I was just listening to a piece on NPR about the Middle East.
What the Hell is wrong with these people and how can you not, if you lived there, if you were part of that culture, not want to go around killing those who are killing their own people. And don't give me that argument that then you are just like them. No kidding. Policy is all well and good, but once people start killing innocent people, its time to do and stop talking. Obviously, full frontal attacks have worked only so well.
Back in 2007, two hours west of Bagdad, in the Sunni dominated province west of Anbar, where a group of Sunni fighters called "The Awakening" along side the "surge" helped end heavy fighting in the province. But since then, security has deteriorated.
A man had his 21 year old son was killed by a bomb planted outside his parents' home and he has had to teach his wife how to use a AK-47. He says she has no choice but to defend herself.
I would, if I lived there, have to seriously consider, and probably would do it, join with others of a like mind, in a kind of French Underground. To seek out these killers, join their groups possibly, find who they were, and indiscriminately kill each and everyone of them that I could get to.
Secretly. Quietly, and having them run into as many "accidents" as possible.
Hearing about people killing people, angers me. Hearing people are killing their own people, esp., when they are too stupid or ignorant to even see these are their own people, really makes me mad.
What the Hell is wrong with these people?
I see it as a kind of mental illness that needs to be eradicated just like a band of rabid dogs. Regardless of their "religion", they have to think of their people, get their head out of (their ass) the fantasy clouds of religion, stop thinking about arcane, cartoon concepts, and start thinking about PEOPLE. People are those in front of them. Real people. Someone really needs to put this entire religious issue in its place. IF and WHEN religion leads to killing, its over. All bets should be called off.
Its obvious that people whose lives have sucked so much, have had to find beliefs so far detatched from reality, that some day we would undoubtedly have to have this situation.
I really think if I had lived there, all of my life, was a part of that culture, I would most likely start, or join, an underground movement, dedicated to going around killing ANY one who killed any of MY people. Its got to stop. And playing around, pussy footing around it, isn't going to stop it any time soon.
I'm just saying....
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Wire in the Blood, one of my new favorite shows
As some of you may know, I recently caved in and joined Netflix. I've been delving into TV shows from my past and recent (Danger Man, The (original) Avengers (with Honor Blackman); more recent, Arrested Development, Better off Ted). One of those I've checked out, having never really heard about before, is, British thriller TV show, "Wire in the Blood." I've always been a fan of Medium, with Patricia Arquette, who I first noticed in my favorite movie (with Christian Slater), True Romance. "Wire" isn't Medium, but on the order, and more in the real world, so to speak. But its thoroughly entertaining and engrossing.
From IMDB, anonymous comment:
"The title "Wire in the Blood" is a phrase that comes from T.S. Eliot's "Four Quartets": "The trilling wire in the blood / sings below inveterate scars / appeasing long-forgotten wars." As for the meaning, in an interview Robson Green said the phrase was taken to mean a genetic kink, something impure and unusual in the blood, that leads to the kind of psychosis Dr. Tony Hill might deal with. Series writer Val McDermid says: "Who knows what Eliot really meant by that line? Robson's explanation is as good as any. For myself, I've always taken it to be a metaphor for the thrill of adrenaline surging through the bloodstream. But we'll never know for sure".
Check it out, its just a great show.
From IMDB, anonymous comment:
"The title "Wire in the Blood" is a phrase that comes from T.S. Eliot's "Four Quartets": "The trilling wire in the blood / sings below inveterate scars / appeasing long-forgotten wars." As for the meaning, in an interview Robson Green said the phrase was taken to mean a genetic kink, something impure and unusual in the blood, that leads to the kind of psychosis Dr. Tony Hill might deal with. Series writer Val McDermid says: "Who knows what Eliot really meant by that line? Robson's explanation is as good as any. For myself, I've always taken it to be a metaphor for the thrill of adrenaline surging through the bloodstream. But we'll never know for sure".
Check it out, its just a great show.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Conquering Life - completion & perserverace
When I look back on my life, I realize there are a few things that I had done, consciously, and different from what many of my friends were doing when I was younger. When I now look back on these things, I realize how much they had helped me over the years. I was lucky enough that an older person passed this information on to me, making the suggestion that I follow this advice and it would serve me well.
Make a committed effort in life to be something - Don't just go through life haphazardly. Think what you are going to do; even if in a general sense. Don't just live life from day to day with never a care about tomorrow. Though that's okay, just don't think ahead at all; at very least, have a general understanding and agreement with yourself that you want this, or that, or plan on...SOME thing. Otherwise, ten years pass and nothing has changed. Then twenty years pass and suddenly, you are retiring and you have, nothing.
When you start something, complete it & do a good job - if you start, say, a collection of DVDs of all the episodes of a series, complete it. Make it a "thing" that you will eventually have all the episodes. Otherwise, you will end up with a series of DVDs, with none of them a full set of anything. This is the same in life. If you start something, try to finish it. If you start a book, don't start it unless you plan to finish it, and even if you don't like it, finish it. Perhaps read faster, read a minute here and a couple there; push through it, but finish it. If you build a habit in life like that, you will have more knowledge, more of a sense of completion, more of other people's respect for you. It will come back to do good things for you in life.
When you do something, choose the hardest way possible to get it done - in that way, you will learn the most you can from an effort. This is mostly important when you are young. As you pass into your 20's and 30's it becomes less important in my opinion. But let's say you are studying math. Learn the hardest way to do it. You will find that you get fast at it. You understand it better than those taking the easiest route. Later on, you may find that you are doing things related to that, faster and with more understanding than anyone around you. You are also building brainpower and mind muscle and flexibility. These are things that are incredible useful, time saving, powerful, and make people thinking highly of you. Also, when you need to take shortcuts, you will fly through them.
If you want something, then WANT it - everything in life I ever wanted, I believe I received within a few years. But it was the things I really wanted to my core, that I just said, I'm going to get this. I tried to work toward it, kept it in the back and sometimes the front of my mind. I was open and honest about it. Networking helps. Sometimes just telling people you want something, gets you that thing. Being good and helpful, makes people want to see you have what you want more often than not. Hanging with the right people helps. If you want to be a writer, don't hang out with a bunch of urban camper heroin addicts, though that can be fodder for the writer's block later on.
I even tested it this thoery. I picked a few things in my life that were kind of foolish to want, but were nothing any young man may decide to want to experience and sure enough, within a couple of years, I found myself sitting there in the situation I knew I could never achieve. When I think back on it, it happened time and time again. When I think of the things I didn't get, I realize, I hadn't wanted them all that bad, and sure enough, I didn't get them.
I also think its possible that the older you get, the longer it takes and the more reasonable you may have to be on these things, but still, nearly anything is possible. It does help though, to be reasonable with life, and life will be reasonable with you. If you want to be King of the Universe, well, it may take longer than you have years to be alive. If you want to be master of an ant hill, perhaps you should set your goals a bit higher.
These are only a few of these things. But if you take these up and run with them, you will start to recognize other things like this. By following these things, your life with go more smoothly and you will get farther, faster.
At first, doing things this way was time consuming, difficult, frustrating, but I took it as a challenge, because I decided I respected the person that told me about this, decided they were a good example to follow and that helped me keep this up when I was tired, bored, and didn't want to go any further down that path. But after a while, I stopped noticing I was doing things in these ways and got to not only enjoy them, but they became second nature to me.
After decades of this, I found I didn't really need to do things this way any longer, because I had advanced enough in life that it was no longer really necessary. But if and when I might have to do things in the harder ways, it wasn't such a struggle and I was better able to do it, than many around me.
A little effort in the beginning of things, can often save you a lot later on.
Make a committed effort in life to be something - Don't just go through life haphazardly. Think what you are going to do; even if in a general sense. Don't just live life from day to day with never a care about tomorrow. Though that's okay, just don't think ahead at all; at very least, have a general understanding and agreement with yourself that you want this, or that, or plan on...SOME thing. Otherwise, ten years pass and nothing has changed. Then twenty years pass and suddenly, you are retiring and you have, nothing.
When you start something, complete it & do a good job - if you start, say, a collection of DVDs of all the episodes of a series, complete it. Make it a "thing" that you will eventually have all the episodes. Otherwise, you will end up with a series of DVDs, with none of them a full set of anything. This is the same in life. If you start something, try to finish it. If you start a book, don't start it unless you plan to finish it, and even if you don't like it, finish it. Perhaps read faster, read a minute here and a couple there; push through it, but finish it. If you build a habit in life like that, you will have more knowledge, more of a sense of completion, more of other people's respect for you. It will come back to do good things for you in life.
When you do something, choose the hardest way possible to get it done - in that way, you will learn the most you can from an effort. This is mostly important when you are young. As you pass into your 20's and 30's it becomes less important in my opinion. But let's say you are studying math. Learn the hardest way to do it. You will find that you get fast at it. You understand it better than those taking the easiest route. Later on, you may find that you are doing things related to that, faster and with more understanding than anyone around you. You are also building brainpower and mind muscle and flexibility. These are things that are incredible useful, time saving, powerful, and make people thinking highly of you. Also, when you need to take shortcuts, you will fly through them.
If you want something, then WANT it - everything in life I ever wanted, I believe I received within a few years. But it was the things I really wanted to my core, that I just said, I'm going to get this. I tried to work toward it, kept it in the back and sometimes the front of my mind. I was open and honest about it. Networking helps. Sometimes just telling people you want something, gets you that thing. Being good and helpful, makes people want to see you have what you want more often than not. Hanging with the right people helps. If you want to be a writer, don't hang out with a bunch of urban camper heroin addicts, though that can be fodder for the writer's block later on.
I even tested it this thoery. I picked a few things in my life that were kind of foolish to want, but were nothing any young man may decide to want to experience and sure enough, within a couple of years, I found myself sitting there in the situation I knew I could never achieve. When I think back on it, it happened time and time again. When I think of the things I didn't get, I realize, I hadn't wanted them all that bad, and sure enough, I didn't get them.
I also think its possible that the older you get, the longer it takes and the more reasonable you may have to be on these things, but still, nearly anything is possible. It does help though, to be reasonable with life, and life will be reasonable with you. If you want to be King of the Universe, well, it may take longer than you have years to be alive. If you want to be master of an ant hill, perhaps you should set your goals a bit higher.
These are only a few of these things. But if you take these up and run with them, you will start to recognize other things like this. By following these things, your life with go more smoothly and you will get farther, faster.
At first, doing things this way was time consuming, difficult, frustrating, but I took it as a challenge, because I decided I respected the person that told me about this, decided they were a good example to follow and that helped me keep this up when I was tired, bored, and didn't want to go any further down that path. But after a while, I stopped noticing I was doing things in these ways and got to not only enjoy them, but they became second nature to me.
After decades of this, I found I didn't really need to do things this way any longer, because I had advanced enough in life that it was no longer really necessary. But if and when I might have to do things in the harder ways, it wasn't such a struggle and I was better able to do it, than many around me.
A little effort in the beginning of things, can often save you a lot later on.
Heaven by way of Chocolate - International Chocolate Day 9/13
International Chocolate Day. It was on the 13th. Monday.
Explains what happened to that day for me. I've had better days, I tell you. And I completely missed it. That is a day one can Celebrate, live the life!
But no, no living the life for me this International Chocolate Day. I promise, next year, I won't forget.
Dying For Chocolate blog.
Of all the bad things in life we need to "never forgot" (Never forget the alamo! 9/11, etc., etc.); here's one we can simply enjoy not to forget.
Now I need to go get some chocolate....
Explains what happened to that day for me. I've had better days, I tell you. And I completely missed it. That is a day one can Celebrate, live the life!
But no, no living the life for me this International Chocolate Day. I promise, next year, I won't forget.
Dying For Chocolate blog.
Of all the bad things in life we need to "never forgot" (Never forget the alamo! 9/11, etc., etc.); here's one we can simply enjoy not to forget.
Now I need to go get some chocolate....
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Cuba Government to fire 500,000 workers
"In an effort to pare state payrolls, Cuba has announced it will layoff 500,000 workers over the next year. Cuban leader Raul Castro last month warned layoffs would be coming and said Cuba would expand private enterprise."
What a bunch of fools this government has been. I applaud them for finally taking action, but why didn't they do this over past years to ease the burden instead of living a lie for so long? I'm sorry but it really annoys me, when governments, who are chartered, one way or another, to take care of their people, pull crap like this leaving the people in the lurch and saying only, "Oh, sorry guys."
Listen to the full article, in the NPR.org article.
What a bunch of fools this government has been. I applaud them for finally taking action, but why didn't they do this over past years to ease the burden instead of living a lie for so long? I'm sorry but it really annoys me, when governments, who are chartered, one way or another, to take care of their people, pull crap like this leaving the people in the lurch and saying only, "Oh, sorry guys."
Listen to the full article, in the NPR.org article.
3 Stephen King films & a TV series, from "The Dark Tower" books?
UNIVERSAL TO MAKE THREE FILMS AND TV SERIES BASED ON STEPHEN KING’S ‘THE DARK TOWER’
[from Rich Goellnitz page on Facebook]
Universal announced today that it has acquired the rights to produce three films and an NBC series based on the seven novels, short stories and comic books from Stephen King’s The Dark Tower. Ron Howard will direct the first film and the first season of the TV show, which will be written by Akiva Goldsman (The Da Vinci Code).
“I’ve been waiting for the right team to bring the characters and stories in these books to film and TV viewers around the world,” said King, in a statement. “Ron, Akiva, Brian along with Universal and NBC have a deep interest and passion for the The Dark Tower series and I know that will translate into an intriguing series of films and TV shows that respect the origins and the characters in The Dark Tower that fans have come to love."
More than 30 million copies of The Dark Tower have been sold in 40 countries.
After the series of seven books was completed, a prequel of comic books based on one of the characters was also published.
“The worlds of Stephen King’s The Dark Tower series are richly detailed, inter-locking and deeply connected,” said Goldsman in a statement. “By telling this story across media platforms and over multiple hours—and with a view to telling it completely—we have our best chance of translating Roland’s quest to reach The Dark Tower onto screen. We are proceeding with tremendous excitement, fidelity to the source material and, quite frankly, no small amount of awe at this opportunity.”
[from Rich Goellnitz page on Facebook]
Universal announced today that it has acquired the rights to produce three films and an NBC series based on the seven novels, short stories and comic books from Stephen King’s The Dark Tower. Ron Howard will direct the first film and the first season of the TV show, which will be written by Akiva Goldsman (The Da Vinci Code).
“I’ve been waiting for the right team to bring the characters and stories in these books to film and TV viewers around the world,” said King, in a statement. “Ron, Akiva, Brian along with Universal and NBC have a deep interest and passion for the The Dark Tower series and I know that will translate into an intriguing series of films and TV shows that respect the origins and the characters in The Dark Tower that fans have come to love."
More than 30 million copies of The Dark Tower have been sold in 40 countries.
After the series of seven books was completed, a prequel of comic books based on one of the characters was also published.
“The worlds of Stephen King’s The Dark Tower series are richly detailed, inter-locking and deeply connected,” said Goldsman in a statement. “By telling this story across media platforms and over multiple hours—and with a view to telling it completely—we have our best chance of translating Roland’s quest to reach The Dark Tower onto screen. We are proceeding with tremendous excitement, fidelity to the source material and, quite frankly, no small amount of awe at this opportunity.”
Monday, September 13, 2010
The beauty within, over the beauty without? Nonesense.
Have you ever heard about how its the "inner beauty" that is most important?
Ridiculous. A load of nonsense (thought I was going to say "crap" didn't you?).
So, should one should not pay any attention to the physical? It sounds so politically correct, so, "higher level", doesn't it?
I fully disagree. The beauty "inside" is absolutely necessary, no question about it. But what people lose sight of, is that the physical is just as important. In fact, equally so I would argue. I wouldn't, in fact, date a woman who was beautiful outside, but ugly inside. Kind of goes without saying really. But the argument that pits outer beauty against inner beauty, kind of misses the point.
Who is it that usually puts that argument out there anyway? No, you tell me. You see, my point here, is not to fall into that trap, at all. There is no inner vs outer beauty argument, nor is there one about who argues these points. You decide.
I'll give you an example: my ex-wife. Yes, she was quite beautiful, generally accepted. One time, when we were pissed off at each other, she walked through the room all annoyed, and I knew I just couldn't stay mad at her much longer; and a lot of that was her looks.
I realized then that her looks, did in fact, accelerate my coming back around, dissolving my "attitude", there was simply no arguing it. This is the point that those who argue the beauty paradigm, would say, "If that is how you think, then you must be shallow." Guess what? I am not a shallow person, at all. Again, a generally accepted thing (by others, I'm saying).
That day, I had thought about my ex who I was with before her, who really wasn't as attractive, and I realized that the same simply wasn't so true with her. I had always had attractive girlfriends, "Significant Others". I finally believed I shouldn't look at the physical, which was when I met the ex before the ex, that I just mentioned. What I found was that it was much harder with her for me to let my anger go, when we had an argument. I realized then that the physical does indeed count for "something".
I've always rated a potential mate on a scale of sorts. Say 10 because it has the most baggage associated with it. Looks, intellect, heart, maybe a few other things, it all has to add up to as near 10 as possible. Its not something I consciously thought about, just something I realized I was doing somehow.
For instance, I've come to believe that keeping one's weight down in a relationship is really important, so is attitude. The weight issue is obviously less important with some more than others. But, when your spouse/mate goes after someone else in the middle of your relationship, face it, something is broken, typically both have given up on considerations about being attractive, giving respect.
Some come up with the lazy rationalization that, "we're married, I no longer have to worry about my looks." Or, "I'm bitter (about something or everything) so I don't have to worry about my looks. He (she) had better love me no matter how bad I look." This is especially insidious; because, it indicates the relationship is about to be over. Then possibly years later, it ends in a very bad situation.
Never, ever, think that you can let your looks go. Never, ever, think that you do not have to respect your mate. Never, start thinking that you do not have to give your mate privacy, consideration, personal time.
Ask yourself, why does someone start looking at others when they are in a committed relationship. Its because you are now looking less "attractive" than any one else. So they start looking around. Yes, some people are just a low life. In that case, this is good, eventually they will slip up, you'll get hurt, the relationship is over and you can go on to hopefully not choose another loser. But I like to think that most people are basically good decent people.
So, keep the weight off, use whatever you have to your advantage. Now, considering you are attractive to them to begin with, you have the weight that they TRULY find attractive. And don't be fooled by the "white" lies of, "Oh, honey, you are the perfect weight, what ever that is." Because typically, its a "love" lie. They love you and become unintentionally co-dependent to you, to allow you to let yourself slip. They don't realize that by saying what you want to hear, you are signing your relationship's death warrant.
Try to look good, not suddenly five years into a relationship, because that indicates you are having an affair. But always regularly (and it doesn't have to be daily), wear attractive, sometimes, trendy, clothing. Get a hair cut, women, use makeup, but not excessively so, because that is a completely other trap ("more is better", totally, not true). Makeup should enhance what you have, not cover it up.
Now, all this said, forget for a minute about the physical. Because, what is really, really, important? Is respect. And personal space. I can speak best to how wives have been, so I'll use those examples. When a guy is sitting, relaxing after work, even if he is staring at the wall, consider, that he IS, doing something. Call it, decompressing, if you like. When he walks in the door coming home from work, do not, hit him with a bunch of chores. Allow him the personal time he would have if he lived alone.
How do you decide this, how to gauge it all? Look at it this way, after you move in with him, after you are married, continue, no mater what, to look at the relationship, as if you are still living apart, and dating. That, is the key.
Sometimes in our relationships, we get so involved, so dependent on one another, that we rely on them, we let them become so a part of us, that we lose one another in the relationship.
And that, is the beginning of the end. Complacency. Co-dependency. Expectation. Relying too much on the other, not taking up the slack yourself. Being responsible for one self. And so it goes.
Once you think, "Oh, finally, I can relax and just be me again," you have lost.
I've always said that in a relationship, the other person should be there to enhance your life, to make your life easier by their being there, not harder; but, that goes both ways and you are not there to make them enhance it, they have to do it.
And that is where many relationships end up.
"You are not doing enough for me, so I will make you." Why? Because, you are trying to keep the relationship together. You mean well, really, but you try to run their half of things for them. And how do they react? They resent it. Of course they do, why wouldn't they?
At that point, you have a rapidly evolving downward spiral leading to bitterness, anger, resentment. Why? Because what you are doing indicates a lack of respect. Doesn't it.
Other factors in relationships are how adaptable people are, which is what makes Humans both great, and diminished. So things have to be shook up from time to time, in order to keep things from being ordinary, which is a killer to a vital, lively relationship. Humdrum, is a death toll. Also, the general disparity in the complexity of males and females.
There are many theories as to why this is, but it is. And this differs between partners. Find this, work with it, not against it. This also goes into sexuality, an area that scares the Hell out of many people. But its a part of us. You can't ignore parts of who we are, its far better to face it and deal with it. I have found with myself and others, you have to be open, honest, and heartfelt with your partner and things always work out better in the end. What people don't see is that if doing this ends a relationship, good. It needed to be ended then.
So, just to be clear from all of what I was trying to say here, inner vs outer? No such thing. There is no versus, its a compilation. When you are in a relationship, you need EVERY tool possible to keep that "shark" (as Woody Allen's character in Annie Hall related), moving through the life giving water of that relationship; otherwise, no movement, no life...and it dies. So to discount something you have as an asset, is foolish.
Now, is physical also important in a relationship?
You tell me.
Ridiculous. A load of nonsense (thought I was going to say "crap" didn't you?).
So, should one should not pay any attention to the physical? It sounds so politically correct, so, "higher level", doesn't it?
I fully disagree. The beauty "inside" is absolutely necessary, no question about it. But what people lose sight of, is that the physical is just as important. In fact, equally so I would argue. I wouldn't, in fact, date a woman who was beautiful outside, but ugly inside. Kind of goes without saying really. But the argument that pits outer beauty against inner beauty, kind of misses the point.
Who is it that usually puts that argument out there anyway? No, you tell me. You see, my point here, is not to fall into that trap, at all. There is no inner vs outer beauty argument, nor is there one about who argues these points. You decide.
I'll give you an example: my ex-wife. Yes, she was quite beautiful, generally accepted. One time, when we were pissed off at each other, she walked through the room all annoyed, and I knew I just couldn't stay mad at her much longer; and a lot of that was her looks.
I realized then that her looks, did in fact, accelerate my coming back around, dissolving my "attitude", there was simply no arguing it. This is the point that those who argue the beauty paradigm, would say, "If that is how you think, then you must be shallow." Guess what? I am not a shallow person, at all. Again, a generally accepted thing (by others, I'm saying).
That day, I had thought about my ex who I was with before her, who really wasn't as attractive, and I realized that the same simply wasn't so true with her. I had always had attractive girlfriends, "Significant Others". I finally believed I shouldn't look at the physical, which was when I met the ex before the ex, that I just mentioned. What I found was that it was much harder with her for me to let my anger go, when we had an argument. I realized then that the physical does indeed count for "something".
I've always rated a potential mate on a scale of sorts. Say 10 because it has the most baggage associated with it. Looks, intellect, heart, maybe a few other things, it all has to add up to as near 10 as possible. Its not something I consciously thought about, just something I realized I was doing somehow.
For instance, I've come to believe that keeping one's weight down in a relationship is really important, so is attitude. The weight issue is obviously less important with some more than others. But, when your spouse/mate goes after someone else in the middle of your relationship, face it, something is broken, typically both have given up on considerations about being attractive, giving respect.
Some come up with the lazy rationalization that, "we're married, I no longer have to worry about my looks." Or, "I'm bitter (about something or everything) so I don't have to worry about my looks. He (she) had better love me no matter how bad I look." This is especially insidious; because, it indicates the relationship is about to be over. Then possibly years later, it ends in a very bad situation.
Never, ever, think that you can let your looks go. Never, ever, think that you do not have to respect your mate. Never, start thinking that you do not have to give your mate privacy, consideration, personal time.
Ask yourself, why does someone start looking at others when they are in a committed relationship. Its because you are now looking less "attractive" than any one else. So they start looking around. Yes, some people are just a low life. In that case, this is good, eventually they will slip up, you'll get hurt, the relationship is over and you can go on to hopefully not choose another loser. But I like to think that most people are basically good decent people.
So, keep the weight off, use whatever you have to your advantage. Now, considering you are attractive to them to begin with, you have the weight that they TRULY find attractive. And don't be fooled by the "white" lies of, "Oh, honey, you are the perfect weight, what ever that is." Because typically, its a "love" lie. They love you and become unintentionally co-dependent to you, to allow you to let yourself slip. They don't realize that by saying what you want to hear, you are signing your relationship's death warrant.
Try to look good, not suddenly five years into a relationship, because that indicates you are having an affair. But always regularly (and it doesn't have to be daily), wear attractive, sometimes, trendy, clothing. Get a hair cut, women, use makeup, but not excessively so, because that is a completely other trap ("more is better", totally, not true). Makeup should enhance what you have, not cover it up.
Now, all this said, forget for a minute about the physical. Because, what is really, really, important? Is respect. And personal space. I can speak best to how wives have been, so I'll use those examples. When a guy is sitting, relaxing after work, even if he is staring at the wall, consider, that he IS, doing something. Call it, decompressing, if you like. When he walks in the door coming home from work, do not, hit him with a bunch of chores. Allow him the personal time he would have if he lived alone.
How do you decide this, how to gauge it all? Look at it this way, after you move in with him, after you are married, continue, no mater what, to look at the relationship, as if you are still living apart, and dating. That, is the key.
Sometimes in our relationships, we get so involved, so dependent on one another, that we rely on them, we let them become so a part of us, that we lose one another in the relationship.
And that, is the beginning of the end. Complacency. Co-dependency. Expectation. Relying too much on the other, not taking up the slack yourself. Being responsible for one self. And so it goes.
Once you think, "Oh, finally, I can relax and just be me again," you have lost.
I've always said that in a relationship, the other person should be there to enhance your life, to make your life easier by their being there, not harder; but, that goes both ways and you are not there to make them enhance it, they have to do it.
And that is where many relationships end up.
"You are not doing enough for me, so I will make you." Why? Because, you are trying to keep the relationship together. You mean well, really, but you try to run their half of things for them. And how do they react? They resent it. Of course they do, why wouldn't they?
At that point, you have a rapidly evolving downward spiral leading to bitterness, anger, resentment. Why? Because what you are doing indicates a lack of respect. Doesn't it.
Other factors in relationships are how adaptable people are, which is what makes Humans both great, and diminished. So things have to be shook up from time to time, in order to keep things from being ordinary, which is a killer to a vital, lively relationship. Humdrum, is a death toll. Also, the general disparity in the complexity of males and females.
There are many theories as to why this is, but it is. And this differs between partners. Find this, work with it, not against it. This also goes into sexuality, an area that scares the Hell out of many people. But its a part of us. You can't ignore parts of who we are, its far better to face it and deal with it. I have found with myself and others, you have to be open, honest, and heartfelt with your partner and things always work out better in the end. What people don't see is that if doing this ends a relationship, good. It needed to be ended then.
So, just to be clear from all of what I was trying to say here, inner vs outer? No such thing. There is no versus, its a compilation. When you are in a relationship, you need EVERY tool possible to keep that "shark" (as Woody Allen's character in Annie Hall related), moving through the life giving water of that relationship; otherwise, no movement, no life...and it dies. So to discount something you have as an asset, is foolish.
Now, is physical also important in a relationship?
You tell me.
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