Showing posts with label screenplays. Show all posts
Showing posts with label screenplays. Show all posts

Monday, July 1, 2024

Walkabout Thoughts #94

Thoughts in Streams of Consciousness, Rough & Ready, and Lightly Edited from an Award-Winning Filmmaker/Author you’ve never heard of while walking off Reality and hopefully the last half-life vestiges of Long Covid while listening to podcasts.
Walking Day is Saturday, June 29, 2024.


First up...Happy JULY! My eBooks will be promoted/discounted on @Smashwords for the month of July as part of their Annual Summer Sale! Be sure to follow me for more updates and links to the promotion for my books and many more!

I just realized something. When I was a kid reading comic books I loved the grab bag from Johnson Smith company ads where I got my gimmicks and magic tricks and gags that my older sister hated so much.I refuse now to spend money on a grab bag of anything. But that's what my walkabout thoughts are. Sharing my walking around in my mind thoughts from while I'm walking about thinking. Wel, it is what it is...Welcome to SchizoLand.

Weather for the day… nice day, starting out, 64° with a no wind and mostly blue sky 75° back at home, 75° .

Podcast is The Playlist about the Apple+ show Dark Matter from the novel. Love this show. It takes physics as we understand it and shows you how bad it could get.
'Dark Matter’: Joel Edgerton and Showrunner Blake Crouch Dive into Finale Spoilers, Season 2, ‘Star Wars’ & More [Bingeworthy Podcast]

Which is what I did in my first published dystopian sci-fi story back in 1990 in a horror quarterly magazine. “In Memory, Yet Crystal Clear “ is a story I wrote back in 1980 about a genius who turns himself into a computer.

I forgot the history of this story till just now. I blasted this out on social media today because I saw Ray Kurzweil being interviewed about the AI singularity and how he viewed things coming.

My short story: I had been through the Air Force. I had yet to get my university degree or even think about getting one.

When I got out of the Air Force, I got a divorce, and couldn’t seem to get a good job. After all the responsibility and I guess. prestige I had in the USAF, I was surprised I couldn’t even seem to get a job at McDonald’s (no I didn't apply there). I did interview with RadioShack. 

I had the bad luck of their district manager being there that day. I could tell from the get-go he didn’t like me. People usually do, so I couldn't figure out what the problem was. The manager of the store was also there and I was reading something from his looks on his face in listening to the interview. Embarrassment? Irritation at the District Manager who would say some things and the store manager would kind of wince.

As it turned out, he made it clear he didn’t like ex-military and thought they were all thieves and lowlifes. Though I would’ve been a very good employee. I was long into RadioShack. But I couldn’t seem to find a decent job at the level I should’ve been able to get one. Considering what I did in the Air Force. I was parachute shop supervisor responsible for the lives of certainly anyone who jumped chutes. I packed the parachutes the Pararescue guys, Known as the PJs, jumped, daily out of helicopters. I was responsible for over $1 million in equipment, which back then was quite a bit.

Finally, I decided on what are my dream jobs were since childhood, of a sort, and had started to apply for those thinking, what do I have to lose? Radio Shack seemed like a no brainer. 

I had been going to the unemployment office and finally did get hired at Colortyme TV and Furniture Rental. I told them upfront I will not do repossessions and they SAID, "No problem. Show up tomorrow."

When I got there the next day, they said I would be doing repossessions. I said no, I made it clear I wouldn't do that. But they just smiled and said, "If you refuse this job now, no unemployment benefits and we will go against you for that with the unemployment office." Outside of questionable ethics, they were actually pretty nice guys. Just not if you rented from them.

They had a scam of letting you fall behind on payment, if by one day we picked up what you were renting, were told to tell the customer that it wasn't a problem, just come into the store tomorrow and sign a document and we'll bring it all back. What we didn't tell them was, didn't give them time to right then pay it off, call someone or something, was that once we picked stuff up, their contract started from scratch. Some people had only a month left to pay after a couple of years, but they then started it all over again. Keeping them on the hook. Which to me was a rip-off. I couldn't do it.

I finally just quit when I had picked up a TV from a very nice black couple with two of the cutest kids. Seemingly middle-class family. Just got a little behind. I felt I was lying to them the whole time I was taking their 8' console stereo TV console. The kids had been watching cartoons and they were crushed and it broke my heart. 

The week before that I had tried to repo a tv and a guy's wife answered the door. She was pretty attractive wearing a tank top. We were a few blocks north from the north end of McChord AFB runway in a run-down area of low-cost single-family rentals. 

She told me her husband wasn't home and had told her not to talk to anyone about the TV. She said he also told her to tell anyone trying to take it that he has a gun.

This job wasn't worth my life. 

Not that it was something that would typically stop me, ever. Fuck him. I have a gun, too. Probably knew how to use it a lot better than he did. Big deal. But doing a job like this? Being threatened over what I didn't even want to be doing anyway? No.

Then there was that family with the cute kids...during CHRISTMAS time? No, no, no. 

I quit the next day. To be fair about the gun guy? The store manager told me that wasn't any of my concern. It was his job and he'd handled it. Go out there with a Sheriff's Deputy the next day. Whatever.

I went to the unemployment office and they said I was refused compensation to carry me over to another job. I appealed and the guys from the store I was working at on 6th Avenue in Tacoma Washington showed up. Three of them for some reason. They thought it was a lark and were smiling. Screwing the guy who didn't want to be part of their crew. They did indeed make sure I didn’t get any unemployment compensation in quitting over their questionable issues of ethics.

I ended up losing my 1975 very clean, very fast 350 Camaro RS I had configured for doing 140 MPH when I spent weekends with my wife home in Tacoma until Sunday when we'd return so I could get to work on Monday at Fairchild AFB. I could take that 4 1/2 hour drive and turn it into 3 1/2 hours. When that car hit 100MPH, it settled down and became an entirely different car. 

Couple of times I got a ticket on the other side of the river going uphill on some great winding curves that were great fun to drive in a Rally Sport Camaro. Both times that happened I got chewed out by a cop for doing 70+. I had to bite my tongue, considering how fast and how long I'd just been going on a straightaway (only with no other traffic).

My belief had always been as it was I believe on stretches of the German Autobahn, one should have good equipment to drive and the skills to handle whatever speed you choose, and not drive in a reckless fashion. 

Anyway, being after quitting my job, losing my car, I had no bills. But, I ended up living in the shed in the back of my brother's house. I fixed it up, set up the wood stove he had in there, and spent the winter there. He changed me by cutting up all the wood so both the main house and my loft would have heat. He worked construction and would bring random wood and cut-up trees home that he had scavenged. 

It was a good deal and for a while on food stamps, I had a small fridge, my stereo amp and speakers, I took some time to post-military service decompress. Those would good times. Some weed may or may not have been shared there at any hour reasonable or unreasonable when friends dropped by off the alley.

The friends who would come over were my girlfriend's friends. We'd sit around and get stoned. Then one day three of them were over and I jokingly said that I could write anything, make any storyline premise work. Which wasn’t quite true but soft of and I was kind of kidding. Years later after getting my university degree and more so after being a senior tech writer, I really was able to. I also tried to write everything I could in all formats and disciplines. The more you stretch your capabilities the better you are at your chosen or favored ones.

They had laughed at me. So, I said, "OK wise guys, come up with a story you think is impossible to write and I’ll write it." They came up with a "guy turns himself into a computer chip." And so I wrote a story that later got titled, "In Memory, Yet Crystal Clear". Titling it as a homage to Isaac Asimov‘s first autobiography “In Memory Yet Green“. An author who was one of my childhood writing heroes.

They used to give me a hard time about stories. I would write because I never gave them an ending. They complained about it. "We love your stories, but a write a damn ending!"

Fair enough.

That didn’t really happen until after my second-degree when I graduated from Western Washington University. I spent the 1980s sending off my “Ahriman” screenplay about a prince/profit from another planet who gets accidentally sucked onto Earth by our scientists. I also sent all of my short stories off in a round-robin of submissions that led nowhere. I did get to correspond with Clive Barker in London and met him a few times, which was fun.

Finally, in 1990 an East Coast horror quarterly magazine offered to publish my story. If I cut 1500 words. That freaked me out. My wife at the time suggested I look in the story for a block of 1500 words, just to see if either there was a cuttable block, or the publisher was trying to see if I was smart enough to figure out what passage of text he was asking to be cut.

Oddly enough I found nearly an exactly 1500 word section and cut it. It wasn't necessary to the story but added flavor to it. I submitted the story to him and it was published. When I republished that story myself as an e-book in 2012, a little later as an audiobook, I put that 1500 block back in. It wasn't necessary to the story, but it was kind of a fun scene. It did offer some more information about how the famous surgeon and friend was experiencing what was happening.

The story is about a world-famous surgeon whose son disappears in the Amazon. His son had a childhood best friend who asks for help saying he needs life-saving surgery, on his brain. The surgeon helps the guy. It turns out the guy is turning himself into a crystaline computer chip.

With the help completed, the son's friend goes online, gathers advocates, sycophants, and protectors around him, and eventually eases the surgeon out. The problem is the guy was always a little mentally off, as geniuses can be. To fund his research and existence he starts to take on projects.

He does some adverts for TV that are so good, over a brief period, a few and then all American businesses hand him their advertising campaigns.

What happens when a mental defect and narcissist is handed leadership of a country? And the guy basically controls America’s minds. Because for one person to control all media and advertising they would become positioned to re-orient how America thinks.

This effort takes very little of this guy’s processing power and soon most of the world wants him to do their advertising. Because what he produces is so perfect and beautiful and moving. However, Canada and Mexico both start distancing themselves from America. Because they're so close and are better positioned to see what’s actually going on.

It wasn’t until Trump became president that I started to see the similarity between this story, Donald Trump, his authoritarianism, and his narcissistic and pathological lying.

I believe the story ends the only way it could. And I hope that’s not true for America. We may find out in this election because if Trump becomes POTUS again, all bets are off on maintaining democracy in America or in the West. Because Russia and the East have been pushing us in that direction and have been for decades.

Back in the 1990s, oddly enough, the Republican party picked up on this and started going in this direction. Authoritarianism has been creeping back, growing in the democratic West, and needs it to be stopped. ASAP.

Basically how you can tell if anyone’s playing into that is if they support Putin or are against aid to Ukraine. It’s gotten that simplified. Also if you support Donald Trump, then you’re obviously supporting the demise of Western democracy. He has tried to distance us from NATO and other international alliances that are for the betterment of all humankind. You hear from them Christian nationalist speaking points and isolationism

We can change this. We just all need to wake up. Including all of those against Trump. Because even a lot of them aren’t seeing what’s been going on.

This is not a conspiracy theory. That’s not how I came into this information or my understanding of what’s been happening. I had been studying something else completely, when the comparison became clear.

As I’ve said many times before, I didn’t come into this by being a Democrat. Most of my life I was an Independent. I voted for the best candidate of any party. I came into all this by studying the Soviet Union and its expertise in disinformation. Suddenly I'm seeing it in the 1990s coming out of the Republican Party. I thought it had to be something Russian, but it was coming out of the Republican Party who was utilizing those techniques... against our own Americans. 

Because in using Russian techniques, they found themselves rising in power. Do not think Russia did not notice this. It's where their expertise really lies. Observing, assimilating, weaponizing, feeding back into the opposition system, applying pressure in the right few places, hidden from sight, magnifying using useful idiots and cutouts, then sitting back and cheaply reaping the benefits. Republicans loved that concept. 

It’s a heady mix.

Getting back to the podcast, the guy who wrote the novel Dark Matter, Blake Crouch, I’m really enjoying his show based on it. Heavy on physics, but that’s something my son and I communicate back-and-forth about all the time.

This author is apparently written several books that have been made in the shows I have watched, never knowing where they came from. Like Wayward Pines.

Starting my 2nd mile… The sun is kind of warm, but not too bad yet.

Blake Crouch, and then actor Joel Edgerton are interviewed on the podcast. I've enjoyed Joel's projects. 

I've been a consumer of horror books, films, and shows for decades, since the early 1960s? I believe it was one night in 1959, in Philly, I got up at about midnight and my mom let me watch a late-night vampire movie with her in her bed. Being up at a time I never was allowed up at. Hanging with mom. Watching a scary movie in the dark? Life, is good..

I enjoyed that so much that I begged her to wake me every time she watched a late-night horror film. Being a good mother, she tried to dissemble over that. She offered to try flashing a flashlight in my eyes while I was sleeping when the show was starting, and if I wake up, I could watch the movie with her.

I don’t know if she ever did that. She may have because she could be like that. But I don’t think there was any way I was going to wake up. But it shut me up for the time being.

I have to say in the show Dark Matter, in a very reasonable and I think realistic way, they touched on a trope in a different way that was very disturbing and fun to experience.

Blake says he’s envious of those who came up with the show Severance (I like that show too) and said he'd bet when they came up with the conceit of that show, they were punching in the air in celebration.

Blake loved Red Rising, a book that is sci-fi and fantasy. A Game of Thrones sci-fi fantasy set on Mars. He said he’s not usually into leaving Earth for such things, but this is a good series that should be made into a show.

He said he really likes the show Primer. He said he heard they made the show for like $7000. I’ve seen it and I enjoyed it myself. I was a voracious reader through the first half of my life, slowed down when I started needing reading glasses when I turned 40. Now I’m having all kinds of vision problems, making it difficult to read and at times even to watch TV. I don’t know if it was 30 years of sitting in front of a computer screen, or not.

I was used to having better vision than anyone I ever met. I could read road signs down the road from further away than anybody who was ever in a car with me. Sometimes they thought I had memorized all the street signs or something. My hearing was checked in the Air Force and was so good it went right off the edge of the IBM punch card that was recording the session. Te technician running the test thought the machine was broken. But apparently no matter how faint the sound or high-pitched it was, I could still hit the button when they sounds started and exactly when they ended.

In that USAF test, everybody who worked on the flight line near jet engines had to be tested. I realized during the test that I couldn’t quite hear sound at a certain point. I started to think if I couldn’t hear the sounds, I could sort of “feel “them. So I started hitting the button and letting go by a feeling in my chest. Apparently, I was spot on. 


Anyway, my hearing was fine. I was always very protective of my hearing, wearing sound Protectors around jets or the wheeled "ground units", or "ground power units". Generators, basically engines on wheels generating power for the jets to warm up so you didn’t have to burn jet fuel on board. More modern one shown above.

We also had to be careful about being a 25 or 50 feet too close to the exhaust of a jet engine due to radiation or simply being picked up and blown backward. That was the USAF 92nd Field Maintenance Squadron from 1976 to 1979. Interesting times. Even got to meet a Russian agent once off in the woods, in a camper on a truck monitoring the base's signals communications. Nice guy. Base said they didn't care. Fine for the enemy to expend resources counting jet deployments (flights) or unsecured communications but wasn't worth their effort to stop it. Just part of the mission.

Then there was the security police I ran into in the woods across from the base main entrance. Just sitting in their cars getting blasted on cannabis. That next year after that I came to base in the morning from my house near downtown Spokane to be met with heavily armed security police with guard dogs everywhere. Randomly all over the bast, on the streets, which you never saw on base.

Got to our shop and I was told what happened. There was an inspection in the security police barracks and they found 14 cannabis plants growing on the roof so they busted 3/4 of that squadron. On a nuclear SAC base you have to have security police at full staffing. So they called in SP’s from around the nation, over night and while we slept.

I got tasked along with one person from each shop to go around and find mattresses so these guys would have something to sleep on, on the floor somewhere because there was nowhere to put them all. That only lasted few days, a week or so until we got actual replacements requisitioned.

Podcast: apparently, in 2014 the author sold Dark Matter to Sony features. He had only written about 140 or so pages at that point. Damn that must be nice. He said they had sold it to a publisher and somehow the pages got leaked.

He said he and a few other really good screenwriters tried to write a script to make it a feature film, but they could never really crack it. Apparently, I needed a series. They must have done a good job because I’m liking the series.

He said they were having to "kill their darlings" (as we do as writers and filmmakers) and remove the character emotions and character beats that were so important to the story and so eventually gave up making a movie and it moved over to Apple.

This makes me think again that maybe I should take my screenplay “A Teenage Bodyguard” a true-crime drama, that I put massive research into over the years. A story I lived in 1974, though I didn't have a clue the world I was being immersed in. It’s been an interesting journey, living it, forgetting it, decades later writing it, researching it and rewriting it. I just want to get the damn thing out there for people to experience it.

It’s sad because if that story had come out in say 1980, it would be impressive. There were a few people around like I was back in the '60s and '70s as young people who had, let's say, an interesting history. Now partly because of advancements and from social media, everybody knows somebody who did something utterly amazing and none of this is really all that impressive now, which is in a way, too bad.

Still, it did get me a producer a few years ago who works with Michael Douglas. He did get three directors interested who I thought misunderstood the genre or just the story. I see it is a true crime drama. They saw it as a teen romp of some sort.

About Dark Matter, I do like stories about the Multiverse. Like the one based on Thor’s brother, Loki.

Starting mile three…

Apparently, there’s no season two coming as of yet for Dark Matter, and he won’t say at this time.

I agree with the author that in his stories, he likes to leave things open ended, and then hand the baton over to the reader. I like to do that with my own stuff. “In Memory, Yet Crystal Clear“ that story can continue. But you could also argue that it does have an end.

I’ve been wanting to have spaghetti and meatballs lately so yesterday I did. Also drank a half bottle of Malbec red wine. Great fun lunch. Had some fun dessert. But then suffered for in histamine levels I think from the red wine. Had to take half a Benadryl in the evening. Then before bedtime another half. Good times.

I don’t know if that’s a leftover from long Covid or still some long Covid happening. If it's temporary or permanent. But histamines are a big deal with long Covid. It gives you a feeling that is uncomfortable to the point of thinking that something serious is happening.

Anyway, also took half a melatonin (2.5 mg) and I was able to sleep through the night. Woke up feeling an allergy hangover though, maybe a histamine hangover.

I do not feel like walking 3 miles today, as I am. But here I am.

Since I’m having trouble reading anymore, I should make a list here of fun sci-fi TV shows I’ve been watching. Because of long Covid and Covid starting in February 2020 when I first caught it, I’ve watched more TV in a shorter span of time than in my entire life at any one point. That being said, I have tried to learn from it since I do write screenplay and make films. I also watched a bunch of "the making of shows." Love those.

Let's see, sci fi/fantasy  shows I've been watching that I like in no specific order.
  • Silo
  • Dark Matter
  • Various MCU shows
  • Various Star Trek shows
  • Various Star Wars shows
  • Snowpiercer (thought the concept, ridiculous, but still watched the film & TV shows.
  • Fallout
  • Beacon 23
  • 3 Body Problem (Or another version, Three Body, in Chinese)
  • Outer Range
  • Sweet Tooth
  • The Umbrella Academy
  • Orphan Black
  • The Boys
  • For All Mankind
  • Foundation
  • Monarch
  • Severance
  • See (thought the concept ridiculous, but very well done show)
  • Hello Tomorrow
  • Wheel of Time
  • Game of Thrones (obviously)
  • House of Dragons
  • The Last of Us
  • Peripheral
  • Carnival Row
  • American Gods
  • Good Omens
  • Outlander
  • The Magicians
  • The Witcher
  • His Dark Materials
  • Russian Doll
  • The OA
No doubt I'm forgetting a few. Not to mention some you should already know like Stranger Things, or Supernatural, or many of the standards. I'm focusing more on the streaming shows here. So many more than I'd realized. So much great stuff to watch. 

Blake also says he thinks his show exploited the subject matter of the book better than he had. For instance, the primary nuclear family in the story has one son in the book. But at some point in the show, they are a family of four. And that does make the show more interesting. Blake is talking about the difference between writing a novel and producing a show. 

Which has a lot to do with why my own Bodyguard screenplay has yet to be made into a movie. It could’ve been a movie already at this point, I just had to say yes. The director was interested. The producer was excited about it. But that was off the screenplay I rewrote with the producer's input. 

I now call my screenplay "the original". Which is far more historically accurate. My first drafts were more like a docudrama. Lost that format very quickly. But I tried to stay true to the facts. So the screenplay is pretty accurate up to about the halfway point where it becomes necessary to fictionalize somewhat because it is after all an entertainment narrative film.

There were things about the lead female character I simply didn’t know about. So as difficult and frustrating as it was, I took my best guess, and I think what I wrote was entertaining and bittersweet.

When producer Robert Midas read the screenplay the first time he said when he got to the end, his heart broke. That was my goal, at least in part for the story. Because that’s how that story goes.

I think in a different kind of genre I would’ve written it for a feel-good ending. But I was trying to write it for what was more realistic.The world that woman had lived in was very realistic. People were abused, people died.

I think the final scene would’ve been one hell of a scene for a movie's post-credit position. So after turning down three directors, I stopped getting calls from Robert and I started to pursue my original screenplay again. He's a very nice guy. Good at his job. I liked working with him. 

I’ve sent both screenplays off to screenplay contests and so far my version has won more awards. So I think the problem was that Robert was simply trying to make a screenplay, a spec script, that would sell. And it did. But his view of production was at a far lower level than what I see for it as a film. Maybe he's the more realistic one and it will never get made. If not, that would be too bad.

I’m thinking $5 to $7 million and I think he was thinking around 1 million. Take or leave a few hundred thousand. Better to leave a few. But I think that doesn’t do the story justice. I think that doesn’t do the lead female character, justice, and over time I’ve gotten to where I more wanted this to be her story being told, more than my own. I didn't write it from her perspective because I know this story from my own experience in living it.

Originally it wasn’t my story I wanted to get out so much as I wanted to get something produced to acquire some money toward my retirement. Because in the last 20 years, things were rough as a single parent. All of my 401(k) retirement is gone now. Which is fine as my kids are up and living on their own, functional and happy as adults. But we had some rough years there.

Now I have Social Security and my original retirement from the 1990s that was shut off when they switched to a 401(k). So luckily, I still have that but at some point, especially with how politics are going and some wanting to kill things like Medicare and Social Security. Or that Social Security is having problems because of the baby boomer generation being so large… I still don’t quite understand that. If we paid our retirement into Social Security, where the hell is our money in that we won’t be getting it all? Or what?

As I understand it instead of getting increases in Social Security every year, soon we’re going to get decreases. Fun.

So yeah, let's make some money!

I did pretty good this week getting the blog articles up from a walk every day of the week at 6 AM. Missed today's though. I didn’t get around to working on the blog until after lunch and by then the wine had taken affect and I had another extra glass. Usually, I get two meals out of one bottle of wine. Two glasses for the one meal leaving two more for the next one. But I was having so much fun, I took a little bit more and then a little bit more up to less than another full glass. But as I’m learning, especially with red wine nowadays due to whatever reason, if I go over two glasses, I’ll regret it at bedtime.


It’s interesting to think in the Multiverse there’s another version of me somewhere from decisive moments in my life that failed where they succeeded for them elsewhere. I can think of at least three times in my life that, I had something gone the other way, I would have made a lot more money. 

In 1980 I almost published a manual with Digital Equipment Corporation's Digital Publishing with a book I wrote based on a wordprocessor app on the VAX 11/785 mainframe. But because I pointed out where their bugs were and how to get quickly past them, which usually took people hours, Digital proper got pissed off and threatened me. Literally threatened me. They said if I tried to publish it elsewhere, they’d crushed me and they could do it. That was a comedy of errors, that whole process.

I had written a manual that two major Seattle hospitals loved and used for years after I left that job. The Digital publisher said I would be making about $50,000 a quarter with worldwide sales of the manual going out with every VAX computer and PC they sold. Then things changed.

He had told me to rewrite the manual, not to use the specialized format I composed that everyone LOVED. He showed it to Digital Equipment and they didn’t like it. They suggested a way that I had originally designed it to be! And then the bugs were their final straw. You did not admit, surely not in a manual, to having bugs in your software, if you were DEC, back then. 

Dialing into our modem. We caught Digital one time dialing into our modem, applying a patch that brought the mainframe down the next day for two hospitals: UWMC and HMC who we supported. I actually worked for the University of Washington's MCIS handling Pathology and Radiology for those two hospitals

Digital denied putting in the patch. But we could clearly see it in the logs. So my manager said always to keep the modem turned off. They'd have to call and ask us to turn it on for access from now on. And that fixed that. They were kind of shady back then and now? They’re out of business.

When I decided to look for another job from that position, all the jobs around Seattle, all the available jobs were for people who could run IBM mainframes.

So things in my life like that screwed up. What if in another universe, I had fixed those issues and they published the manual? My whole life would’ve changed. I would’ve still gotten divorced though perhaps not for a few more years. Maybe she wouldn’t have become the alcoholic she did, that she was trying so hard to be when we were married, and that I could not see.

Maybe my oldest son wouldn’t have some emotional issues because of when he had been with his mom. Then maybe I wouldn’t have married my last wife which also gave my son even more issues because they hated each other. He was challenging and she didn’t have the maturity or expertise to handle him. My youngest son would be gone now though. I’m pretty sure. Because they had said if I hadn’t been there after the divorce, they wouldn’t be alive now. So maybe things are just how they're supposed to be...

On that note, I’ll bid you adieu…and leave you with that.
It’s noon and time for lunch.

Cheers! Sláinte!

Sunday, February 4, 2024

My Writings...

I should say for anyone who was reading my Walking Thoughts series, it's winter now. Between my health being weird (Long Covid, going in and out), and the cold, not walking so much now. And? Soon... maybe.

So, I was writing up a bit to offer in yet another literary management round of seeking representation and I stumbled upon doing this. I'd always wanted to have a survey of my writings and really see what's up with me and what I am saying in all of my writings, even across my screenplays (and my indie films), though mostly in my fiction. 

Which are located mostly here:

Amazon books, Amazon ebooks, Audiobooks, Smashwords (now, Draft2Digital) and...

IMDb, "Pvt. Ravel's Bolero" ($5/mo & I get about half, you can see my film, outtakes reel, and other indie films...support indie films!). Also, JZMurdock.com and lgnproductions.com.

Anyway...

I noticed a while back that I've written about young kids (the novella "Andrew", the short story, "Jaonny's Apple Tree", screenplays like, "Popsicle Death") in how screwed up the world is through their eyes, or in how they are maltreated, at times with the best of intent. Which obviously speaks to my own curious childhood in having moved every year, in and out of the country before four, living in authoritarian semi-Fascist Franco Spain in 1958. Then moving almost every year once back in America and from one coast to another, and so on. 

I have a degree from Western Washington University in Psychology concentrating in phenomenology in their Awareness & Reasoning division and so the psychological elements in my writings as well as the observational (phenomenology) are reasonable and obvious. 

Anyway in doing this, it gave me let's call it, a survey analysis light, of my writings, as such:


Just thought I'd share...

Cheers! Sláinte!

Friday, January 12, 2024

JZ Murdock - an update on my writings and works

I was thinking today that I should put out an update of things I've been working on. I have been feeling pretty good lately, my long covid having backed off, I thought maybe it was nearly gone. My expectation/hope was that it would be gone before, on, or near 2 years since last infection (April 2022).

Then this past week it seemed to come back. It was a miserable week with a couple of days ago being especially so. I'm feeling better yesterday and today. The trouble with long covid is it sticks with you in the beginning, then it comes and goes, less and less over time (hopefully) until you start to falling prey to belief it may be gone, then it comes back, feeling more devesting each time. 

It got me to thinking about what I'd done these past few years. And that's when I thought about an update on things. So here it is.

Several of my books are nominated for various book awards this year. More about that below. Suffering "Long Covid" is one of those book, as you can see from the stamp on the cover for the Eric Hoffer Book Award. Kind of wish they'd sink some of their money into redesigning their webpage. 

I just revised my 2022 non-fiction book detailing both my own personal experiences but also long covid in general, Suffering "Long Covid". My son runs a health food store in another city and it's been selling there well enough that they are going to start paying me when they receive the books from me rather than after sales are made. I updated it with new information from 2023.

Long story this updated revision. I've had a few stumbles, continuing to add to the revision. There are now three versions to be found in the world. Original 2020 version, this year's revised version and this week's Revision 1.1. If you look on the copyright page in the front you'll see which version you're looking at. As of now it's published on Amazon in ebook and hardcopy and the books are on the way to me here and a brick and mortar store. 

It is also now available for the first time as an ebook on Smashwords along with other ebooks of mine there. I'm having some trouble with the epub version there, some error about "Frame" duplication, but it mostly looks good. Waiting on their review to continue working on it.

Nice thing about the ebook version, the research links annotated and supplied are easily clickable. I wish on Amazon the hardcopy purchased also included the ebook version. But that requires a setup on there I'm not willing at this time to accept from Amazon. Feels a bit like a bully move on there part. 


I just noticed my audiobook "The Mea Culpa Document of London" (also, Kindle), was in unpublished mode. I'd used a graphic for the cover I later found was not public domain and immediately pulled it, like two years ago. I noticed that this week, found a replacement graphic and now it's back up for sale. It is a story about an Inquisition Judge and witch hunter's crisis of conscience. I had written it for my university Intro to Fiction class toward my minor (my major is psychology, awareness and reasoning with a concentration in phenomenology). 

That professor (and class) loved my writing and admittedly they were a cut above the rest of the class (save for one other classmate). But he said I needed to write dialog and so sent me to playwriting. From there I got selected for a year long class with seven others to learn team script and screen writing (mostly writing TV shows). An amazing time. One of my two profs for that was a massive brain and loved medieval literature. 

I would hang out in his office when I had time just to learn from him. When I told him about my story about the witch hunter he really got into it and helped me with it. It's deeper than you might think. 

And the story is probably better than my voice acting, but I did my best. The story is in my first published book of short stories, "Anthology of Evil" (I have a sequel out to it now, in volumes one and two) of my newer writings, some previously published and some new). 

My WWI antiwar filmic poem and historical documentary, "Pvt. Ravel's Bolero", has been internationally awarded a lot of awards (going on 100) and Official Festival Selection status (also approaching 100).

I'm getting closer to finishing my film companion book for it. 

My short film noir/thriller/horror film, "Gumdrop", a short horror - finished it's journey around the world at film festivals and also won a bunch of awards and official festival selection status. Though nowhere near as many as "Pvt. Ravel's Bolero"!

I realized how much time, effort and money I'd put into my films and I should be doing the same for my books and screenplays. And so I've started on that (again). My true crime biopic screenplay, "The Teenage Bodyguard" has two versions. My original and one that got producer Robert Mitas (my IMDb) interested so that he helped me write another version. Robert works with Michael Douglas on films. We spoke to several directors interested in directing the film, but I came to realize, though the new version was shorter, tighter as a screenplay, it seemed to be leading directors into thinking it was a teen film and not a more mature drama. 

As the original producer in London, who first heard about the project and asked me to write the screenplay and let him see it first, he thought it reminded him of the film, 'The Place Beyond The Pines". And I agreed. Problem was, I sent him the screenplay, he said he'd send it to his readers and, I never heard from him again and he has since disappeared. 

I started sending both off to festivals and screenplay contests. I have seven now for my original version, and three for the rewrite. It's won the Brandenburg International Film Festival, honorable mention at the World Film Carnival - Singapore. David Film Festival (İstanbul), Tabriz Cinema Awards (Azerbaijan), Medusa Film Festival, United States Motion Picture Alliance (California), and the International Film & Script Festival Lotus. Also, Semi-finalist in the Page Turner Feature & TV Pilot GENRE Competition.

As for my books, Suffering "Long Covid", DEATH OF HEAVEN (horror/scifi) and Anthology of Evil II Vol. II The Unwritten have all been nominated for the Eric Hoffer Book Award. I've also submitted the last two, to other festivals. DEATH OF HEAVEN received an Honorable Mention at the Halloween Book Festival. Also another one at the Royal Dragonfly Book Award for science fiction/fantasy. It's submitted to and received reviews from Literary Titan and Reader Views. These book awards run through 2024 and I look forward to see the results. It's past time for DEATH OF HEAVEN to receive some recognition as I believe it's a very good book. And reviews are testifying to that.

While I am hopeful I'm at the end of nearly 2 years of my last bout of long covid, it has has made doing anything these past three years somewhat problematic and at times impossible. For one thing it cycles. You think you're good or it's over and it comes back. Until as with my first bout of it, it's just gone one day. Yay! 

For a while I thought I may never be able to write or produce anything ever again. "Mind fog" sucks. Being lethargic for nearly a year sucked. With the second infection two paramedic visits and hours at the emergency department of our local hospital sucked. Wearing a heart monitor for two weeks sucked. Lots of blood and heart tests and xrays and in the end, 

I seem to have come through it all with no findable damages. In fact, I swear two things are better after it. I can remember things now I couldn't remember well before covid and my physical reactions seem better (if I drop something that would normally end up on the floor, I seem better able to, and often do now, catch it first).

But IN these past few years since acquiring that rather devastating first infection in February 2020 (then again, a worse one in many ways in April 2022), I produced the WWI film (it was mostly done but I had to edit it for 6 months), then send it to film festivals around the world (I was surprised how something I did to help me heal from covid, won so many awards!), I published my first collection of short stories sequel in two new volumes of my writings as mentioned above, then wrote and published my book on long covid, revised this past week with updates for 2023,  and published that.

In thinking I'd done nothing since first contracting covid I thought I'd done nothing. Until I looked back one day to realize how much I had actually done. I would have to say myself, under these conditions it's rather remarkable. Honestly, my first edition of my long covid book had some spelling errors in it, which I've now fixed when my son pointed it out to me. Which led me to updating it, which I've been feeling I should do considering the advances and findings on long covid that have happened, even though I didn't motivation to work on that book again (it's hard writing a book about the worst times of your life where you almost died). 

I was at a standstill on my film companion book. Then when I got motivated to update and correct the long covid book...the info was all accurate in it, I'd just not had good attention to minor details like spelling when deeper into long covid than I am now (and even then, there weren't many spelling errors but I'm meticulous about my edits before publishing)...I found myself ready to get back to the film companion book.

So I'm working on it, looking forward to finishing it also. So I can then move onto my next project which I think may be about my grandfather, my mother's dad, who had traveled the world in the 1940-50s and 6os. 

And...that's my update. Now, go out and be happy, be brilliant and productive!

(I used to tell my kids that when they were leaving the house)

Monday, August 21, 2023

Walkabout Thoughts #62

My thoughts, Stream of consciousness, rough and ready, while walking off long Covid and listening to podcasts…August 18, 2023, Friday

Weather for the day… 59° starting out, 62° when I got home
Almost a bit chilly starting to walk today. Overcast maybe there’s a bit of moisture in the air cool it down water temperature so it feels cooler than it is.

Podcast "The Foundation official podcast" from the show S2E3 "Why the Gods Made Wine", finishing off an episode I started yesterday when I was working in my yard. Then S2E4, "In Seldon's Shadow".

This post is much more on Entertainment and the Arts than usual, on a path I have long wished to take...


We have little control over in our life beyond our epidermis layer of skin. Beyond that it’s just wishes and guesses. The further we get away from that outer layer of skin to apply our desires out into the world and onto others, ever increases the amount and degree of abuse we put out into the world. And here’s the kicker… We don’t really have that much control over the area under our outer layer of skin either, we just think we do. Then we get into determinism and fate...

So it’s been a few days since my last walkabout. Since my last walk, I’ve gotten the previous thoughts before that last walk posted yesterday and I think I’ve gained like three or five new international awards for my films since then. Just today my film "Pvt. Ravel‘s Bolero" is now a nominee in the Beyond the Curve festival. It’s always a lovely thing to wake up to.

I’m starting to submit my rewritten screenplay with producer Robert Mitis consulting on it, “The Teenage Bodyguard “, to festivals.

A week ago today or this evening anyway, my sister and her husband picked me up and drove us up north to our cousin's and attended, an event where she is a museum docent and they were throwing a wine tasting benefit. They held it outside in their lovely park grounds. I ran into my old neighbor and friend (who I joined Freemason’s with at his behest, over 10 years ago) and his wife. He made it to Senior Warden, and had to quit because of a new job. I worked my way up to Senior Warden, then had to quit because of family matters. I’m only just now making the connection. We both almost made it to the head guy in the lodge and then, had to leave. I have since moved to a different lodge area here in Bremerton, but have yet to pick up that path again. Still, it was a very fun wine tasting event though I only had hard alcohol from the vendor tables from different distilleries and vineyards and breweries available. We also got a tour of the mansion on their grounds and their museum. I mentioned this in part because, that was last Friday and I think on Wednesday our cousin notified us she tested positive for Covid. We all tested ourselves and we all came up negative. Although I did have some digestive problems this week, which I didn’t have through all my previous three years of Covid issues. I also had dizziness one night this week, which seem to be cured with an antihistamine at bed time. I've felt fine for a couple of days now. Covid can kiss my ass. Although I did waste at least a couple of years with it in which I’ve produced three books (2 fiction, 1 non-fiction on long covid), 2 films (a narrative flm noir and documentary) and have won many awards, so…

Also, since I mentioned it in previous walks, I think I had trouble even walking on my left ankle the last few times, definitely the last time. Since then I have iced and applied heat and some CBD salve and it’s feeling pretty good today.

On this podcast on Apple+, “The Foundation”. I loved reading the Foundation trilogy as a kid. I can’t remember when exactly but it was either the late 1960s or early 70s. So much has come from those books, written in the 40s and 50s, I believe. It’s given us so many things and so many things came from so many things. Star Wars being one. But I do like this rendition in this new series. I found after the first season and into the second, if you keep up, really helped to show me the things I’ve missed in the show and the things different from the books I read so many decades ago. I also hadn’t known until this past month that there were two other books Asimov wrote in the series. I may have known that before… but never knew he never finished the series. Which would now be a sextuplet I suppose. 

This may be the only show other than the "Westworld" series, or possibly "Game of Thrones" where I feel I need to re-watch episodes after watching a new episode. Those I was good with, but they were complicated. This series I feel like I really could benefit from re-watching each episode immediately after watching one. Listening to the podcast has really helped and I highly recommend it if you’re into the series, especially if you’ve read the books. Especially, if you’re into film productions.


To give you an idea of the esteem at which I held Isaac Asimov as a child and into my adulthood, my first published horror, sci-fi story as I’ve said before back in 1990 was “In Memory, Yet Crystal Clear“. The title of which was a tribute to Asimov’s first autobiography “In Memory Yet Green“. I didn’t tell them to follow religion then in that story, but I should’ve. I had previously read "Stranger in a Strange Land" by Robert Heinlein. 

But in hindsight, now I look at my book “Death of heaven“ and I can see the same orientation towards religion from those two authors. As one reviewer on Amazon said of it… "Really great story. Interesting take on the view of our planet and the evolution of religion, without it being only about religion! And if you like gory stories, this one's for you!!!" I do not know that person. 

Religion is an organized system of belief. And once you create one, it immediately starts to devolve and dilute as it spreads through time and around the world. As with the Catholic religion that repeatedly splintered. But my book “Death of heaven” takes entirely another tact, and is a most deeply explored fiction book on the misunderstanding or misinterpretation of religious belief, perhaps ever written. And that’s not even braggadocio, but mere fact. Or at least I like to think so.

That book is written as if one were walking by something happening on the street and then the story is told about the path walked next to it, describing actuality as opposed to the delusional reality of that event on the roadside. Which is religion throughout the history of humankind. That’s why I would say my book is so epic in proportion. It does after all go from before the Earth was created until potentially, it’s ending, by the end of the book. And what happens then, I will leave up to the reader to discover. 


Any sequels I write to follow it, I’ve been considering for the decade or so since I wrote it. Just this past month I came up with the most viable sequel to this story. One I've long planned to dovetail with my screenplay about two demon hunting women, "Gray and Lover The Heart Tales Incident", with one of the greatest endings I've ever seen. Or written.

I’m not trying to be "more than", in saying this ("Firefly" reference). However, I’m starting to see a lot of structural parallels between The Foundation series in my book "Death of heaven". There are things like the unreliable narrator. Things like, who are these voices speaking around an entire planet and species? Plus the origin of this book comes from a previous book in the final novella in that book. That book being my first ever published collection of my older short stories, ending with a novella, as mentioned, “Anthology of Evil”. That novella is titled, “Andrew“, which begin as a short story. The first one I wrote for my Intro to Fiction class at Western Washington University towards my degree in Psychology and Phenomenology. I think perhaps it shows in that story. But it was my first experience in blowing away an entire room of writers, readers, and a writing professor. That story was on such another level from what we had been reading, as all of us were at the time, beginning writers. Although I would say I was probably a writer long being a reader on my way, when I wrote my first short story that I wrote within hours of finishing Frank Herbert's book, "Dune", in 1970, that I titled,“10 Steps to Shadow-Kandom”.
The story that my 10th grade mind came up with, after having read Asimov's "The Foundation" trilogy, and then "Dune", both regarding one youth’s shattered illusions in the path they were on. I belonged to a science fiction book club as a kid, then later while in the USAF.

It’s funny and ironic that 10 steps story I wrote as a 15-year-old was already exhibiting my questioning authority and the concept of shattered illusions. Which comes out again in my novella "Andrew" (in an odd sort of way), which evolved along with my one page short story “Perception“, into my epic, “Death of heaven".

Changing the subject drastically, sort of… Kelly Hughes and I, and put that “I“ out there rather gently, as I'm trying to stay in the background for these events, especially since long Covid… we are gearing up to our next iteration of the "Gorst Underground Film Festival" we started some years ago and which grew out of the small community of Gorst, Washington. Just on the edge of Bremerton. Kelly has acquired a small venue in Silverdale, the next town over, a hub for the area and the Navy and has grown into a shiny shopping center of sorts. There’s a small production studio on its outskirts in a business Park, all owned by the same family. Oh yeah, I forgot, Kelly asked me to watch a short film by the Laszlo‘s who were one of our supporters and would show up, have drinks, show their films at our monthly, late evening events at the historic Roxy theater here in town. They and their films were always a joy to behold. Those were our monthly “Slash Night“ events. Those were a lot of fun. Alas, Covid killed them. From those monthly events, we also got to see and know of the works of the Darkow brothers, Travis and Tyler. We’re still in touch with Tyler and enjoy his Facebook posts about his working on film productions, mostly as an actor now.

Speaking (yet again) of my book "Death of heaven", it is still in the free little library I just walked by...an orphan. Brand new book, never been read itself, and no one’s picking it up. I think the problem with that book has been its title and cover. It gives the wrong impression. Especially since the title has a lower case “H“ in the title for "heaven". Which started out as a cover artist mistake, since the book got reprinted with version two. So I just went with it. I thought he did it on purpose and he later said he didn’t even realize it but somehow it passed muster until it got onto Amazon. Then they started questioning it because you can’t have improper capitalization in a title. Well, fuck them for that. I’ve long put a lot of weight into my titles saying that a title can be half of the meaning of a story. And you have no right to screw with an artist's conception. Proper title grammatical form is the capitalized "H" in Heaven, as a place, or as a religious conception, or merely out of respect. And I leaned on that latter most in giving the word no respect. Why? Well, you have to read the book, so the title's indicating something and it's not just about the capitalization of the book, It indicates something that not just the book cover, as any kind of cover animative graphic. Not hyper realistic like book covers are today. It gives it a feeling of something it’s not. The cover artist, Marvin Hayes, said he thought it added to the breaking of rules in the book. Right, but I think for most people that’s not how they’re taking it. It’s not just something that draws their attention, but may repulse them somewhat. Say, if it’s sitting on a bookstore shelf. No offense intended to the artist, as I think it’s a pretty cool graphic. And it kind of shows the story in one single image, but it also gives people the wrong impression that it’s a book about angels, or something. It is not. There is one story about an angel in the book and that's a misperception by the protagonist in the story. While there are beings in the book that can be misperceived as gods. And their interactions with humanity, over the course of all of human life, from beginning to end (of the book and timeline), does lead to stories of a perhaps religious deity (deities) interacting with humans. While there is something entirely different going on. And that was the purpose in my mind of a lowercase in the word, "heaven".

I think the prime concept of "Death of heaven" is to be careful what you believe, you may be 100 percent incorrect. And here are examples of that.

There’s some great actors and work done on the Foundation show series. But I would like to mention one of the main characters who plays "Brother Day", Lee Pace. I first noticed him in the series, "Halt and Catch Fire" some years back, about the invention of the home PC. And then I see him in a few other things. I noticed him the other day in "Captain Marvel". He’s a big guy, and a great actor.

On the Foundation series, there’s some parallels between the Donald Trump administration's efforts, and MAGA. Foundation has individuals who have become somewhat unhinged, for a variety of reasons. Good reasons. Donald Trump and his administration are also unhinged. And now they are paying the price through the judicial system as they try to claim political divisiveness against those prosecuting them. Typical with criminals at large. Which is ridiculous in this case, because this entire process has been overtly purposely cut off from the political system and executive branch. It’s interesting how the characters in Foundation are unhinged yet people still follow their orders, just as we see with Donald Trump and his fascist autocratic movement of sheer and utter bullshit.

I need to check if my two version screenplay book on Amazon ever got approved because I never heard anything about it and it’s been plenty of time. My first two scream playbooks I got up there recently, were approved pretty quickly. So what the hell? [Update 8/19/23: OK it's up and online and...I just ordered a few, then I'll unpublish it, for now]

By end of 3rd mile I’m happy to know I can do a fourth, but my left hip's feeling something not... comfortable. Which reminds me of two of my good friends since high school. One I've known since I started college in 1980. Both of them having health problems now in our late 60s. I’m not so much myself, except for Covid. Although my knees and left ankle have been a problem since I was born, I think. First world problems? That is, industrialized  nation problems?

OK as much as I want to do a 5th mile today, I’m calling it a day. At least I got four done and at least I got out for a walk at all. I just don’t wanna overtax my left ankle. Although I would like to listen to more of this Foundation podcast, I have only this one and one more and then I’m caught up to the episodes I’m now watching weekly for season two.

It’s nice to know as from the beginning of these walkabout thought blog posts, I’ve been wanting to get more into entertainment, and out of politics. Which is hard because we’re in a politically insane, autocratic nutcase period in American history. And after all Trump's abuses, I look forward to his being abused by way of sentencing and punishment and prison. He's supposed to turn himself in to the police in Georgia next Wednesday, according to himself, then said he's pushing it to the last minute. What a putz. Just get it over with buffoon. According to that police official he will go through, the process every criminal goes through there he will. Seems fair (finally). To which I do so hope we hear what fat boy's actual weight is. Pushing 300lbs? One wonders if his vanity will kill him on that day.

Adding to what I was saying above about my first short story from 10th grade that I wrote, to my book, "Death of heaven" evolved from my novella "Andrew", which started out as a short story and turned into my Intro to Fiction at University, it's prime concept being one of disillusion, and then those I have to add to that, my first screenplay, written my last quarter at Western Washington University, which I titled “Ahriman“, is a sci-fi screenplay about a prince/prophet on a desert planet, unceremoniously and inadvertently transported to earth via a scientific experiment gone wrong. 

Funny how I keep impinging upon that concept. My story, “EarVu” is about an experiment gone wrong. My newer story “Quantum History“ is about kind of the same thing. Also, my latest fiction book which  began as a novella for that series, but grew into a book unto itself (because I was having so much fun writing it, and THAT is what you want to hear from an author), thus the novella intended for the sequel as, "Anthology of Evil II" evolved into book II with that second book becoming, "The Unwritten". I only refer to this because of the three universes in that book where one has suffered through their "Religious Wars" and then their "Science Wars", where in the end, Science wins out. Yeah, reminds me of earth and our religions there to replace science which was non existent until it was existent so religion could die out to be replaced by more sane considerations and yet, nope, still not happening. Well let's hope it doesn't mimic my book...

Cheers! Sláinte!

Tuesday, August 1, 2023

Walkabout Thoughts #58

My thoughts, Stream of consciousness, rough and ready, while walking off long Covid and listening to podcasts… July 31, 2023, Monday

Weather for the day… 59° starting out, 73° when I got home

Podcast for the day is the only one that has a new episode, Marc Maron, WTF? Podcast episode with sNL’s Melissa Villasenor who used to be on SNL:

 See related image detail. Melissa Villaseñor | Pixar Wiki | Fandom

"Ben Shapiro, another small men’s rights grifter”…That from Marc Maron

I just happened to think about Firing Line last Friday night with Amal Thapar, an unimpressive, SCOTUS Justice Clarence Thomas biographer who supports him and US Constitutional "contextualism" vs "originalism" debate. I find these people, as with the toxic masculinity...the Ben Shapiro comment above, to be superficial and purposely ignorant. Worse, I fear they may really believe their...beliefs. I find them both useful, even functional, but within the confines of reality and humanity (something they forget too often). The Constitution is a "living document". Otherwise it wouldn't have Amendments. End of story. Arguing the Amendments weren't indicating it's a changing document would have been corrected in having had rewritten the Constitution to begin with. They didn't. So, shut...up.
My argument about the Constitution being a living document is simple. Not shallow, but obvious. The Constitution was drawn up. Signed and ratified. And then... it was amended. The definition that is a living document. meant to be updated. Because our Framers, if our Founding Fathers were smart as they seem to have been and, full disclosure, many of them, Freemasons... as I have been, making it in my lodge one step away from the head guy before having to step away due to family matters. Anyway, I’m sure they meant for the Constitution to be amended… Amended… As THEY did, and as THEY, I am sure, expected US eventually to do. But we have a Republican Party who purposely locked up our government and then tried to destroy it, repeatedly trying to end our democracy while supporting a twice impeached, multiple indicted, criminal FPOTUS. The degree and amount of actions against our government in America at large, as well as our citizens, from a party and platform who support wealth and power over individuals...is overwhelming. Again, we desperately need to change our motto from "In God We Trust" to our original and more powerful, more American motto of "E Pluribus Unum"..."Out of Many, One". THAT speaks to strength. To our diversity coming together to make us strong. Not some "pie in the sky-god" doing it all for us, which if  you've noticed, don't happen. Certainly not to a statistically relevant degree (it's coincidence people). Republicans have turned into "Out of One…" to mean, The GOP and fuck "the Many"... all for Power and Money and Self-Aggrandizement. Their true gods. By the way for those originalists who support "In God We Trust" as our motto... how odd. Since "E Pluribus Unum" WAS our ORIGINAL motto... Hypocrite any?

Marc Maron on the new "Barbie" movie: "It’s genius and hilarious. Cleverly speaks to women’s rights and any men who are offended by it are small men in almost every way… Ego wise, dick wise, pseudo libertarian meatheads, who can’t have their balls busted in any way, ever, scared of any smart woman taking a piss out of them...", etc. Too funny. Too spot on.

This is a good podcast for the day. Marc Maron is skewering movie studio execs over Barbie &  Oppenheimer and the cruelty they’re applying to this writer's and actor's strike, especially considering the new AI issues.

And so I have to say the old studio system is long dead, decades ago, but the new system has also become toxic. Just look at what they’ve been doing and look at all the sequels to keep pushing on us. Where is the creativity and the freshness? Where are the leading new voices? I have to appreciate companies like VOYAGE Media (full disclosure) who I’ve worked with... where the Content creator or Story owner, although they have to chip in some finances in the development / pre-production stages… allows anyone access to movie making, and who has a few bucks. I’m not rich, but I had a few bucks. And I went as far as I could until I had to stop because of finances. As also with Interdependent Pictures, who I have also submitted screenplays to (2). They are trying to revolutionize the filmmaking process by basically using profit sharing on each project, among everyone involved. I prefer that over the VOYAGE Media model because there’s great ideas and great people out there who don’t have great resources in finances. This model allows you to either invest time and effort, or money, or both. More you invest, the  more you reap the benefits.

NACA Live conferences. God, this speech to text sucks. Nacca...Naka conferences. Whatever I’ll look it up. But Marc Maron is talking about Villasenor doing the college circuit, how you go to these conferences as a stand up or whatever and perform and they choose out of that selected pool as which people should tour the college circuit. So if you’re a stage performer of such, you should know about this, if you want to get into that. Apparently in the beginning you can end up doing cafeterias, or like hallways or something but hey, it's a gig and when you're starting out you need the practice and exposure, learning the road and networking. I’m interested to hear what she has to say about it because many comics have said they stopped doing the college circuit because of how precious attitudes have become and the whole canceling thing over previous years. I get it, comedy evolves, and making fun of other people, is problematic, but something has to be funny, still. I don’t mind when I am made fun, good God I’ve had a whole lifetime of people making fun of me. Mostly in K-12.
BRIEF ASIDE ABOUT BAR FIGHTS: At some point people got the feeling they were treading dangerous grounds in harassing me. I started out small, got up to 6' suddenly in high school. That, was pretty cool. Karate starting in 5th grade, regional tournaments and such, but you don't walk around jerks who realize that and I found at times, people were so stupid, I had to try to protect them from picking a fight with me. I'm not some big badass, but I know clearly when I can hurt someone or not and some people just aren't smart enough to see that. In the beginning I tried just telling people, but then do thought you were lying. I'm not. I wasn't. I came to realize in my late teens, in meeting assholes who wanted to harass you, you had to COMMUNICATE their danger levels to them in a way they got it. Not just say, "You really don't want to do this." They take it as a challenge. "HEY, I'm not saying at for you to be challenged!" Actually you have to shift to the individuals. It's bizarre what works to shut down a fight. I found one line very well received but you had to be ready to back it up. I always was. "Look, I realize you're just looking for a 'friendly bar fight' but I don't believe in them and I'm just here to have fun and relax. I don't know what your orientation is here but I do not fight. IF I ever do fight, I only know how to kill as quickly as possible. One of us is going to the hospital and one may end up dead. If THAT'S what you're looking for here tonight, you picked the right guy." That has shut down a few drunks seeking a "friendly bar fight". There are other guys you just have to drop them. Others you just walk away. But you have to peg them accurately, or it can go really bad. Of course there were a few times I could have just stick a gun in their face, from out of nowhere. But then you really have to be willing to pull the trigger. I am. Always have been. But I have a responsibility I learned in Karate as a kid, I can't kill you unless I have to and I am responsible for your upcoming pain and death. You don't bring a gun to a fist fight, and you don't bring a knife to a gun fight. The only reason I would ever have pulled out a gun in a fist fight was if I was losing and the guy really was going to kill me. Then all bets are off. As it turned out, apparently I made very good choices because I've been in some ugly situations and have always come out of it pretty well. Part of that life orientation is what they say about, "Don't be in the path of the bullet and you'll be fine." Also for writers, just cut out all the bad parts, and you'll have a winner.

When I saw my first Dean Martin roast on TV, I was a little bit horrified as a kid, but fascinated and locked into a "train wreck" motive. I can’t look, but I have to look at it as it's really so very funny. There’s something useful and productive about being made fun of, or simply being "called out on the carpet." Especially, useful for our leaders and government. And those like Trump who attack people and try to destroy them simply for acting on democracy and journalism. Those like Trump are really anathema to America and democracy, and we should all be offended by those who have glomed onto Trump and his criminality in his sad repeated attempts at authoritarianism.

I’ve been working on my new double version of, "The Teenage Bodyguard" screenplay book with my original version and a newer rewrite. I currently have book copies of two of my screenplays, the other called, "Gray and Lover The Hearth Tales Incident”. Thanks to Dizzy Emu Publishing who did it for me when I submitted to, “All Genre Screenplay Contest”.

But as I think I said in my last blog, it occurred to me after having a version of a book with a single screenplay in it, I should put both versions of "The Teenage Bodyguard" into one book. Which I’m doing. I figured out how to do it by myself. Not that big of a deal. I saved the screenplays as a PDF, as you do from my Final Draft screenwriting software. I found a website to combine PDFs for free which I can then upload to KDP.Amazon, where you configure your books for sale onto Amazon. Nuts, this text to speech keeps locking up and I have to start and restart it. It just stopped working in the middle of my talking and I don’t notice it all the time so I have to back up and redo it… And... I had to come up with a book cover and built one from the version that company had built for me, they had used MY graphic so, cool... but I don’t have to put their logo on this book now, which is nice. I can now use my LGN Productions company as my publisher, which I’ve been doing with other books. But I realized I should use a book prologue where the author speaks about the book. Well, that’s turned into 14 pages and I’ve been editing it for four days and it’s a real pain. But people keep getting this screenplay wrong. I’ve had three directors who wanted to make this into a movie, but I didn’t like their take on it. Everyone keeps hearing that the protagonist is a "17-year-old boy" (young man) in this true crime biopic and they immediately go to "oh teenage boy...hormones...sex... dumb. That’s just not this particular character at all. THAT'S what makes his story so interesting. He's not typical. He’s smart, he’s been trained by the military as a kid in search and rescue. He studied martial arts since young and... he’s just not your average kid. Then he goes up against the reigning crime family in Tacoma, Washington in 1974. He's not terrified as a normal kid would be. he's been trained to stay cool, do your job, succeed! So I thought I should take this opportunity in the book to write up a little about him in the screenplay book and some about how the book came to be, and a little about myself, thus setting up the reading of these Screenplays. I then realized yesterday that I was putting too much in it about myself. Sigh. I started cutting paragraphs. Anyway, I hope to have it done soon so I can submit it and be done with it. Then I’ll order some copies for myself and unpublished it. It will be available then to re-publish whenever I need to. It’s not like I’m really looking to selling this to the public. As I said in my last post, I did tell social media it’s available and if someone wants a copy, get it now because I’m gonna unpublish what’s up there now once the books are received. Then after the movie of it is made, I can re-publish it as the original screenplay. Then one can even publish the screenplay that was actually used to shoot it (shooting script) while in production. Because, as you may know, every movie has several screenplays. A spec script for selling to pass around for people to read. An actual script, which you may even have written first, and then written a spec script from that. People have different ways of doing this. then there’s a production script used on set. And there could be a screenplay of the actual movie transcribed after the fact as it appeared on screen to audiences. So I have the original script I wrote at 123 pages which got producer Robert Mitas interested over at VOYAGE Media. He has worked with Michael Douglas on films. He wanted a different script and so we took months to rewrite it into a shorter, tighter format. Which certainly isn’t my original since as it’s missing 20 pages or so. That's necessary, maybe, but frustrating, as I've already left out so much I could have put into my own, already kind of too long screenplay (spec script should be around 90s pages). But it’s hopefully a better spec or selling script. I need to send it to more screenplay contest. So far I think I’ve gotten three awards as of today for my original version. I’ve sent the shorter version out and it’s yet to win anything.
[UPDATE, after I got home from my walk I had emails that the shorter screenplay was accepted as an Official Selection in the New York Script Awards...they had rejected my longer version so I asked if I can have a waiver to submit the rewritten version (they were in "waiver only" acceptance stage, and I explained the two script situation), and they agreed]
Which doesn’t mean anything actually, either way, any of it. There’s are screenplays I’ve seen that won festival after festival, but never got produced. There’s movies that were made from a screenplay that made a lot of money which never won a festival. I tried for years, sending this script off to directors and producers and managers and agents and studios and production companies and I think I’ve only gotten like, one reply. Which was, "This isn’t for us." Which makes me wonder if they were reading into it the wrong things. Because, the first producer who read it said about it, "This reminds me of “The Place Beyond The Pines", which is a serious drama. And what I was shooting for, here. The people who can get it, not seeing only a teen romp of some sort, who missed that nonsense completely and get it… Well, it’s very rewarding when that happens. Robert kind of got it because I kept saying it while we were restructuring it. And while I we came out with a script that works, having cut some of the things we did, we lost the tone and flavor of what I had originally wanted it to be. So I’ll try to get either produced and we’ll see which one wins out in the end.

Villasenior is talking on the podcast about going to church as a kid. One time her grandmother took her to a new church for confession. Being Catholic, as I was, the priest asked her in the confessional, when she had last confessed. Which is a normal question. She said she didn’t remember. He said, "You’re a bad Catholic and a bad person." WTF? She said (in her mind), well, I’m not coming back. I don’t remember when MY last confession was. Probably around 1969? Mom told us we had to go to church and Sunday school every Sunday until ninth grade when we could make up our own mind. I don’t know why ninth grade. But she only made it through ninth grade in school. She was smart, though not greatly educated. Not self-educated like her mom, who I dearly loved. We’ll both of them. Although, in mom's later years I had to stop talking to her. I was going to a marriage counselor… Yes, we then got divorced, this was the last time around 2002… And while I was still with my wife and the counselor she said, "You know, you don’t have to keep someone in your life who’s toxic." I said, "What? But it’s my mom." She said, "Look. I’m giving you permission to not talk to her. Ever again, if need be, if that's what you think you need." So I thought about it for a while, and that same summer shit happened to where I was done. I heard my last two wives say that, "I'm done." And that's what I said about my mom. You had to be there. I was pretty justified. I'd gone through decades with my two siblings and our mom, round-robin-ing who would deal with her for years until they couldn't and someone would take over. For a period of years I was the one, and that went on longer than with the other two. I served MY time. This was that summer in 2002, after my niece and my son, one thin and 21 and the other thin and 12, respectively, shared our "weekend of Hell", the three of us moving my mother, the two kid's grandmother, out from my stepfather after she had a warrant out for attempted murder on him. lonnnng story and not what it sounds like, though kind of what it sounds like. But after three days and three flights of stairs to move my mother, in the way she was acting... I was done. I'd finally had it. I no longer recognized her as the mother I'd grown up with. That woman was gone, dead, and now...dead to me. The final straw being just as we finish getting her moved in. She was ranting and said something, and this is after a lifetime of intermittent mental and emotional abuse from my stepfather, who never liked me… she made the comment that, "Well you always stick up for him." Which was ridiculous. After all he put me through, you said I always stick up for him and not you? WTF? I stuck up for him that one time, moments before, because what she was saying was total bullshit about him. I’ll stick up for anyone when lies are being told about them. Right is right. I stuck up for him once before that stands out At 12, she took me around family and friends houses to show off her bruises on her wrists. Back in the late 1960s "Look at what he did to me!" First house. Then the second house, she repeated it and I had to speak up. "Wait. You were beating on his chest and all he did was grab your wrists to stop you." I wasn't sure what she'd do, attack ME? No, I think it actually brought her back around to reality. By the third house, her story changed a bit but was still blaming him for the bruises as after all there were bruises? Hey, whatever. After three days of mental and physical exhaustion for myself, my young son and my older brother’s daughter, moving my mom into her new, brand new living community, all the people were very nice, after my son said at one point, "Dad, grandma's being racist about some people"... I’d had it... for me and I’d had it for all of us. This turned out to be a pretty comical movie-moment scene I’ve detailed elsewhere. Anyway, it was weird. I grew up with a loving mother and a stepfather who was really no friend of mine. We'd had our moments, maybe a few times I can remember we made any connection. And at the end? He turned into some sweet old guy saw me as his son as he ended up with Alzheimer’s, and my mother became the abuser. Now he wanted to accept me as his son? WTF? My life has been nothing but a series of conundrums and frustrations, and lack of closure. But luckily, I learned about dealing with all that at a young age. I see people who never learned that. I see men who never tested themselves in their youth, who turned out as bullies and all "agro" and shit. Who couldn’t handle criticism or ever being called out. Unprofessional as adults, even if they’re professional in their job. Life is weird. But it makes for interesting people, and stories. And I'm all about the stories.

A white car just went by with LANDIS GYR and it had a little red beanie laid on the top center. I thought it was a cop at first at a distance. I thought maybe it was a Google maps kind of car, but as it passed I thought maybe it’s one of those lead vehicles when they move a building or something, on the freeway. I have no idea…

Back to Marc Maron and Melissa Villaseñor…

I don’t know what happened, but I’ve been wanting to listen to Marc Maron’s podcast for long time. I like him a lot. I liked his TV show. I like his grouchy character personification. I like shows he’s been in and I like his stand up. I can relate a lot to him. But the past couple of weeks I've been watching him, I mean listening to him on the podcast, more and more. I’ve been wanting to get out of the political bullshit since Trump left office and lost LOST the 2020 election. Got tromped. Trump got TROMPED. And hopefully will again... forever and ever until he gets his multi year multi sentences, imprisonment if it turns into life in prison, and he dies in say a year. I don’t celebrate peoples deaths. But I would. Trump... and Putin.

Anyway, I’ve been wanting to listen to more entertainment oriented podcasts. Lately, I guess it’s summer and podcasts aren’t updated once or twice a week. So I had to find something else and leaned into the entertainment industry. Which is what I do now anyway and so I should be listening to that and... fuck politics. Because they’re so unnecessarily toxic and we now have a right wing political party pushing for authoritarianism and trying to kill our democracy? WTF? Also, when they get in charge they shove crap down their own peoples throats even they don't want? What the hell is going on with those people? So they don't want anymore than we do half the time... sometimes all the time.

They’re talking on the podcast about the personality of a comic and self shaming and stuff. I am, I was raised and taught... differently. I learned from some of the best people, because my mother said that and my grandmother told her always to learn from the best. So, my attitude was to learn something really well and then, as they say, “know thy self". So I’m sure I’ve had times of panic. Like whenever I turned in the papers as a senior technical writer... I'd fret over it a bit until they came back and said how great it was. I think a lot of this came out of karate in grade school. Then civil air patrol in eighth grade. Where you had to really know your capabilities, push past them, and know you could do more than you really could do. I heard when I was younger that, "A good man knows his capabilities." So I’ve always tried to have an accurate view of what I can do. I seem to be accurate as far as other people observations. I always try to check in with my beliefs and update them accordingly. Just like with science, always replace old data with better, new data. But not better bad data, or than your treading into Republican territory. I really do wish they'd get their shit together again. Maybe, one of these days.

Cheers! Sláinte!