I was just thinking about marriage. To be specific, arranged marriage. I've spoken to more than a few people who have lived that life. I know some East Indians who have arranged marriages and they seem very happy. Many of them said they have been married long and without much contention.
When I think of marriages I've known, there always seems to be a lot of contention. I always thought it was because of the Western Attitude. But I've spoken to Asian women who said they would do anything to avoid a man of their culture, saying that they aren't treated that well. I don't know. The Asian women I have dated were very happy with me and said they liked Western men.
The Western marriages I've known have almost all ended in divorce, many after not even that long, five or ten, ten or fifteen years even. But I know those of arranged marriages who say the know many who have been married all their lives, twenty years or longer and that they were happy together.
Well, maybe that is all just selling what your culture does. Or, maybe not.
When you choose to marry for love, well, love can fade; love, usually does fade. If you base your marriage on love, especially the kind of love you have in the beginning of a relationship, you are basing it on something that is eventually going to be much less than it is at the point of marriage.
But if you marry because it was ordained, you enter into that relationship with a different kind of orientation, a different type of expectation. A much lower expectation, I'll warrant, and over the years, because of proximity, perhaps simply politeness, or kindness, you may grow to love them. But not with a hot, short lived infatuation, or perhaps a lustful love. But perhaps a deeper love that grows from familiarity, respect, experience, and time.
I always thought arranged marraiges were bad, evil, horrible things. But in talking to those who have lived it, who have friends and family who have grown up with it, and in having seen a little of the research and statisitcs, I'm not so self-assured any longer.
And it made me wonder. Or at least, it made me realize something.
Basing a marriage on love alone, really isn't enough. You need more. In fact, you need all you can get. So, even if you don't want to go the route of arranged marriage, give a little thought to the reasons those types of relationships have worked, and why the Love based on seems to fail so much. And maybe, just perhaps, you can have find your way into a more solid marriage, one that you would want to have.
It's something to think about.