I wish all veterans everywhere, who have had to experience the flawed life that is war, all the best on this Veteran's Day. I have thankful thoughts for all those soldiers, who over the history of our country, have given the greatest sacrifice, for this nation to continue protect its citizenry and help the peoples of the world.
When I was younger I had an argument about why women shouldn't be in the military same as men. I thought women should have equal rights to do whatever they want. I was told that one good reason against women fighting in the military (this from an old war dog Sergeant) was that war is damaging, and when the guys come back, they
need a stable half of the country to turn to. That we need to maintain at least a half of the country during war, as a stable immovable object for the nearly irresistible force of returning damaged soldiers to come home to and be healed by. I'm not saying I agree with this theory or not; okay I do a little bit, but not completely. I believe the same is true, but for both men and women. I suppose, if women want to go to war, its their right to choose to do so. I'm just sorry anyone has to.
The other side of that argument is, exactly our current situation, where we now have women being obviously damaged from war, too. Do I want women walking around the country who are just as damaged as men are from war? No. But then, I don't want to see men walking around like that either.
All that being said....
From NPR:
"Over the past decade, the number of female veterans who have become homeless has nearly doubled to roughly 6,500, according to the Department of Veterans Affairs. Most of them are younger than 35.
That's about 5% of the female military force. That's about 1 in 7 of a force smaller than the male military forces. 1 in 8 of male vets have mental problems. 43% of males of the male vet population are homeless. Mental health cases among war vets grew 58% from 2006 to 2007 (VA records)."
From Old Guard Riders (URLs below):
"Roughly 56 percent of all homeless veterans are African American or Hispanic, despite only accounting for 12.8 percent and 15.4 percent of the U.S. population respectively.
"About 1.5 million other veterans, meanwhile, are considered at risk of homelessness due to poverty, lack of support networks, and dismal living conditions in overcrowded or substandard housing."
From NCHV.org:
"Although “most homeless people are single, unaffiliated men… most housing money in existing federal homelessness programs, in contrast, is devoted to helping homeless families or homeless women with dependant children,” as is stated in the study “Is Homelessness a Housing Problem?” (Understanding Homelessness: New Policy and Research Perspectives, Fannie Mae Foundation, 1997).
"Although flawless counts are impossible to come by – the transient nature of homeless populations presents a major difficulty – VA estimates that 107,000 veterans are homeless on any given night. Over the course of a year, approximately twice that many experience homelessness. Only eight percent of the general population can claim veteran status, but nearly one-fifth of the homeless population are veterans."
Okay....
Having just heard on the radio today that we are 17 trillion dollars in debt now, we simply do not have the money to continue fighting these wars. Unless other nations have an investment and are willing to pay us to be the World's Police Force (wasn't that supposed to be the what the UN eventually does?), and give us cold hard cash, or the comparable powers in barters of some sort; then, we really need to get a hold on our debt.
We need to take care of our soldiers, male and female. When they go to war they should NOT arrive without proper equipment, which keeps happening. When they return, they need help and we need to SEE that they have reestablished themselves as happy and productive citizens, up to the capacity that they will allow us, and perhaps even just a little more. This is not only about our military, but other areas in our economy that need proper address. And we simply do not have the money, we need to stop living on credit and reinvent ourselves.
We also need to pay Teachers a fair wage for what we expect from them and what our country NEEDS for the future. We already know about our Healthcare situation and have to wonder if the new Republicans will set us back in history for the ground we've already achieved; OR, if they will fix it, which is what is needed?
There are a lot of things we do need to do for our civilian citizenry. They should be coming first. But when you choose to send soldiers into horrors, you need to make them a first cause concern. That leaves us with two first causes when there can only be one, at least at this time in history. Hopefully, if we use our brains, we will eventually see our economy at a state where we can afford appropriate priorities.
So what do we do? No, I don't know, I'm asking you. Because I know, someone is out there, who has the answer. They just need to speak up, push it through, see something done to put us on the right track.
Because we cannot, do nothing.
See also, my previous article a few months ago on soldier suicides:
Suicide in the military
See also:
PTSD and Marijuana
Articles used in this commentary:
NPR
Old Guard Riders
NCHV.org
Thursday, November 11, 2010
8 "Must Knows", about Zombies
George Mason University anthropology professor Jeffrey Mantz teaches a
class on zombies and their cultural importance. We asked him to prepare us for
the invasion with this list of things everyone should know about
zombies.
1. They Are Everywhere
Across many cultures around the world, there is a concern that the dead could return to walk among the living. Sometimes these ghouls are merely tricksters who are having fun at our expense; other times they are vengeful creatures who were treated poorly in life and are exacting revenge. Perhaps it's a mother who died in childbirth. But there are very few places in the world where you won't find them.
2. Most Will Eat You If You Get Too Close
These days, zombies are basically understood to be ghouls who consume the living. In fact, a large proportion of those who study zombies argue that they are basically a metaphor for consumption. George Romero's Dawn of the Dead famously suggested this, showing zombies wandering through a mall in a strangely similar way to when they were humans. So if zombies represent how we are when we are at our worst (say, the morning after Thanksgiving outside an electronics store that is practically giving flat-screen televisions away), we should be very afraid.
3. Zombies Don't Always Attack The Living
In some cultures, including much of the African and Caribbean traditions from which the word "zombie" originated, zombies are more mindless servants that do the (more often bad, but sometimes quite neutral) bidding of a zombie keeper who has possessed them. In such cases, zombies tend to represent particular kinds of slave or labor relationships.
4. A Zombie Attack Is Probably The Worst Thing That Can Happen To You
The reason zombies are so terrifying to us is because they represent one of our greatest fears: a loss of our autonomy, our ability to control our bodies and minds. It is fitting that these monsters have been largely represented as rotting corpses, because that's literally what they do to human beings: They decompose us individually and assimilate us into a giant, undifferentiated horde, just like the Borg in Star Trek (which essentially was one, roving, intergalactic zombie).
5. Of All The Undead Things You Could Become, Zombies Are The Worst
As opposed to vampires, which are often represented as seductive, youthful superhuman creatures (or more recently as overly emotive teenagers), zombies are almost always cursed with an irreversible, less-than-attractive subhumanity in the single-minded pursuit of some task or thing (such as flesh or brains). With only a few imaginative exceptions, zombies cannot love, laugh or live freely.
6. They Have Become Fast — Because Our World Is Fast
Zombies, like LOLcats videos, have gone viral; and when things go viral, they move fast. As the themes of zombie films have shifted from Cold War worries about the slow chemical effects of radiological exposure (the source of zombie outbreaks in films like Night of the Living Dead) to terrorism-era fears about rapid bacteriological exposure (for example, in 28 Days Later or Resident Evil), the zombies have similarly accelerated. The more rapid our lives, communications, transportation and technology, the more quickly threats to them are experienced.
7. Oh, Yes, Zombies Are Real
Scientists have discovered and manufactured bacteria, viruses and parasites that have zombie-inducing qualities. And stem cell and nanotechnology research offer real possibilities for the reanimation of tissue. There is also significant debate as to whether zombie neurotoxins exist; there is a whole branch of pharmacology devoted to determining whether such compounds can be found in nature.
8. You May Have Already Been Bitten
The digital age is beginning to fundamentally change the ways in which human beings interact with each other. Immersion into our smart phones and our second lives in virtual worlds offer novel and exciting experiences, but also erode the lived, bodily dimensions of our humanity. The impact of technology on society is hardly new, but it certainly has accelerated in the past 20 years. So given the recent explosion of the undead in popular culture, one should wonder whether all of this might be suggesting an imminent zombie apocalypse? Or, perhaps, we are already in the thick of it.
NPR article
1. They Are Everywhere
Across many cultures around the world, there is a concern that the dead could return to walk among the living. Sometimes these ghouls are merely tricksters who are having fun at our expense; other times they are vengeful creatures who were treated poorly in life and are exacting revenge. Perhaps it's a mother who died in childbirth. But there are very few places in the world where you won't find them.
2. Most Will Eat You If You Get Too Close
These days, zombies are basically understood to be ghouls who consume the living. In fact, a large proportion of those who study zombies argue that they are basically a metaphor for consumption. George Romero's Dawn of the Dead famously suggested this, showing zombies wandering through a mall in a strangely similar way to when they were humans. So if zombies represent how we are when we are at our worst (say, the morning after Thanksgiving outside an electronics store that is practically giving flat-screen televisions away), we should be very afraid.
3. Zombies Don't Always Attack The Living
In some cultures, including much of the African and Caribbean traditions from which the word "zombie" originated, zombies are more mindless servants that do the (more often bad, but sometimes quite neutral) bidding of a zombie keeper who has possessed them. In such cases, zombies tend to represent particular kinds of slave or labor relationships.
4. A Zombie Attack Is Probably The Worst Thing That Can Happen To You
The reason zombies are so terrifying to us is because they represent one of our greatest fears: a loss of our autonomy, our ability to control our bodies and minds. It is fitting that these monsters have been largely represented as rotting corpses, because that's literally what they do to human beings: They decompose us individually and assimilate us into a giant, undifferentiated horde, just like the Borg in Star Trek (which essentially was one, roving, intergalactic zombie).
5. Of All The Undead Things You Could Become, Zombies Are The Worst
As opposed to vampires, which are often represented as seductive, youthful superhuman creatures (or more recently as overly emotive teenagers), zombies are almost always cursed with an irreversible, less-than-attractive subhumanity in the single-minded pursuit of some task or thing (such as flesh or brains). With only a few imaginative exceptions, zombies cannot love, laugh or live freely.
6. They Have Become Fast — Because Our World Is Fast
Zombies, like LOLcats videos, have gone viral; and when things go viral, they move fast. As the themes of zombie films have shifted from Cold War worries about the slow chemical effects of radiological exposure (the source of zombie outbreaks in films like Night of the Living Dead) to terrorism-era fears about rapid bacteriological exposure (for example, in 28 Days Later or Resident Evil), the zombies have similarly accelerated. The more rapid our lives, communications, transportation and technology, the more quickly threats to them are experienced.
7. Oh, Yes, Zombies Are Real
Scientists have discovered and manufactured bacteria, viruses and parasites that have zombie-inducing qualities. And stem cell and nanotechnology research offer real possibilities for the reanimation of tissue. There is also significant debate as to whether zombie neurotoxins exist; there is a whole branch of pharmacology devoted to determining whether such compounds can be found in nature.
8. You May Have Already Been Bitten
The digital age is beginning to fundamentally change the ways in which human beings interact with each other. Immersion into our smart phones and our second lives in virtual worlds offer novel and exciting experiences, but also erode the lived, bodily dimensions of our humanity. The impact of technology on society is hardly new, but it certainly has accelerated in the past 20 years. So given the recent explosion of the undead in popular culture, one should wonder whether all of this might be suggesting an imminent zombie apocalypse? Or, perhaps, we are already in the thick of it.
NPR article
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Delta Airlines - Time for a boycot
I received this email from someone very close to me today. I'm not surprised to hear this from an airline that started as a bunch of dust croppers. I had always received the best service with Northwest Orient and I was very sad to hear the day they were bought by Delta, that basically, Joe Bob Clampett was buying Tifini's. So sad.
The email said the following:
"As you all probably have heard by now, on November 3rd the Northwest Flight Attendants at Delta Airlines lost our union and our 63 years of collective bargaining rights and protections by the slim margin of 165 swing votes. I am outraged at the level of interference conducted by Delta management during the representation election. They spent millions on an anti-union campaign which created a hostile work environment, caused division in our ranks, and made a mockery of the voting reforms recently implemented by the National Mediation Board. We are asking the NMB to investigate the election and the interference.
"We have helped build the second largest airline in the world, making significant contributions to Delta's success, for which they are now benefiting with record breaking profits; yet our pay remains less than it was 20 years ago, and we are now subject to the possibility of them outsourcing our jobs, or any policies Delta feels like implementing.
"I am asking all of my friends and family to please sign the petition, "Tell Delta to Stop Union Busting" At http://www.change.org/petitions/view/tell_delta_to_stop_union_busting If you are so inclined, a letter to your state Senators and Representatives via mail, phone or e-mail requesting their support, could greatly help our chances of gaining a legal contract with Delta Airlines in the future. I would be happy to send a sample letter if you are interested.
"Thank you all so much for your support, it is very much appreciated."
Please help the Delta (ex-Northwest Orient Airline) Flight Attendants.
The email said the following:
"As you all probably have heard by now, on November 3rd the Northwest Flight Attendants at Delta Airlines lost our union and our 63 years of collective bargaining rights and protections by the slim margin of 165 swing votes. I am outraged at the level of interference conducted by Delta management during the representation election. They spent millions on an anti-union campaign which created a hostile work environment, caused division in our ranks, and made a mockery of the voting reforms recently implemented by the National Mediation Board. We are asking the NMB to investigate the election and the interference.
"We have helped build the second largest airline in the world, making significant contributions to Delta's success, for which they are now benefiting with record breaking profits; yet our pay remains less than it was 20 years ago, and we are now subject to the possibility of them outsourcing our jobs, or any policies Delta feels like implementing.
"I am asking all of my friends and family to please sign the petition, "Tell Delta to Stop Union Busting" At http://www.change.org/petitions/view/tell_delta_to_stop_union_busting If you are so inclined, a letter to your state Senators and Representatives via mail, phone or e-mail requesting their support, could greatly help our chances of gaining a legal contract with Delta Airlines in the future. I would be happy to send a sample letter if you are interested.
"Thank you all so much for your support, it is very much appreciated."
Please help the Delta (ex-Northwest Orient Airline) Flight Attendants.
America as Religious artifact?
Have you ever noticed how our nationalism, anyone's nationalism, for their country, seems strangely similar to religious-ness? And maybe, that is in some ways, bad?
We should have respect, for those have have fought and died, or sacrificed or died building this nation. We want to honor their sacrifice, or respect their efforts, but we need to be careful that we don't cross the border to worship. If you look at some nations, some very dry nations come to mind, aside from and along with, their tying nationalism with religiosity, you can easily see the danger in stepping into that area and way of thinking.
It becomes very easy to make a very conscious decision, to rationalize the need to kill people over that of your nation. To need to kill people. To kill to protect. To kill to protect the flag even.
But why?
Is the flag really, that important? Is the country even that important? Think? Really, aren't PEOPLE most important (yes, yes, dolphins, whales, trees, etc., etc., but first and foremost, shouldn't we be nice to people, our own kind (okay okay as well as other things, geez....)?
What will make YOU kill someone. What should someone actually kill for? Nationalism? The National Debt? Saving a life? Saving your own life, your spouse, parents, kids? Yeah, I know there is a big argument with some people about who comes first, spouse, or kids. I always thought kids, because, you know, a spouse is an adult and should be able to take care of themselves, but that was a big argument with my ex wife who thought the spouse comes first. Yeah, that's heartwarming, but its kind of an ancient, farm oriented mentality, save the spouse, you two can always produce more kids. Sheesh. That one broke up our marriage.
Anyway....
There may have been a time when you needed to kill others, even proactively, to protect your nation, your family, even, perhaps, you flag. But guess what, that time has pretty much gone the way of the dark ages.
If we need to damage someone now, its pretty easy to do with a credit card.
Would I fight and die for this country? Sure, I was in the military. I "get it". But at what point, would I not want, need, or think, I would need to kill people, for my country?
If we were invaded. Hell yeah! I'm out there going for it. If you are going to die anyway, die for a reason!
But, am I going to go look for people to kill? Uh, no. Probably not.
If I thought we had a real cause to, sure. But that is where it gets murky, and it doesn't help when you have leaders who muddy the waters with their own agendas. Especially, when those agendas are our, but they fail at the real purpose anyway.
Nationalism, is, and always has been, one of the most dangerous things in Human society. Second only to, and mostly aligned with, Religion.
Adhere to either of those concepts, consciously, rationally, and very, VERY carefully.
We should have respect, for those have have fought and died, or sacrificed or died building this nation. We want to honor their sacrifice, or respect their efforts, but we need to be careful that we don't cross the border to worship. If you look at some nations, some very dry nations come to mind, aside from and along with, their tying nationalism with religiosity, you can easily see the danger in stepping into that area and way of thinking.
It becomes very easy to make a very conscious decision, to rationalize the need to kill people over that of your nation. To need to kill people. To kill to protect. To kill to protect the flag even.
But why?
Is the flag really, that important? Is the country even that important? Think? Really, aren't PEOPLE most important (yes, yes, dolphins, whales, trees, etc., etc., but first and foremost, shouldn't we be nice to people, our own kind (okay okay as well as other things, geez....)?
What will make YOU kill someone. What should someone actually kill for? Nationalism? The National Debt? Saving a life? Saving your own life, your spouse, parents, kids? Yeah, I know there is a big argument with some people about who comes first, spouse, or kids. I always thought kids, because, you know, a spouse is an adult and should be able to take care of themselves, but that was a big argument with my ex wife who thought the spouse comes first. Yeah, that's heartwarming, but its kind of an ancient, farm oriented mentality, save the spouse, you two can always produce more kids. Sheesh. That one broke up our marriage.
Anyway....
There may have been a time when you needed to kill others, even proactively, to protect your nation, your family, even, perhaps, you flag. But guess what, that time has pretty much gone the way of the dark ages.
If we need to damage someone now, its pretty easy to do with a credit card.
Would I fight and die for this country? Sure, I was in the military. I "get it". But at what point, would I not want, need, or think, I would need to kill people, for my country?
If we were invaded. Hell yeah! I'm out there going for it. If you are going to die anyway, die for a reason!
But, am I going to go look for people to kill? Uh, no. Probably not.
If I thought we had a real cause to, sure. But that is where it gets murky, and it doesn't help when you have leaders who muddy the waters with their own agendas. Especially, when those agendas are our, but they fail at the real purpose anyway.
Nationalism, is, and always has been, one of the most dangerous things in Human society. Second only to, and mostly aligned with, Religion.
Adhere to either of those concepts, consciously, rationally, and very, VERY carefully.
Kid Groups and Product Sales
Bare with me here. Scouts, sell things just like Girl Scouts. But I don't mind buying Girl Scout cookies, they are tasty, and the boxes sell for reasonable amounts. I like to help but I don't like feeling like I'm spending that much. And I'm speaking for a group of people here, not just myself and I'm just being honest. Especially, when you add up all your friends, or coworkers who come up and want you to buy whatever crap their kid is selling.
And yes, I tried to sell my kids' crap too, but honestly, I'd feel like a jerk, and I wouldn't doubt that other parents do too, after all it wasn't their decision, it was the Scouts Administrators that thought this sounded like a great idea. I'd love to know, who makes more money, the Scouts, or the Girl Scouts, with a product that was cheaper to buy in smaller units?
Anyway, why should I feel obligated? Because, in my case, they bought my kids' crap way back when. Hmmm....but here's a question, after your kid graduates, are you still responsible to buy their kids stuff? If you have two kids and they have five, well, how does that balance out?
I heard a request like this, for Scouting. I was as usual, happy to help out, until I saw the web site and price:
Kettle Corn
http://www.trails-end.com/estore/home_alt.jsp?_requestid=89204
Seriously? $50? How much are Girl Scout cookies? High too maybe, but at least in smaller amounts. Well, $35 does go back to Scouting. Right? But still, who asks for a donation of $35 bucks? And who gives it? If cute little girls in uniforms can't get it, how are people with cute little boys supposed to get it?
Family I suppose, as usual. But hey, I'm not family. And certainly I'm not rich. I still have kids too. And those that think that kids stop costing you money once they graduate High School, are insane, or fools, or crazy, or fools. Grown kids don't cost you as often is all; but when they do cost you, its always far more expensive than it used to be. After a while, you begin to do something you never ever thought you'd do. You begin to miss the K-12 days. Yechh....just shoot me.
Well, I thought about it, and it is charity, and you are getting something, so its not completely charity, is it. So that takes away any noble sentiment, we have to be coaxed to do something altruistic now a days. Not that it matters really, I guess. And I assume the popcorn does taste good. But like I need it, right? I mean, I've been trying to knock off a few pounds.But I suppose its good as Christmas gifts. Or the way commercialism is going, we'll somehow, for some reason, start giving Thanksgiving gifts at some point.
So in the end, as" money wise" how things are kind of tight lately, well no, I didn't buy any.
Still and all, I am craving Kettle Corn now.
And yes, I tried to sell my kids' crap too, but honestly, I'd feel like a jerk, and I wouldn't doubt that other parents do too, after all it wasn't their decision, it was the Scouts Administrators that thought this sounded like a great idea. I'd love to know, who makes more money, the Scouts, or the Girl Scouts, with a product that was cheaper to buy in smaller units?
Anyway, why should I feel obligated? Because, in my case, they bought my kids' crap way back when. Hmmm....but here's a question, after your kid graduates, are you still responsible to buy their kids stuff? If you have two kids and they have five, well, how does that balance out?
I heard a request like this, for Scouting. I was as usual, happy to help out, until I saw the web site and price:
Kettle Corn
$49.95
$34.96 goes back to local Scouting
http://www.trails-end.com/estore/home_alt.jsp?_requestid=89204
Seriously? $50? How much are Girl Scout cookies? High too maybe, but at least in smaller amounts. Well, $35 does go back to Scouting. Right? But still, who asks for a donation of $35 bucks? And who gives it? If cute little girls in uniforms can't get it, how are people with cute little boys supposed to get it?
Family I suppose, as usual. But hey, I'm not family. And certainly I'm not rich. I still have kids too. And those that think that kids stop costing you money once they graduate High School, are insane, or fools, or crazy, or fools. Grown kids don't cost you as often is all; but when they do cost you, its always far more expensive than it used to be. After a while, you begin to do something you never ever thought you'd do. You begin to miss the K-12 days. Yechh....just shoot me.
Well, I thought about it, and it is charity, and you are getting something, so its not completely charity, is it. So that takes away any noble sentiment, we have to be coaxed to do something altruistic now a days. Not that it matters really, I guess. And I assume the popcorn does taste good. But like I need it, right? I mean, I've been trying to knock off a few pounds.But I suppose its good as Christmas gifts. Or the way commercialism is going, we'll somehow, for some reason, start giving Thanksgiving gifts at some point.
So in the end, as" money wise" how things are kind of tight lately, well no, I didn't buy any.
Still and all, I am craving Kettle Corn now.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
What is reasonable? Logic?
"If you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth." - Sherlock Holmes
Just now, I was watching a movie. I saw a woman on it put headphones on, then start her portable CD player. I wondered, what the hell year was this film made? So, I picked up my remote and hit "Info" and nothing happened. I looked at my Tivo and when I hit a button, the response light lit. Hmmm.... What the--?
I played with it for a while, the remote that is. I removed the battery. Light on the Tivo player still worked in response. What? I thought.
Then I thought, well, the remote worked a little while ago. But, things break, right? So, now what?
I was at a loss. Then, I realized, if its not one video player, maybe its the other. So I looked at my BlueRay disk player that I get Netflicks though and sure enough, I wasn't watching Tivo, it was Netflicks.
And so, if I had paid attention to the possible, ("If you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth"), if I had just thought, just decided that the remote was recently working, so what if its ok? Then I would have realized, I was using the wrong remote. Which means, I thought I was watching the wrong video player. And I would have come to the conclusion that I needed to switch remotes to another, typically, Netflicks (the BlueRay player).
How much easier is life, when we play the logic game, accurately?
Just now, I was watching a movie. I saw a woman on it put headphones on, then start her portable CD player. I wondered, what the hell year was this film made? So, I picked up my remote and hit "Info" and nothing happened. I looked at my Tivo and when I hit a button, the response light lit. Hmmm.... What the--?
I played with it for a while, the remote that is. I removed the battery. Light on the Tivo player still worked in response. What? I thought.
Then I thought, well, the remote worked a little while ago. But, things break, right? So, now what?
I was at a loss. Then, I realized, if its not one video player, maybe its the other. So I looked at my BlueRay disk player that I get Netflicks though and sure enough, I wasn't watching Tivo, it was Netflicks.
And so, if I had paid attention to the possible, ("If you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth"), if I had just thought, just decided that the remote was recently working, so what if its ok? Then I would have realized, I was using the wrong remote. Which means, I thought I was watching the wrong video player. And I would have come to the conclusion that I needed to switch remotes to another, typically, Netflicks (the BlueRay player).
How much easier is life, when we play the logic game, accurately?
Dating - online, or in person?
Recently being single, and well, curious, I got on some dating sites. I had been there before, and it has worked quite well. I was with one lady for eighteen months and value that experience a great deal. This article is mostly for those who are alone, single, or especially if you are shy.
But its so much the 10% concept, though. In the 10% concept, you ask ten women at a bar, if they want to go home and have sex, and one of them should say yes. On a dating site, you go through the numbers, too.
So, I filled out a few profiles on a few sites, and then spent a few days going over them and trying to figure them out. Avoiding contacts, putting out contacts and finding myself being turned down by women I'm pretty sure would have been interested, had we initially met in person, but through a friend.
Basically, as it went, I received no response from some women that I know I could have gotten a response from in person. I did also get contacted by some women that were so not my type. Then too, I got contacted by some women I might have gone out with, but in the end, I turned them down. I pretty much ran the whole gamut on not getting a date, from both directions.
It started getting me down. Allow me to explain. If you met the women I have had relationships with over my life time, you'd understand better my situation. I'm careful about who I spend my time with, so I prefer intelligent, attractive and interesting people. Same goes for dating. Now understand, I do prefer pretty women, but "attractive" to me, means attracting, um, indicating, attraction. Not only physical beauty is attractive, but so it how one moves, how one acts, loudness, or quietness, energy, cheerfulness, patience, and other things, as well as how and when these things manifest themselves.
Why? I was never the type of guy where, I got attention when I walked into a party. Well, so I thought until I one night walked into a party with Joe. Joe who was blond, well built, very good looking, and of course, had perfect hair. He had more women than he knew what to do with. Amazing. He was a steel worker too, by the way. Women knew they were one of many with him, but when I asked one, she said, "But its Joe, of course I'll be available if he wants me to go out with him." Amazing.
Anyway, I never thought I was the type of guy who got attention walking into a party. Until that night with Joe and his date. We walked in, an NO women in the party looked at me whatsoever. I was treated like I was cool, but it was because I was with Joe. And don't get me wrong, Joe was the type where women wanted him and yes, guys wanted to be him, or hang out with him.
What I realized that night, was that before that night with Joe, whenever I used to walk into a party, I had never had that experience of no woman paying attention to me. I realized, that I had indeed been paid attention to, but after a while, you stop noticing it, maybe. Walking in with Joe that night, you feel what you miss. Weird, huh?
The women I've been with were all pretty attractive, getting more so perhaps, with each relationship through my life. And yes, I always felt blessed and lucky about it. I never took advantage of it or didn't appreciate it. Everytime, for instance, my ex wife walked through the room, I appreciate that and her.
So getting back to today, I was feeling a bit strange. Lately I've been working from home every day, going into town for work one day a week. Weather is getting worse as Fall comes on.
And the dating profiles were lame. I realized that, you can't put charisma into a photo with some text. You can, but not really. Some are photogenic, I never felt I was. If you have a good photographer, just about anyone can look good. Profile photos taken with a cell phone in the bathroom? Not so much. Then my son and his friend and I went to get General Tzo's chicken from our favorite Teriyaki place.
When we got there, a woman was a head of us.
We stood behind her. She had a nice form from behind, I'll be honest. Then she had to run to her car and we got waited on. As we stood there waiting for our food to take home, I noticed the woman some more after she returned. I took a quick glance at her. She was indeed attractive and interesting enough, that I had to catch another look. Then I felt like I was stepping over the bounds of good taste and just stopped. But then I felt her looking at me. I thought, you have to be kidding.
Checking, no wedding ring. Hmmm.... So I took another glance at her face, just missing her eyes dropping from my direction as she spoke to the cashier; then looking in her purse for something. I looked away. But it was strange. As I looked away from her each time, it was like I forgot how attractive she was, and I had to look again, out of disbelief.
So I took what I told myself would be one last look, and I caught her eyes as she was doing the exact same thing. We locked eyes, for half a second, then both looked away:
"AH, caught me!" we both must have been thinking. It seemed obvious to me then, that we were both interested, but as it was happening with all the commotion in the room and my son there with his friend, my brain, ust kind of froze up. Then we headed out about then, having paid and having no reason to stay longer. I wanted to say something, but how, what?
So we headed out. I kept wanting more, and I had the feeling so did she.
But, it wasn't to be. We both had our dignity. Social decorum spoke loudly though our misdirected ears. And nothing was to come of it. By time I got home, I'd had enough time to process it all and I realized, all the things I should have said. Like walking up to her and saying, "You realize, that you are incredibly beautiful. Have a good night.", then feigning leaving, with that somehow leading to more. I know how to do that rather well.
Or, I could have said, "I can't believe how lovely you are. Here, take my card, and if you might like to hear more, or less, give me a call." Yeah, well, whatever, even corny stuff words sometimes.
I had a girlfriend one time tell me, when I said, "I didn't know what to say to you that first time, and I didn't want to crash and burn"; and she said, look, when a woman is interested, she won't LET you crash and burn and even if you do it won't matter if she's interested.
Or, Good gravy, anyway, I could have said something.
Then it dawned on me.
All that wasted time online, feeling down a bit because you know some women just thought they were too good for you, knowing some were right, but knowing some were oh so wrong. When in reality, you have to be in the room with someone, to let them feel you, know your existence, feel your aura or whatever, let them mix it up with your endorphins, or whatever.
So can dating profiles work?
Yes, especially if certain conditions are available.
If you are photogenic. Or gorgeous. If you are younger (I get a lot of women interested who are ten or twenty years older than me). If you have money or power, that goes a long with with women. I've tried about every kind of writing style and it seems only so effectual and only with certain types.
Now, what have I gotten out of all this? Online profiles are fun, entertaining, but they can be a total waste of your time. So much more can be achieved in person and so much faster. But you do need to have access to a group of possibly interested individuals.
So, you need to get out, go out alone, go out with friends. Join a club, join a gym with men and women, as getting to know someone innocuously first, really helps. Or just make some new friends, and get out with them and their friends.
Go, get out and mix it up. As always, choose you audience carefully.
But, even IF you meet absolutely no one, you'll still be glad you did.
Besides, you can't do any worse than sitting at home trying to do it, online.
But its so much the 10% concept, though. In the 10% concept, you ask ten women at a bar, if they want to go home and have sex, and one of them should say yes. On a dating site, you go through the numbers, too.
So, I filled out a few profiles on a few sites, and then spent a few days going over them and trying to figure them out. Avoiding contacts, putting out contacts and finding myself being turned down by women I'm pretty sure would have been interested, had we initially met in person, but through a friend.
Basically, as it went, I received no response from some women that I know I could have gotten a response from in person. I did also get contacted by some women that were so not my type. Then too, I got contacted by some women I might have gone out with, but in the end, I turned them down. I pretty much ran the whole gamut on not getting a date, from both directions.
It started getting me down. Allow me to explain. If you met the women I have had relationships with over my life time, you'd understand better my situation. I'm careful about who I spend my time with, so I prefer intelligent, attractive and interesting people. Same goes for dating. Now understand, I do prefer pretty women, but "attractive" to me, means attracting, um, indicating, attraction. Not only physical beauty is attractive, but so it how one moves, how one acts, loudness, or quietness, energy, cheerfulness, patience, and other things, as well as how and when these things manifest themselves.
Why? I was never the type of guy where, I got attention when I walked into a party. Well, so I thought until I one night walked into a party with Joe. Joe who was blond, well built, very good looking, and of course, had perfect hair. He had more women than he knew what to do with. Amazing. He was a steel worker too, by the way. Women knew they were one of many with him, but when I asked one, she said, "But its Joe, of course I'll be available if he wants me to go out with him." Amazing.
Anyway, I never thought I was the type of guy who got attention walking into a party. Until that night with Joe and his date. We walked in, an NO women in the party looked at me whatsoever. I was treated like I was cool, but it was because I was with Joe. And don't get me wrong, Joe was the type where women wanted him and yes, guys wanted to be him, or hang out with him.
What I realized that night, was that before that night with Joe, whenever I used to walk into a party, I had never had that experience of no woman paying attention to me. I realized, that I had indeed been paid attention to, but after a while, you stop noticing it, maybe. Walking in with Joe that night, you feel what you miss. Weird, huh?
The women I've been with were all pretty attractive, getting more so perhaps, with each relationship through my life. And yes, I always felt blessed and lucky about it. I never took advantage of it or didn't appreciate it. Everytime, for instance, my ex wife walked through the room, I appreciate that and her.
So getting back to today, I was feeling a bit strange. Lately I've been working from home every day, going into town for work one day a week. Weather is getting worse as Fall comes on.
And the dating profiles were lame. I realized that, you can't put charisma into a photo with some text. You can, but not really. Some are photogenic, I never felt I was. If you have a good photographer, just about anyone can look good. Profile photos taken with a cell phone in the bathroom? Not so much. Then my son and his friend and I went to get General Tzo's chicken from our favorite Teriyaki place.
When we got there, a woman was a head of us.
We stood behind her. She had a nice form from behind, I'll be honest. Then she had to run to her car and we got waited on. As we stood there waiting for our food to take home, I noticed the woman some more after she returned. I took a quick glance at her. She was indeed attractive and interesting enough, that I had to catch another look. Then I felt like I was stepping over the bounds of good taste and just stopped. But then I felt her looking at me. I thought, you have to be kidding.
Checking, no wedding ring. Hmmm.... So I took another glance at her face, just missing her eyes dropping from my direction as she spoke to the cashier; then looking in her purse for something. I looked away. But it was strange. As I looked away from her each time, it was like I forgot how attractive she was, and I had to look again, out of disbelief.
So I took what I told myself would be one last look, and I caught her eyes as she was doing the exact same thing. We locked eyes, for half a second, then both looked away:
"AH, caught me!" we both must have been thinking. It seemed obvious to me then, that we were both interested, but as it was happening with all the commotion in the room and my son there with his friend, my brain, ust kind of froze up. Then we headed out about then, having paid and having no reason to stay longer. I wanted to say something, but how, what?
So we headed out. I kept wanting more, and I had the feeling so did she.
But, it wasn't to be. We both had our dignity. Social decorum spoke loudly though our misdirected ears. And nothing was to come of it. By time I got home, I'd had enough time to process it all and I realized, all the things I should have said. Like walking up to her and saying, "You realize, that you are incredibly beautiful. Have a good night.", then feigning leaving, with that somehow leading to more. I know how to do that rather well.
Or, I could have said, "I can't believe how lovely you are. Here, take my card, and if you might like to hear more, or less, give me a call." Yeah, well, whatever, even corny stuff words sometimes.
I had a girlfriend one time tell me, when I said, "I didn't know what to say to you that first time, and I didn't want to crash and burn"; and she said, look, when a woman is interested, she won't LET you crash and burn and even if you do it won't matter if she's interested.
Or, Good gravy, anyway, I could have said something.
Then it dawned on me.
All that wasted time online, feeling down a bit because you know some women just thought they were too good for you, knowing some were right, but knowing some were oh so wrong. When in reality, you have to be in the room with someone, to let them feel you, know your existence, feel your aura or whatever, let them mix it up with your endorphins, or whatever.
So can dating profiles work?
Yes, especially if certain conditions are available.
If you are photogenic. Or gorgeous. If you are younger (I get a lot of women interested who are ten or twenty years older than me). If you have money or power, that goes a long with with women. I've tried about every kind of writing style and it seems only so effectual and only with certain types.
Now, what have I gotten out of all this? Online profiles are fun, entertaining, but they can be a total waste of your time. So much more can be achieved in person and so much faster. But you do need to have access to a group of possibly interested individuals.
So, you need to get out, go out alone, go out with friends. Join a club, join a gym with men and women, as getting to know someone innocuously first, really helps. Or just make some new friends, and get out with them and their friends.
Go, get out and mix it up. As always, choose you audience carefully.
But, even IF you meet absolutely no one, you'll still be glad you did.
Besides, you can't do any worse than sitting at home trying to do it, online.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)