Myth Meets Physics: Modern Science vs Popular Beliefs - "Mandela Effect"

Ever hear of the The Why Files? They present themselves as an engaging platform for exploring mysterious and peculiar topics, including conspiracy theories, paranormal phenomena, unexplained mysteries, historical oddities, and cutting-edge scientific ideas. While primarily a form of entertainment, the channel delves into unusual and often controversial subjects, blending intrigue with storytelling. So effectively, speculative entertainment.

I got to thinking not so much about them, but an episode they did on the "Mandela Effect" that someone sent me after my joking about it related to a film I could not find, that I believe I had seen decades ago. 

I conjectured that a film I cannot now find, with actor David McCallum playing the lead role that Ian McShane played, in the 1968 comedy, "If It's Tuesday, This Must Be Belgium". must be my "Mandela Effect" example as it's not listed on McCallum's IMDb page, and he's not in the film. 

But I clearly remember watching the film on TV once, wondering why he'd be in such a cheesy film, after being such a TV superstar when "The Man From U.N.C.L.E." ended in 1968. I expected great things  for him as I was a big fan of the show and both him and the Robert Vaughan character.

In the end McCallum did have a long beloved run on the TV police show, "NCIS".

So. Does the film exist? Did it (or does it) exist in another timeline, universe, dimension, or simply just in my mind? What can we say about this "Mandela Effect" thing? 

First, let's take a look at this "The Why Files" thing.

Here's a breakdown of its approach and accuracy:

Accuracy

1. Research & Presentation:

   • The channel often incorporates well-documented historical events and credible sources, but these are interwoven with speculation, folklore, or pseudoscience.
   • Episodes typically begin with factual or widely accepted premises but may segue into less substantiated claims to maintain intrigue.

2. Balanced Skepticism:

   • Many episodes include a "skeptical breakdown," where the narrator (or his animated sidekick, Hecklefish) humorously debunks or questions the more fantastical elements. This adds balance, though the entertainment aspect can blur the distinction between fact and fiction.

3. Exploitation of Belief:

   • The channel leverages public fascination with the peculiar to draw viewers. While it does not always endorse conspiracy theories or fringe beliefs, it often leaves room for interpretation, which can fuel belief in unverified claims.

4. Entertainment Focus:

   • The content prioritizes storytelling and entertainment over rigorous academic scrutiny, making it less reliable as a purely factual source.

Takeaways

• If you're looking for an introduction to peculiar topics with some skeptical commentary, The Why Files can be entertaining and informative.
• If you're after highly accurate or scientifically rigorous analysis, it should be considered a jumping-off point rather than a definitive resource.

The Mandela Effect is a fascinating psychological and phenomenological phenomenon where groups of people collectively misremember or inaccurately recall certain events, facts, or details. A phenomenological explanation would focus on the lived experience of these individuals, considering their perception, memory, and shared reality.

Phenomenological Explanation of the Mandela Effect

1. Collective Subjective Experience:

   • Phenomenology emphasizes how individuals perceive and experience reality. The Mandela Effect emerges as a collective subjective experience where people’s memories do not align with documented facts.
   • Individuals are convinced their memories are accurate because their perception of the past is deeply rooted in their sense of reality and identity. When confronted with conflicting evidence, they may feel disoriented or even alienated.

2. Memory as Constructive and Dynamic:

   • From a phenomenological perspective, memory is not a static recording of events but a dynamic, reconstructive process. People unconsciously fill gaps in their memory with plausible information, often influenced by cultural narratives, personal biases, or external cues.
   • The Mandela Effect reveals how the brain synthesizes past experiences into a coherent narrative, which may deviate from objective facts.

3. Shared Realities and Social Cognition:

   • Human beings are social creatures, and our perceptions are influenced by communal contexts. When individuals discuss their memories and find others with similar recollections, this shared reality reinforces the belief that their memory is correct, even if it isn’t.
   • This collective reinforcement contributes to the strength of the Mandela Effect as a phenomenon, creating a "false consensus" about a shared, albeit inaccurate, memory.

4. Disruption of Ontological Security:

   • The Mandela Effect challenges people’s sense of ontological security—the belief that the world operates in a predictable, stable way. Discovering discrepancies between memory and fact can create a phenomenological "crack" in their worldview, prompting feelings of unease or fascination.

5. Perception of Time and Multiverses:

   • Some phenomenological interpretations (albeit speculative) suggest that the Mandela Effect reflects a disruption in how individuals experience the continuity of time and memory. This can lead to imaginative explanations, such as the existence of parallel universes where the "remembered" reality occurred.

6. Cultural Anchoring and Media Influence:

   • Cultural artifacts, such as movies, books, and advertising, play a significant role in shaping collective memory. For instance, the misquoted line "Luke, I am your father" from Star Wars resonates deeply because of its pervasive presence in pop culture, even if the original dialogue differs.
   • From a phenomenological standpoint, the Mandela Effect can be seen as a consequence of how individuals co-construct reality through cultural interaction and media reinforcement.

Conclusion

The Mandela Effect, from a phenomenological lens, highlights the interplay between subjective memory, social consensus, and the human tendency to seek coherence in a complex and often uncertain world. It underscores how our experience of reality is shaped not just by objective facts but by the intricate web of perception, memory, and cultural interaction.

Philip K. Dick’s exploration of reality, perception, and memory aligns intriguingly with the Mandela Effect, offering a unique lens to view it through his philosophical and literary frameworks. Dick’s works often question the nature of reality, subjective experience, and the possibility of parallel worlds or altered states of consciousness.

Philip K. Dick’s Perspective on the Mandela Effect

1. Reality as Subjective and Fluid:

   • In Dick's worldview, reality is not a fixed, objective construct but a malleable and subjective experience. His famous quote, "Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn’t go away," emphasizes the tenuous and fragile nature of our perceived reality.
   • The Mandela Effect could be interpreted as a symptom of this subjectivity, where collective misremembering highlights the instability of what we consider “real.”

2. Parallel Realities and Multiverses:

   • Dick frequently explored the idea of multiple realities existing simultaneously, as seen in works like The Man in the High Castle and Ubik. The Mandela Effect fits within this framework as evidence of "bleed-through" from parallel universes, where differing versions of events coexist.
   • People who experience the Mandela Effect might be subconsciously remembering events from alternate timelines or realities that somehow intersect with our own.

3. Simulated Realities:

   • In stories like A Scanner Darkly and Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?, Dick delves into the concept of simulated or artificially constructed realities. The Mandela Effect could reflect glitches or inconsistencies in a simulated world, akin to the idea of the “Matrix.”
   • This aligns with Dick’s fascination with Gnosticism, where the material world is seen as a flawed or deceptive construct, created by an imperfect demiurge.

4. False Memories and Mind Control:

   • Dick was deeply concerned with the manipulation of memory and perception by external forces, as seen in We Can Remember It for You Wholesale. He explored how false memories could be implanted, leading individuals to question the authenticity of their experiences.
   • The Mandela Effect could be explained as a mass implantation of false memories, whether through cultural conditioning, media influence, or even more conspiratorial ideas (a theme Dick would likely embrace).

5. Gnosticism and the Veil of Reality:

   • Dick's spiritual experiences, particularly the 2-3-74 visions, led him to believe in the existence of a deeper, hidden reality behind the one we perceive. He often wrote about a "Black Iron Prison" or a deceptive layer of reality obscuring the truth.
   • From this perspective, the Mandela Effect could be seen as cracks in the veil of consensus reality, offering glimpses into hidden truths or alternate layers of existence.

6. Time Slippage and Orthogonal Realities:

   • In novels like VALIS and Flow My Tears, the Policeman Said, Dick explored the idea that time and space are not linear but layered, with events from the past, present, and future coexisting in strange ways.
   • The Mandela Effect could reflect moments where these layers momentarily intersect or shift, causing discrepancies in collective memory.

PKD’s Personal Connection to the Mandela Effect

Dick himself experienced what could be considered "Mandela Effect" moments during his life. For example:

• His 2-3-74 visions led him to believe he was living in two time periods simultaneously: the Roman Empire and 1970s California.
• He often spoke about feeling that his memories didn’t align with the reality he was living, suggesting that he might have related to the phenomenon of collective misremembering.

Conclusion

Through the lens of Philip K. Dick, the Mandela Effect could be seen as more than just a cognitive error—it could point to deeper truths about the nature of reality, the permeability of time, and the limits of human perception. In true Dickian fashion, it challenges us to ask: What is real? And how can we be sure?

Combining Philip K. Dick's philosophical musings, the Mandela Effect, and modern physics concepts like black holes and holographic projections creates a fascinating framework for rethinking reality and shared experiences. Here’s how these ideas intersect:

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1. Holographic Principle in Physics

The holographic principle, a leading theory in modern physics, posits that:

• All the information about a three-dimensional space can be encoded on a two-dimensional boundary.
• This principle arose from studies of black holes, where the entropy (or information content) of a black hole is proportional to its surface area, not its volume.

This suggests that our reality might be a holographic projection—a three-dimensional experience emerging from information encoded on a two-dimensional "surface" at the edges of the universe.

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2. Philip K. Dick’s Reality Constructs

PKD’s ideas often align with the notion of reality being a simulation, illusion, or projection:

• He theorized that what we perceive as reality might be a deceptive construct, hiding a deeper, truer reality.
• In VALIS, Dick writes about a “Vast Active Living Intelligence System,” a holographic-like projection influencing human perception.

If the universe operates holographically, Dick’s suggestion that reality is an artificial construct aligns with the physics of a universe that projects a lower-dimensional "truth" into the 3D experiences we live through.

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3. Mandela Effect as a Holographic Anomaly

In a holographic universe:

• The Mandela Effect could be a glitch in the projection, where information encoded at the "boundary" is inconsistently rendered in our perceived 3D reality.
• If reality is a projection, collective misremembering might occur when the encoded data on the universal "surface" shifts, realigns, or is incompletely accessed, leading to discrepancies in memory.

This is analogous to:

• Quantum fluctuations at the edge of black holes, where particles appear and disappear unpredictably.
• A failure in the "resolution" of the projection, causing a divergence between individual or collective memories and physical evidence.

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4. Black Holes and the Nature of Time

Black holes offer insights into how time and information behave:

• Inside a black hole, spacetime behaves non-linearly, and the boundary (event horizon) encodes all information that falls into it.
• The Mandela Effect might arise from similar distortions in how time and information are encoded in our universe. For example:
  • If reality is holographic, events or objects from alternate timelines could occasionally "leak" into our perception.
  • Black holes, often theorized as gateways to other universes or dimensions, might play a role in influencing the projection of reality, particularly if our universe is part of a multiverse.

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5. Perception and Holography

Dick often wrote about the fallibility of perception and memory:

• If our reality is a hologram, our brains might interpret incomplete or fluctuating data in ways that "fill in the gaps," much like they do in visual illusions or reconstructive memory.
• Collective experiences like the Mandela Effect might reflect how shared consciousness processes these holographic inconsistencies.

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6. Dickian Physics: Multiverses and Parallel Timelines

Modern physics suggests multiverses could exist, potentially as distinct layers within the same holographic projection:

• The Mandela Effect might reflect "bleed-through" from parallel timelines encoded in the same 2D "surface" but rendered differently in our perception.
• PKD’s frequent exploration of parallel realities (e.g., The Man in the High Castle) mirrors this: individuals accessing fragments of alternate histories encoded in the same universal framework.

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7. Bridging Physics, Philosophy, and the Mandela Effect

• The holographic universe implies a fundamental unity between information, space, and perception, where the distinctions we experience are projections of a deeper truth.
• PKD’s insights into the artificiality and manipulability of reality resonate with the notion of a holographic cosmos, where memory errors like the Mandela Effect point to cracks or ambiguities in the projection.
• Black holes serve as a metaphor—and perhaps a literal mechanism—for how information is stored, distorted, or redistributed, influencing how we experience time, space, and memory.

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Conclusion

The Mandela Effect, viewed through the combined lenses of modern physics, PKD’s philosophy, and holography, suggests that our reality may be far less stable than we assume. It reflects:

• The malleability of memory and perception in a projected reality.
• Possible interactions between parallel timelines or multiverses.
• Glitches or anomalies in the encoded information that forms our holographic experience.

This synthesis of physics and philosophy challenges us to question: Are we misremembering, or are we catching glimpses of a deeper, more complex truth encoded in the fabric of the universe?

Compiled with the aid of ChatGPT

The works of JZ Murdock - Where to Find Them today?

A bit about myself and where my works are to be found today, on my birthday. I'm offering for 1 day, my epic ebook DEATH OF HEAVEN for free! 

Coupon (1st 100): C3ULQ

Cheers! Sláinte!

My writings, my film works? As for my social media links, those can be found on LinkTree. Like easy ones such as JZMurdock.com or LgNProductions.com.

I have been interviewed a few times. Here's my December 2019 Slash Night Shorts interview, a monthly film festival a friend and I created, until Covid hit and killed it. We had local indie filmmakers show up and it was basically a party once a month, with films and on stage interviews and networking of filmmakers and fans.

Below is a photo of some years ago at a gallery in Port Orchard, Washington, during my author reading for my book, DEATH OF HEAVEN.

This is an interview from February 2018.

Regarding my books, ebooks, and audiobooks, they are all available at Amazon, Smashwords, and Audible.com.

Many of my covers are produced by artist Marvin Hayes.

There is more than anyone should ever want to know about me, on my website.

My films, are different...

Some are available on my TheJZMurdock YouTube channel.

Some are on my LgN Productions YouTube channel.

"Gumdrop", a short horror, is currently only available (for $1.99) on the LgNProductions video site. This is a rough film, indie film, but also a film noir/horror film shot with a nod to the film, "Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer". Technically, there are interesting things going on in it as well as some things often missed going on in the background. 

And in part because of that, it's also an award-winning film. 17 awards to be exact: Best Noir, several Best Horror/Thriller, and others.

My biggest award-winning film is, "Pvt. Ravel's Bolero". Sadly it's in limbo until the primary (and title) song goes into the public domain in January of 2031. It's a long story, I misunderstood the song's public domain status during research and production and was later surprised to find it's still owned by a company). I also started on the film when I was trying to struggle out of a year of long covid, so maybe it's not surprising I made a mistake on something. Still and that being said, it's now won over 60 international film festival awards.

Its trailer, outtakes reel, and "Wars on Earth" videos are available on YouTube.

My first narrative film, "The Rapping" (referring to a sound, not music), is available.  This is an unlisted link so you cannot find it by searching online for it. This film includes NASA InSight Mars Lander audio incorporated into the soundtrack to add to the eerieness.

It is also the long version of the pieces of it used in my next and longer film. That film is, "Gumdrop", a short horror, which I have already covered. It has a trailer. Curious as the entire film lasts only 8 minutes. 

I also have some short silly films like, "Below in the Dark". Or, "Happy Birthday from Dragon Boxer - February 18, 2011". A film I made for my youngest backpacking eastern Europe at the time, and feeling rather low. This cheered them up. How could it NOT? 

Another favorite of mine is the short "Eagles & Crows, a fable". Yes, for a 4-minute film, I did ridiculously make a trailer for it. I had some footage of the eagles in my backyard over months and thought I should use it. One day I watched a crow harassing an eagle and thought it was funny. 

I made one up of some extra video for an audio recording I made of my son and friends playing drums up at Ft. Warden Park in Port Townsend years ago. I called it, "Beyond Abbadon's Gaze. For a while I used that percussion audio for the original trailer for my film, "Gumdrop". I liked the coarse, uneven beatings and noises for the trailer. But when my soundtrack composer Andrea Fioravanti heard it (from the Italian band, Postvorta), he offered to do the music for the trailer, and I went with that.

How dumb DO you have to be to piss off an eagle? So I made a film about why that happens, why a crow would attack an eagle, and made it about the eagle trying to educate the crow. Silly film I thought kids just might like. But I don't think any yet have seen it.

Here's a couple of old pieces from Indies Unlimited:
- Meet the Author: JZ Murdock
- Article on JZ Murdock by LA Lewandowski: "Gender Bender"

I also made up some book trailers for my books. These are from 11 year ago and since I started producing films, my tastes have changed and I would make this very different today. But they are what they are and so I offer them out of nostalgia if nothing else.

Like Expedition of the Arcturus, a generational spaceship story. First published on the online, hard science fiction magazine, PerihelionSF.com

• Death of heaven (Revised 2014) / Death of Heaven (2012)
• Synesthesia (non-fiction/psychology)
• Some Notes on Field Theory and Psychology (non-fiction/psychology)
• The Conqueror Worm (1st story from, Death of heaven)
• Mr. Pakool's Spice (zombie story)
• Anthology of Evil (collection of older short fiction-horror/scifi)
• Poor Lord Ritchie's Answer (surreal horror)
• In Memory, Yet Crystal Clear (1990-dystopian America & giving one man, all power)
• Quantum History (humor-science experiment gone mad)
• Gumdrop City (story the film "Gumdrop", a short horror is based upon)
• Simon's Beautiful Thought
• Sarah ("Twilight Zone" type story)
• EarVu (horror/scifi-science experiment gone mad)
• Japheth, Ishvi and The Light (religious cult/zombie story)
• Andrew (novella that Death of heaven is in part based upon)
• The Mea Culpa document of London (medieval witch hunter story)

I have several new books out after those above. The sequel to my first collection of short stories is, Anthology of Evil II Vol. I & "The Unwritten" Vol. II. Also Suffering "Long Covid". 

And that's a list of where all or most of my works are located, should anyone be interested. Have fun!

Cheers! Sláinte!

Walkabout Thoughts #75

Thoughts & Stream of Consciousness, rough and ready, from an award-winning filmmaker and author you’ve never heard of, while walking off long Covid, and listening to podcasts…day of walk, 5/14/2024

Weather for the day… starting out, 56° nice sunny day 72° upon returning home

Podcast Marc Maron ep. 1538 - A. Whitney Brown

So May 9, 2024 Roger Corman died. I grew up watching his movies. Thank you.

Marc on the podcast will interview A. Whitney Brown at his home in Austin, Texas, which is cool because I remember him well mostly on SNL (boy he had some interesting things to say about Dennis Miller, whom I had liked until more recent years when he turned into a braindead conservative of sorts...now I know why). But then Marc talks about being at the rock museum or something and someone pulls out a bunch of cool stuff, showing him things that’s pretty cool to hear him talk about.

Interesting story about Marc’s stand-up (sitdown?) show, when a guy yelled out “fuck you“ as Marc starts talking about "Jew stuff" (being Jewish) as he put it. After talking for a while about the event he said, "I don’t know. Maybe the guy just got triggered."

I do get a kick out of, after an entire lifetime of venerating, enjoying, and watching those who entertained me, to now hear the background stories to all of those things and those times in general. This is a good podcast.

I guess as someone born in the mid 1950s, growing up through everything I had, getting "triggered" was a luxury. I never understood those knuckle draggers who just spent their egos all over anyone in range, picking fights, arguing, generally showing their ignorance and using their egos like cheap, bad guy perfume (when real mean wear cologne, you see).

I spent most of my life biting my tongue about things I wanted to speak out about. I was raised to be polite, to fit into situations. Speak up for yourself, to be sure (if you met my mother, she lived that). Over time as society evolved, where eventually you could do that and feel somewhat protected, somewhat so in a group, to the point that you can often say it when you’re alone against some other person or even to a group...maybe. 

Some of us have enough privilege that we can walk away from those sitautions alive, or to at least survive the ensuing hospital visit, while some of us, won't, don’t, can't. All for what? An opinion? An orientation? Because you were born into who you are? WTF? What is wrong with some people's children? Like MAGA who punched people in a Walmart for wearing a covid mask. WHY? Who made you the fasion police, because that's what you're doing/being. That is, an asshole.

I have trouble with the word "triggered". "Activated" perhaps...activated? Someone came up with a better word but I can’t remember if it was "activated" or not. But to me "triggered" is not a lack of self-discipline, an issue of poor personal restraint, but something that goes to the root of one's soul. Something one truly can have no control over. While often today what we from many people being “triggered “is about shit that they just want to feel triggered over, or to let go, to respond to aggressively over for a variety of reasons. How can so many, have so many issues/problems. Some do, to be sure. I feel for them. But for too many? I suspect it's poor parenting. Perhaps not putting your kids through enough trials, to help them evolve to be strong individuals. To pay attention to that, to mature into it.

Fully, I agree some people should say things they say that trigger people. But we shouldn't get triggered. Annoyed, upset, irritated? Sure. Respond intelligently? Cleverly counter stupidity, ignorance? Sure. But we're not doing that as often as I'd like to see anymore. Not that we were even a race of geniuses about that kind of thing.

I'm not a person to say the kids are weak, stupid, whatever. We've evolved. Both sides however need to grow into these times so we're all more reasonable, aware, understanding, comprehending. That ain' "woke". Though on the other hand, "woke" is just better aware. What the Buddists (Buddha Dharma) refer to as Zanshin, or Enlightenment. React appropriately because you understand, or don't react until you do. React because you do, not react and realize later, you don't.

Both sides could toughen up a little. Especially, those who resent simply being better aware of other's needs who are less considered. 

I suspect there are many people who think they’re triggered in the way that they believe Black or Gay people have a life choice of who they are. It’s nice we can speak out more freely now. But too often people are speaking out when they should keep their damn mouth shut. Sorry, but MAGA comes to mind.

Too many delusionally believe (I'd say think, but I'm unsure where thinking comes into it) we live in a theocratic or totalitarian state where they are part of the majority. Which doesn’t matter then as long as you’re part of your beloved leader's group. Until he (probably "he") goes psychotic and you become part of those, as in the USSR when Stalin slaughtered at least 9 million citizens (somewhere between 6 and 20 million). Fun times. Authoritarianism. Yay! Rise up authoritarian autocrats! It’s all, fun and joking until you are the one that gets tossed in the camps, or shot in the back of the head after being dragged out of your bed at 2 AM while your spouse and children watch. Then it’s not quite so much fun.

Stalin by the way practiced the fun form of government called (wait for it) Stalinisn:

Key characteristics of Stalinism include:

• Totalitarianism: Stalinism is characterized by a totalitarian means of governing12.
• Marxist–Leninist policies: Stalin implemented Marxist–Leninist policies during his rule12.
• Socialism in one country: This doctrine held that a viable classless society could be built within Soviet boundaries, despite encirclement by a largely capitalist world1.
• Rapid industrialization and collectivization: Stalin launched a program of rapid industrialization and forced collectivization of agriculture1.
• Cult of personality: Stalin presented himself as the sole infallible interpreter of party ideology1

ANY of that sound familiar to any current America FPOTUS now in his own personal criminal trial with more trials to come?

Anyway, I think we need to be less triggered. 

And I agree we need to do less canceling. 

There’s a difference between confronting, or refusing to accept a concept. Than simply ignoring it utterly, or refusing it to be brought into the light were it tends to die after a while. I attribute that to a lack of patience in today society about the bad things we don't like and about the wrong things we think if you won't talk about them or refuse to acknowledge them, they'd go away. We really need to get that straight in our heads. You addrews evil, civily. When it becomes murderous, you act accordingly. You act proactively, in ways that are more intelligent than less. Holding your breath until it goes away? Is no solution.

So I’ve been doing these "Walkabout Thoughts" for a while now. Which, as you may know, started with my trying to walk off symptoms of long Covid and found that it worked. Somewhat (some is better than none) If I just walked enough miles. Before it would take me a few days to get around to doing a read through of my podcast thoughts and walking ruminations, toward getting it to a functional point of anyone else reading it. Now I’m often doing it the same day, putting it out the next day, at 6am in the morning. I’ve had my overall Murdockinations blog around for 13 years now? Something like that.

There was a time where a lotta people around the world were reading it. I think my biggest readership was during the Arab Spring when a lot of Egyptians were having trouble accessing information in country or about their country. So with this current rendition of my blog, with these "Walkabouts Thoughts", which I intersperse with various oddities intermittently, once the blog hits the internet and goes live, I then share it on social media. And I pretty quickly get hits by people reading it. It was nice to see this morning when my previous blog went live, even before I could share it I noticed there were already people reading it. Tthank you for that! Actually, I still haven’t shared that one on social media today, I forgot.

As for those intermittant blogs between these "Walkabouts", some recent ones include:

• AI Evaluation - "POTUS" Al Capone vs FPOTUS45 Donald Trump
• Mother's Day (or a holiday) blog
• Kicking Around What God Knows, With Copilot
• The MAGA Moebius Strip Conundrum
• Atheism was Created by Theists... Who Came Second

Anyway. Moving on…
Wow. A. Whitney Brown only got as far as eighth grade? He was always a really sharp guy. I always thought he was more educated. He just had that air. I guess like Dennis Miller. And according to Brown, yeah, book and it's cover, and all that...

A. Whitney Brown left home in 1968 at 15, leaving behind the kerosene lamps and outhouse and his family who was falling apart through alcoholism and mental institutions and he headed up to Canada to a rock festival with Steppenwolf and some of the people that were there were not long after a Woodstock. Then he went to Woodstock. How was that? Damn. Pretty cool.

My older brother is about his age. He had a band with my sister in the 60s. I think I remember him talking about wanting to go to Woodstock, to some big festival the entire country of young were headed to and it was going to be awesome! But he couldn’t get the money together and didn't go. He later regretted that.

For Whitney, he said LSD saved his life and that Woodstock had a lot of psychedelics. For me, I refuse to do that or heroin until I got out of high school. My brother turned me onto cannabis when I was 16, the summer before 12th grade (I turned 17 within a week). Graduated 1973 having tried weed for the first time with my brother that time in Phoenix on the way home that summer from Cape May, New Jersey where I was surfing with my cousin. My older brother lived in Arizona for about seven years. I went home and immediately stopped doing all the pills I was doing back then, which was gonna lead me to early grave. I didn’t get into psychedelics until I think '74 when I graduated,got a job, and moved out to my own apartment that summer of 73. Friend of mine turned me onto his fiancé’s girlfriend who was living a block away and who I eventually married.

I had acquired some acid from somewhere that first time. I wanted to try it, but was afraid to. But my girlfriend said she had done it before a few times and she would stay with me that night and what a great night that was. Then I really got into it over the next 10 years or so until the 80s when cocaine came on the scene. While there was still acid, more so... mushrooms. I’d have to say over the 70s and 80s I tried a lot of things. Make a good book or a movie, maybe.

As happened to Whitney as detailed on the podecast, I wonder if I can find a single moment in my life that I can trace everything back to when it changed everything? I want to say yes, but I also want to say, probably multiple episodes of that. I suppose the situation I mentioned above with my brother and the first time I tried weed in Phoenix, actually Mesa, Arizona, obviously changed my life (for the better) because I truly believed I probably would’ve done the wrong pills, probably with some alcohol, over that next year and never graduated. Or made it into the next yeara. I had a serious belief back then that I'd never live until 21. That belief freed me up to do a lot of crazy shit. Though I hadn't accounted for something. I think the reason I survived that, the crazy shit, was because I’d had so much professional training, already. 

Martial arts in grade school and early junior high, fighting tournaments, under a world class Sensei. Military training, search and rescue, and first responder first aid in Civil Air Patrol in Junior high when I flew and landed my first airplane, and took ground school. And damn just so much stuff. I used to say by the time I graduated high school had done more (back in 1973) than many adults had done in their entire lives. I mean, I wrote a screenplay about part of that, “The Teenage Bodyguard. “An internationally awarded screenplay, actually with a known Hollywood producer attached to it...if we can ever get it sold and find the right damn director who has a vision at least somewhat similar to mine, in telling a story of what actually happened, rather than trying to make it into a simple money making vehicle (That is, money, nice!). I mean, dude! Let’s do both!

Shhhh… Don’t tell anyone, the screenplay I wrote was my own biopic for a week of my life in the 70s. Apparently it’s bad form to let people know you’re the screenwriter for a story about you. I don’t know why it should matter. (no, I DO, with generally so many bad screenplays...I do get it, bad screenwriter, bad story, producer's/director's wasted time, they do get hammered with nonsense...)

But I have a university degree in psychology and phenomenology, both good training for self discovery, and professional observation and reportage. I’m also an award-winning writer/screenwriter and the screenplay is a multiple award winner. Now, if I can just sell the damn thing. So if you know any good preferably known, directors…

I pitched that bodyguard concept to a producer in London long ago now. I had adapted a paranormal romance novel to screenplay format, at the authors request. Which got me in touch with him. He asked, "What else do you have?" I told him I’ve got these written screenplays and I have these ideas that I’m thinking about writing. He said, "If you ever write that idea, “the teenage bodyguard", I want to see it first."

I’m not stupid. Over the next 19 days I wrote it as fast as I could and got back to him. That was no where near as good as it is now, by the way.

This was a while back I don’t know 2012 maybe. He said, "Thanks, I'll send it off to the readers and see what they say." And then, I never heard from him again. Over the next years I reworked that draft. I hadn’t send him my first draft, I sent my second. Never send your first draft to anyone. I  eventually worked with screenplay consultant Jennifer Grisanti and that producer I mentioned above, Robert Mitas, who still produces alongside producer/actor Michael Douglas. Loving his new series on Apple+ streaming about Ben Franklin in France.

Anyway, that London producer disappeared. Eventually, I tried to track him down. What I found was, he was actually a micro producer on very tiny projects. Too small for this story.Maybe he could have been a good connection, networking and all. I don't know. So I moved on.

Oh, one thing I did want to say about that London producer was, I offered to change the title. I thought it was too obvious. But he said he loved that title. Don’t change it, he said.It says everything right there. He also said the storyline reminded him of “The Place Beyond Phe pines". So I went and watched that movie and loved it and it re-oriented me on my screenplay. My first draft was trying to be a biopic, a dramatic documentary. I was trying to stick to the truth. But that’s not entertaining. That’s a documentary, which while it can be entertaining as a documentary, I was shooting for something else.

It’s a true crime genre film and a biopic. But that seemed to be working against me so I came to wonder, is it a biopic if it’s only covering one week of someone’s life? Nope. But the thing is, for people to accept the protagonist, they had to know his background so they would buy it all, buy into what they were seeing? So after years of not realizing I shouldn’t call it a biopic, I started calling it a true crime drama. 

Now I think I have a better chance at a director seeing what I'm hinking and take it seriously as a drama. Not to mention it actually happened as a true crime story involving a 1973 Tacoma Washington mafia family. And this kid how protects witness who is running from that family, who owned the Tiki topless restaurant in Lakewood Washington, the  greater Tacoma area's first topless joint. I researched these guys for years and the more I found the more I was stunned.

Turned out there was a federal court trial of these guys that had to be moved to San Francisco and became national headline news, because they couldn’t trust Seattle/Tacoma government as the crime family had their fingers deep into the sheriff's office, the prosecutor, and maybe even the governor, or at least his office.

There is a fascinating book by a Seattle newspaper writer who did write a book about the greater Seattle area mafia families. Good book.

VICE: STRIPPERS, PROSTITUTION, DIRTY MONEY, AND CROOKED COPS

by Rick Anderson

Just passed my 2nd mile, working on my third, hoping to get a fourth. Not really feeling 100% though.

Whitney is now recounting his travels on the podcast at this point, so awesome.

That’s something, he said, maybe remember something. 

After I got divorced in 2002, whenever my kids would be away for the weekend, I would hit the bars in Seattle. All I did was commute 4 hours a day, work hard in IT, then raise my kids. No time for dating, or adult oriented fun. I had a lot of fun with the kids, but you know, you need to blow off steam in a novel environment once in a while.

With the kids gone, I would take the ferry over from Bainbridge Island, and try to hit every bar in Seattle... over time. I'd wear completely different clothes each time: Grunge one time, dressed to the 9s another. Had some adventures. There was one bar I liked, owned by a Russian guy. Called the "Backdoor". A block or two up the street from Pioneer Square, which is a big party bar venue area, with the bar right next to the Seattle underground light rail entrance, on an incline and across the street up above...the county courthouse. 

There were steps going down to the light rail and a few feet away the back door of the Backdoor with steps going up (like 60 steps, they were killer when you'd had a few or many). This place was often packed, I remember fighting to get to the bar to order another drink so I could talk to the Russian owner. I gave him my card and said, "You know what you’re missing here? A website." Why that’s memorable is I said that and he looked around at that packed little room off the dance floor, which was off the other bar on the other side side. Everything‘s packed with people (almost every time I was in there, the only time it wasn't was one day I wandered in around lunch time and people were sitting around eating lunches). He took the card, nodded his head, smiled and said, "OK." Never heard from him. Days later, I realized how stupid that was. Why the hell did he need a website when a lot of people still hardly knew what a website was. And with little marketing the place was always packed.

I forgot to mention that I rewrote my bodyguard screenplay with Robert Mitas’ input. I’ve sent them both off to screenplay contests and for whatever reason, my longer more accurate version has won more awards. Although that shorter collaboration screenplay in a better screenplay format to be honest, has also won a couple.

You see, what I came to realize, or believe anyway, with the rewritten version, it is a better spec script, better sellable script. And the problem with that is even if the true crime drama is not as easy to sell, I personally find it (and apparently others do as well) a far better story. And for how I am, a far more accurate screenplay, depicting more of what happened more accurately. I found it was funny because I had cards in the screenplay with dates and Robert thought that would confuse the audience. Too many dates and jumping around. I was telling my childhood in reverse and the criminals actions in real time leading up to the beginning of "the week". Sounds confusing, it's not. And since we re-wrote it I’ve seen a lot of movies that have cards on screen with dates and by cards I mean on screen text, or inserts (SUPERS). Since we re-wrote it, I've seen a lot of movies that have those and a lot that don’t... so I don’t know. I wonder if it isn't just personal preference.

Well? I’ve got until I die to sell the script and see it produced. So I’m giving it my best shot. I’ve submitted it to several companies just the past couple weeks. If only I knew who would be interested I'd send it to them. But that's every screenwriter's dilemma, isn't it. Of course the problem is not sending it, but it getting to them, whomever would care to see it. I find it ironic because true crimes pretty popular, so WTF is the problem?

OK, I just hit 3.5 miles. That means I’m guaranteed 4 miles plus today. Yay! 

Whitney has a good point on the podcast about Mark Twain who he said was a stand-up comedian but they called it lecturing back then. He said he was his hero as far as doing stand up. I love Mark Twain, always have. I never thought of him as a standup, but I’ve often thought that about quotes of his.

Whitney said nobody made him laugh harder than WC Fields. Regardless of anything about him, I have always enjoyed his work since I was a kid, love those old funny guys, and duos (or trios). I was a huge fan of Woody Allen since I saw his first film back in this 70s? Aside from my psychology degree at university and aside from my minor in writing and screen writing, I had focused on the cinematic works of Stanley Kubrick, Woody Allen, and Hitchcock. Since then as I found out about all three of those guys being...problematic...characters, in their personal or professional lives. So, what are you gonna do? No one‘s gonna give a shit 100 years from now when they view their works.

On that topic, I first ran into problematic professionals and their art when my beloved grandmother told me as a kid she didn’t like Charlie Chaplin. She’s been dead for decades now and I’ve since learned Charlie was greatly misunderstood and malaigned. Sigh...

So the way I look at it is if they’re still getting money (and they’re still alive) from their art, consider not giving them more money. But if they’re dead, I don’t know, fuck off? They’re historical at that point.

Whitney said: “the casual brutality of life, day-to-day.” “to respond to that with laughter, to turn that into laughter… “

That’s interesting. I’ve long thought about writing my autobiography and I’ve been storing notes anytime I write anything that’s historically correct about my history, just toward that. I found a lot of humor in the tragedy in my life. Not alot, not always big, but it's there. We all have it. The tiny tragedies just to us? Maybe I need to focus more on that. It’s funny because since I was much younger, like high school, I would tell friends things that happened to me and they'd be rolling in the aisles laughing about it. I’d be like... you think that’s funny? But I was in on the joke because I would laugh with them because you could see the absurdity. The whole pain and anguish plus time equals comedy, thing. I never quite knew what to do with that. How to turn it into money, or a living?

In my way of thinking, a lot of my fiction, of my published sci-fi and horror, has a lot of comedy in it. When I think back in my life to just about every time I almost died, there was always laughter or a chuckle involved first and then it happened. Giggle, giggle, grin, then Boom!

And I got in my 4 miles for the day [this now is from after I got home: I finally took my prevsious walk's steps of 3 miles and subtracted from today's and found the "steps" for 1 mile at 2,190 (I'm just calling it 2220 steps equaling a mile, for me)]

OK, so I’ll leave you with that. It’s almost time for lunch.

As always, I wish you all, all the greatest success and good health!

Just put in the time and effort for those successes.  
Until next time!

Cheers! Sláinte!

JZ Murdock - an update on my writings and works

I was thinking today that I should put out an update of things I've been working on. I have been feeling pretty good lately, my long covid having backed off, I thought maybe it was nearly gone. My expectation/hope was that it would be gone before, on, or near 2 years since last infection (April 2022).

Then this past week it seemed to come back. It was a miserable week with a couple of days ago being especially so. I'm feeling better yesterday and today. The trouble with long covid is it sticks with you in the beginning, then it comes and goes, less and less over time (hopefully) until you start to falling prey to belief it may be gone, then it comes back, feeling more devesting each time. 

It got me to thinking about what I'd done these past few years. And that's when I thought about an update on things. So here it is.

Several of my books are nominated for various book awards this year. More about that below. Suffering "Long Covid" is one of those book, as you can see from the stamp on the cover for the Eric Hoffer Book Award. Kind of wish they'd sink some of their money into redesigning their webpage. 

I just revised my 2022 non-fiction book detailing both my own personal experiences but also long covid in general, Suffering "Long Covid". My son runs a health food store in another city and it's been selling there well enough that they are going to start paying me when they receive the books from me rather than after sales are made. I updated it with new information from 2023.

Long story this updated revision. I've had a few stumbles, continuing to add to the revision. There are now three versions to be found in the world. Original 2020 version, this year's revised version and this week's Revision 1.1. If you look on the copyright page in the front you'll see which version you're looking at. As of now it's published on Amazon in ebook and hardcopy and the books are on the way to me here and a brick and mortar store. 

It is also now available for the first time as an ebook on Smashwords along with other ebooks of mine there. I'm having some trouble with the epub version there, some error about "Frame" duplication, but it mostly looks good. Waiting on their review to continue working on it.

Nice thing about the ebook version, the research links annotated and supplied are easily clickable. I wish on Amazon the hardcopy purchased also included the ebook version. But that requires a setup on there I'm not willing at this time to accept from Amazon. Feels a bit like a bully move on there part. 

I just noticed my audiobook "The Mea Culpa Document of London" (also, Kindle), was in unpublished mode. I'd used a graphic for the cover I later found was not public domain and immediately pulled it, like two years ago. I noticed that this week, found a replacement graphic and now it's back up for sale. It is a story about an Inquisition Judge and witch hunter's crisis of conscience. I had written it for my university Intro to Fiction class toward my minor (my major is psychology, awareness and reasoning with a concentration in phenomenology). 

That professor (and class) loved my writing and admittedly they were a cut above the rest of the class (save for one other classmate). But he said I needed to write dialog and so sent me to playwriting. From there I got selected for a year long class with seven others to learn team script and screen writing (mostly writing TV shows). An amazing time. One of my two profs for that was a massive brain and loved medieval literature. 

I would hang out in his office when I had time just to learn from him. When I told him about my story about the witch hunter he really got into it and helped me with it. It's deeper than you might think. 

And the story is probably better than my voice acting, but I did my best. The story is in my first published book of short stories, "Anthology of Evil" (I have a sequel out to it now, in volumes one and two) of my newer writings, some previously published and some new). 

My WWI antiwar filmic poem and historical documentary, "Pvt. Ravel's Bolero", has been internationally awarded a lot of awards (going on 100) and Official Festival Selection status (also approaching 100).

I'm getting closer to finishing my film companion book for it. 

My short film noir/thriller/horror film, "Gumdrop", a short horror - finished it's journey around the world at film festivals and also won a bunch of awards and official festival selection status. Though nowhere near as many as "Pvt. Ravel's Bolero"!

I realized how much time, effort and money I'd put into my films and I should be doing the same for my books and screenplays. And so I've started on that (again). My true crime biopic screenplay, "The Teenage Bodyguard" has two versions. My original and one that got producer Robert Mitas (my IMDb) interested so that he helped me write another version. Robert works with Michael Douglas on films. We spoke to several directors interested in directing the film, but I came to realize, though the new version was shorter, tighter as a screenplay, it seemed to be leading directors into thinking it was a teen film and not a more mature drama. 

As the original producer in London, who first heard about the project and asked me to write the screenplay and let him see it first, he thought it reminded him of the film, 'The Place Beyond The Pines". And I agreed. Problem was, I sent him the screenplay, he said he'd send it to his readers and, I never heard from him again and he has since disappeared. 

I started sending both off to festivals and screenplay contests. I have seven now for my original version, and three for the rewrite. It's won the Brandenburg International Film Festival, honorable mention at the World Film Carnival - Singapore. David Film Festival (İstanbul), Tabriz Cinema Awards (Azerbaijan), Medusa Film Festival, United States Motion Picture Alliance (California), and the International Film & Script Festival Lotus. Also, Semi-finalist in the Page Turner Feature & TV Pilot GENRE Competition.

As for my books, Suffering "Long Covid", DEATH OF HEAVEN (horror/scifi) and Anthology of Evil II Vol. II The Unwritten have all been nominated for the Eric Hoffer Book Award. I've also submitted the last two, to other festivals. DEATH OF HEAVEN received an Honorable Mention at the Halloween Book Festival. Also another one at the Royal Dragonfly Book Award for science fiction/fantasy. It's submitted to and received reviews from Literary Titan and Reader Views. These book awards run through 2024 and I look forward to see the results. It's past time for DEATH OF HEAVEN to receive some recognition as I believe it's a very good book. And reviews are testifying to that.

While I am hopeful I'm at the end of nearly 2 years of my last bout of long covid, it has has made doing anything these past three years somewhat problematic and at times impossible. For one thing it cycles. You think you're good or it's over and it comes back. Until as with my first bout of it, it's just gone one day. Yay! 

For a while I thought I may never be able to write or produce anything ever again. "Mind fog" sucks. Being lethargic for nearly a year sucked. With the second infection two paramedic visits and hours at the emergency department of our local hospital sucked. Wearing a heart monitor for two weeks sucked. Lots of blood and heart tests and xrays and in the end, 

I seem to have come through it all with no findable damages. In fact, I swear two things are better after it. I can remember things now I couldn't remember well before covid and my physical reactions seem better (if I drop something that would normally end up on the floor, I seem better able to, and often do now, catch it first).

But IN these past few years since acquiring that rather devastating first infection in February 2020 (then again, a worse one in many ways in April 2022), I produced the WWI film (it was mostly done but I had to edit it for 6 months), then send it to film festivals around the world (I was surprised how something I did to help me heal from covid, won so many awards!), I published my first collection of short stories sequel in two new volumes of my writings as mentioned above, then wrote and published my book on long covid, revised this past week with updates for 2023,  and published that.

In thinking I'd done nothing since first contracting covid I thought I'd done nothing. Until I looked back one day to realize how much I had actually done. I would have to say myself, under these conditions it's rather remarkable. Honestly, my first edition of my long covid book had some spelling errors in it, which I've now fixed when my son pointed it out to me. Which led me to updating it, which I've been feeling I should do considering the advances and findings on long covid that have happened, even though I didn't motivation to work on that book again (it's hard writing a book about the worst times of your life where you almost died). 

I was at a standstill on my film companion book. Then when I got motivated to update and correct the long covid book...the info was all accurate in it, I'd just not had good attention to minor details like spelling when deeper into long covid than I am now (and even then, there weren't many spelling errors but I'm meticulous about my edits before publishing)...I found myself ready to get back to the film companion book.

So I'm working on it, looking forward to finishing it also. So I can then move onto my next project which I think may be about my grandfather, my mother's dad, who had traveled the world in the 1940-50s and 6os. 

And...that's my update. Now, go out and be happy, be brilliant and productive!

(I used to tell my kids that when they were leaving the house)

Walkabout Thoughts #58

My thoughts, Stream of consciousness, rough and ready, while walking off long Covid and listening to podcasts… July 31, 2023, Monday

Weather for the day… 59° starting out, 73° when I got home

Podcast for the day is the only one that has a new episode, Marc Maron, WTF? Podcast episode with sNL’s Melissa Villasenor who used to be on SNL:

 

"Ben Shapiro, another small men’s rights grifter”…That from Marc Maron

I just happened to think about Firing Line last Friday night with Amal Thapar, an unimpressive, SCOTUS Justice Clarence Thomas biographer who supports him and US Constitutional "contextualism" vs "originalism" debate. I find these people, as with the toxic masculinity...the Ben Shapiro comment above, to be superficial and purposely ignorant. Worse, I fear they may really believe their...beliefs. I find them both useful, even functional, but within the confines of reality and humanity (something they forget too often). The Constitution is a "living document". Otherwise it wouldn't have Amendments. End of story. Arguing the Amendments weren't indicating it's a changing document would have been corrected in having had rewritten the Constitution to begin with. They didn't. So, shut...up.
My argument about the Constitution being a living document is simple. Not shallow, but obvious. The Constitution was drawn up. Signed and ratified. And then... it was amended. The definition that is a living document. meant to be updated. Because our Framers, if our Founding Fathers were smart as they seem to have been and, full disclosure, many of them, Freemasons... as I have been, making it in my lodge one step away from the head guy before having to step away due to family matters. Anyway, I’m sure they meant for the Constitution to be amended… Amended… As THEY did, and as THEY, I am sure, expected US eventually to do. But we have a Republican Party who purposely locked up our government and then tried to destroy it, repeatedly trying to end our democracy while supporting a twice impeached, multiple indicted, criminal FPOTUS. The degree and amount of actions against our government in America at large, as well as our citizens, from a party and platform who support wealth and power over individuals...is overwhelming. Again, we desperately need to change our motto from "In God We Trust" to our original and more powerful, more American motto of "E Pluribus Unum"..."Out of Many, One". THAT speaks to strength. To our diversity coming together to make us strong. Not some "pie in the sky-god" doing it all for us, which if  you've noticed, don't happen. Certainly not to a statistically relevant degree (it's coincidence people). Republicans have turned into "Out of One…" to mean, The GOP and fuck "the Many"... all for Power and Money and Self-Aggrandizement. Their true gods. By the way for those originalists who support "In God We Trust" as our motto... how odd. Since "E Pluribus Unum" WAS our ORIGINAL motto... Hypocrite any?

Marc Maron on the new "Barbie" movie: "It’s genius and hilarious. Cleverly speaks to women’s rights and any men who are offended by it are small men in almost every way… Ego wise, dick wise, pseudo libertarian meatheads, who can’t have their balls busted in any way, ever, scared of any smart woman taking a piss out of them...", etc. Too funny. Too spot on.

This is a good podcast for the day. Marc Maron is skewering movie studio execs over Barbie &  Oppenheimer and the cruelty they’re applying to this writer's and actor's strike, especially considering the new AI issues.

And so I have to say the old studio system is long dead, decades ago, but the new system has also become toxic. Just look at what they’ve been doing and look at all the sequels to keep pushing on us. Where is the creativity and the freshness? Where are the leading new voices? I have to appreciate companies like VOYAGE Media (full disclosure) who I’ve worked with... where the Content creator or Story owner, although they have to chip in some finances in the development / pre-production stages… allows anyone access to movie making, and who has a few bucks. I’m not rich, but I had a few bucks. And I went as far as I could until I had to stop because of finances. As also with Interdependent Pictures, who I have also submitted screenplays to (2). They are trying to revolutionize the filmmaking process by basically using profit sharing on each project, among everyone involved. I prefer that over the VOYAGE Media model because there’s great ideas and great people out there who don’t have great resources in finances. This model allows you to either invest time and effort, or money, or both. More you invest, the  more you reap the benefits.

NACA Live conferences. God, this speech to text sucks. Nacca...Naka conferences. Whatever I’ll look it up. But Marc Maron is talking about Villasenor doing the college circuit, how you go to these conferences as a stand up or whatever and perform and they choose out of that selected pool as which people should tour the college circuit. So if you’re a stage performer of such, you should know about this, if you want to get into that. Apparently in the beginning you can end up doing cafeterias, or like hallways or something but hey, it's a gig and when you're starting out you need the practice and exposure, learning the road and networking. I’m interested to hear what she has to say about it because many comics have said they stopped doing the college circuit because of how precious attitudes have become and the whole canceling thing over previous years. I get it, comedy evolves, and making fun of other people, is problematic, but something has to be funny, still. I don’t mind when I am made fun, good God I’ve had a whole lifetime of people making fun of me. Mostly in K-12.
BRIEF ASIDE ABOUT BAR FIGHTS: At some point people got the feeling they were treading dangerous grounds in harassing me. I started out small, got up to 6' suddenly in high school. That, was pretty cool. Karate starting in 5th grade, regional tournaments and such, but you don't walk around jerks who realize that and I found at times, people were so stupid, I had to try to protect them from picking a fight with me. I'm not some big badass, but I know clearly when I can hurt someone or not and some people just aren't smart enough to see that. In the beginning I tried just telling people, but then do thought you were lying. I'm not. I wasn't. I came to realize in my late teens, in meeting assholes who wanted to harass you, you had to COMMUNICATE their danger levels to them in a way they got it. Not just say, "You really don't want to do this." They take it as a challenge. "HEY, I'm not saying at for you to be challenged!" Actually you have to shift to the individuals. It's bizarre what works to shut down a fight. I found one line very well received but you had to be ready to back it up. I always was. "Look, I realize you're just looking for a 'friendly bar fight' but I don't believe in them and I'm just here to have fun and relax. I don't know what your orientation is here but I do not fight. IF I ever do fight, I only know how to kill as quickly as possible. One of us is going to the hospital and one may end up dead. If THAT'S what you're looking for here tonight, you picked the right guy." That has shut down a few drunks seeking a "friendly bar fight". There are other guys you just have to drop them. Others you just walk away. But you have to peg them accurately, or it can go really bad. Of course there were a few times I could have just stick a gun in their face, from out of nowhere. But then you really have to be willing to pull the trigger. I am. Always have been. But I have a responsibility I learned in Karate as a kid, I can't kill you unless I have to and I am responsible for your upcoming pain and death. You don't bring a gun to a fist fight, and you don't bring a knife to a gun fight. The only reason I would ever have pulled out a gun in a fist fight was if I was losing and the guy really was going to kill me. Then all bets are off. As it turned out, apparently I made very good choices because I've been in some ugly situations and have always come out of it pretty well. Part of that life orientation is what they say about, "Don't be in the path of the bullet and you'll be fine." Also for writers, just cut out all the bad parts, and you'll have a winner.

When I saw my first Dean Martin roast on TV, I was a little bit horrified as a kid, but fascinated and locked into a "train wreck" motive. I can’t look, but I have to look at it as it's really so very funny. There’s something useful and productive about being made fun of, or simply being "called out on the carpet." Especially, useful for our leaders and government. And those like Trump who attack people and try to destroy them simply for acting on democracy and journalism. Those like Trump are really anathema to America and democracy, and we should all be offended by those who have glomed onto Trump and his criminality in his sad repeated attempts at authoritarianism.

I’ve been working on my new double version of, "The Teenage Bodyguard" screenplay book with my original version and a newer rewrite. I currently have book copies of two of my screenplays, the other called, "Gray and Lover The Hearth Tales Incident”. Thanks to Dizzy Emu Publishing who did it for me when I submitted to, “All Genre Screenplay Contest”.

But as I think I said in my last blog, it occurred to me after having a version of a book with a single screenplay in it, I should put both versions of "The Teenage Bodyguard" into one book. Which I’m doing. I figured out how to do it by myself. Not that big of a deal. I saved the screenplays as a PDF, as you do from my Final Draft screenwriting software. I found a website to combine PDFs for free which I can then upload to KDP.Amazon, where you configure your books for sale onto Amazon. Nuts, this text to speech keeps locking up and I have to start and restart it. It just stopped working in the middle of my talking and I don’t notice it all the time so I have to back up and redo it… And... I had to come up with a book cover and built one from the version that company had built for me, they had used MY graphic so, cool... but I don’t have to put their logo on this book now, which is nice. I can now use my LGN Productions company as my publisher, which I’ve been doing with other books. But I realized I should use a book prologue where the author speaks about the book. Well, that’s turned into 14 pages and I’ve been editing it for four days and it’s a real pain. But people keep getting this screenplay wrong. I’ve had three directors who wanted to make this into a movie, but I didn’t like their take on it. Everyone keeps hearing that the protagonist is a "17-year-old boy" (young man) in this true crime biopic and they immediately go to "oh teenage boy...hormones...sex... dumb. That’s just not this particular character at all. THAT'S what makes his story so interesting. He's not typical. He’s smart, he’s been trained by the military as a kid in search and rescue. He studied martial arts since young and... he’s just not your average kid. Then he goes up against the reigning crime family in Tacoma, Washington in 1974. He's not terrified as a normal kid would be. he's been trained to stay cool, do your job, succeed! So I thought I should take this opportunity in the book to write up a little about him in the screenplay book and some about how the book came to be, and a little about myself, thus setting up the reading of these Screenplays. I then realized yesterday that I was putting too much in it about myself. Sigh. I started cutting paragraphs. Anyway, I hope to have it done soon so I can submit it and be done with it. Then I’ll order some copies for myself and unpublished it. It will be available then to re-publish whenever I need to. It’s not like I’m really looking to selling this to the public. As I said in my last post, I did tell social media it’s available and if someone wants a copy, get it now because I’m gonna unpublish what’s up there now once the books are received. Then after the movie of it is made, I can re-publish it as the original screenplay. Then one can even publish the screenplay that was actually used to shoot it (shooting script) while in production. Because, as you may know, every movie has several screenplays. A spec script for selling to pass around for people to read. An actual script, which you may even have written first, and then written a spec script from that. People have different ways of doing this. then there’s a production script used on set. And there could be a screenplay of the actual movie transcribed after the fact as it appeared on screen to audiences. So I have the original script I wrote at 123 pages which got producer Robert Mitas interested over at VOYAGE Media. He has worked with Michael Douglas on films. He wanted a different script and so we took months to rewrite it into a shorter, tighter format. Which certainly isn’t my original since as it’s missing 20 pages or so. That's necessary, maybe, but frustrating, as I've already left out so much I could have put into my own, already kind of too long screenplay (spec script should be around 90s pages). But it’s hopefully a better spec or selling script. I need to send it to more screenplay contest. So far I think I’ve gotten three awards as of today for my original version. I’ve sent the shorter version out and it’s yet to win anything.
[UPDATE, after I got home from my walk I had emails that the shorter screenplay was accepted as an Official Selection in the New York Script Awards...they had rejected my longer version so I asked if I can have a waiver to submit the rewritten version (they were in "waiver only" acceptance stage, and I explained the two script situation), and they agreed]
Which doesn’t mean anything actually, either way, any of it. There’s are screenplays I’ve seen that won festival after festival, but never got produced. There’s movies that were made from a screenplay that made a lot of money which never won a festival. I tried for years, sending this script off to directors and producers and managers and agents and studios and production companies and I think I’ve only gotten like, one reply. Which was, "This isn’t for us." Which makes me wonder if they were reading into it the wrong things. Because, the first producer who read it said about it, "This reminds me of “The Place Beyond The Pines", which is a serious drama. And what I was shooting for, here. The people who can get it, not seeing only a teen romp of some sort, who missed that nonsense completely and get it… Well, it’s very rewarding when that happens. Robert kind of got it because I kept saying it while we were restructuring it. And while I we came out with a script that works, having cut some of the things we did, we lost the tone and flavor of what I had originally wanted it to be. So I’ll try to get either produced and we’ll see which one wins out in the end.

Villasenior is talking on the podcast about going to church as a kid. One time her grandmother took her to a new church for confession. Being Catholic, as I was, the priest asked her in the confessional, when she had last confessed. Which is a normal question. She said she didn’t remember. He said, "You’re a bad Catholic and a bad person." WTF? She said (in her mind), well, I’m not coming back. I don’t remember when MY last confession was. Probably around 1969? Mom told us we had to go to church and Sunday school every Sunday until ninth grade when we could make up our own mind. I don’t know why ninth grade. But she only made it through ninth grade in school. She was smart, though not greatly educated. Not self-educated like her mom, who I dearly loved. We’ll both of them. Although, in mom's later years I had to stop talking to her. I was going to a marriage counselor… Yes, we then got divorced, this was the last time around 2002… And while I was still with my wife and the counselor she said, "You know, you don’t have to keep someone in your life who’s toxic." I said, "What? But it’s my mom." She said, "Look. I’m giving you permission to not talk to her. Ever again, if need be, if that's what you think you need." So I thought about it for a while, and that same summer shit happened to where I was done. I heard my last two wives say that, "I'm done." And that's what I said about my mom. You had to be there. I was pretty justified. I'd gone through decades with my two siblings and our mom, round-robin-ing who would deal with her for years until they couldn't and someone would take over. For a period of years I was the one, and that went on longer than with the other two. I served MY time. This was that summer in 2002, after my niece and my son, one thin and 21 and the other thin and 12, respectively, shared our "weekend of Hell", the three of us moving my mother, the two kid's grandmother, out from my stepfather after she had a warrant out for attempted murder on him. lonnnng story and not what it sounds like, though kind of what it sounds like. But after three days and three flights of stairs to move my mother, in the way she was acting... I was done. I'd finally had it. I no longer recognized her as the mother I'd grown up with. That woman was gone, dead, and now...dead to me. The final straw being just as we finish getting her moved in. She was ranting and said something, and this is after a lifetime of intermittent mental and emotional abuse from my stepfather, who never liked me… she made the comment that, "Well you always stick up for him." Which was ridiculous. After all he put me through, you said I always stick up for him and not you? WTF? I stuck up for him that one time, moments before, because what she was saying was total bullshit about him. I’ll stick up for anyone when lies are being told about them. Right is right. I stuck up for him once before that stands out At 12, she took me around family and friends houses to show off her bruises on her wrists. Back in the late 1960s "Look at what he did to me!" First house. Then the second house, she repeated it and I had to speak up. "Wait. You were beating on his chest and all he did was grab your wrists to stop you." I wasn't sure what she'd do, attack ME? No, I think it actually brought her back around to reality. By the third house, her story changed a bit but was still blaming him for the bruises as after all there were bruises? Hey, whatever. After three days of mental and physical exhaustion for myself, my young son and my older brother’s daughter, moving my mom into her new, brand new living community, all the people were very nice, after my son said at one point, "Dad, grandma's being racist about some people"... I’d had it... for me and I’d had it for all of us. This turned out to be a pretty comical movie-moment scene I’ve detailed elsewhere. Anyway, it was weird. I grew up with a loving mother and a stepfather who was really no friend of mine. We'd had our moments, maybe a few times I can remember we made any connection. And at the end? He turned into some sweet old guy saw me as his son as he ended up with Alzheimer’s, and my mother became the abuser. Now he wanted to accept me as his son? WTF? My life has been nothing but a series of conundrums and frustrations, and lack of closure. But luckily, I learned about dealing with all that at a young age. I see people who never learned that. I see men who never tested themselves in their youth, who turned out as bullies and all "agro" and shit. Who couldn’t handle criticism or ever being called out. Unprofessional as adults, even if they’re professional in their job. Life is weird. But it makes for interesting people, and stories. And I'm all about the stories.

A white car just went by with LANDIS GYR and it had a little red beanie laid on the top center. I thought it was a cop at first at a distance. I thought maybe it was a Google maps kind of car, but as it passed I thought maybe it’s one of those lead vehicles when they move a building or something, on the freeway. I have no idea…

Back to Marc Maron and Melissa Villaseñor…

I don’t know what happened, but I’ve been wanting to listen to Marc Maron’s podcast for long time. I like him a lot. I liked his TV show. I like his grouchy character personification. I like shows he’s been in and I like his stand up. I can relate a lot to him. But the past couple of weeks I've been watching him, I mean listening to him on the podcast, more and more. I’ve been wanting to get out of the political bullshit since Trump left office and lost LOST the 2020 election. Got tromped. Trump got TROMPED. And hopefully will again... forever and ever until he gets his multi year multi sentences, imprisonment if it turns into life in prison, and he dies in say a year. I don’t celebrate peoples deaths. But I would. Trump... and Putin.

Anyway, I’ve been wanting to listen to more entertainment oriented podcasts. Lately, I guess it’s summer and podcasts aren’t updated once or twice a week. So I had to find something else and leaned into the entertainment industry. Which is what I do now anyway and so I should be listening to that and... fuck politics. Because they’re so unnecessarily toxic and we now have a right wing political party pushing for authoritarianism and trying to kill our democracy? WTF? Also, when they get in charge they shove crap down their own peoples throats even they don't want? What the hell is going on with those people? So they don't want anymore than we do half the time... sometimes all the time.

They’re talking on the podcast about the personality of a comic and self shaming and stuff. I am, I was raised and taught... differently. I learned from some of the best people, because my mother said that and my grandmother told her always to learn from the best. So, my attitude was to learn something really well and then, as they say, “know thy self". So I’m sure I’ve had times of panic. Like whenever I turned in the papers as a senior technical writer... I'd fret over it a bit until they came back and said how great it was. I think a lot of this came out of karate in grade school. Then civil air patrol in eighth grade. Where you had to really know your capabilities, push past them, and know you could do more than you really could do. I heard when I was younger that, "A good man knows his capabilities." So I’ve always tried to have an accurate view of what I can do. I seem to be accurate as far as other people observations. I always try to check in with my beliefs and update them accordingly. Just like with science, always replace old data with better, new data. But not better bad data, or than your treading into Republican territory. I really do wish they'd get their shit together again. Maybe, one of these days.

Cheers! Sláinte!