Parenting in the Toxic Crossfire: Pushing Back With At Least Feigned Humor

 How about a learning moment? This is from a Facebook issue on Friday, April 4, 2025. Three days after Trump's Destruction Day announcement as Pres. "Nero" was playing his fiddle, or fiddling around with...our economy, as it crashed all round us all. The level of something or other in MaGA electing a guy to not do exactly what he's doing is astounding. They hated Biden's economy that the Economist said was the envy of the world, but because Trump said words indicating what an allegedly horrible economy (it actually wasn't) and that he'd make it better, well...the irony in that is murderous. 

But we must listen to our fellow brothers and sisters, and otherwises on their other side too, and so I bring you this...

So Offensive's (apparently, but user account) post on Facebook:

"Not a lot of things piss me off. But this meme fucking did. As a father myself, this fucking infuriates me. What do all the fathers out there thing about this meme?"

OK so he got that out. Good for him. 

I "thinged" it was silly, though. Just to mention, this meme is not perfect, but one does get the general idea from it of what was intended. 

So I posted this:

For toxic masculinists, MaGA, or jerks...just reverse it.
We don’t spank kids who understand speech. As my psych degree taught me—pain’s unnecessary (but cathartic for the ignorant, toxic conservative mind), cognitive programming via verbal cues is. For toddlers, a padded diaper 'swat' & soft 'no' teaches association w/out harm. Now apply to those toxic "fathers".

And of course he felt the need to post this:

So Offensive: JZ Murdock Ah yes, the enlightened parenting philosophy, brought to you by a 'psych degree' and a thesaurus full of buzzwords. Forget clear communication and common sense, let's just 'cognitively program' our offspring with 'verbal cues' while occasionally administering a 'padded diaper swat' for that 'association without harm.' Because, you know, nuance. And if you disagree? Well, you're clearly a 'toxic conservative mind' trapped in the 'cathartic' throes of ignorance. I'm just trying to figure out if I need a decoder ring or a philosophy degree to understand this parenting manual. Also, is there a chapter on how to 'verbally cue' a toddler into cleaning their room? Asking for a friend who's currently being 'cognitively programmed' by a mountain of laundry.

Well, then of course someone else had to pipe up:

PM: JZ Murdock "as my psych degree taught me..." I've been to what used to be called university. Your psych degree taught you to hate masculinity and encourage children to pretend their sex isn't determined by their DNA. Ask the college for your money back. You were robbed.

I don't know, I just felt an urge to respond:

I know those you refer to, that's not descriptive of me by a long shot. Not that you are capable of observing that or correctly commenting on it. In addressing both who commented with banal diatribe...

It’s interesting and sad how easily dismissing complex subjects with sarcasm can seem like an argument. My degree, and the research it involved, is rooted in science and understanding human behavior—something that, I’d argue, isn’t best served by knee-jerk critiques or oversimplified mockery. As for your suggestion about 'verbal cues,' it’s a well-established concept in psychology, used in everything from parenting to professional settings, to help foster communication. If you’d like to actually understand the nuances of the field, I’m happy to have a more respectful discussion about it. Otherwise, it’s just noise.

Then, silence and nothing more up to now.

However, I was prepared for more if there was to be any. Always good to have a base comment in the wings as one's mind wishes to speak on it, then if something does come up, just hone to into appropriateness. 

My future never used comment was to be:

BTW, you get out of a university what you put into it. I worked far harder than most of my fellow students back when. 

Plenty of "stupid" out of Harvard (now in the WH) who slid through to a degree, but also, it's in if and how one maintains their education throughout the rest of their life. 

Many ARE there merely for that degree sans knowledge, or certainly, wisdom. 

We have a dullard POTUS like that now. Lazy-minded malignant narcissist/petulant manchild, but hey, not for (as long as he thinks).

My opinion being different from yours certainly does not make mine incorrect—especially when it comes with more clarity, alacrity and a basis in fact (I realized you're projecting how you are of such a type as is allergic to facts & reality), or the tribal infobubbble positions that so often serve to pacify and perpetuate the toxic and the dysfunctional beloved belief systems. 

Please do attempt to enlighten us on how ignorant and delusional everyone else is who isn't you. 

We're all ears. 

That is, those very many of us quite capable of hearing another’s 'opinion'—even if it’s unconsciously built from regressive anachronisms, delusion, disinformation, and toxic right-wing propaganda.

 But hey, as you can see, I’m quite good at digesting easily vetted, sheer and utter nonsense. :)

And now... for something completely different...(brief rather funny John Cleese video, actually)

So there it is.

This kind of thing happens a lot.  There are plenty of the ignorant whose opinions are so well placed-and-based within the realms of an alternate universe, or as Kellly Anne Conway liked to put it, the "alternate truth" category of having so very nothing to do with reality, or the truth.

But this is what we live with today. 

Nonsense as Reality.

Should I have kept silent? Maybe, it seems a group with a lof to exactly the type who would rail against such a meme. But when it comes to misperceiving or simply being (topically) ignorant about children, I tend to say something. So on that note... 

Cheers! Sláinte!

The Art of Kid Talking

Originally posted on Facebook in 2013. I cleaned it up a bit for posting here as I felt it relevant to share again.

I've had many interesting discussion with my son and daughter that I suspect will be going on for a very long time. The are in their mid and late twenties now.

Even when my kids were very young I used to carry on some very interesting conversations with them. My now ex wife would be gone away at horse shows around the Pacific Northwest region and southwest for a week or even three at a time and so I had a lot of time with the kids.

You're missing some truly valuable resources if you don't see how smart the young can be, or even people with semi or even at times severe mental difficulties.

I'd talk to my kids about things way beyond their ability to understand them, just to entertain myself. I'd simplify them enough so that we could actually carry on a conversation, but they frequently had some very interesting and wise things to say.

Out of the mouths of babes.

We seldom do that. Which is sad. For all involved, because it builds critical thinking in them as well as self esteem in their being treated as equals. They usually don't get enough of that. It's actually even solved problems I've had.

One time when my daughter about four, we were on the floor, playing in her room. Out of the blue, she asked me what was wrong.

I was actually having problems at work. So I honestly told her that I didn't think she could help me. She said, "But maybe I can." I laughed. It was ridiculous. She was four. I worked in IT, in a high level computer and internet job. I'd been on some of the top teams in America as a Senior Technical Writer at a large communications company.

But then I figured, purely for her benefit at first, what did I have to lose? And maybe she could simplify things in a way that I couldn't, because I was too close to the problem. If for no other reason. I have a Bachelors Degree in Psychology. I should be able to pull this off, after all. And she was an interesting kid. I won't go into that now but there was something very unique about her. Other people noticed it just in seeing her.

So I got serious, really thinking about it. About how we don't chance things. How we see things so often in such limited ways, in not thinking out of a box and so on.

I thought, what the hell. I simplified the problem down enough for her to grasp and then sat back and listened. And she solved my problem!

At first I took her comments and couldn't figure out how it fit my situation. I almost dropped it right there. But I tend to be tenacious (tenacious "D" fan that I am, or even otherwise). I took the tact of, what if it actually did fit? Maybe I just wasn't applying her answer properly. Perhaps I wasn't seeing it clearly.

As I thought about it I found more and more over those next few minutes that did fit. The more I thought about it, the more I realized...she had actually solved the problem.

From then on, I asked her about other things. I asked my son, who was five years older than her. Like I said, we had some interesting conversations over the years. Especially from that moment forward.

We have so much wonder and wisdom in our lives that we frequently just disregard it. And it's sad. Sad for all involved.

Pathetic really, in how we don't make use of all that we have available to us.