell them I would know because I simply couldn't read it anymore. So it had to be done. That was when I needed an editor however. I sent those stories out to sell to magazines and I did that for a long time until one day, someone actually bought one.

I'd finally gotten there and on my own.

Anymore? I just know when I'm done writing a story now. I have tied up all the loose ends. The beginning is intriguing enough to draw a reader on, the ending is entertaining and satiating enough that a reader may want to try reading something else I've written.

After a while you get to where you just know. My editor has said that I quickly caught on from her edits, my writing has gotten better, and she has to edit less and less. Considering that my writing was already good enough to sell to the market, it was good to hear that I have gotten even better.

Sometimes, a second pair of eyes are just golden. 

In summation if you want to write, if you have a passion for it, write. If you don't have a passion for it, then don't bother. But if you do bother, then do it right. Learn, but don't waste. Don't spend money where it's useless but at some point, you may have to put your wallet where you desires are. Just don't do it too soon because so much can be achieved in spending so little money. So many writers simply throw their money at and away (those who have it anyway and some who sadly, don't) and yet they never really learn a thing from it, or never get anywhere for all that money and wasted effort. 

There are multitudes of people out there wanting to take your money for your writings. I learned long ago that if I were to sell my writings, people would have to pay me. I wasn't going to pay them. 

Now I'm not talking about contests. That's entirely another cup of tea. But just as dangerous. Learn to verify, validate, check and double check. Never spend money on your writing unless you are absolutely sure you are getting value for it.

Track down who says what contest is good and which are the ones to avoid. The information is out there. Use it. Look before you leap. Validate before you spend. And only send something when you think it really has a chance, otherwise, keep working on it and yes, it can seem to take forever.

In the end if you want to be a writer you will.

Nothing will stop you. No one will hold you back. It's something that just has to come out, and it will. But how soon, how wisely and how effectively will you be at the post creative process, the marketing, selling, spreading around the word of your brand, your name?

It seldom happens overnight. For some it does. Luck does have something to do with it, sometimes even nepotism. But the skill has to be there to begin with. You have to be in the right place, have the (right) material available if someone asks. Make sure it's golden and don't fear success. The fear of success is a big killer of so many talented people. Just as they are making it they sabotage themselves, fearful of failure or in not knowing how to handle success when it happens, usually unexpectedly.

A famous author once said he wallpapered his home office with rejection slips until a wall was full. Then he filled another and another and then started on another room. I took that to heart only I kept a scrapbook of them until finally one day I got accepted and realized I was sad that I didn't get a rejection slip in order to see what theirs would have looked like.

I had to convince myself this sale was good. This after all was what I had been shooting for, for years. After a few days I did start to feel good about it. 100% good. You have to steel yourself to the reality of the pain of the business, the let downs, the lack of returned calls or emails, the rejections. Everyone is hustling and they forget you quickly if you're not right in front of them.

Talk about an industry with ADHD! The entertainment industry is brutal. You're only as good as your last work. You only exist if someone already wants you. To get a job you have to have had the job before. So on and on. 

But when it works, when you make a sale, when someone says how good you are or you see or read or hear someone compliment your works, it's really pretty amazing. But you have to get that going in a steady and continuous stream in order to make it all worth it. Otherwise, what you have is just a hobby. 

Make up your mind. Is this going to be a hobby or a business? Because if it's a business then you have to be professional. You have to do the work. It's hard work, just like any job. Don't just love the romance of being a writer, because so many do that and then fail or give up. Learn to love the hard, lonely hours spent producing words on a page. Love the process. Love the journey. The destination then will come but if you only love the romance or the destination, you may find yourself sorely lost.

So many marriages fail because people don't get that it can work and should be work because anything you really and truly love and want, takes effort to achieve and hang onto. Otherwise it's gone on the next tide. And that tide is relentless. So you have to be too. 

Success comes to those who wait it out, who work harder than they need to, who always expand their horizons so they will be ready for whatever comes their way. Inevitably when opportunity knocks on your door, you won't be ready or in the mood or it will be wearing a disguise just begging you to say no, to turn away or to give up. 

Remember that one all important thing if you want success.

Well okay, I don't really know what that is and it can be different for everybody. You have to find what that is, for you.

Just know that when it shows up, you'd better be ready for it because it will come at you full bore and from an oblique angle. You won't see it, you won't be ready for it and you may not even notice it when it zips by.

But if you do notice it, grab hold, hang on and the final key is...don't let go. Because then is when things get really interesting.

Bigger isn't always better. Better, is better. Always.

And now, a short rant on the old (Hollywood version of the old) adage, and a question:

"Bigger is always better!"

Is it?

No, I don't think is is.

Do you think bigger is always better? Want more then? Okay but, be careful what you ask for.

As a writer, a viewer and, a reader, I am so sick of this "bigger is better" mentality that is so Hollywood and somewhat the book publishing industry. Though granted, Hollywood may very well be the worst proponent of that banal mentality.

Case in point, volcano movies. I've never ever seen a good volcano film. One of my first was one I was thinking about just the other day. It was at the premiere of a film at the Cinerama in Seattle in 1969. They had a special showing for regional theater managers and their families and my step father was an Assistant Manager at a local drive in theater, so we got to go. The theater was amazing! The film, not so much. Well, it was amazing, but not in the way the theater was.

They showed, "Krakatoa, East of Java" with one of my favorite actors, Maximilian Schell and, I hated it. The special effects did not play well in 70MM widescreen, to say the least.

Here's some advice for filmmakers, don't make films about volcanoes.

In writing screenplays, you get that mindset from people all the time.

"Can't we add in a connection between the protagonist any other thing that will make this bigger, increase scope, increase the effect, make it, "better"? Can't we add in an explosion or six? Guns? There's no guns, how about guns?"

And so it goes. More, bigger, Bettererness! Must have Betternesses!

I see it most especially on TV lately. Do we really always need an A and B line in the story? Okay, maybe so (thanks MTV?), but do they have to be so intimately tied together so that even a moron can see it? Even if you want them to be similar, parallel story lines, can't we make them (see I'm working with you here, I said, "more"), more similar and less exacting? I mean, when you have the A line story going on about divorce, do we really have to have the B line story be about the protagonist's child breaking up with his girlfriend (or boyfriend if he's gay)? It's BORING!

Can't instead, we have the B line be about loss in a clever way, or some other elements of divorce so that we're not merely rehashing the A line story in B? Maybe something new, some unusually ignored elements of divorce? I'm really sick to death of it. Because I know that once I see the A line in a show, I'll merely be watching the same damn thing in the B line, even if it's "different". Give me something more if you want, but come on, I can handle it; make it smarter not "bigger and better" in how you usually perceive it. I bet most of America can, in fact, get it.

Challenge me on the B line, don't bore me with it just wanting to get back to the A line. That's a pathetic technique. Don't make the B line mere filler. Make it exploratory, push the boundaries, make me think, at least, a little. Let me veg out on the more obtuse A line, but make the B line a bit more obscure so that just maybe AFTER the show, I'll reflect on it and go, "Oh, I get it now! Nice work!"

Bigger is not always better.

It's like with what happened to the James Bond franchise. It is perhaps the ultimate example of that. "There was an explosion in the last film. We have to do better. Put in two explosions in this next film." And there it began to the point of utter lunacy. When did Bond get better again? When they pulled back, added tension back in. Brought the human back to the story line which really was what the books were all about that made them popular in the first place.

Yes, films are different than books. But better is the same. Sure explosions work better in a visual than a conceptual format (film over books). But you have to use it sparingly or you become a parody of yourself. Which, eventually, Bond films achieved, self parody (Roger Moore became a prime example of in his later Bond films. He was incredible as The Saint on TV. Though Ian Fleming wanted him as Bond in the films and not "that brute", Sean Connery (who was awesome by the way and Ian did eventually come around on that one). But Moore was not Bond, he was, The Saint. That is what he excelled at, not Bond.

But that's beside the point. The point int he Moore Bond films was they took it to absurd levels (Jaws as a case in point), because they didn't know how to go bigger and better anymore. I will give Moore points for one thing. At a time post 60s when things like MI6 (Bond's agency in the UK) and the CIA in America and the military in general (and government) had falled into disfavor with the post 60s rebellious kids who had now grown up,

Moore allowed Bond to limp along into a new age, setting the stage for a new actor to take over and take it to more serious and at times, melodramatic levels. But then, it did get better. Timothy Dalton took over and I thought did a wonderful job. It wasn't his fault the screenplays weren't that good. But he got us back on the right track with the right idea acting wise, anyway.

Where this annoys me most (bigger is better) is in my own writing. That is, in how I'm "supposed" to write if I want to sell; or in how some respond to a story I might write, or want to write. You get replies like, "it needs to be more "Hollywood" (to paraphrase), or "A and B lines have to be more the same", or "Punch it some up more with more banal boringness." Yeah, I'm being ridiculous, for a reason.

What really is better, is not just what's bigger, what's more, tossing off more explosions, more connectedness. Sometimes more is in the disconnect, the disparity, the unexpected, where the awesomeness lay.

Yes, I agree, better is, well... better. But bigger isn't, not necessarily and I'd argue, not usually.

That's not to say a story I wrote is boring to begin with. Or that at times perhaps, I could conform a bit more to some standard protocols. But aren't we tired of remakes, sequels, formula? I am and I'm doing my best to avoid that, to break that plastic wrap ceiling and get something out there that is fresh, different, unique in some ways and not the same pablum we have had force fed to us again and again and again and again and... well, you get the idea. You do, right?

That is why I now say, seemingly more and more all too often:

Bigger isn't always better. Better, is better. Always.