Saturday, May 7, 2011

Weekend Wise Words - Mother's Day, another angle

Be Wise. Be Brilliant. Be... Aware.

Since this is Mother's Day weekend....

"There never was a child so lovely, but his mother was glad to get him asleep." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Cheers to those who can celebrate a satisfying familial tie to their progenitors!

Having children is a privilege, but some treat it only as a burden. We dole out marriage certificates like they are candy; guns like toys; driver's licenses with more care than the most important thing we can ever do in our life, which is to create and raise our children.

Parents are just people who have had sex and a baby came from it. And some people have really bizarre beliefs. When they become parents, especially if they are the types that should never become parents, they treat their children through these strange beliefs and pass on their ridiculous thoughts to them.

I heard a guy the other day saying how he was on a plane and a kid was making a fuss. The dad got in the kids face and trying to be quiet but exhibiting terrifying passion to the kid, told him to shut up or else. The observer said he wanted to stop the parent, realizing the kid had just lost this last hold on safety and security and was probably traumatized, but instead, he went to the back of the plane to regain his equilibrium. While he was calming himself, he realized something. He realized that if that man had done that to a dog, the guy would have punched him out, but because it was the guy's kid, he didn't lift a finger, or say a word, or even project a look to affect the parent. What does that say about us as people? That we are living in a litigious society or age? That we are cowards? That children truly are still object of property? That these little people, the future leaders and rulers of our world when we're too old to manage, are being raised to be defective, untrusting, insecure, fearful?

I think we need a page for people who's mother's are not what they should be. There are many people out there for whom Mother's Day (or Father's Day, or both) is a painful thing. If you have had a bad relationship with either of your parents, well, consider this, have you ever had a bad breakup with someone, your girlfriend or boyfriend broke up with you leaving you raw, scarred, in emotional pain that almost feels like physical pain; maybe a divorce, or even a death? Death is a cop out though. As with a martyr, it leaves you with a different set of dynamics; unless it was a relief that they died.

My point is that when you have that breakup, have you ever noticed that you hear and see reminders of what you lost, simply everywhere? You turn on the radio for a distraction and it's all love songs. Every movie you try to watch or that is available to watch seems to be a love story. Or you find a good one, maybe a good thriller or horror film, something that in no way is going to have a love story in it by your reasoning. But then, there in the middle when you least expect it, bang, someone breaks up with someone, or someone is enjoying what brings you the most pain, romance before the down side in the film. Maybe that down side makes you feel better in a kind of negative feedback sort of way.

My point is, Mother's day is like that for some people (or again, Father's Day for that matter). Everywhere you turn this past week, has been marketing, marketing, marketing. Mother this, that and the other thing. For those who have no Mother, or whose mother is a horrible person, these people have to suffer through that. It's a tough time for these people, but no one thinks about it. If they think about it, they tend to think openly, or surreptitiously, what a horrible person, they don't love their mother, they have a terrible attitude about their mother, etc.

But inside, those people want to have a loving relationship with their parent(s). They just can't, and for most people in that situation, the responsibility is weighted on the parent's side, leaving the child with a painful wound that will never heal until either the parent dies, or that person does. Not only does the child have to go through life with a damaged parental relationship, a seminal touch point for every human being alive that needs to be healthy, they have to suffer hiding their feelings. Or if they open up about them, they only get ugly looks, negative feelings, or bad comments from people who don't, can't, or won't understand or try to understand, putting down people who simply do not deserve it.

Most people can't understand what these people have been through. Luckily, these people are in a minority. But they are out there.

So, the next time you start going on about your loving relationship with your parents, or their Day and what you are going to do for them, be aware of the people around you and how they react, what their body language is. If they wince, if they suddenly for no apparent reason come off negatively, perhaps in an entirely unrelated way, consider, you may have just unintentionally wounded them.

As with Thanksgiving and Christmas, New Year's even, being the "silly season" for the higher rates of suicides, Parent's Days, are one of the other, hidden and sad times of the year where we need to be a touch more aware, that not everyone has had, or continues to have, a pleasant live because of a random choice of who their parents are, or were.

That all being said, do give the respect and love, attention and care to your parents who deserve it and enjoy the time you have left with them; espeically, if they have been good parents to you. Because the good ones, deserve all you can offer them in thanks and love.

Happy Mother's Day!

"To nourish children and raise them against odds is in any time, any place, more valuable than to fix bolts in cars or design nuclear weapons." - Marilyn French

"The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother." - Theodore Hesburgh

"Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist." - Michael Levine


  1. Just think of Medea was one of the most remembered mothers in history. lolol Interesting take on Mothers. Then there was the mother who kept a rooming house and ended up killing the elderly with arsenic. The play Arsenic and Old Lace has the seminal idea from this woman's life. It's an interesting book (The Devil's Rooming House) that reveals what this woman did...around the turn of the last century. So there are mothers and there are mothers. ;-) My blog post is bittersweet about my mom for a different reason.

    Anyway, thanks for sharing. I joined your blog. Return the favor and join mine? Appreciate the support and the connecting. The blog is

    A pleasure.
    Carole. (Ps tweeted and promoted this post on my FB pg at Return the favor and like the pg? Thx. Have a FB pg I can like?


  2. Hey there, thanks! Sent you an email also. Have a great weekend!

  3. Of all the holidays, I think Mother's Day is the worst, for those of us who have lost their mother or no longer have that cherished parent/child relationship. With other holidays at least, there are friends/other family members to, hopefully, lessen the grief/pain/loss. Spending Mother's Day with someone else's mother(partner/spouse/significant other) can be almost intolerable at times.

    I lost my mother to breast cancer four years ago, but we had been estranged long before she was even diagnosed.

    The summer before I turned 17 and went off to college, my mother caught me in bed with another girl - my 'epiphany', sexual awakening, whatever you wish to call it had come upon me only weeks before - and threw me out of the house, disowning me. Mama had... as I well knew... strong opinions about homosexuality.

    Pride and obstinacy do not go well together and it was our own pride and stubbornness that kept us apart. We never reconciled before the disease claimed my mother.

    Mama and I finally reconciled a couple of years ago and I talk to her up in Heaven every day, but it isn't the same. So, when I see others with their mothers, I am happy for them, of course... I just wish...

    As you say... we need to recognize that not everyone, for whatever reason, has a reason to be happy and 'on top of the world' when Mother's Day comes around.

    We don't ask for your sympathy or want your pity... just a little understanding.

    Thank you.

  4. Thanks for your comment and I wish you the best through the weekend and beyond. I'm glad that at least you were able to come to terms with things, however bittersweet and late it the game it came to be. All the best....

  5. Heh JZ: yes, it is a touchy situation. I think being a mother is fraught with all the prat falls; whether a saint or a sinner. She is the most important figure in a childs life, and maybe even more so if she was lacking....and there is always something to feel is lacking----ah, but then you grow up [most of us] and realise a thing called forgiveness...and it seems to have a direct correlation with your own trouble that you must face [and forgive yourself]...we're just a mix bag of nuts, over and over again...we have to find humor and forgiveness---and hopefully grace. ...everything is forgiven, but really not forgotten--and that's what I carry, not her [yet I know she's not unfettered, and so it goes round n 'round]= happy mother's day susana M