Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts

Monday, June 24, 2024

Walkabout Thoughts #88

Thoughts & Stream of Consciousness, rough and ready, from an award-winning filmmaker and author you’ve never heard of while walking off long Covid, and listening to podcasts…walk day Saturday June 22, 2024.

Weather for the day… nice day, starting out, 60°  overcast, cool with almost no breeze starting out, got back to home 61°.

Finishing up Pod Save America from the other day, Trump Loses It Over Fox News Poll

I would like to mention a post I’ve made online today about the presidential debate next week. Finally, they’re going to have a real debate. Like many of us, I’ve been sick of the Trump clown show. I want to see an actual presidential debate with grown-up men, sadly not women, as the case is this time.

On that note, we really need a woman president. The fact we haven’t done that yet is embarrassing. And no, we don’t need a conservative woman as president. They’ve shown to be just as much a nightmare, as the men. Especially when they’re working against the least best interest of women. This is so weird, but you toss religion into the mix and it makes more sense. It doesn't make sense, but it's comprehendible. 

But for some who say in foreseeing an actual debate and turning off the mics so manchild Trump can’t talk over Biden, and so on. They get I believe 90 seconds to respond but in being old, I believe they both need 30 more seconds. Stop trying to force what you want and work with what you have.

This debate format cuts Trump off at his knees in his clown show circus of needing an audience, which they won’t have, which they don’t need, while will not allow Trump to shine his insanity and immaturity. But it will give us somewhat of a substantive format for what a president is and should be.

We’re electing a POTUS, not a TV reality star. Which Trump eventually failed at, anyway. And so far, seems to be his encore. He thought he would just become POTUS in 2016 as his drop-down next adventure from reality TV, or something?

What people DON'T GET about criminal Donald Trump, a sex-abusing, pathological lying narcissist is the control he's exerted over others, esp., women, is exercised on OUR citizens & Others.
Like licking your neck & there's NOTHING you can do about it.
As he savors his control & your disgust.
He wants that to be propagated to as many as possible. It's sick, truly.
We've seen his behaviors as such with French Pres. picking "dandruff" from his shoulders.
Or holding a handshake too long, or pulling another national leader into him during a handshake.
It's a pathology that you do not feed. Electing him POTUS fed that, making all of us his victims. It's so clear from a psychological POV, it's disturbing.

People need to stop treating our government and elections as a game, or something they don’t have to care about. If you’re a US citizen, we’re talking about your life and that of others.

I voted in just about every election since I was 18, back in 1974? I went through much of my life though with a very cavalier attitude about elections and government. I slowly evolved and in my late 30s, I finally started paying attention. The problem was, I felt like I didn't understand what was going on. A good reason not to vote. But not a good reason to not take the time to find out, and vote. Yes, some of us are burdened in life. But we have to find out how to make time. Life's not easy if you live it correctly. It doesn't have to be impossible, but if it's too easy, you're not doing it right.

How? Aside from my studies and what I had previously learned in government, civics, world problems, and espionage, all from a factual point of view, through most of my life since high school, and understand, I refused to read fiction spy novels until I accepted that I was no longer going to go into that career, and that, that part of my life was over. That was fun. Sad one chapter of my life closed. But opened up a world of great novels. 

I read a lot of books, some of the best on the subjects, over my lifetime. I read books by leaders of international espionage organizations who retired and wrote books. That includes a former leader of the KGB. Former leaders of MI5 and MI6. . The latter of which is not known by those terms, domestically in their countries, or perhaps I should say professionally. But popularly in their countries and internationally and in the media and entertainment. Former leaders of the CIA, too. And former spies. That can be fascinating reading. But more so if you read a lot of them as you begin to run into juxtapositions.

One notable account was in three books I read. One written by a former KGB director, one by a former Japanese espionage officer, and one by a former British MI6 (British Secret Intelligence Service) officer. Each of their books included an account of a meeting that happened years before and might have been in Hong Kong. The thing that’s so interesting about that, which I’ve written about before, is that when you read an account of an incident reported to be true and factual by those who were there, by those who are our friends and enemies, a good researcher can pick out the reality. And often the lies.

I remember reading those books years ago and suddenly realizing what was happening in that they each were detailing the same incident from vastly differing points of view. You could see the inaccuracies, but you could also see what lined up. Suddenly I realized I had read about this meeting before. 

You could also see where someone might garner conspiracy theory from reading one of these accounts, or even all of them. You could see and recognize where reality was shining out to you as a researcher, but also how many who might read those accounts, might not comprehend what they were reading, in failing to assimilate and recognize what very likely what had happened.

It was in my previous knowledge and hopefully, wisdom, that I later applied in the 1990s and began to see what was going on in America. The flashing red light was the Republican Party. The warning sign was to notice you’d seen this all before but it was from the Soviet KGB in their disinformation tactics against the West, and their anti-democracy campaigns around the world. Why was this coming out of the American Republican Party?

I was seeing the same tactics being used by our own conservative party of big business, the Republican Party. The self-labeled party of law and order. Over time, I came to realize and recognize this was being greatly magnified by one person, Newt Gingrich. I didn’t know that at first. I just heard things coming out of the Republican party, which, when I vetted that information, turned up false, repeatedly conflated, spun, and eventually evolved into outright lies. What was happening?

Then VP Gore lost the 2000 election to George W. Bush in a very questionable situation. I already knew when Bush got into office, and then read more about it, that he was going to start a war against Saddam Hussein in Iraq. 

Then 9/11 happened.

I told everyone I could that America was going to go to war because we’d been hurt and intimidated and frightened. We had to punch another country in the "mouth" even if it wasn’t a country who did it, even if it wasn’t A country who attacked us.

I was very concerned about that. And sure enough, we went after Iraq. I knew that Bush “Junior “was still disturbed by his father’s war in Iraq to protect Kuwait, after the invasion by Iraq. "HW" didn't take down Hussein at that time, perhaps rightly so. I do think Saddam Hussein believed he was given a greenlight by America, by POTUS George HW Bush, even if he hadn't. I could never figure out if Bush did that on purpose to evoke Hussein to act, or if it was advertent. I suspect it might’ve been inadvertent, though as a former head of the CIA, it didn't bode well for "HW" as POTUS.

Domestic and especially international politics are extremely complex and lend themselves easily to conspiracy theories. Conspiracy theory is something that is evoked in those who think they have more knowledge than they do, who think they have a better skill set than they do, or perhaps can. But it’s also used and weaponized by those who know better, who know very well what’s going on, but see it as a social manipulation, their goals being where their ends justify whatever means they use against others, as long as it’s not themselves who are harmed.

I look forward to having a government and international community where we don’t have to pay so much attention. You’ll one day notice at some point that you don’t have to watch the news daily. Or weekly, or monthly, to where you can go through the year paying less attention without fear and trepidation.

But here’s the thing about democracy. 

"If you snooze you lose", and if you don’t monitor and adjust, if you let "evil" insidiously invade...in fact, as history has shown us, it takes only a few “cells “within a body politic to more easily affect negative changes.

If you are part of that body politic it requires, it demands that you “be “a part of that body politic. Otherwise, you will one day find that you are part of another body politic altogether that you didn’t sign off on. Look through history. You will see that occurring again and again.

The thing I never understood about the Republican Party was it's far easier and far cheaper to affect change through proactivity, awareness, and a good and positive orientation for all, and not just for the few.

We can do better. We just need to want to do better. We need to easily and lazily believe not that our government is merely corrupt and we need to bring it down. But all governments always need fixing in continuous and hard work in order to affect positive change.

So often and especially on the extreme sides, the left or the right, the easy path is destruction and rebuilding. But that’s a lie. That’s a belief of children. It’s binary thinking and expensive both in resources and human lives.

Any adult knows that those times of necessitating the tearing down and completely rebuilding from scratch, are few and far between. Just because some points of contention exist, does not mean that the situation you’re looking at has all those necessary conditions that necessitate destruction.

"Occam‘s Razor" is too often misused. Incorrectly applied. The biggest problem is knowing a little is not knowing a lot. Not enough information can be highly destructive in applying things that don’t fit the situation. That is perhaps the greatest weapon disinformationalists have in their toolbox.

When you notice that those you believe in, or the tribe that you belong to starts moving from informational spin to outright lies, such as we've seen the Republican party do with their MAGA infection, with their cult of personality for career criminal and convicted felon Donald Trump at its top, you can be sure you’re on the wrong path to glory.

Starting mile two…

I mentioned the other day about facing one's fears and my story about that as a kid. But facing isn't conquering. When I heard to face my fears or I'd be running from them all my life, I thought, "Screw that!" I started facing them. Sometimes, a bit terrified. Monitoring the experience as it happened, wondering if I could push through to the end of experiencing it.

After completing a session of facing them down, I was disappointed to find it didn't kill them off. They remained. Different fears needed conquering in different ways. Some were just simply repetition to let them fade through familiarity. Some took understanding you weren't killed by them, or damaged by them. Some were simply pushing through them and killing them off later, in hindsight, through reflection and using humor to denigrate them into nothingness. There's nothing quick and easy about it. It takes work, time, perseverance. Some more than others. Some evaporated quickly in little time or effort as they just took going through the process and realizing it was all in my head. But not always. Surely, not always...

From the podcast… I agree about debates being superfluous. We’ve had many leaders and I’ve experienced this in myself… with great leaders who are not great in things like public speaking or debating. Doesn't make them bad at what we most need. I might offer Hillary Clinton to some degree in that respect. Who isn't that bad at debates but comes across harsh in some ways making her unelectable for them.

But if we have two candidates in a debate where one is an amazing debater but a horrible administrator? With the other as the opposite, won’t we end up electing the wrong person? A person who makes us feel good is laudable and desirable in a leader. But I'd rather not feel good whenever they speak but know that things are running well and they're keeping us safe when making choices both internationally and domestically.

And making the best choices not for that person‘s party first, but for our citizens as a whole. Not as just America first, but as equally so, humanity 1st. Not just as humanity 1st should extraterrestrial life ever contact us or be contacted by us. But life 1st. You know what I mean?

We would not sacrifice our own survival for the sake of others, but in our efforts to enrich and improve human life, why wouldn't we consider the well-being of all humans and all forms of life?

I guess that’s my Buddhist nature speaking. Enlightenment encompasses all things. While you still have to make the hard choices, hard decisions. But at least you’ll do it with awareness rather than ineptitude or disregard.

As "Starman" said in the movie played by Jeff Bridges, "Humans have such potential." We try to achieve more than we can:

“You are a strange species. Not like any other. And you’d be surprised how many there are. Intelligent but savage. Shall I tell you what I find beautiful about you? You are at your very best when things are worst.”


Just because we fail, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t continue because we should’ve learned something to better succeed the next time.

Sadly, that’s what we’re seeing with Donald Trump and his MAGA. His January 6th insurrection failed last time. He likely won’t next time. And no one should want them to succeed. Perhaps Putin, perhaps Kim Jong Un. Perhaps China’s President Xi. But maybe even China doesn’t want us to fail.

If the North Koreans knew us and knew their own reality, they wouldn’t want us to fail. If Russians were more aware, as they are becoming about their own country and leadership, they won’t want us to fail. But not fail in ways that do not harm them.

We have to succeed, not just with our own interests in mind. Because that’s the quickest path to eventual failure.

It can be cathartic to denigrate others who are against one's own "tribal" beliefs, or who are just obviously ignorant and destructive but it doesn’t help us achieve the goal of changing their orientation for the road they are on.

The podcast is bringing up something that’s always bothered me about America. I love watching the British Prime Minister in Parliament having to debate against the leaders of their citizenry. I would like to see that here in America. As a point made on the podcast, we may get these presidential debates here, but then it doesn’t happen again once they become POTUS. They enter a room and people "stand up and salute."

That's starting to seem problematic because it lends itself to a cult of personality and somehow that has led us to Donald Trump and (his) authoritarianism.

Something that is anathema to democracy...or a constitutional republic. Remember when you hear someone say we’re a constitutional republic, not a democracy, that has become just a whistle call for authoritarianism.

From the podcast… it’s conjectured that this debate next week between Biden and Trump, the first of two with the next one being closer to the election… may be the most impactful event in this entire campaign, and election.

So much of this election on the Trump side is theater when it should be politics. It should be about whose best to lead us. So this curated debate will be about disallowing Trump his clownish games and his bully tactics to give us not Trump-style clown theater, but actual contrastural political discourse. Substance over the informational vacuum  we are served up by Trump so very often.

This debate will be a display of the caricature that Trump actually is, contrasted with the POTUS who Joe Biden actually is and who we need for the next four years over that of a criminal clown. Sad if you don’t like Joe Biden, that’s our reality. Administrator over that of criminal. An actual criminal. Not make-believe “Biden crime family “nonsense.

Here’s an interesting thought, because a lot of people are so worried about Biden’s age when Trump’s age is just as much, if not more of a concern, considering his pathologies. Who exercises and tries to eat well at his age to try to be healthy? Not Trump.

If we were to slow things down in time and look at the actual work Biden is doing… in meetings he has or conferences he attends, or with national leaders he’s met with, and then do the same in observing and slowing down Trump’s actions and demeanor, Biden wins hands-down, every time, and easily.

Starting final mile three for the day…

Just now walking along, following this woman with her dog in front of me. Got me to thinking about being married, or dating.

Nope. 

Done that 3.5 times when for whatever reason it hasn’t worked out. Sadly. I’d love to have a partner to go through life with, especially at this point, in this stage of life. But it does seem problematic. After my wife and I divorced in 2002, after a while even my kids, then in junior high and high school, were saying "we need a woman, a 'mom' here, Dad." And I could only say, I’m trying. But I had a four-hour commute every day, a job that was taxing and mentally exhausting.

I tried the online online dating thing. I had some interesting encounters and weird experiences. The last time, a Vietnamese woman, a businesswoman in Seattle, had contacted me. We met and it actually clicked. For almost 2 years. I never introduced girlfriends to my kids back then, until this one. Actually lost one potential girlfriend because I wouldn’t let my kids meet her in the beginning until we were more established. She got miffed and that was the end of that. Probably for the better.

When I called it off with the Vietnamese woman, it had occurred to me that she wouldn’t introduce me to her family. A cultural thing perhaps? Because I was white and not Vietnamese, I think. She broke up with me four times. Someone much later asked me if that could have been her beginning of menopause? 

I hadn’t considered that and it made me sad. Had I known it was a condition and not just her view of things, or her personality, I could have dealt with that. She had been with the same guy and only one guy, for 27 years, in a kind of abusive relationship since she was 18 when they separately came over to America, having escaped Vietnam on a boat. In the end, I told her I hoped I had helped her transition as a rebound guy into her next relationship that would hopefully make her happier with someone she found better suited to her needs. I mean, I didn't think at the time that we could’ve suited one another's needs better. But there it is…

So the single life? It sucks. On the other hand, especially as my last marriage was with someone addicted to drama. Who actually accused me of that once or twice, while everyone who knew me just laughed and said, "No, no that’s her." I have no drama in my life now. The little bit there is from my adult kids from time to time, for issues in their own lives. But that’s part of being a parent...until you die.

So, Single life? Who knows. As far as I can tell? I still have decades to go. We’ll see what happens.

As I continued to talk about relationships here...up above, the sprinkling on me stopped. Maybe I pleased the Gods, or the Universe, or some nonsense like that?

Cupid? That you? Why is Cupid always a boy baby? A baby with a bow and arrow. How problematic.

On that thing about relationships. When I was younger, I saw myself as an “intellectualist". That meant everything I did was to try to strengthen my mind, to enhance my knowledge and wisdom, to be a better person, and to always stretch my limits and my limitations. I went until I hit my limitations. If you never hit your limitations, you can’t stretch beyond those limitations as you're not really aware of those limitations. 

How do you know where they begin or end? You have no way of judging until you hit them. I've known people who couldn't understand that. They said they just "knew" where their limitations were, and so they didn't need to reach them, or push them, or even experience them. Seems like fear to me. And it can be, and is scary. But facing that, experiencing that, gives one the strength you're seeking to increase.

I hadn’t realized when I was younger and trying to do that, that it makes finding an appropriate mate extremely improbable. It’s interesting that in my lifetime those women I found myself most attracted to, who I thought were equals or betters to me, seemed most to recognize... "This isn’t for me." Good for them but, my loss.

More power to them. As it is for everyone, the group available to you are those you come into contact with. Certainly before social media. If you're not meeting who you want to be meeting, you have to be where they are. Right?

I did seem to inspire a very strong desire from some women. It wasn’t until just a few years ago that someone pointed out the issue of falling in love with those who are strongly in love with you. Maybe because of their strong love for you. And that can be a problem.

So is that what happened? Is that the only way it can happen?

I mean, what are relationships? What should romantic relationships be? What is the range of what is desirable versus acceptable?

That concept of "reciprocity in affection", is where a person may develop feelings for someone because they feel loved and valued by that person. It’s not classified as a psychological disorder but is a recognized behavior pattern in social psychology.

Some issues to be aware of in that realm: 
  • Nightingale Syndrome: a situation where a caregiver develops feelings for their patient. Nurses and doctors may run into this with their potential romantic partners.
  • Stockholm Syndrome: hostages develop a bond with captors, often as a survival strategy.
  • Erotomania: a delusional disorder where a person believes another person, often of higher status, is in love with them. Obviously in power imbalances, this can be an issue and in today's work environments, can cost one a career or one's respect from coworkers.

While these aren't pathologies, as social patterns they're things to be aware of.

In recent years, I seem to inspire and attract those on the edges. However, you define that. My last relationship about six years ago turned out to be one where I felt a need to fix her because she was desperate to be fixed and needed help at that point in her life. I have a strong constitution and a degree in psychology and I think I did a lot of good in that relationship. But in the end, something didn't feel right for me and I decided it wasn’t for me. My kids also spoke to me about that. Listen to your friends and loved ones.

We do the best we can in life and move on. Or we should.

Politics again… I find it interesting, those Trump supporters who said, "I’m all for Trump but if he gets too crazy, I’m out!" Then he got too crazy and some of them indeed said they were out, like Mitch McConnell and Lindsey Graham.

Then the masses said, "All right, I’m all for Trump, as long as he doesn’t get convicted." Then he got convicted. Not a few felonies, but 34, not to mention the E Jean Carol judgment. Twice.

Then those people said, "OK sure he got convicted, but unless they put him in prison, it’s not real."

WTHF? Over rationalize any?

Now it's, "Unless he receives punishment, imprisonment, I'm all for Trump!" Shifting boundaries is a sign you've lost the game.

What’s next? "OK, they executed him, but unless he rises from the grave, I’m all for him. IF he rises from the grave, I'm still all for him!"

MAGA logic. Authoritarian logic. Anti-American logic. Do you HEAR the insane in that?

Oh yeah, my son sent me something yesterday about AI. There’s "Personal AI" a company with their  Model-2 AI. They say it has very low hallucinations and for $40 a month, or $1000 a month, you can have access to their amazing AI. Not "large language AI" but "Personal Language AI", more tailored to the individual.

I have been saying that this was coming. Also, the prices would come down and useful AI would become more functional for each individual.

The thing about this AI is that it's acculturated/acclimated to you and you alone. Something that will evolve bigger and better and won’t take that long. I’m assuming prices will get down to that of streaming networks, somewhere between $5 a month and $20, or more for "Cadillac versions".

As it is now, I really liked Bing's Copilot, until lately 50% of the things I ask it to do either it couldn’t or refused to do. It’s getting up to 60% or 70% now in rapidly becoming useless. I’m getting much better responses off of Gemini and ChatGPT (where I started with all this).

Oh, I just thought I’d drop this here, as I may have mentioned it in the previous blog. This thing about the 10 Commandments in schools? Kurt Vonnegut once pointed out that makes you a follower of Moses, not Jesus. And if you’re a Christian, you follow Jesus, right? So what are you doing?



Good question. But if you’re asking Christian nationalists, that’s really a whole other cup of toxic tea.

Joe G u/EastEndJoe This. Is. Fantastic! Truly teaching the 10 Commandments


And now in talking about this, it’s starting to sprinkle on me. Interesting

On that note, I’ll bid you adieu…and I’ll leave you with that.

Cheers! Sláinte!

Sunday, June 2, 2024

Walkabout Thoughts #80

Thoughts & Stream of Consciousness, rough and ready, from an award-winning filmmaker and author you’ve never heard of, while walking off long Covid, and listening to podcasts…walk day was Thursday 5/30/2024


Tomorrow is my oldest son's birthday! So much has happened in 36 years!

===

UPDATE: --- 
30 May 2024 Thursday 2pm
After I got home after this walk today... 30 May 2024 Thursday 2pm Donald Trump is now officially a convict. Officially a criminal while he's been a career criminal all his life.
Now convicted of all 34 counts of falsifying business records in the 1st degree.
I said in 2016: Trump is a career criminal.
I'm on my 3rd pint of Guinness now.
Slainte! Cheers!

"34 for 45"
34 felony counts against failed FPOTUS45.
I truly take no joy in our having to convict a FPOTUS.
I resent his initial election, knowing it could end here.
I do take joy in the functionality of democracy & Justice.
Hold onto that.

Donald Trump's a mob-type boss corrupting all he can and that which he comes into contact with.
He corrupted our Legislative Branch as POTUS45 & since.
Corrupted our Executive, for a time. Pres. BIden has been cleaning that up from the day he took office. Is Biden perfect? No. But he's at least trying to be an American President and not a fascist wannabe dictator.
Trump tried to corrupt our judiciary & succeeded somewhat.
But not all. 
Our Rule of Law held. So far.
===
OK. Back to our regularly scheduled program...

Weather for the day… starting out, 56° nice sunny day starting out

Podcast "Hacks" Ep. 8 “Yes And?” with Carl Clemons-Hopkins and Johnny SibillyEp. 8 “Yes And?” with Carl Clemons-Hopkins and Johnny Sibilly and Ep. 9: “Bulletproof” with Hannah EinbinderEp. 9: “Bulletproof” with Hannah Einbinder

WTF? Marc Maron episode.

About long Covid... exercise really helps it and it's a big sign now of how low level or gone, it is in how I can now eat sugar or drink alcohol again. Back deep into Covid, drinking alcohol might’ve killed me or would feel like it. But I drank a bottle of wine with lunch over two days this past week. I had a couple Guinness on Memorial Day with lunch. I’m loving it. I never drank all the time. I grew up, you know, drinking at parties or going out and having drinks, maybe throwing darts at a bar. It's just been one of those things in Covid where you're restricted from doing it and so you want to do it more.

Whenever I’ve not felt well or I've been ill, alcohol had been an aid, something to take that edge off of the discomfort. Something long Covid disallowed.

It's now the fifth month of 2024 and I still have no motivation or desire to do any work. Fucking Covid broke me good.

I have been thinking more lately that maybe I should contact that free legal aid for filmmakers at an East Coast University to see if they can help me with my music licensing issues for my film “Pvt. Ravel's Bolero.“ A film with 78 Official Selections worldwide and 63 Film Festival Award Wins.

I’m trying to finish the film companion book for it and I’m so close. I was working on it end of December 2023 when I started getting much more ill from Long Covid. I really need to get back to editing and actually finish writing it. That is a book I could sell. NAXOS owns the copyright on the main song (1930 version of Ravel conducting "Bolero" in its first recorded public performance), and American Music owns the sheet music. I was sure it was public domain when I started that project and was surprised to find I t wasn't. 

If I can get some kind of a deal from those two, I can perhaps make use of this documentary. Or if nothing else, I may just open it up on YouTube. I can’t make money off it there, but it might bring me some kind of notoriety. When you put that much time and effort into a project, when it's that well received worldwide, I think you deserve something for those efforts.

The reason why I don’t share on my blog here, Instagram posts I used to make during my walks is because I got tired of it screwing up when I tried to shoot something and post it. In 2016 I retired as a software engineer in IT on a front-line engineering support team. When our company's websites went down, I would be on call every few weeks as the point person to be sure the website went back up. I have an extensive background in many computer IT things. 

I spent the 90s studying books on PC architecture, back when I was working on a VAX mainframe at two Seattle hospitals. I have to say though, that lately I’m finding it more confusing to use software than ever before. Instagram has done nothing but make it more difficult to use, in my view. I’m kind of sick of it. I’m hoping that AI eventually will make things easier. It's about time. I mean, I've been waiting for many of the things that are finally happening in the realm of computers and machinery, since I was a kid in the 1950s/60s.

I’m looking forward to my Alexa answering my questions better than merely super simple ones. I use my Alexa all the time. Watching something on TV, I can just ask a quick (easy) question, get an answer, then go along with the program, film or show that I'm watching, being better informed. I find it a great aid to myself and people in general.

Anyway, on my last walk I did shoot a short video for an Instagram post but it wouldn’t upload and by time I got home, it was just gone. I’ve done that before where I’d get home and it would upload off of my wireless internet connection once reconnected. But something's changed. So I’ve just kinda had it.

I have to say, I’ve never been one for social media about fan-based stuff. But I do love behind the scenes stuff about the making of films and shows and such information. I guess some kind of fan based stuff then, about the actors and filmmakers of such products. I mean, I grew up learning to love film and TV at first vicariously through my mother, who saw Hollywood stars, especially Liz Taylor and Richard Burton, as America’s royalty. And I've always found structural filmmaking interesting, especially now since I am a filmmaker. And a screenwriter. You’re welcome to check my IMDb listing, or my website jzmurdock.com, or y Linktree, which lists all my links.

I really been enjoying many of these podcasts about working talent and "the making of".

I really enjoy the podcast for the Foundation show. I’m really liking this podcast for Hacks. I very much enjoy Marc Maron‘s work on his WTF? podcast because it explores so many things I find interesting. I like his comedy and observational humor. And I like his acting, even if he does just act himself.

I originally got into Podcasts because of Covid. Especially when I started walking to fight long Covid off. I tried to listen to podcasts based in art, but I didn’t find a lot I liked. I got to where I was watching the news all day every day because Trump was president and Shit just wasn’t good with that moron. So when I started walking, I listened to political podcasts like Pod Save America and their "Crooked Media" brand podcasts. Intelligent people who worked in the world of government and had a sense of humor.

When I started feeling like maybe people, and I, had had enough of politics, which I had, I started looking more for artistic oriented podcasts and found Marc Maron and the Foundation podcasts and I’m happy to say I’ve been able to lean more into that. It’s my hope Trump doesn’t get elected again so we can move on from Trump's MAGA idiocy in our White House and not just authoritarian criminals trying to rule us as they rip us off. Right now the jury is in their six or seventh hour to decide on what to convict Trump for in his criminal trial. While he’s obviously guilty, it just now needs to be officially proven appropriately and evidentiarily, and I think it has been.

I’m so sick of these people like Trump and his MAGA and their conflations and exaggerations and outright lies and utter bullshit. False equivalencies, disinformation, propaganda...it’s just so far over the top that it’s in another universe.

So if Trump becomes president again? I’m afraid I’ll fall back into watching the news all the time out of fear for protection and being prepared for the next fucking nightmare he pulls on us, while his MAGA praise and cheer the demise of both us and themselves. And in a second term there will potentially be an endless Trump term of office, God knows whatever he’ll try to pull that next time. So let’s hope that doesn’t happen.

Back to the Hacks podcast… They just played a funny scene where Jean Smart’s "Debra Vance" character's estranged sister arrives to her Christmas party that she finally invited her to. The dogs are barking at her sister and who says it’s almost like they were trained to do that. And "Debra" laughs and says, "They were." Flashback to my childhood with my mother...

Our mom was a character. She’d be married every time for each one of us born. All four of us. She miscarried on her first pregnancy and so didn’t get married. But she used to tell us kids that it was, “Me and my kids against my husbands and the world!“ I grew up with our dog since first grade, a mixed collie, medium size breed named Bruno and she used to “joke “holding one of our stepdad's dirty socks up to his nose and tell him to attack, or something. I don’t remember. Feigning training, our family dog to attack our stepfather who worked two jobs. We are always happy he wasn’t around much and I think so was he. The guy she said she hated most of her husbands was the one who lasted the longest and whom she married like three times. Divorcing once after four years of putting up with him, and then a year later remarrying him. Then having a recommitment ceremony with him years later. We all thought it was nuts. And I never liked the guy since I was 4, before they got married. But then he was mentally abusive to me growing up, while treating my older and far prettier sister like a princess, who never really experienced what I did with him, but did experience their tumultuous and scary arguments that our parents would have.

So in my walking here...that chest tightness ss back today that I’ve mentioned before lasted until just after about a half mile today. WTF? (Not the podcast) So I don’t know, I wonder if I died, does that mean my books are worth more? And films I’ve made? Cuz, that'd be cool

I got an invite today to send two screenplays to two different contests. So I did. "Colorado Lobsters" (MIT grad on drugs at a nuclear generating station his dad had died (been murdered) at, and "The Teenage Bodyguard".

I’m so sick of this damned "speech-to-text" app. I was just recording. Got a sentence out and I looked at what it had transliterated and it didn’t record any of it. Plus, I have to keep turning it off and back on to get it to respond.

Dammit, it just did it again!

I’m done submitting my films as they both had a several-year run and won some awards and my documentary won a lot of awards. So now I’m just submitting my writings. I should send some short stories off.

I’d love to have someone survey all my writings and maybe films and write up an analytical review of what all of its orientation is (my orientation). What I’ve been doing, saying in my writings. I wonder, if I started a contest and charged $500 or $1000 to do that for someone if they win. Could be an enterprise. Or maybe someone else should do that.

Had to put on a fleece shirt today because it was so cool out bu now the sun is coming out and it’s warming up. PNW weather, layer when you go out so you can adjust as all the seasons can happen in a single day.

Here’s a teachable moment…

I’ve had moments in my life where I was confronted with something I didn’t know how to deal with, or couldn’t deal with, or didn’t want to. 

Looking back on those times I really regret them. I prefer to always have the right things to do or say. 

I became good friends with my girlfriend's best friend, a guy, when I got out of the Service. They had gone through school together and graduated high school. One afternoon I was driving him somewhere or he was going with me somewhere in my car and he tried to tell me he was gay. 

We wondered for years after that if he was gay (he later laughed and asked me how we could NOT know?). But I so didn’t know how to deal with what he was telling me at that time. I thought about it later. I was 25, just out of years in the service and clueless about dealing with such things. And this was 1979. So I avoided. I just said, "Guys don’t talk about stuff like that." I feel so bad about that now.

A few years later, after moving to Seattle and talking one day with my, at that time ex-girlfriend, I decided to let him move him in with myself and my apartment mate, and we gave him a job. We thought if he really is gay, he needs to get out of Tacoma. So. Got him set up. Got him a job. Actually, my roommate got him the job where we worked, who was also my manager at Seattle Tower Video. 

After six weeks of him, sleeping on our couch and my new girlfriend being there a lot (who worked at Tower with us) and my roommate's girlfriend there and sometimes his daughter, the bathroom started to mildew because it could never dry out from all the showers. 

So we threw everybody out. Except his daughter. Our friend found a place with a guy we worked with and they had a good time. Everybody was much happier. Then after a while, we decided we’re gonna move out and in with our girlfriends. Whom we both ended up marrying. Then both ended up divorcing them. They both ended up having affairs on each of us. 

It was after I moved in with that girlfriend, that I got a new job and left the whole Tower Records family after more than half a decade which got me through college. At that point, my friend disappeared for about 18 months into Capitol Hill's gay community. Next time I saw him he was doing much better. So we had saved him from getting beat up, murdered or committing suicide living in Tacoma. Which at the time wasn’t real gay friendly back in the mid 80s.

Another time… decades later, my oldest son about to graduate high school, had his girlfriend move in with us. One day she was so happy with her life with us, which had previously been pretty broken, said she loved us both so much that she would be pleased to do some rather questionable sexual act for us which I’d never have conceived her offering. 

Now I came to my sexual maturity in the 70s. I’d had plenty of interesting sexual encounters with women & girlfriends (or maybe with a couple of girlfriends at times) but this one threw me. Partly because it was my son’s girlfriend. When she said that, I looked up at him down the hallway past her, and he’s just staring at me also not knowing what to say. I looked at her. We were in the hallway and I tried to say something. Come up with some response. But I was completely at a loss. I just shook my head, and walked into my home office. I'd been standing by the door for it.

I heard him ask her "Why would you say something like that?" And I heard her say, "Because I mean it, I really love you guys." And I mean from that perspective it was for her a wonderful thing she was saying about how she felt about us.

How would I handle that now? I wish I had just given her a hug and said, "Thank you. I appreciate the feelings behind your offer. But you don’t have to offer anything like that. Just enjoy your life."

About that particular girlfriend of my son. Apparently, she had begun living with us for a month before I knew about it. And I worked from home in my home office directly across the hallway from my son’s room. That door was shut all the time when he was gone. There had been a thing between both kids about going in the other's bedroom and he started keeping his door shut. Then the other started doing that in response. But apparently, the girlfriend had been in there. silent while I was blasting music and coding, or working on servers remotely, or whatever.

So one day I got a call from my ex-wife, my son‘s mother in Portland. Oregon. She says, "I just thought you should know his girlfriend has been living with you guys for a month now and I didn’t think you knew about it." And I said, "No, no one’s living here." But she was adamant. So when my son got home, I asked him and sure enough, he fessed up. WTF? (Again not the podcast)

Someone else also called to tell me that. A friend of the family, a woman who had been taking care of my son's girlfriend before she moved in with us. He met them both on the same day, one thing led to another and he gave her a place to live Fine, but next time ask dad FIRST? 

My older son’s mother had called me once before, years before, about my last wife, the one after her. Sigh... yes, this is at some point, confusing.

At that time some years previous, I was divorced from my youngest’s mom (the one who more recently had called about the hidden girlfriend living in my house). that was back when we lived in the first house I'd bought with my last wife. The kids were younger, my wife was a horse trainer who traveled around the country to horse shows for from 1 to 3 weeks at a time. 

Something I’ve never been good at dealing in having an absent spouse. Partly because of my college girlfriend, in having had an affair on me and then leaving me after we'd been together for years...that was my first time, at the age of 30, for a woman to break up with me. I had no mechanisms then for how to deal with that. Which devastated me for about 18 months, putting me in a downward spiral of partying, until finally, I pulled myself out of it, with my oldest son’s mother's help at that time. Back in the 1980s. What a mess.

So while I was still in my last marriage, my oldest son‘s mom had called me to tell me that my wife told her she was having an affair at horse shows with some guy. I told her that I didn't know if I could believe her or not. Maybe she was just trying to screw up our marriage. But she said, "No, I’m just trying to tell you the truth." She told me she had been on the phone with my wife one day, setting up getting our son for the weekend, and said my wife was drinking wine on our bed and she was giggling about how she was having an affair one me with a guy at a horseshoe. Apparently thinking she was talking to a kind of compatriot, to my ex, who'd get a kick out of it. WTF? (Yeah, right, not...whatever)

I had told both her and my current wife at that time, if they ever wanted to leave me, please don’t have an affair on me. One doesn't do that to one's one-time best friend. Especially when they still think they are YOUR best friend. It's just uncool. It's so, as I put it then, "common" to do something like that.

So to this day, I don’t know. But I do know that now ex-wife does have a mental condition called, splitting. And she very well could’ve been having an affair and then when she’s with me, simply not remember it. She/we used to joke about the "black hole" her memory had where she wouldn't remember things she obviously should be able to remember. I hadn't realized until after we broke up, it was a mental condition perhaps from multiple concussions having grown up riding horses.

She has now descended even further in her issues after divorcing the next guy she had married after me, after I had warned her that he was not good marriage material. Even the kids could see that. Even one of the kid's friends saw that actually he saw it first. I tried to warn her as her one-time best friend, not as her ex. It wasn't indicative. I truly was worried about her, and out kid. If she married him. She did, she found out I was, we all were, right about him. A guy who now has been convicted of Washington state's largest restaurant tax fraud in state history.

And she’s gotten now so toxic her entire family doesn’t want to talk to her, or so I hear through the grapevine.

I’m currently single and the drama and stress here are quite low. Cheers!

Just thinking about the T-shirt I'm wearing today and it’s my "That Metal Show T-shirt. I've worn it around different places and events and no one has ever come up to me and said anything about it. So does no one know that show? Been off the air for a while now. But I loved it. All those rock bands I have listened to for so many years and finally got to see their bandmembers being interviewed by three rock aficionado’s, one brilliant rock historian, and two comedians. What a fun show if you’re into Rock and especially heavy metal.

I think I should also mention that yesterday I was wearing my Gogol Bordello T-shirt from the Ukraine concert. Love those guys. Gypsy rock. That was the first concert I took both my junior/high school aged kids too I think at the Showbox SoDoShowbox SoDo in Seattle south of Pioneer Square. 

I was pretty annoyed to find out my youngest child’s new stepfather had taken them to a concert. I think it Bumpershoot (local Seattle festival). I’d also found out he took her to something else I should’ve taken them to at their school for an event. Pains of being a divorced parent. Anyway that was the loudest bass I’ve ever heard at a concert. I have all their albums and I do like their music. What a concert! The documentary about Eugen Hutz, going home that was very good: "The Pied Piper of Hützovina."

I just moved to the next episode of the Hacks podcast and they said that Barbra Streisand is into the show and listens to the podcast. So I’m not sure if that’s true. Sounds like it might be somehow. I don’t know but that’s pretty cool.

You know one of the nice things about Hacks? They address the protagonist being older. What’s going on in our culture as far as generations. Having a trans son myself I’ve had to deal directly with the gender rules issues and the political issues and I basically try to stay out of it as much as I can so I don’t screw up. 

I felt bad about that until I realized that even those people who are in the middle of that because they have no choice, also have difficulty with Issues of how to address people in different things. So as I was told... as long as you have a good heart and you mean well, you can make mistakes. The problem comes in when you’re an asshole in general when even if you don’t mean to make a mistake in that area, when you do, you’re gonna get attacked. Because basically, you are after all, just an asshole.

Anyway, they just played one of my favorite lines from Hacks about those issues. On episode eight where somebody does a Super cut of the protagonist's older stand up as pretty cancelable humor. Which is so problematic today. It’s weird to cancel someone today for them simply doing what no one understood was wrong decades ago. Especially when so much of this has only transpired in the last 10 years. 

So lighten the fuck up. The only thing worse than people needing to be canceled is over canceling people who don’t need it, or who may be on your side, and yet you make them...not. As with the Trump MAGA thing. You wanna smack them in the back of the head because they’re being so stupid sometimes, maybe with a baseball bat, but you’re never gonna get them over to your side or to even consider they might be wrong at any time. Ever.

Last walk yesterday 2 miles because of weather. Today I’m starting now on my 4th mile. Woo hoo!

“I can’t be woke. I’m tired. I’m exhausted." yells "Debra" on the show.

This brings me back to reflecting on my own writings and works from my past which really started in the early 80s while at University. But I don’t think I’ve written anything that's offensive. Man, I’m hoping now. On the other side of that, I used to write horror, so a lot of offensive things there as far as killing human beings. I never shot a dog, though.

I guess I could mention that "Gender Bender" article about me that another writer wrote  on Indies Unlimited. She read one of my stories and wanted to know if I was male or female. Because of the "JZ" thing (doesn't help the "J" stands for "Jean" in the French, not the English as too many think, as "Gene"...nope). 

So I sent her a short short story she read and came back and said, "About the woman protagonist in that story… ", and I asked, "Why do you think they are a woman?" And she said, "Well it is." I said, "Go back and reread it and tell me what gender the protagonist is again." She came back stunned and said, "I can’t tell you." Because she was so sure a guy had written the first story of mine she read and was so sure a woman had written this next one, she said, "Don't tell me your gender, I'm going to write an article about this. Then you can tell us on the article." And so she wrote an article about. I don’t know how talented I was to be able to write either gender like that, but she thought I was, so, I’ll just take that as high praise

And then, as an adjunct to that story, she must’ve liked the article so much that she republished it again as, "Gender Bender Again", when she didn't have an article to publish once.

Reminds me of the first time I got quoted internationally by a guy down in Australia. I had posted the telling of a fight I got in back in the 70s. I think at first I pulled out my knife to offer to the guy saying to him that he's really gonna need it. He declined but looked worried. I had advanced in my martial arts at the time to where I found weapons were just in the way for the most part. 

Also, at that time in America I found nearly always, if an opponent in a street fight was using almost any kind of weapon, other than a gun, it tended to disable them from fighting effectively. Because so many people thought a weapon looked and seemed cool, but if you don't know how to use it well, better you don't use one at all. 

Let me just say here, I'm no "tough guy". I'm just me. Many of the things I've done were scary to me, but you learn to maintain and follow your training. Train and maintain. Persevere to the end and try to be successful. It's paid off for me all my life. Sometimes it's just about a hard project at work, finishing writing a book, or exercise, or learning a new skills. 

Yes, yes, someone will say something like, "Well, you never had a fight where I lived." That's really beside the point. I'm talking about a specific time and place and my experiences and reality...not anyone else's. 

I just ran a few times into guys who thought they were tough and I don't know, maybe watched a lot a martial arts movies but had little training or experience actual fighting. That was a time when few people in America were trained and Karate dojos were only starting to get a foothold in our country. Today, it's different. I have no desire to get into a tangle with some MMA guys. 

For some reason, there was a short period of time when I'd go into a bar and get harrassed Usually if I was with my girlfriend or wife. Couple of times with my wife and her girlfriend. Couple of times two guys were giving me crap. They were alone, I had two good-looking women. they were drunk and stupid. I had studied martial arts and was carrying a firearm. Not that I'd pull it out, unless they pulled on out. I was always able to talk them down, diffuse the situation. One time they went over to the bar, bored with being unable to push me into a fight. 

They actually argued with me about how a good fun bar fight is fun! I said the trouble is, if you have fun, you can actually kill someone, accidentally. And it's hard sometimes when you do want to kill someone, but they can be very hard to actually kill. Had they pushed it, I would then have told them we can do this, but I'm going to try to kill them as quickly as I can. One or both of us are going to the hospital, one of us may not survive. I do not fight and if I'm pushed to, well...that's how I see things. 

When I was a kid, our sensei said he'd prefer we run from a fight than harm someone. So I'll do what I can, but if I can't get away or end it, I would fight back. I don't fight hard, just smart, if possible. As Bruce Lee said in his book, your entire surrounding environment is a weapon.

When I started in Karate in the 1960s, I'd wear my gi on the bus to the dojo sometimes and the looks I got from citizens were mixed and comical. Many hadn't a clue what was going on but some older perhaps WWII guys had bad looks on their faces. I guess just seeing a racist version of the Japanese and wondering why a white kid would mimic them. And perhaps understandably so. But I stopped wearing the gi on the bus after that.

Anyway, back to the Australia reference about a fight...at one point, I threw the guy down and realized he was about to slam his head into the concrete. I realized as I started the movement on him, I could speed it up and kill him. But even at that point, I might unintentionally kill him. So I grabbed his arm and yanked up so his head didn’t hit the ground. 

I had said in my online article that there’s no reason one cannot be a gentleman, even when someone’s trying to kill you. I used to say that sometimes. Perhaps "gentleman" is the wrong word nowadays and I would instead use there’s no reason you can’t be "decent" or polite in a fight. IF you're good, you can be. So train. I taught my kids that concept. Decency even in having to kill someone who tried to kill you. But you also have to be good enough to have that option.

My last post mentioned missed opportunities, and I just thought of another kind of a weird one. In my senior year at university when I was getting a minor in creative writing and playwriting, and script and screenwriting, aside from my major in psychology and phenomenology… I took intro to theatre because I wanted to learn about the stage and the proscenium arch and the technical aspects but it wasn’t a technical class. Though I’m sure that was part of it. 

The Harvard grad student who taught the class, which always irritated me as at a university you’re only supposed to be taught by doctorate-level professors… he had us count off by threes. We were all sitting in the theater seats while he was sitting on the edge of the stage. After we counted off, he said "OK you’re gonna come up here by numbers and act out who you are on stage." About eight guys got up and walked out immediately. I looked around and it was all these really good-looking girls left with one or two other guys. I just sat there terrified. The other guys had scared looks on their faces too. The girls all seemed fine and relaxed. He talked for a bit and said about the guys who left, "Good, we don’t need them. Best to get rid of them right off." 

Then I really felt like a shrinking violet. 

Finally, it came up to our going to the stage and I couldn't take it.  I got up and walked out too. And, all the women moaned, sad to see me go. That surprised me. Somehow I was apparently considered pretty good-looking on campus. Ahhh, the good old days, so sad when such things fade. 

But my missed opportunity was that within a year of graduation, my girlfriend would leave me so we could’ve separated in college during that last year, and being in that class, had I just had the balls to get up on stage and make a fool of myself, things might have gotten interesting. I mean, always wanted to act. I just didn't have the self-esteem or the courage. Part of getting my psych degree, before this theatre class, was taking a psych class about group therapy. Basically, doing group therapy as you learned about it. Which I objected to, but no class, not degree. So I did it, and I loosened up quite a bit. it was really pretty good for me to have done.

I’ve done some acting in recent years. I don’t give a damn much anymore. All my life I never had a problem jumping out of an airplane or any sort of dangerous thing, or facing down a gun stuck in my face, which is happened. But acting? Putting your soul out there for people to hate, or love, maybe? Meh. It wasn't happening.

By the way? Today I remembered to bring my collapsible umbrella but, I didn’t need it, still, better safe than sorry. Wish I'd had it yesterday.

I was talking to my oldest son yesterday on the phone about my life orientation and trying to help him with his, since he’s in a tough space right now, times are just kind of hard for him. I’m trying to entertain him from hundreds of miles away, as I can and offer advice, which you know, he often doesn’t want to hear. But I told him I think I was never focused on money in my life and maybe I should’ve been more so. I just never focused on business because my mind simply doesn’t work that way. Too bad, really.

If I had a better business mind, the art I have produced would’ve made money. But I always was concerned for myself, my life, relationships over working 24 hours a day, being concerned for others and having good experiences. Being the best person I could be and always looking for the Truth. Not my truth. Not a religion's truth. Not a political party's truth, not an ideology's truth, but the actual, and as best as you can find it, objective as can be truth. What I’ve learned through physics and philosophy is that there is an objective truth. While there also is no objective truth, as what's objective is subjective. How’s that go? "Objectivity is subjective and subjectivity is objective"?

And... I got in my 5 miles today!

I just got home at 59° and the Trump criminal trial jury has been deliberating for 10 hours.

Wrap it up people.

[And as we now know and as I said up top, Trump is now finally officially... a convict.]

On that note, I’ll bid you adieu…

And I’ll leave you with that. It’s noon and time for lunch.
Cheers! Sláinte!



Sunday, March 31, 2024

Walkabout Thoughts #69

My thoughts, Stream of consciousness, rough and ready, while walking off long Covid and listening to podcasts…from a walk on Friday 3/29/2024

Very little if any politics in this one...

Weather for the day… starting out, 52° sunny with broken clouds

Podcast Marc Maron Episode 1525 - David Krumholtz

More of an art and reminiscent blog today...

First thing I'll say is at the end of the podcast where David says he sadly found a while back he has a disease. Cannabis Hyperemesis Syndrome: Causes, Treatment, and More
I agree with him about those like me who had smoked weed going back to the 70s that it's too strong anymore. They took medical cancer weed and weaponized it to what it is today. It was once fun, communal, a special thing to do with friends dodging police and everyone to avoid ruining your life. It WAS special. Now I just get the weaker stuff. I want to relax and be creative, not go comatose. Yes, we used to smoke our brains out, but you had to if you wanted to get blasted. If we had THIS weed back then? We wouldn't have needed as much. Less is better, potency is good as it's requiring less, but when some today smoke or vape it like we did back when, it ain't the same situation. Now it's just another drug. Fine, legal is better. I long fought for its legality. But it's just not the same. Anyway, thought people should know about this condition David has which he talks about right at the end of the podcast. Cheers!

I just wanna update something I said, I think in my last blog of my last walk about thoughts number 68 where I said when I was in the Air Force I got thin. My mom said I looked ill but I'd never felt that good in my life. I was also in a physically demanding job, packing parachutes and 228 pound B 52 drag chutes, anywhere from 3 to 14 a day, plus emergency and PJ chutes. What I wanted to update here was that I felt bad when my mom had said that. This was only a few years after my little brother died of liver cancer. And so my looking like a different person to her (she probably wouldn’t have said that if I had gained weight), it probably seriously disturbed and scared her. But the reason was oe found my wife had hypoglycemia and she became a vegetarian, and did all the cooking. When she asked if that was OK, I told her if it tasted good, I’d eat it, even though I do like eating meat. She was a good cook. With daily physical exercise and a lot of it, I’d come home and have to take a shower (more than anything because I reeked of JP-4 jet fuel exhaust from the B-52 drag chutes. Then I'd lay on our waterbed for a few minutes and turn on the vibrator because my muscles hurt. It would loosen me up and then I’ll be good for the rest of that day, or weekend. I got to where could pick up 556 pounds, with half each hand and walk two drag chutes out of the packing room into the pick up room. I once had a lighthearted contest with some PJs. These are awesome Air Force paramedics who jump into a combat zone and rescue the wounded. Talk about American heroes. These guys didn’t go in and fight to kill, they went in to fight to save lives. Sure, they'd kill people, but that wasn't their focus.

Recollecting those times, I told our boss one day that I had some philosophical issues working in an organization to support our air crews who flew to “melt entire cities” of men, women, children and the elderly. His advice was to stop thinking about that. “You’re a lifesaver. We’re survival equipment. Just think as far as your saving the lives of those we’re here to support, in case of war, who protect our country.” I had no choice either way but that really helped. Plus if a pilot or air crewmember ever used your chute you got anywhere from a bottle to a case of whiskey, depending on how much they revered their life, so…hey, I was like 20 at the time.

If a B-52 drag chute ever failed, there could be a potential nuclear incident at the end of a runway. So in a way I was also protecting the local community. In my case, Spokane, Washington at Fairchild Air Force base, in Washington state, a SAC, Strategic Air Command base. Which I don’t believe it is anymore.

I also had to cross train into our front shop in the building, inside our four World War II hangers, and so became a Fabric and Rubbergear Specialist as well as being a Parachute Rigger. Which I thought was a step down, working on environmental suits and life rafts and rubbergear. But then the guys in the front shop thought it was a step down to become a parachute rigger, so…

When I was Parachute Shop Supervisor later on, I got to train and certify parachute riggers for the Survival school, outback of the airbase, next to the POW Museum and where they did SERE training (Survival, Evasion, Resistance and Escape ). It was interesting times, in the Cold War. I even got to meet a Russian agent, an America, who was gathering ELINT, where he was hidden in a camper in the woods by the base. Nice guy. But I talked to the base about it and they just said, “Yeah, we know. There's a few of them. Not a problem.” I later ended up going through two months of OSI testing and interviews until they accepted me into the Office of Special Investigations (their FBI), but that’s another story that I’ve detailed elsewhere… did you know there was an FBI magazine? I used to read them sitting in the OSI lobby.

Got up today with a sinus headache. Kind of feeling like crap today, like I have been lately...long Covid. Gotta love it. First half mile on the walk today did not feel great. My heart felt uncomfortable, as it does but after the first half mile starting to feel pretty damn great, as this tends to go, every time.

On the podcast Marc’s guest (David Krumholtz) doesn’t like Greek food because the meat is always too dry and the spices. “They don’t believe in medium rare.” He also doesn’t like Mediterranean food. Mediterranean food, one of the healthiest diets on the planet. I love Mediterranean food, and I really like Greek food. Well, I like food. I've said I should probably be weigh a lot more than I do. But then I don't really eat that much. I love Thai food, it's probably my favorite. It was my grandfather‘s favorite and it took me years to find out why, and when I found out? Yep, I am my grandfather‘s grandson. But then he probably had been in Thailand back in the 1940s or 50s I know ha'd been to Mumbai (Bombay, when he was there) as I have film footage of him on a vacant main street there as a cow walked down the middle of the road in like, I don’t know, maybe the mid 1940s. Still hoping to do a documentary about him, but I have to get a lot more info from the government and submit some FOIA requests.

Anyway, I love trying foods from around the world. When I worked at the University of Washington in the mid to late 80s, after I left the Tower Records company (MTS Incorporated), which got me through college. Well my VA benefits got me through college, but Tower helped. And it helped buffer me a little financially in going from college into civilian life when I graduated. Which was kind of sad, but we had a good time and now I have a good community of Tower employee friends we know from back in the day. We just lost one of them recently, my best friend for many years and ex-roommate.

Anyway, when I was at the “Udub” (UofW) you could go up the “Ave” (University Way NE) in the “U District” and eat Thai food, or American food, or Ethiopian food, or all kinds of different things. Later in the 90s when I worked in Bellevue, Washington. It was the same thing. Walk a few blocks and you could get food really good food from all around the world. Very high end neighborhood. there. I parked below the building across the street from the building I worked in where there was a bank that I used. And in using that branch, who are used to big money types, I got to know. with my little money, what it was like to be treated with great respect. And it was amazing. I mean, I doubled my salary leaving the UW for US West Technologies, but made way less than some of those international types.

I parked in the basement parking garage, came up to the main floor of that building, got a coffee and you could stand there listening to people in expensive clothes, talking to one another in all kinds of different languages. It was amazingly cool, as I said. I would then cross the street to a building full of techs who all dressed pretty much like me, and the contrast was dark and kind of depressing. It was nice to be comfortable though. But you'd walk out of one building with beautiful people in incredible threads to a building of potentially smarter people, who really didn’t give much of a shit about fashion. But I have to say it was an amazing environment to work in and to be around all of those people, in both buildings.

Now starting my 2nd mile and feeling so much better already...

Marc’s podcast guest is David is telling a story about how his mom was a real bastard of a person but she should’ve been a comedian, in her own right. He said she liked to really take it out on his dad. She’d have him sit for her to draw a picture of him and then after like 20 minutes turn the picture around and it’s a cock and balls. And, she do that to her son, too. Man, I gotta wonder about what her issues must’ve been.

I’m gonna tell you what just happened: I’m using voice to text as I walk and talk on my iPhone 11. It’s still like brand new and I've had it for years so I don’t see upgrading it. Yet. I'm waiting for a software upgrade or something that turns it into it a brick. So I’m trying to tap on the text screen so I can type something manually and it messes up. So I tap it again, just as I realize I’m hitting, accidentally, text that says, paste. NO! When I started walking today, as I usually do from last time, I had gotten done walking, then at home I would email all this entire document to my laptop so I could create my blog off this document. Anyway, it was a long blog last time, longest this year, so far, and so it pasted that entire blog in the buffer still, back into this current document. So I had to go through the process of selecting only this part of that old text and delete it. And so I did. I then proceeded to do the exact same mistake and paste all over again!

Now when your walking this isn’t what you wanna be doing. I selected the whole slug of text again and deleted it again. Only this time I selected a single word and copied it. And so, here we are and now and finally we’re good to go. As I told an online author acquaintance, Mark David Gerson, in a posting today on Facebook where he said he’s working on a new book and suddenly thought of two great ideas for two new books but he’s begging his creativity to give him a break! My response to him was, “The trials and tribulations of the creative mind.” To which he laughed back at me.

It’s funny, he wrote his book that he’s still promoting, 10 years ago. Which of late has been getting some traction. I wrote my biggest and perhaps best book “Death of heaven “and published in 2012. Then revised it with an editor in 2014 and of course, I’m still pushing it. It’s up for two or three book awards this year because I finally got around to that. I'd tried to send it to book award a couple years after I published it, when I thought of it, but no one would take it because it hadn't been published within that past year, or that year. It’s gotten good reviews though and I do really like it. It’s an epic book on the order of “Three Body Problem” now on Netflix (great series, I also had just finished the 30 episode, Chinese version on Amazon Prime). It’s not as deep, but it’s as widespread in so far as history, and in my case, the history of the earth going back to before it existed, and then up to the present, where it may be at the end of it in the book. Or not.

So, Marc’s guest is also talking about his dad and how he was once at a restaurant and found a olive pit that he had crunched down on. he took it out and realized it was a pit somebody had expelled from an olive they were eating, probably kitchen crew, and he complained loudly to the waiter who said he must’ve put it in there. Which made him madder. It just reminds me of my mom who said she learned from our grandfather that “the squeaky wheel gets the grease.” Growing up we kids hated hearing that.

I had finally told her one day that it doesn’t mean to whine and whine and piss people off just to get what you want (to be fair, too often in my life I wish I had been that squeaky wheel). My sister once told me that whenever she went to lunch with our mom, she always ended up sending her meal back. Because she figured, mom thought that’s how rich people acted. My sister finally retired after a lifetime as mostly a Senior Flight Attendant. She told me that she'd had meals with actual rich people and they did not act that way and would be humiliated doing something like that. I asked my mom about her behavior and just she said, “Well I get my way don’t I?” I didn’t give it much thought for years until Donald Trump came on the scene and I realized what a little little bitch that guy is. And that's all I'm going to say on that.

I have to say if you ever met my grandmother, who is kind of my second mom, thank God for her. She was self-educated and God I don’t know where my life would’ve gone without her. Then you look at my aunt, my mom‘s older sister, you could go, “OK I could see that. Mom and daughter.” But then you look at my mom and you look at my grandmother and you wonder, what the hell? Even my grandmother once said to me that there were times she wondered if before she left the hospital with my mom as an infant, if somebody hadn’t swapped her out. I can see that. But I also have to say I’d really rather have had my mom, as I did.

My cousin said recently, with what she went through with her mom, as much as she loved her, she loved coming over to our house because she could leave whenever she wanted but our house was so chaotic, it was fun. I liked going to stay at her house because her parents were so consistent and rational and I always knew what was coming, even if I didn’t always like it.

We are all afraid of my stepdad. Well, not so much my sister as he treated her the best. But then she was pretty awesome, still is. Our cousin had asked me some years ago: “What was the deal with you guys? You'd always send me to ask him things if you needed to talk to him?” Talking about the step-dad.

We told her that he’d give us a bunch of crap and we were scared of him He worked two jobs, was always tired and didn’t much like dealing with us kids. We knew if you talk to him, he would never say a cross word to you. And she said, “Oh yeah, my dad would’ve killed him.” There were times I wished her dad was my dad, but not so much her mom who was way too damn strict for my sensibilities.

I remember going over to her house in the 60s and they had plastic on the inside of their car doors (for resale value), and plastic covers on their furniture and she would (not really but kind of) follow us around with Lysol, cleaning all the time, as if we were just filthy little ragamuffins, which maybe we were. I suspect we had a better childhood though as I would get up in the morning, eat, leave the house and maybe come back for lunch, then come back before dusk. I’d have all kinds of adventures that I doubt she did. Though I'd have to ask her…

This is weird… I’m 68 1/2 now and I’m walking, feeling like every step I take is one step older… which I am. But then I guess that’s emotional while intellectually I’m feeling every step is making me younger in someway.

Because when I do get up to 5 miles, every other day, at least, I do feel so much better, healthier and stronger. And you might go, well, yeah! But long Covid makes this whole thing different. Damn, I was really hanging onto the thought that it would be gone within two years which is beginning of April. Not seeing that happen. The first time I think maybe, perhaps, possibly it was gone in 18 months? But then I wasn’t sure after that if I were catching something once in a while or what was going on. If this is going to go on until summer, or fall, I’m fine with that...as long as it goes… The… Fuck… Away! Ciao! Buh BYE!

I’ve been trying to use AI as much as possible to get used to it. Something I've done in having worked in technology. When something new comes up, I’m on the bleeding edge and I want to learn it before everybody else. I’m not so much into that bleeding edge stuff, anymore. I've been having a lot of problems with that anymore. I've tried using several AI now. Mostly I'm using “Copilot” and once they instituted that, it seemed to crippl it, now I have to argue with it. I have to fight with it at times, if I can even get it to do what I want sometimes. It’s so just being so overly careful about what it says now. It doesn’t just kick out actual information. It worries about politics or something. So it’s become a pain. Not always, just too much. I suspect it might be different on a personal install however.

I mention that because it will only let you post 4000 words in creative mode, or for the exact mode, 2000 words. I would like to just point it to a web site and say summarize this. But it wants you to paste it in its' little box and it doesn’t like going out to websites. What I would like to do with this blog, because these get kind of long. I’d like to tell it read my blog, then quickly summarize it and I could put that at the top. Then anyone coming to this blog could just look at the top and go, “nope not reading that today.” Or maybe, “absolutely, I gotta read this.”

My whole design on this walkabout concept, transcription and blogging, is to make it easy going, don't overthink it, don’t over edit it. Just try to make it readable and throw it out there and that’s what you get. That’s a certain kind of “thing” that’s more of an insight and survey of my thought processes in the moment. I find that interesting. But then I studied psych and phenomenology and perhaps that has something to do with that orientation?

I’ve said this before, about this blog versus my published writings. How this is designed. A blog that should be open ended, just a brain dump. There’s times where I want to read carefully instructed arguments. There’s times where I want to read somebody’s honest beliefs and thoughts, stream of consciousness. This is not the former, not well crafted, not highly edited, not carefully considered. Just another person talking.

Somewhere in the middle of those last few paragraphs, I started my 3rd mile...

This process is actually kind of fun. The biggest problem I have here in doing it is technology and time. While I’m talking, it stops recording me from time to time. I have to stop the recorder, restart it and sometimes it gets worse than that (reboot?). Then I have to get home, put it into my blog and be sure it’s not too embarrassing to read. Now it SHOULD be to some extent, by its nature. But if it's unreadable... no.

Marc's guest is talking here about “distancing himself from his Jewishness”, where they're both Jewish. As a kid I didn’t know much about Jews. But my family is from the east coast, Philadelphia, New Jersey, maybe New York. So growing up in the 1960s and 70s I’d been to the East Coast a bunch of times. Lived briefly in Philly. Manhattan. Jersey City. Cape May, New Jersey, where I learned to surf (thank you to my cousin Jeff).

One time when I was 12, maybe, I was in Philly, Cherry Hill I think it was, where my cousin lived with my aunt and uncle. He had a really cute next-door neighbor, a Jewish girl. I’m not gonna go into that story, but it is pretty funny and ironic. And I’ve talked about it elsewhere. My point is, I got to know some old Jewish women on those trips and one day I realize a little shocked, just how much being around them felt like I was around old Catholic women. It was from that date forward that I started to understand the Jewishness of Catholicism. Kinda. Any one who’s experienced this, knows exactly what I’m talking about. I told my mom about it when we got back to Tacoma, Washington in the 60s. She thought and said, “Yeah sure, I could see that.” And we both laughed.

David Krumholtz on podcast: “I am that Nazi propaganda poster. I can make that face… “ “I am a Jew. I am a proud Jew. The only Jew I have a problem with is myself.” He then says his mom was born in the country of Hungary.

My mom was born in Brooklyn. But her dad was born in Czechoslovakia in 1894. Which I understand hadn’t existed until after he was born (October 28, 1918) and doesn’t exist anymore, now being the Czech Republican (November 1989) which is really weird state of affairs. I mean he died in like '74, so I guess it doesn’t bother him either way.

Krumholtz said his dad’s family was born in Brooklyn.

Oh, I should mention this. “Three-Body”, The Chinese version of 30 episodes on Amazon Prime. I finished that last week. Lots of subtitles. Episode 13 in the last half is a subtitle nightmare. I tried to complain to Amazon so they can get it fixed but there seems to be no way. So I figured a way and shot them a message. We’ll see what happens. No actually, we probably won’t.

I heard Netflix had “3 Body Problem” coming out last Friday and produced by one of the guys from Game of Thrones. Loved Game of Thrones. Trying to like House of Dragons. But it ain’t no Game of Thrones. Not yet anyway, but I’ll keep watching.

Anyway, I finished the Netflix version and I really liked it. It was however interesting to have seen the previous version, first. This story is from a set of Chinese books and it has been made into one form of video or another since I think, 2004, several times. They made interesting choices in the Netflix version and I just got my son to start it and he just finished it. He and I constantly talk about quantum physics issues each from our own towns now. He has from his mother, probably, better math skills than me, and definitely artist skills because she was/is an artist (Clive Barker has a piece of her art, or he requested a copy of something of mine she made when I met him one time of several, so she made him on and I mailed it to him in London back then). I guess she still is an artist but she works in plants now at a store in our old college town up north. Anyway, he's way smart. I make a good sounding board because I’ve always had that talent. To take things I don’t understand and make them better. I'm very good at putting weird choices together and making them work well together.

One example was the last company I worked at, this in the early 2000s. I was a variety of things there, like webmaster, systems administrator, network admin, whatever. I supported the programmers. I walked over to a programmer's cubicle one day and she looked pretty frustrated. I asked, “What’s the problem?” She said she had a problem with the code and was stumped. I told her to show me. She said, “Do you know this programming language?” I told her no, but to show me anyway and so she did. I pointed at the code on screen and said, “There’s your problem.” She looked at me like I was nuts. Then looked at the code, looked it over a little harder. Looked back at me in shock and said, “You’re right, that IS the problem. But how could you know?” I said, “Well, it’s all just logic flow, right?” And I moved on to the next programer to see if I could help, as she watched me walk off very confused. I saw that it was my job at that time to not just do my job, but talk to them to see what they needed to keep them moving forward. Finding a way to get that to them so they could not be stopped needlessly.

I don’t know what the hell my son talking about half the time. But I’m always giving him angles to look at things from to help him get outside the box he maybe shouldn’t even be in.

Create a secret number one: I’ve been doing this for decades and it’s I guess it’s made me money plenty of times. And leaves people looking at me like I’m a genius or something wondering how did he do that and that’s amazing…

Trying to think of an example here. I have a really good example but I can’t think of what it is right now. I’ll give you the concept. I know two ways to write. Structured with an outline as Clive Barker does or used to. He told me once that’s how he wrote. That was back in the late 80s, maybe early 90s? Then there is exploratory writing. Just start writing, see where it takes you. Or, expeditionary writing. Adventure writing, the adventure OF writing.

I was watching Paul Simon's docu series "In Restless Dreams: The Music of Paul Simon", on Amazon Prime and he said it, what I was trying to remember: discovery. Discovery writing. You discover, or uncover the story as you write it out. You see, as with I suppose AI, what the next word is and what goes best with it and you put that down and onto the next. In my mind I watch the "movie" in real time. That reminds me of 8th grade at Holy Rosary elementary parochial school where I went for a single somewhat nightmarish year. 

But we got to take Evelyn Wood Reading Dynamics in an experimental class. I got up to reading 10,000 words per minute at 80% comprehension (up from the initial 280 words per minute and 60% comprehension...which saddened and surprised me as I was an avid reader, mostly of sci fi at that time. But by time I finished the course, and I had read the most books of all the students, at 60 books those months (I think it was a three month period). But another kid won the most books read at 89. Who told me a few years later, "I just lied, I wanted to win." Whatever.

Anyway, when I read a book, a novel, it would take me about an hour or less and it was like feeding a computer program into my mind and I would see an actual movie of the book in my mind while I read it. That was very cool. But I eventually stopped doing it as I like a book, especially one I loved, to last as long as possible. Days. A week, or longer if I could feed pages to myself as if on a feeding schedule, relishing each page, every word.

What is fun for me, and I’ve heard authors say this, is to sit down and start writing from a concept you have, a kernel of an idea that you flesh it out. You just see where it goes and you discover as you write, whatever you find most exciting. I try to write myself into a corner all the time. I write myself into impossible situations. Then I have to write my way out of it. In my fantasy or sci-fi, or whatever, I try to be very based in physics and reality. Because that’s what I enjoy reading, or watching.

I’m used to writing myself into situations that seem impossible to get out of. A technique I learned, probably when I was a kid, maybe in Civil Air Patrol search and rescue training. When you get into an impossible situation, turnaround and look the other way. Change your perspective.

Back in the 70s my older and more experienced brother once told me when you drop acid, if it gets too intense, change the channel. If you’re literally watching TV, literally change the channel to something lighter. I actually had to do that one time and it worked brilliantly. If you’re up against an enemy, tactically, realistically, practically, you don’t want to do what they’re gonna expect you to do. So either do the opposite or do something the opposite and something lateral to that. Seemingly random, but now.

As I’ve always told my kids, always have a second, a B plan. If you have a plan B, have a C plan. And a D plan. Basically have one more plan than your opponent will have, always. I think I said this on my last blog, too.

As I start my 4th mile…

Do the unexpected. It works really well in whatever situation you are in, in your mind, or physically, just turn around and look in the opposite direction. It's amazing how often literally looking in an unexpected direction offers insight. Sometimes you’ll even see the enemy coming at you, because that was their B plan.

Marc Maron: “People ask where all the Jews have gone”, I think he means in comedy. He said he thinks it’s all the antidepressants. And they both laugh.

End of last year, and I’ll be honest about this… anyone who’s read these blogs knows that on this walk? There is a little free library in front of somebody’s house. If you’re a reader, and you don’t know about that, check it out. Bring a book you’re done with, put it in there, take one out, it’s a great deal. For years, I’ve been putting in one of my books I wrote. And they'd go away pretty quickly. My last published fiction book I put in there, along with my last published nonfiction book. Fiction book's gone, pretty quickly. Nonfiction book? Still there and I think I put them in there back in December.

The fiction book actually came back and had obviously been read. I'd been hoping for that for a long time. Now it’s gone again. Which is what you want. So I feel honored that finally happened. And that book was: Anthology of Evil II, Vol. II, The Unwritten. I really like that story. I had a blast writing it, and it took me a couple years. Because I wrote myself into a corner that I couldn’t get out of.

It took two years for me to figure out how to get out of it. Anyway, the other book is selling well in a health food store that my son runs. It's titled Suffering “Long Covid”. Good book, it's up for an award this year, as my the other fiction book is, “Death of heaven”. But it’s at that point in Covid and the season that I guess people aren’t interested in it.

It may be the title’s a problem. But it’s the revised updated version from January 2024 and I may do another update on the research/medicine this next January with newly found long Covid info from 2024. I’ve had people say it really helped them in various ways. One guy told my son in his store, after having bought and read it, that as far as the Covid Omicron version goes, he finally understands what the hell was going on with it. Which I take as high praise. There’s an interesting review on Amazon about it by someone who has been in epidemiology for 18 years who really liked it. More high praise. So anyway, after months now, it's still sitting in the little free library kiosk. Heavy sigh...

You know what sucks on these walks, this time of year? Fireplace smoke. Which can be aromatic as long as people aren’t burning garbage or trash in their fireplace. Which is just disgusting, like sticking your nose in somebody’s toilet. I know people use fireplaces for pleasure, and to save money. I certainly used to. When I moved with my kids and wife into a couple acres in the woods back in 2000, there was so much downed timber that we burned it up. We reclaimed a lot of lawn and it took us five years requiring no expensive electric heat. When finally we started using the electric furnace, the electric bill was a shock, but my kids and I enjoyed the lack of working the wood pile and certified metal standalone fireplace. Which was very nice. But my point is, I wish there was a converter in these fireplace chimneys so you could burn all you want and smoke wouldn’t be released. I'm good with the smell, just not real into the particulate matter, or the greenhouse gases, I suppose.

I have to say that after a long time of thinking Apple Air Pods were stupid, I mean, who’s gonna buy something that expensive without a cord where you could so easily lose them? I finally broke down and bought some a year or so ago and while you do have to be careful when you bend over sometimes, as one usually will fall out, not always, and you can track them down on your phone, I have to say I do love these things. I’ve been through a lot of different earpieces over the years, and I have to say, these are my favorite. I love the case that when you put them in there, it charges them, brilliant. And yes, I got the insurance on them.

OK passed the 3 1/2 mile mark.

I’ve got until 4 miles to decide, do I turn around and do one more mile? Can I handle it? Should I handle it? Should I do what I had planned which is to do a few more 4 mile walks before going to 5, finally? I so want to do 5 miles. Because last time, when I first ever got up to the 5 miles with long Covid, it wasn’t until I hit the 5 mile mark that I really started feeling better. There is my motivation.

I’m feeling better now at 4 miles, but what if I feel way better with 5 miles? Regardless, it’s going to trash me for a day or two. After a winter of not feeling well and being in my recliner in the living room, mostly..my first walk recently left me after the walk, with a really sore area someplace I’ve never experienced before. I’ve had shin splints, or this that or the other thing from hiking a lot in my youth, search and rescue in CAP. But this was my “core” and a bit lower. A weird area to feel like you strained muscles, because you haven’t used them for months. But a strong core feels great. And once you get that back, continuing the work out to your extremities is much easier. I prefer to work on my core before everything else when beginning work outs again after time off. I used to work on everything else first (like doing arm curls with barbells and dumbbells) and then eventually get a strong core. Fuck that. Now my favorite thing is the “sit up challenge” where you start doing sit ups and add five every day for a month. By that month‘s end? Man, I always feel so much better. So... core first. And the rest comes easier.

Oh, the other thing to do on walks when you’re trying to get into shape is, after a few walks, start holding your stomach in. And I’ve talked about this before. Tighten your stomach muscles up, suck them up into your ribs and back toward your spine. Hold it for a few seconds count and then expand it over time and after a while, you realize you’re just kind of holding it in without thinking. It can take a month or two.

It just occurred to me, anyone wondering why I even do any of this blog thing. Partly because I had a blog. Because I wasn’t using it and that’s a waste of resources. Because it’s also motivational for me, as I walk and lately, that’s the most important thing as anything, to move.

They’ve recently done a research project where people had to move every half hour or something, all day, every day, and while some people dropped out, and some people didn’t keep it up after the study, they say it literally change the lives of some people for the better. I could definitely see that. It’s a big argument for the standing work desk. Especially with a treadmill.

OK. I’m at 4 miles. I think I could do 5 miles. But it’s not supposed to rain Sunday, in two days for my next walk (plan is to do 5 miles every other day, then after a while, consider ever day). My left ankle, the one that gives me problems is in a slip on ankle brace. Hurts just a wee bit now. So I think I’ll call it a day.

Here’s the thing I find about workouts and I’ve done a lot of workouts. I started working out in 1965 in fifth grade in Karate (Isshinryu). A lot of pain, a lot of “push through the pain”. A lot of learn to ignore the pain. In 1980 I took Aikido in college. From that day on, I thought screw this pushing through the pain crap. There’s actually ways to work out where you don’t need to suffer. If you're not a professional, why are you hurting yourself so much?

It’s like being an artist, as one of my professors told us, the whole starving artist concept is bullshit and they’ve done studies to prove if you suffer for your art, you really don’t have to. It makes a great story, but it doesn’t necessarily make for great art. So work smarter. Not just harder.

For anyone questioning my editing this before releasing it, as I talked about above, it took me two or three hours last time to edit that piece. I got home after a really nice walk that day and spent the entire afternoon reading and editing, with had news or documentaries on in the background. I’m not making money off of this. Maybe I shouldn’t be doing this. So what’s wrong about my reading through once, making quick corrections and getting it out there, ASAP? If I was being really serious about this, I'd take a couple days on each blog. I don’t see where that really benefits anybody that much though, especially considering the concept of a walking/talking piece And doing it often. Obviously with taking winters off…

And I’ll leave you with that.

It’s noon now and time for lunch.
Temperature is 56°.

I wish you all great success and health! Until next time!

Cheers! Sláinte!