Monday, May 28, 2012
How much help, is enough?
How much help is enough? Just to make this easier to digest, let's consider the civilian side of this for now....
It has nothing to do with me, in speaking of another. We don’t charge our kids for raising them. But as children, we can feel we owe something. Maybe you see the word “owe” differently than I do. But I think we see things the same.
I see that I owe this planet, I owe my ancestors and my descendants, I owe my children and I owe my parents, my teachers. I owe them my thanks, my appreciation, my help when I can give it. It can go to a level of whatever I have if they need it, maybe even more, if they truly need it; but when it gets to where they aren’t just receiving but they begin to try and take, or they just take and expect; if they make me unhappy or miserable or worse for my helping them, then any owing to them that I had felt, begins to cheapen, fade and disappear.
The more aggressive they become, the faster it fades. It never really gets into anything negative on my side. It shouldn’t, there is no need and it’s a waste of energy. And when others are sucking you dry, you shouldn’t waste any more energy on them at all, once the decision is made, that’s it, you’re done. Move on. Otherwise you start playing a game with them, doing a dance; the negative ones thrives on that and they have to be cut off.
But there is no need for ill feelings really, they have a personality disorder, an incorrect way to view life, or a sociological disorder, whatever. They are needy and cannot take care of themselves. People can change (maybe) and we should give them a chance to, but we should also be intelligent about our observations and actions toward them and trust ourselves.
If they truly cannot help themselves and fight against help anyone other than you, well, that’s your personal decision to continue, but it is also your right to choose to get them help, or leave, or suffer helping them till they die and that may BE the best decision though it may not even seem like it at the time. But again, you have to trust yourself and make a decision. You then have to acclimate to it so that you can let it go in the future and simply not let it kill you. If you are getting depressed and would kill yourself, surely that is a reason to change things and there are degrees of that, surely; but at some point, you make must the judgment and then act upon it.
There are some things in life where there simply are no easy decisions to make. Yet just still, a decision. So, make it. Live with it. Be well.