I Had Far Too Much to Dream That Night...

The other day I woke in a rather interesting dream. I say "in" and not "from" for a reason. I admit, it was kind of fun. Though some wouldn't have seen it that way at all. I am a horror and sci fi, and speculative fiction writer and screenwriter.

But this tale, is 100% true. It happened. And it was disturbing.

Also true is that since I first studied screenwriting at university, by the time I graduated my dreams had changed, had become much more cohesive, more linear, more interesting and much more affecting. At times scarier, and definitely with more impact.

This recent dream was reinforced by a couple of things from the night before. One being a sinus headache, so my grounding, in reality, was, pain. I've found that pain really enhances a nightmare. It was probably from a bit of a hangover in having had a good time and a few Hale's Supergoose ales at Bremerton's Hale's Barrelhouse up the street from home with some friends.

My other thing was immobility, sleep paralysis. A normal function of sleep. Unless you wake up during it. Which has terrified human beings from the beginning of time, and has led to beliefs in all kinds of bizarre things. Including religious beliefs. Demonic beliefs. And fears in a variety of areas.

Over Bremerton by JZ Murdock

It became all mixed up. I was dreaming, I was sleeping, I was waking. It was actually time for me to wake up. But not in the dream. Where it was the middle or early part of my sleep period. I was in bed too, in that dream, Where I was thinking in my dream about ethereal monsters in my attic. I was thinking I was dreaming, and dreaming I was thinking, in my dream. Yeah. Like that.

There was a feeling of others in the dream house being fearful of whatever it was in the attic. As for me, I was concerned about it, but wasn't afraid enough to not go to sleep. Though deep down, there was a kind of terror in my psyche, about it.

The dream was also continuing in some form from a previous dream, and I think some of the set up in my mind was being generated in the moment as this dream, or part of this dream, kicked into play. I know, this wasn't your normal dream. Or maybe it's just me in general. And I will not argue with you about that.

Above my bed was a ceiling light of a type where there is a dark space around the actual light. I felt I could see up into the attic when usually these are set in cylinders that seal off the room from the attic. In reality, I was lying in my bed in my dream, staring at that dark spot around the turned off light, expecting to see something move, something...horrific. I did not, however, see that. Not at all.

I then realized something took hold of my entire body as I was frozen in place, unable to move. In my slowly waking mind, juxtaposed with this dream, this nightmare, quite on the edge of a night terror, I could recognize that I was most likely waking up and in that frozen stage of sleep which is the thing of fear and mythology, as I said previously, throughout human history.

photo by JZ Murdock

I was teetering on the edge of dream and reality. Ruminating on that very same thing, within the dream state. The hope being that this was just that, a dream on the edge of waking.

Yet deep down I had this fear of the "monster in the attic". The Demon. The Terror.

I told myself, "This is a dream. Of course, you can't move because it is a natural condition of a stage of sleep. Nothing to worry about. Enjoy the ride!"

Still, deeper inside? There was the child within me. Bordering on terror. I could "see" a monster watching me from the attic, in my mind's eye. But I leaned into the fear. Then back out into reality.

Still, I could not move.

Then it happened. The fear I had been pushing down, a fear that something would happen to shift my safety out of reality, from it being "just a dream", to it being real and solid so that I was wrong, and this was not just a dream. Not by any means.

The hole and the light above me... shifted. As if in a cartoon, the light fixture, the access hole to the attic, with the terror beyond living beyond it, moved, smoothly, slowly, along the ceiling,

I noticed a sound, seemingly drifting down, coming from the attic above the ceiling. It sounded like a mosquito. A very large mosquito. A buzzing. But lower, slower as it moved across the ceiling.

As it started at the center of the ceiling, it had moved to the wall. It then began to slide down the wall. I could see it. But still, I could not move. I tried to shift my shoulders. But nothing happened.

I was grinning inside, somewhere. Thinking to myself, about what a roller coaster ride this nightmare was turning into. But also at a more primal state within, I was considering, "what if this wasn't a dream after all?"

What if, I may actually about to be attacked? Killed? Or worse?

I waited for the hole to stop sliding down the wall. What else could I do? I knew absolutely, that when it stopped, something was going to be coming out of that hole. Somehow. If it could do this unreal behavior, surely something large and terrible could come out of that tiny orifice?

The closer the hole got to the center of the side wall next to the bed, the more the immediacy of my need to escape became. I started to struggle, to force control of my body to return. I went through this for what seemed like forever. Struggling for control. Freezing for a moment, watching that cursed moving hole. Then struggling again.

I thought, if or when the hole stopped, surely nothing would happen. It was, after all, "just a dream." My entire belief system shifted then, knowing that once that hole stopped, that it was POSSIBLE, quite possible that I would be indeed be attacked! Maimed! Killed! Or worse! I contemplated what could be worse....

Then I relaxed. I tried to force my belief that I was safe, mere in a dream. But the possibility of being wrong leaped up into my throat and grabbed me!

Did I really want to take that risk? Chance that this was just "a silly thing"? Flashbacks to others within the dream's pre-dream, those unknowns who were so terrified of the reality of what was in the attic and my own proof now that they were correct and it would be my miserable demise. A heavyweight of fear filled the room, crushing me in my bed, in my mind.

Graphic from The Unwritten novella, by JZ Murdock

Finally, I just went for it. Moving side to side, I tried to lift my arms, from the shoulders, using my body as my arms were immobile. I kept it up until I could move. I broke through the other side...I opened my eyes and...I was surprised to find the ceiling light above me. In reality. But it was an entirely different kind of light fixture, proving quite clearly that it had all been, just a dream.

I lie there for a few moments. Internally grinning at myself. At my foolishness. Telling myself, "See? All along you fool? It was... just a dream."

What a way to wake up, to start my day. What could possibly go wrong, or worse, than that? Through the entirety of this bright new day? I thought this through the relief of reality and the pain of my sinus headache. A throbbing I did not mind much as it helped me to wake, to distance myself from what had seemed so very real. Even as it seemed such a nightmare.

And my next thought? That I should write this experience up.

And so, here we are.

Hi! I hope you have a great and pleasant day!

Cheers! I'm so very happy to be here, now.

#horror #dream #nightmare #nightterror #macabre #sleep #sleepparalysis #fiction #murder #monster #EAPoe #Poe #unReality

Getting a project going, moving, done and completed

This story was taken from the book, “Conversations at the American Film Institute with the Great Moviemakers.”

I got this from Robert McKee who was talking about the actor Charlton Heston.

 “Heston said getting his first acting job came down to luck. After a theater production he had auditioned for fizzled and a directing job ended, his wife suggested Heston go to auditions for a production of "Antony and Cleopatra." Heston went over to the office and found it crowded. People who had connections in the theater industry auditioned first. Finally, Heston was the only one left. A staff member asked his name. "I said, 'Charlton Heston. Maynard Morris of MCA sent me up,'" Heston remembered. "I'd never been inside MCA and never met Maynard Morris. She said, 'Well, we're a little ahead, I guess we can see you'... Don't ever say luck doesn't count."

Again, let me be clear just as Robert was being. I'm not condoning lying or cheating to get ahead anymore than he was. That being said, I can tell you what the director Stanley Kramer once told me during a seminar series in talking about how he first got started in film.

He got his first film made through sheer guts. Since he couldn't get together the three pillars of filmmaking, what you need to produce a film, he told the bank that he had he actors and the studio. Then he told the studio he had the bank and the actors. And obviously he then told the actors he had the bank and the studio. And so he got his first film produced.

However that may not work so easily now a days. With instant media and such ease of checking into things now, it still may work if you handle it right. It's not so much in lying about things to get the ball rolling (though maybe sometimes). It's more about your attitude. About what you are projecting to those you need to be projecting it to.

It is about getting things done. Pushing through the impossible to the plausible on into the completed.

Never say die, they say. Never give up. It is those who stick with the process to the bitter end who survive to win.

If you have a dream, don't just dream it, but dream it big, with passion and bring others into that dream. Do things and get things done. Show people you can do those things. Infect them with your passion for your project, your business, your dreams.

You'll be surprised what you can accomplish if you just act like you should be doing what you're doing and then, do it.

12 Steps to Self Care

This saccharine graphic, "12 Steps to Self Care", to living your life, has been making its way around Facebook. I'm sure it was meant well but it is so basic as to almost be useless. For these elements to be useful requires a degree of reading more into them than they offer here. As they are, they are simply too general. Which really is the point of these things, unless they become too general when they can become counterproductive.

These steps to "self care" imply that they aren't concerned about anything else; except you. However, in taking that tact, they can themselves become negative. Nothing is black and white in life and if you think they are, you are misleading yourself, doing yourself a disservice and setting yourself up for failure.

Ordering these elements up and seeing their limitations is as important as their original intent. On the surface they are useless. But they do hold a measure of help with a bit of help. So here is that bit of help.

1 If it feels wrong, don't do it.

 Okay, but working for a company every work day feels totally wrong to me. Should I quit? If I did, I would lose my house. I'd have no where to live. Be of no use to anyone else. Sometimes you have to do what feels wrong and yet it is the right thing to do. So how do you decide what you should do? Life, is all about balance.

2 Say "exactly" what you mean.

 This one, can get you killed. It refers to transparency. If I were to say exactly what I mean much of the time, it could affect my life and lifestyle poorly. However, if I try hard to be clear to others and communicate more rather than less clearly, with some degree of restraint in my honesty, with an attempt to be politic (gentle) in my dealings with others, but truly honest and heartfelt, there will be less ambiguity in my life and in dealings with others. Life, is all about balance.

3 Don't be a "people pleaser".

 Pleasing people is how one networks and sets oneself up for success in life. But to do it to excess, to get in a habit of constantly sacrificing oneself for pleasing others, will certainly be destructive. Please people whenever appropriate, when it falls in line with who you are and how you want to be, and how you want others to relate to you. Life, is about balance.

4 Trust your instincts.

 If you have good instincts in life and find you are not trusting them, and that things in your life are not going well, then trust them more. When your instincts become wrong on a continuous basis, then what? Review your internal and external existence and compare those to what you want out of life and how much you are using your instincts and adjust accordingly. Life, is about balance.

5 Never speak bad about yourself.

 Aside from questionable grammar, this can lead to delusional thought. Letting others know that you know where you are bad (or good) is useful, and can gain you a very valuable commodity, Trust. Be honest about yourself, be open. But work to make better what is bad about yourself. People seeing that you are aware and bettering yourself, progressing, give one another valuable commodity, Faith, in your abilities and your character. Self deprecating humor can be entertaining, it can relieve tense situations, it can be... endearing. But too much can be detrimental to you and how others perceive you. Stretching the truth to make oneself look good is one thing and useful, but breaking from reality becomes lying and negative and can come back around to cause you grief. Life, is about balance.

6 Never give up on your dreams.

 Better still, know when to give up on your dreams. Dreams don't just happen, they usually require hard work... and time. Time and effort are important elements in life to achieve anything. But you also have to take time to enjoy your efforts on the way to achieving your dreams. Otherwise you will burn out and never get to your goals. Life, is about balance.

7 Don't be afraid to say "No". 

 Better to be "concerned" about saying "No", while being able to say it when necessary. Still, don't always say "No" either. I have found that saying "Yes" more often than not, is useful in life, too. But as with anything, don't get addicted to it. Life, is about balance.

8 Don't be afraid to say "Yes".

 Like with saying "No", it is better to be "concerned" about saying "Yes", while being able to say it when necessary. Still, don't always say "Yes", either. Life, is about balance.

9 Be kind to yourself.

 This is probably the most important of all of these. Just be aware of whether your being kind to yourself is far out of proportion to what it is costing those around you. Is your being kind to yourself costing others at a degree far outweighing any justification you could openly make? Do you shun being nice to yourself? Life, is about balance.

10 Let go what you can't control.

 This is important as it goes along with "Never give up on your dreams". Sometimes, you should. But to give up on your dreams can also lead one to giving up too soon on them, as dreams are typically achieved after that point at which one wants to give up, even multiple times. Life, is about balance.

11 Stay away from drama & negativity.

 In general this is good advice, but if everyone always shunned drama and negativity, what would the world look like? Surviving drama and negativity also makes us stronger, smarter, it shows us ways to avoid them in the future. But being around too much drama and negativity is sooner or later destructive and sucks the energy out of one's life. Life, is about balance.

12 LOVE

 Let the feeling of love into your life. But don't let it become all consuming or the drug you are always chasing. Also, don't try to keep it from you simply because it can lead to pain. Experiencing love in life is what gives life it's fullness, it is the reward for all the rest and avoiding it is removing one of the most rewarding features of life, from life. Life is, after all, about balance.


In the end, we really don't need to know all these things. One simply needs balance in life and when one finds that life has come out of balance, then alter whatever it is you have been doing. Be aware that at that point however, altering things usually requires altering them to the point that it is at least at first, uncomfortable. Usually to the point that at first it seems like the counter-intuitively wrong thing to do.

That is when the twelve elements mentioned above can be useful. But you will find at some point that what it all comes back down to is that Life is, after all, about balance.