Friday, July 28, 2023

Walkabout Thoughts #56

My thoughts, Stream of consciousness, rough and ready, while walking off long Covid and listening to podcasts… July 17, 2023, Monday

Weather for the day… 67° starting out, 72° when I got home

Podcast Deja News by Rachel Maddow, final episode of the season: Episode 6: “Hello America, this is Addis Ababa.” This episode is relating our defense of Ukraine, through to something that happened many many years ago in 1935 when blacks signed up to defend an African country, Ethiopia who were a member of the League of Nations, precursor to the UN, when there were only two black governed nation states in Africa. This was Mussolini, the Italian fascist, not the current fascist Putin in Russia. Mussolini thought if other countries are taking land in Africa, why shouldn't we? So instead of our decision to support Ukraine against Russia today, in 1935 America decided not to for Ethiopia against Italy. This is that story. Mussolini conjectured, they take over another country in a continent where other nations have colonized them. Why was that wrong? Because the era of colonization was over, dumb ass.


An anthropologist once said, "The human race is designed to raise up certain individuals and then take them down. While they were raised up in being something new, different, maybe better (hopefully), at some point they become an irritation to the overall organism and must be eliminated. Thus in example, Jesus was raised up and then eliminated. Where is that happening today and with whom? And are they that useful to humanity or just a small minority who have wrested power to abuse the entire nation (organism) as we see when authoritarianism takes countries over? To be sure at times a majority gets into it, supporting it.

I have published two of my screenplays as books, but for only a short time. I ordered my own copies, and when I receive them, I’m going to turn them off. I'll leave them there until these are produced as films and then, turn them back on again. “The Teenage Bodyguard", is a biopic and true crime story that’s been winning awards. I worked with producer, Robert Mitas (who was a producer on films with Michael Douglas) as consultant and producer to rewrite it is a shorter screenplay. 

But this is the longer original, a very well researched screenplay that got his attention. The second screenplay book I published is my horror and kind of comedy, “Gray and Lover, The Hearth Tales Incident". I entered a screenplay festival, where a side benefit was getting your screen place published as a book. I thought what the heck? But I also thought that if you  are really serious about having a screenplay produced, publish the screenplay as a book after the films is released, or at least after its purchase toward production (maybe not then).

Speaking of other works, my antiwar documentary filmic poem, "Pvt. Ravel's Bolero" is available exclusive on ThrilzTV. It has 18 short film awards internationally including, Best War Documentary, Best Experimental Film, Best Director, and others. In my previous blog you can see my previous poster for the film.


It sure seems like we usually know a war is coming, before it starts. So why don’t we do things ahead of time. as if the war has started? I also never understood, we have NATO and we have the UN, and while there are countries not part of NATO, why do we let that stop us from refusing war, ever again? Or at least do everything we can before one starts to cut it off. Yeah, yeah, I get all the contraindications, but while we're still at a point in our infancy, in our adolescence that we continue to allow wars, aggression against other countries? Come on! Sometimes after long paying your dues, you simply have to accept that you are a professional...or you ARE mature enough to do what is right and correct.

Aggressors, either Mussolini, or Hitler, or Putin, do not learn lessons. Donald Trump did NOT (never will), as one Republican Congresswoman Susan Collins had said ("Trump has learned ‘a pretty big lesson’ from impeachment"), learn a lesson from his bad actions. Nope. ain't gonna happen. What these dictatorial autocrats learn from failure is how to succeed further, the next time. What you do with these people, as we saw in World War II with these imperialistic aggressors, is you physically stop them, disallowing them their desires. We have still not done that with Putin, or helped Russia out of their delusions. Putin has fed them propaganda and dezinformatsiya for over 20 years. They have generationally been inculcated through the Soviet union since 1917, and before that as a country of serfs under a czar. Putin should have been reacted to long before the Ukrainian invasions. He should’ve been stopped before the 2014 invasion. Not just western democracies and America seem crippled when it comes to being proactive. One can offer climate change as evidence. I offer Ukraine here as evidence. At some point one has to learn you do not put up with bullies or you actualize them and propagate their existences.

In 2014, when "little green men" we’re running around, supporting Ukrainian Russian separatists, when still no one knew who they were, that was when we should (all) have supported Ukraine. 100% in all ways possible. Because Russian would not have taken Crimea and we would not now be involved in the Ukrainian war because of this delusional, Russian dictator once again. When will we learn that? Never? Apparently. Well, we're doing (a little) better, now.

I also think we need to sign on to the agreement about cluster (bombs) munitions. We need to sign on about land mines (thanks again, Trump). We need to get the world into a knee jerk reaction against international aggression at some point and, granted this may be a little premature, though I hope not, because earth really needs to stop allowing war.

The bombing of Japan that ended the war in the Pacific was a horrific event that did with Oppenheimer thought it would do. What he pushed for. It horrified humanity. Perhaps what we need now is for Russian nationals themselves to set off a nuke. A college kid can create an atomic bomb, they just need some fuel. Once they find specifically were Putin is at the moment and trying to minimize "collateral damage" as the military prefers to say, that might just wake the Russians the fuck up. But if anyone other than Russians do that, it just simple not serve the purpose to turn Russia around in their current despicable course.

Why do we allow people like Putin or Donald Trump even to breathe the same air as decent people? This is not a conundrum, by the way.

As Rachel says in the podcast, "Dictators force you to consider your own interest against others." In the hope that yours will win out, to support theirs in the end, and the beginning. In this far too narcissistic world anymore (See, MAGA), an entire political party apparently devoted to narcissism, and the needs of the one each one over that of the group or the group over that of all citizens.

Putin has shown himself to be a callous anachronism...someone who displays a lack of empathy or sensitivity in a context where such behavior has become (by him...or them) no longer appropriate or acceptable. And the same is true of Donald Trump, and those who support either of them.

I agree NATO shouldn’t be going to war against Russia because of Ukraine. The United Nations Armed Forces should be. Which doesn't exist in that form. And if it did, might prove problematic. But does end  justify the means?

According to Donald Trump, his January 6 insurrection was an FBI false flag operation. But if we put him in jail, his supporters will do it again. That’s what we’re up against? One has to be unavailingly stupid to buy that line of bullshit. Well...MAGA.

Putin: the greatest catastrophe of the 20th century was the fall of the Soviet Union. Excuse me, while I guffaw. Donald Trump: his not being reelected is the greatest catastrophe in the entire 21st-century. Which we just started. Double guffaw. Moronic comics.

If Donald Trump‘s allegedly mushroom shaped penis were to "eat" all of his ego for a solid year until it was found to be engorged, like him, it would vastly larger than his character could ever attain. The man has no character, from a time when "character" was considered a comment on good character and not the existence of merely ANY character at all. Some "character" is not to be acceptable, or locked up, or wiped from existence for the benefit of Humankind. Remember when we were, "kind"?

After Trump's so far now, mere six court trials get going, I’ll need to be sure to get a photo of him now and from a year ago to compare to his photo from a year from hence. Because I would think his decrepitude will be easily observed in advancing exponentially.

The only metaphor I could think of just now for Trump's ludicrously adoring fans would be if he were seeb as their "cake", where instead of icing, it's just an inch of fat with no sugar, and maybe a little rancid, and they lap it up, loving it. And of course he and they, "want their cake and eat it, too."

Those especially in Congress or Governors of states, or Attorney General’s of states, who still disingenuously cannot clearly see how Donald Trump is criminal and how what he did was criminal, truly should be removed from office. So much of what these people do is not direct logic and they have to be able to draw conclusions and synthesize information, to apply it elsewhere. Tim Scott, saying he doesn’t hold Donald Trump accountable because Trump didn’t personally come and try to kill him on January 6, is probably the most disingenuous thing I’ve ever heard him say. Remove him from office. And he therefore has no right to run for POTUS.

I love Pad Thai. My son told me he read somewhere that Thai people don’t usually eat Pad Thai. That saddened me. On the other hand, there is a lot of other Thai food that’s much tastier. There’s Chinese food too, which I love that you can’t find in China because while it’s Chinese food based or China fusion or something. Chinese people in China wouldn't recognize it. I just don’t much care for Pad Thai with a solid wafer of egg in it. I only started seeing that in the past few years. Chicken, cut up in it is fine. I think when I started eating it, it was with pork, probably, but I’ve come to really like the chicken version. Even the tofu version can be good.

The number of Republicans who believe what Donald Trump did during his January 6 insurrection was criminal is under 10%. These are definitely low information people. Let me explain that. Information is real, it’s factual. They are however on the other hand, rather high DISinformation people. They're not stupid, but they are selective ignorant (on purpose).

What the hell is doing a shibboleth? That from Jon Lovett on the "Pod Save America" podcast: "Shibboleth is a single sign-on log-in system for computer networks and the Internet." Nope, not that. "a word or saying used by adherents of a party, sect, or belief and usually regarded by others as empty of real meaning." Maybe? What did AI said: "The phrase "doing a shibboleth" typically refers to using a particular word, expression, or custom as a test or a way to identify insiders from outsiders within a group or community." Ah, that must be why he keeps using it. "The term originates from an ancient Hebrew word, "shibboleth," which means "ear of corn" or "stream." In the Book of Judges in the Bible (Judges 12:5-6), it is described as a password used to distinguish between two groups of people who were at war."

I switched over to "Pod Save America" when Rachel’s double length, hour long, excellent podcast ended. And everyone should listen to Rachel‘s podcast of her season finale of Deja News ASAP.

Cheers! Sláinte!


Thursday, July 27, 2023

Walkabout Thoughts #55

My thoughts, Stream of consciousness, rough and ready, while walking off long Covid and listening to podcasts… July 23, 2023, Sunday

Weather for the day… 67° starting out, 72° when I got home

Podcast The Whistleblowers: Inside the Trump Administration episode three, “In Justice
Instagram for the day

Instagram Post from the past. On set at my old house/property as pyrotech for the day.


One wonders if Ukraine shouldn't collect half of their cluster munitions and covertly safely store them in Russia and then manually scatter them around just the right places for pyrotechnic displays. They could even notify people. The point would be, "Yes, we are here, as long as you shouldn't be there."

May be an image of 1 person and text that says 'RUSSIAN TROOPS RETREAT VICTORIOUSLY, UKRAINIAN ARMY RUNS AFTER THEM IN PANIC'

I need to advertise suffering long Covid in Yakima to send people to their store.

The support of Donald Trump is so frustrating. Because we’re a democracy or a democratic republic if you will and he’s...just an autocrat. I said when he was elected "he is my president" although I voted for someone else and it made me want to vomit. But that changed very quickly because of his actions and  orientation supporting my at that time, recent understanding and belief in his being a criminal for decades, and I was no longer able to support with him in his being in our oval office he still believes is his. I no longer accept him as my president His position for those sad four years as POTUS I now see as his being our CAOTUS, or our "Chief Autocrat of the United States". Americans do not elect autocrats as POTUS.

Conspiracy theory types, easily go off the rails because of overthinking and over analyzing, in a standard paranoid fashion, typically without enough information (and because of that, also fearing being seen as less intelligent than they strive to present, and about as intelligent usually as they in reality are), then project and make huge leaps of (il)logic. A mainstay of their mindset is to never to be embarrassed (ibid) or be caught off guard, because they didn’t see how they were being fooled or being made a fool of. When their orientation is one of, a fool. The thought then becomes embedded, so that it’s foremost in one's mind, and one can no longer see having been fully indoctrinated into their mindset and bubble as a conspiracy theorist.

Another element of the conspiracy theorist mind is in seeking alternate realities, or as they might put it, alternate considerations. They see that as simply holding another (more "clear") orientation off of the same facts or elements, which are actually alternative facts or elements and not facts at all which quickly devolves away from reality. If you don’t like the mainstream explanation for something because it doesn’t fit your paradigm, and you instead seek anything that gives you even a semblance of reality and logic, oddly enough, you end up in a fantasy world. These types tend to fall on the right side of the political spectrum.

When I find sought more about the conservative mindset on the right, they are typically based in the considerations of fear of things they don’t understand, and therefore, of a future they apparently cannot know and demand that it is unknowable. Which would make one logically assume it would require becoming ever more proactive, esp., as so many of them are preppers (it's been estimated a few yeas ago that was 2-3% of Americans and in 2022 was closer to 10%). And yet has a political party being proactive, seems to be anathema to them. They deny human responsibility in climate change (which is clear) and deny their authoritarian orientation up until they fully embrace it, once they have a base strong enough to withstand becoming anti-American agents in destroying our democracy.

So a week ago last Thursday I caught something, or long Covid flared up, again. I tried to fight it off as a cold or flu and didn’t see progress until I used some antivirals. Which says a lot about what was going on. I assume long covid again triggered a dormant virus. I thought I was getting over this but it seems like it’s back. I know that it has a capability of hiding away in tiny pockets to be released at some point as some other dormant viruses are. I’ve wondered where? I heard that malaria hides in one's liver and reoccurs, as a report on NPR today said about about the resurgence of malaria in Florida. So I’m wondering if somehow purging the liver might help? How does one do that? Like no medical researchers have thought of that yet? But they did find some help with, I think it was Paxlovid on long Covid, but it only helps for a while then you need it again.

My son said somebody came into his health food store, talking about how Covid is less with smokers and nicotine might be a solution or a path using nicotine patches. I told him the I research I had come across over the past couple years indicated that’s not a path to pursue. I found some new research I sent him specifically saying I was correct. And while the numbers may indicate something on that order, it’s not what it appears to be. It was a French study a few years ago on nicotine and Covid, which is what got the misdirection out to the public on the Internet. One study I found said that the results they found was not statistically relevant to the point that smoking was worse for you than the benefits related to Covid. So often in these kinds of things, and it totally appears to some to be one thing, but then in practice, or via research proves out to not be what it seems. This is the same issue. We see these kinds of things in politics with conspiracy theories, in looking at things anecdotally, or evaluating things in hindsight, when you weren’t there and what happens from the outside looks like something else happened than in reality, did.

How much of a loser is RFK Junior? So sad. His family speaks out against him because he’s humiliating the Kennedy name. One way we'll know what a serious loser this guy is? If Trump were to take him on as vice president. Should that happen? Well, give me a break. Then these really are not good people.

I live in Washington state, I was born here. But before I was five I had lived in Spain under Franco fascism, and then we moved to Philadelphia with family. I do love Washington. it has about every environment you could wish for within driving distance. I’ve lived in different places around America and I keep coming back here. Although I keep avoiding Tacoma where I was born. But we’re a pretty progressive state, I’m proud to say. And I don’t say that in relation to a progressive centered political party by progressives. As far as human beings are considered, we are also a fucked up State...because we are in America. I noticed Americans have fucked up priorities since I graduated university in 1984. Not all of us, but enough of us to ruin it for everybody. Certainly, at this point in history it’s Republicans and conservatives doing most of the fucked up shit. And yet I’d rather be in Washington then say Texas, or the South...red states seem like their leadership as the worst. So are they self loathing types, in voting so often against heir best interests? Because they have the highest unemployment, the worst medical care and citizens keep voting for things that harm them. Democrats may be bad at selling good ideas but Republicans are horrible yet somehow convince their voters to consistently and constantly vote against themselves to vote for those who seem to forever refuse and abuse them.

Oh. That’s right, Disney bought Fox Studios. So I don’t have to feel bad about watching Fox entertainment media anymore, considering its toxic. anti-American, anti-democracy Fox News network.

It’s sad all this conservative and QAnon nonsense about liberals or Democratic leadership being involved in child sex ring murders when we know that more Republicans and conservatives are charged with crimes like that. We know that strict religious upbringings can warp people as adults in feelings of guilt and fear that run counter to simple human existence. We’ve seen Megachurch leaders go to prison. We’ve seen the staunchest Christians in leadership, be found out and indicted. Jim Caviezel is an actor who I liked his work. A lot. But he’s a strict conservative Catholic and said so much bullshit that while I support his "art", I don’t support his personal beliefs. About the paper from an FBI office that led to charges of the FBI profiling and targeting in the Catholic Church for white supremacists...Director Wray negated the paper that came from that FBI from a field office and dealt appropriately (maybe) with that agent. But here’s the thing, if there IS white supremacists "concerns" in a conservative Catholic church, then you DO go in and look for it. Just to prove it's nothing, if nothing else. We have GOT to be proactive anymore. But here, the FBI’s, once again, being crippled on something that may or may not be true and we won’t know until they're research of the situation is complete, and then hopefully they’ll come up with the right course of action... and execute it. Whatever that reasonable course of action should be.


I was raised Catholic, pretty strict old school Catholic. But I also had a strong sense of right and wrong as a very young child with an unusually analytical mind. I started studying the Bible in the Catholic Church up through my 20s. What I found led me into the teachings of the Buddha and his Buddha dharma. I'm not what most people, or Buddhists would know as being a Buddhist.
Buddhism is not a religion. It’s a mental discipline and an orientation in life structured more in humanism than theocracy. Theocracy is dangerous.
I don’t buy into a lot of what the Buddhas had to say after the original Buddha who seemed like a pretty reasonable guy.

Angel Studios has tried to disentangle itself from the QAnon bullshit related to their film, "Sounds of Freedom", which isn’t mentioned in their film as it was produced pre-QAnon. While many of the right wing MAGA have tried to tie it to that, because it’s about child sex rings. Sadly, the filmmaker has walked the line about that, a bit too close some claim.

Well, I only did 3 miles today but I felt like it was pushing it and it’s getting pretty warm out so after not walking for almost a week, next time hopefully… 5 miles, again.

Cheers! Sláinte!

Thursday, July 20, 2023

3 Amazing WWI Documentaries - JZ Murdock, Peter Jackson, Brian Henry Martin

My WWI documentary is a filmic poem and an antiwar film. I wrote a poem years ago and tried to get it published. I worked on it once in a while, got comment from a professional poet and he said to just keep working on it. And so I did. Until one day I stumbled into the idea of making a documentary, and then a WWI documentary, and then a documentary built around my fanciful poem, "Pvt. Ravel's Bolero" (trailer). To be clear, the title of this blog is in an order I would suggest to watch these three films and has nothing to do with any lack of knowing the great quality of the other two filmmakers!

I've written about the experience of making this film previously. I am working on a film companion book for this film, which is about half written. It took me six months of editing to finish the documentary with years of research under my belt in acquiring public domain media and information. Something I continued throughout the production of the film. I had for several years intended on turning the poem it is based on into a minimalist animation. But no animator would touch it without more money than I could come up with. The finished film itself I had hope of eventually reproducing it with much better resources. Seeing what Peter Jackson did with his film makes that prospect even more desirable. 

New Poster for ThrilzTV where it can be viewed

"Pvt. Ravel's Bolero" is a film that only came into existence because of having Long Covid acquired from COVID-19, for at least the second time. Having first acquired this miserable disease and first noticing its symptoms on February 9, 2020. I eventually wrote a book about it: "Suffering Long Covid".

What I'm writing about here today, is regarding what happened over this past week. I'm suggesting an order one might watch these films in. Even if you do not (yet) have access to view my film, it will still make it's point if you watch these other two. I'm sure there are many good WWI documentaries out there. But this blog here involves only three. Mine, Peter Jackson's and one from about photographer/Lance Corporal George . I just finished watching that one.

About "The Man Who Shot the Great War" (2014), from Acorn TV:

"Premiering in North America December 19th. Among the thousands of men from Britain and Ireland who fought on the battlefields of the First World War was Lance Corporal George Hackney, who did something remarkable: he brought his camera with him to war. Described as a "photographic discovery of the century," the images he took captured the brutal realities of the front lines and fueled a moral quest that altered the course of his life." 

The other day I watched Peter Jackson's WWI documentary, "They Shall Not Grow Old" (2018). From Warner Brothers Pictures' Youtube channel:

"The acclaimed documentary is an extraordinary look at the soldiers and events of the Great War, using film footage captured at the time, now presented as the world has never seen. By utilizing state-of-the-art restoration, colorization and 3D technologies, and pulling from 600 hours of BBC archival interviews, Jackson puts forth an intensely gripping, immersive and authentic experience through the eyes and voices of the British soldiers who lived it."

Three films about WWI. The "Great War", the "War to End All Wars".

My film as I said, took me, alone with what small resources I have in filmmaking and editing, took me six months of editing as I was coming out of a rough winter with long covid. My son got me playing a video game on my desktop video editing workstation and I did that for months. Part of an hour the first time until I was playing all day long after a few weeks (months?) and then realized I was not only able to get out of my living room recliner chair I'd spent most of the winter in just watching TV, dozing off and on and not feeling well, but I was actively engaged in this Fall Out 4 game. I'd put 700 hours into it. 

It was time to actually do something. Unable still to be able to handle a production with actors (and a schedule), the idea came to me to make a film of some sort that I could handle doing all by myself, on my schedule, if and when I could, whenever. In considering what to do, I landed upon the project I eventually finished. Twice after months of editing I wanted to quit, give up as it is exacting work of digitally splice media together, AI colorization, multiple layers and tracks and sophisticated audio work in syncing music and sounds and creatively doing Folly work, making sounds that come from one source being made to sound like another. But finally, I finished it.

I sent it to a few festivals and immediately that week got an "Official Selection" from one. Shortly thereafter, the next week, it won an award for "Best Documentary". I entered more festivals. Then it won "Best Experimental Film" at another festival. I entered more and continued winning, not all festivals, but more than I had ever expected. Far more than my previous and narrative film, "Gumdrop", a short horror. Yes, from horror film (really more of a film noir), to the horrors of our perhaps our greatest horror in wars in human history.

As I indicated above, I detail this all elsewhere as I had to hire voice actors and a poet to translate my poem, a center point to the project, for the voice actors to read. At one point I hired a sound engineer to clean up what I could not in digitizing Ravel's "Bolero from an original Polydor double record set from 1930 I bought online from a seller in Paris.

I used some visual media in the film that were never seen before like this because they were not of pristine or perfect quality or focus, all of which played into the "poetic" nature of the film as not just documentary but fantasy and visual poetry. That is important, because it has a lot to do with why I'm writing today about this and the other two documentaries. 

In my film you can notice the French always face and move to the right, which the Germans, their opponents in Verdun, France in this film, always facing and moving toward the enemy, the French, to the left. From the perspective of the French in the film, when they are headed to the right of screen they are moving toward, entering the war. When to the left, they are moving away from, leaving the war. When the visuals are blurry, the poem visuals are referring poetically to the "fog of war" and such metaphorical elements and considerations. 

In moving from my film therefore to Peter Jackson's tour de force of his, "They Shall Not Grow Old", documentary, the effect is intense. With all that Jackson has available to him, the money, the team/teams, the quality of media he could acquire, the legal team for handling all that, and his special effects professionals, what he could produce is truly, as I've said elsewhere... awe inspiring. I'm not here to review his film.

However, Rotten Tomatoes said: 

"An impressive technical achievement with a walloping emotional impact, They Shall Not Grow Old pays brilliant cinematic tribute to the sacrifice of a generation. Read critic reviews"

I was stunned at the amazing quality Peter Jackson turned out in this film. I deeply and intricately know what it takes to do what he did in that film. I'm speechless, to be clear. Watching probably any WWI documentary prior to Jackson's could most likely give you the same effect as seeing my film and then his. But the difference in the quality of experience and visuals, not to mention the high quality level of his Folly work and audio dubbing, are truly inspiring. And that is all outside of the effect of the subject matter itself.

 


On "The Man Who Shot The Great War", Film Affinity said about it:

"Revealing for the first time what has been described as 'the photographic discovery of the century', this documentary uncovers the remarkable story of the Belfast soldier who took his camera to war in 1915 and how his experiences were to have a dramatic and unexpected outcome many years later."

It is a touching film about an amazing find so long after WWI.

Watching these three films in this order, for me anyway, was a very rewarding experience. My film is likely, for most people anyway, a bit of history and imagery you have never seen or known about.That is mixed up with a humanist, antiwar message through the people that runs throughout it and read by a female French actor as Ravel's Truck, whom he had named "Adelaide". 

Ravel's imaginary actions in the film brings the fear and evolution of a trench soldier into sharp focus. the end of the film with its long scrolling list of all wars on earth is a stark reminder of who we are and what our history has been. Evoking the question, why should this continue and how to stop it.

Going then into the Jackson film, the realization of his film is very impactful. It's almost like he went back in time and shot these war moments with a film crew. His ADR (Automated dialogue replacement, voice dubbing), his Foley work (sound effects), and his colorization and visual enhancements are impeccable. It's a moving film, in ways beyond my own film, while a perfect adjunct to it.

Then moving on to the George Hackney film and what it uncovers is touching and amazing in entirely different ways and I highly recommend it. 

These are short films, offering us a bird's eye view, even closer, and in ways no bird and few humans have envisioned. It is a set of films from a time long forgotten, which is repeating itself every decades since. We are changing our ways of war. They are becoming more exactly, civilians are not often "collateral damage" as they used to be. So often today, victims due greatly to specifically targeting them on purpose.

Such as Putin from Russia has so often done in his illegal war in Ukraine. And we are becoming more "green" in war with a realization that every weapon discharged is costing humanity in damage to our environment. And all too often, to civilians years or decades later in unexploded and lost munitions and toxic chemicals.

But the one thing that remains is, the cost to the human psyche, the friends and families of those soldiers and the damages to our world and ongoing blemishes to our history of humanity. 

Cheers! Sláinte!

I wish us all the very best!

Films:

"Pvt. Ravel's Bolero", available exclusively on ThrilzTV.com

"They Shall Not Grow Old

"The Man Who Shot the Great War"

Tuesday, July 18, 2023

Walkabout Thoughts #54

My thoughts, Stream of consciousness, rough and ready, while walking off long Covid and listening to podcasts… July 17, 2023, Monday

Weather for the day… 63 degrees starting out,

Podcast Marc Maron with Felicia Michaels

I Instagram for the day, this just seemed appropriate with comics on the podcast... Also.


OK... I’m walking on my 1st mile for the day. I spent the entire day yesterday editing my true crime biopic “The Teenage Bodyguard“. Big history with that, and all the work I’ve done on it, including with producer/actor Michael Douglas' producer Robert Mitas on some films (one of my favorite being, We Have Always Lived in the Castle, so fun talking to him on the phone about it from time to time), and who I worked with on this project. Really nice guy to work with. He helped me rewrite it into a shorter, tighter, screenplay format. But it's just not the original which is the actual story. Likely more sellable. I’ve sent it to screenplay festivals over the years and the ones where I got notes back on it, I fine tuned it, ignoring the notes as you do, where appropriate. Usually when they don't get something and are wrong on something, you still need to do SOMETHING. Because if they don't get it, something wasn't clear. Clarify it! I entered one festival recently and got some good notes back. So yesterday I did all the obvious fixes on mistakes and a tiny bit of re-ordering of scenes, which I admit are better now. I thought, hey those were good notes, maybe I should send them the Mitas version? But the festival is now in waiver only status. So I took a shot and emailed them and explained the situation. Couple of days of no response and then, sure enough, yesterday they sent me a waiver to directly email them the screenplay and then pay $40 on PayPal which is like 56 Canadian. So they're in Canada apparently. I wasn’t gonna bother with update using their notes, until I thought about sending it to some other festival that I came across this weekend. So thought might as well give it a shot and first few notes were good so I kept going and updated it all and submitted yesterday to the new festival. Along with my "Pvt. Ravel‘s Bolero" film. Since I’m in a situation where I have other things going on, it’s hard right now for me to produce a new film. So I thought I have all these screenplays sitting around, I might as well send some off. 

I then went and looked at my "International Screenwriters Association" profile at ISA.org and it needed updating. So I added my horror/comedy screenplay, “Gray and Lover The Hearth Tales Incident“ and this updated Teenage Bodyguard screenplay. My "Gumdrop", a short horror film was already up there, so I added "Pvt. Ravel‘s Bolero" film. Oddly enough, for anyone to see my screenplays I have to pay for a monthly or annual subscription. At this stage of things I might do that. See as a rule, since the 1980s, I had decided back then, as things like AOL we’re around making difficult Internet access...difficult, that I refused to pay for the Internet, partly because that I was broke in the 80s, until I got my first IT job. I tried to do everything cheaply, "on the sly" (According to Etymonline, the word sly has been used since the year 1200 in Middle English as sley. This comes from the Old Norse sloegr or Old Norse slœgr meaning cunning or crafty). So while I could’ve thrown thousands and thousands of dollars down the drain over the decades, I really spent very little, but probably learned a lot more than I would have otherwise. Because I had to do it with brute force and in the hard way. I had to study, I read a lot of books, I researched and... here I am. It's ironic because when my wife and I split up, part of the complaint was I wasn't making any money, much money. Not a big complaint, but it was there, mostly put upon her by her parents. Before we split when she said they'd mentioned it, I pointed out I was working all the time. I worked on a mainframe at nights at the University of Washington Medical Center for their Radiology and Pathology (and the regional trauma Harborview Med. Ctr, affectionately nicknamed, "Harborzoo" by many) and that I was studying manuals and books on PC design and IT issues, and learning all the software (sans manuals) I could get my hands on. Which all paid off years later. I ended up making a good deal of money and had she stuck around...while she never really did and built a much more difficult life for herself and by association, our son. Which I didn't know about until he became a young adult.

Anyway, I got a lot done yesterday. Probably more than I’ve done in a long time on any one day. I got all these blogs up-to-date and edited in the last one to get out this morning. Now I’m creating another damn one, here. But I got that entire screenplay updated, except for some of their more serious structural notes. They hate my SUPERS. Which I do keep hearing from everybody, but this is that kind of film where you need to be oriented in the moment, because it jumps around in the timeline. Yes I could do a linear format as this guy noted, but…the thing is, part of the reason everyone hates SUPERs now a days (text on screen in a movie, also called, "cards") is two fold. I do like how you have to guess you made a jump in time forward or back in a film and it's notable by elements within the frame. But it also has to do with people watching movies on their pads and phones. You'll notice some series and movies now have GIANT writing on the screen indicating location, mostly. Well? It's easier to read on a cell phone.

I’ve always liked Marc Maron, and I’ve been dabbling in his podcast lately more and more. Especially the ones where he has on a comic from back when he started out and what they were doing then and today and reminiscing. Too fun.

Listening to Marc’s podcast with his old friend, who started out in comedy before him Felicia Michaels. He got me thinking. She kind of started out as a stripper, and you have to hear her story to appreciate that. The type of person I'd always avoided. Maybe that was a mistake. I mean a lot of them were not having their shit together to be sure. you know? Maybe I needed the stripper who had her shit together a little and was just doing this to "get her degree" or something. But I always seem to end up with more conventional women. Not when viewed back then in the moment, but when you look back on it. Yeah. My oldest son‘s mother was the least conservative in being an artist and a partier. Weird relationship in a way. I kept trying to get away from her and kept not being able to. We started working at Tower Video in Seattle, Mercer Street store. I was a supervisor and she got hired one day. But that’s another story. Apparently she was a blossominkg alcoholic not until after we got divorced. Then she moved to Portland while I remained in the Seattle area. So I didn’t know what was going on in her household for years. I mean, knowing her for who she had been, from her upper middle class family, a woman who could just sit at a piano and rip off a classical piece of music. While I came from a lower middle class that grew into maybe middle, then I heard from my son, how things were there with beer bottles all over the house all the time… Oh, my. Well, she ended up only having him from age 4 for 18 months because their family had money and threatened me with lawyers (she did not them but I assumed they put her up to it) and I figured as I was a dad in 1992 little chance I'd get the kid. But I tried until I had to give him up after she left (I tossed her out for kind of reasonable reasons). But then she gave hi up and I brought him into my new marriage with a young child I adopted a year or so later at age 2 (as birth dad was an alcoholic). When I had married that very sweet woman, a horse trainer, who turned out to be seemingly building into some kind of mental issues which led to a rather abusive nuclear family situation for I guess. all four of us. I know that woman’s entire family doesn’t like her much now because apparently she’s cut them all out of the parent's will and took everything after the they recently died. But in mental illness, narcissism and megalomania, I’m sure she has a completely rational and normal view on all that. That was oddly enough, ironically enough, the story of my siblings and our mother who needed mental help, but exhibited an appearance of sanity just enough to where you couldn't do anything about it to help her (or us). So I started off life serious about that never happening to any of my children should I ever have any (that was up for question for years until my oldest's mother just took that choice away from me) and then, it all came to be as if I had planned it or something. But then, when you’re attracted to mental illness because you’ve lived with some form of it all your life and don’t know that yet, until you’re blindsided, until it's too late, well... I'd thought I had a sort of intellectual armor since I’ve got a university degree in psychology. I was at the top of my class, according to my professor. But there's a joke that was around the psych department that was pretty standard across all psych departments most likely, that psychologists make the worst parents. You could probably synthesize that into other associated issues. But when you know a discipline like that and help others, you have a kind of blindness to it at home.
Anyway, did my kids turn out OK? Well? Better than me, and worse than me, in different ways. Which sounds like childrearing in general I guess. Basically, I’d say they’re both happy people.

I was going to skip over, since Marc’s podcast ended. to another one of his, but Felicia mentioned her podcast. She’s on, "The Liars Club", they mentioned it several times, so if I check it out, though I was going to another Maron podcast, anyway, in going to Marc's podcast, up popped The Liars Club podcast and I saw one with Bill Burr. I like him, friend of theirs, they talked about him on the last podcast, so I thought, well, check out some of this and see how it goes…

So, The Liars Club podcast starts and Felicia starts talking and they introduce themselves and she says what they do there is, they invite one of their friends on, another comedian, who has to tell two stories, one true, one a lie, and then they try to figure out which one's a lie. Well, that sounds entertaining.

Fascinating. I"m editing this later in the day today and had to go downstairs to get my sheets out of the dryer. Ever wonder what my basement/house looks like, it's detailed pretty clearly (most of it) in my film, "Gumdrop", a short horror. I got into the basement sometimes and look around and remember "killing" people down there (for in the film). Anyway, I put on Marc's new podcast with an Irish actor I've been enjoying on screen for years, Cilian Murphy, and they're talking and said they both had the Sears Silvertone guitar with the amp built into the case. Cillian says he only has the guitar. I had both, given to me by my older brother who had a band and at some point in the late 60s pulled my sister into it. I can't count the number of times I took that amp out of its case and put it up on my ... ok, yes, true...gun rack on my wall in my bedroom growing up. I had a .303 British and a breaking single shot 20 gauge shotgun, and shells. My brother got that when he was 16. He gave it to me when I was 16 (he should have kept it for his son someday). So I gave it to my son when he was 16. One time I was putting that amp into the case again and I accidentally forgot to unplug it from the wall. I had been plugging it in and unplugging it multiple times in trying to figure something out and got confused. So I put my hand on the wires to crimp them down flat and the power shot into my hand and up my arm feeling like an iron rod going up my arm. I couldn't open my hand. I just stood there being electrocuted and began to fear for my life. I couldn't figure how how to stop it until I realized the freezing effect hadn't gone to my knees (yet?). So I relaxed my knees so I was fall from a standing position and it pulled my hand off the amp, ending the shocking event. Guess what? Never made that mistake ever again. I was the one in my early teens who changed out the house electrical on/off toggle switches and I never turned off the power. It just wasn't necessary. Only go shocked once doing that, very briefly. But after this experience with the amp (I told my brother and he explained amps to me in a more comprehensive way), I never did that again. Naw, I'm lying, I still don't tend to turn off the power today in swapping out a switch.


I was really liking the noise cancellation function on these AirPods, because I never had that before and I’ve always been curious. Yesterday I started being disappointed because so much sound was coming through. I thought maybe they’re not in my ears correctly or something? So I just checked on the Settings on my phone just now and it was turned off. I turned it back on. And now it’s weird silent again, except for what I’m listening to, obviously. Especially cool because there’s some landscapers who are trimming a giant hedge and it's so much quieter now. So that’s cool…

About talking about these AirPods… If you back up in my blogs to when I got them the other day, I was calling them "air buds". Nope. Then I started calling them by their correct name only lowercase and separated, "air pods". Now I find if I say it correctly, they transcribe correctly… "Air pods". I tell ya, AI maybe scary and it maybe gonna destroy us, but so far it’s actually pretty cool.

So far, my only complaint with these… AirPods… is they keep rotating out a place and you have to slightly twist them back in, moving the bottom forward towards your chin and that’s really fucking annoying. But as I had discussed, some of that probably has to do with sweating. So having some way to hold them correctly in place at all times would definitely be a bonus. Maybe they should ask the AI how to fix it?

Speaking again of AI… as I said, before, my oldest son has my book “Suffering Long Covid“ in his brick and mortar health food store in another city that he manages. But it’s sitting there by the door and although people will pick it up, it’s not yet been selling. Why? Probably because you have to have long Covid. Which isn’t everybody. And you need some advertising material to sell it. So I thought I might take a second today and produce a one sheet to put by the books. If I hadn’t grown up when I did, the cool thing about this now is I can do it quickly. I don’t have to design it, draw it up, cut and paste it together and make a copy of it, then mail it to him. I can whip it all together in a few minutes and just email it, or stick it on Google Drive so my son can grab it and print it out at work [which is what happened today over the course of a couple of hours rather than a couple of days]. Which is where I keep a pitchdeck/lookbook for my "Teenage Bodyguard" screenplay (on Google Drive) which was made up professionally, cost me a couple grand and it’s so big in file size, that I can’t email it to anyone. But they can easily just go to a link and download it if they want. Or I can upload it to a website where it says to upload your pitchdeck here, or something.

On another topic, I just sent this to my son, and I’ll share with you:

So I was thinking of paying for a year of "International Screenwriters Association" account again. Which I haven't done in years, just to have my screenplays up there and then it suddenly occurred to me. While we are having problems here in America today, and we have a writers and actors strike going on right now,  that the industry says could kill them. Because tech companies like Apple and Amazon have gotten into making movies and they're killing it and have way more money than Hollywood… But by putting my screenplays into where an international audience of producers and investors around the world still have a group of money out there! It's a bigger audience for one, Some of those people out there are so rich they just aren't so concerned about small amounts of money to make a film. So maybe it's worth the $100 to make my profile fully live again. Am I dreaming? Isn't that what filmmaking is all about?

I usually start this walk with a light short sleeved shirt because it’s cool and then gets hotter before the end of the walk and as I said yesterday, I took off my shirt leaving just my kind of soaked T-shirt and life was better. So today I’m starting my 3rd mile and taking it off now before I get all worked up and hot, and it feels good to have the air hit my T-shirt and dry out what little needs drying out, and knowing I'll avoid that getting overheated thing. Yeah, I know this ain't rocket science but it is what it is.

I bunch of people tied talking me into doing a podcast or video podcast, a Vpod, but I don’t know, I don’t much like getting on camera. So I’ve got my blog here and a friend, Kelly Hughes, who has his own video "Rising Star-Music That Matters" podcast, and doing rather well and he has had some incredible guests, I’ve got to say. But it just occurred to me, I wonder if there’s an AI to turn my text log into an audio podcast? I mean, I suppose I could just read the damn thing as an audio podcast, and maybe I could try that?

OK I just walked back past those landscapers with a big long hedge trimmer which is really noisy, even though it’s electric, and it’s much quieter now with the sound cancellation. Though I can still hear it too much with these AirPods, it is much nicer now.

OK The Liars Club podcast with Bill Burr and his first story starts, One time I was an altar boy…
OK then Bill. I was an altar boy myself. We had a tiny Slovak church in Tacoma, called "St. Joe’s" how we called it (Saint Joseph's Catholic Church). Says right on the building it’s a Slovak church. My mom was Czech, Grandpa came over on a boat at a young age, Grandma was born in America. Then my dad‘s family‘s Irish. In eighth grade, I went to Holy Rosary Catholic Church and school (closed as of 2019 due to a need for $17million in repairs), with the big cathedral you can see from many places in downtown Tacoma if you look south. There’s the church, the school, a rectory for the priests and a convent for the nuns, and and a big playground area. South of it is the I-5 freeway and up above that on the hill is our little St. Joe’s church. My little brother went to Holy Rosary all the way through school until he died. Decades later I heard that everyone knew our family because of what he and we were going through back in the mid 70s as the priest would say prayers during mass for him. Didn’t work, but it was a nice try. I thoughtful effort. I'd had some trouble in seventh grade at Stewart Junior High (only 3 blocks from my parent's house) and wanted out. So I got finagled into eighth grade at Holy Rosary. No, I didn’t realize, although I knew eighth grade was the last grade there, and then you go, probably to Bellarmine prep, an all boys school then, which eventually became co-Ed. In fact, my girlfriend after I got out of the Service graduated from there. Which weirded me out because I didn’t know it turned into a boys and girls school. I turned down going there after eighth grade because I didn’t wanna go to a school with no girls. Which kind of shows you my orientation back then. But in going to only eighth grade in a Catholic school, I'd not realized it I was stepping into the morass of being the new kid in the last year at a school where these kids had been together for eight fucking years! I got along really well with the outsiders in the class, who are either really poor Catholic kids, or not even Catholic but their parents wanted them to get a good education. Well, the nuns smacked you around, so yeah, you paid attention, for safety's sake. And we had the oldest Nun, the principle, Sister Rogers. Good God, was she a piece of work! We had several rich kids in there who were really annoying. But not so bad once I forced my way in and got to know them. The girls anyway. The guys were mostly just all assholes until several year later, those who got out of the Catholic school system and had entered public life. I had the most fights in my K-12 years of any grade level, in that school, over that single year, with... the altar boys. Apparently, stepping into the last year of a school is a bad idea. Unless you bond with the kids and make friends. So they were nice at first when they asked me, Do you want to be an altar boy? I was very proud of the fact I was an altar boy at the little church up the hill and I saw this giant cathedral as say the corporate version Church over our mom and pop version. St. Joe's was a great experience. Small church, small community. I mean, going into Holy Rosary a cathedral, was literally awe inspiring. There was one day I was asked to serve Mass because all the altar boys had gone on an outing and I wasn't invited because I wasn't an altar boy..at their church. You know, one might think I'd get a complimentary invite to show some affection for the church up the hill, as I WAS going to their school, but no. Nada and it was explained to me very clearly. I just always thought it an odd situation. The Church is based in Rome, so it's international. But they can't show some love for an altar boy ONE church, ONE block away? OOOkay.
Anyway, after being asked to join the gaggle of Holy Rosary (affectionately nicknamed, "Holly Roller" BY the altar boys, by the way..), altar boys, I’m afraid I may have expressed my indignity in saying no thanks. They kept pushing at that meeting, cajoling me into joining, which was a mistake. For all of us. Until finally, I said, Look, I’m head altar boy at St. Joe’s and I’ve gone there all my life. I don’t want to be altar boy at two different churches as it takes up a lot of time at two. And I don’t want to quit being head there to just be ordinary here. But they didn’t understand why I wouldn’t want this esteemed privilege. I think at that point I might’ve gotten a little irascible. Anyway, that was the exact opposite of a bonding experience for them. Or me. And so they harassed me mentally and physically that entire year and I’ve written about this elsewhere…worst day/experience? They got in a big ring around me and kept hitting me in the head with a basketball until my head hurt so bad I just walked off "campus" and went home. They may have given me a slight concussion. Nice guys. I remember some girls in that ring around me that moved as I moved. It was bizarre.

My point in bringing all this up getting and back to Bill Barr and I don’t know what his story is about to be, but it continued with... they would take the altar boys on a field trip… It was when I became an adult and started hearing about pedophiles in the Catholic Church ad I was shocked. I went to Camp Don Bosco, a two week summer camp, run by priests, and those studying to be priests and I couldn’t of had a better experience. Amazing people. And no, I’m not suppressing memories. But other than the obvious problems in the Catholic Church, being the dogma, and how I was a very analytical child, and wasn’t buying into the Bible overall, I had a pretty good experience being raised Catholic. It was pretty strict. And there were downsides and yes it took me into my 30s in actively studying and researching, and looking into other religions and such, before I could wash my mind of all the Catholicism. Which granted, will still be there in my roots until I die, but hopefully not there afterward. My Buddhist orientation now, where I don’t buy into reincarnation, and by the way I didn’t see any of that in the original Buddha's teachings, and while my oldest and I continue to talk about physics, and how there may BE something after we die, though I doubt it, as existing in a discreet unit of existence, as we do now, that is, we may more realistically end up being dispersed into the energy of the universe and what the hell good is that as an individual? I know, I know, you’re getting to be in the presence of “God”. But that doesn’t do me any good if I don’t know I’m existing.

Funny, if this is the true story Bill Bar is telling, oh damn, I have to say Bill Burr, not Bill Barr. Burr had a similar experience with the altar boys. He got the shit beat out of him too. Well to be fair, I didn’t get the shit beat out of me. Public school, I did a few times. But the thing was, those altar boys didn’t know, because we were in eighth grade, that I started fighting tournaments around the Pacific Northwest in Karate in fifth grade. So I did pretty good anyone fight in particular and ended up beating the shit out of this one kid who took a swing at me first and then when the fight was over and I was walking away, tried to jump me from behind. I had fine tuned awareness from fighting tournaments so I threw a back kick and dropped him like a rock. A kid told me years later in high school, who didn’t go on to Bellarmine prep, that after I got in the car with my mom and little brother and we drove off home, which is what started this whole fight as somebody had thrown a snowball in my mom‘s car. Abuse me, fine. Abuse, my family? Fuck you pal! So this kid had noticed the kid Mark, from the fight was missing just after as the kids were milling about talking. I think this was Johnny White telling me this one day, as we were walking to Lincoln high school one morning years later. He went and looked for Mark and found him on the other side of the church, huddled up in a fetal position and told or threatened him that, You better not tell anybody you saw this. So I guess I won that day. Catholic school is supposed to smarten and toughen you up for life, but I don’t think that was the best way to do it, to throw you into a lion's den with a bunch a little spoiled fuckers. Anyway, back to Bill Burr story…

It’s funny how I keep hearing mostly well-known people talking on TV or Podcasts or wherever, even in movies and I guess on TV, hearing this commentary about how "back when I was a kid it wasn’t like it is now, it was more dangerous "back then". I've heard that succeeding, if you want to call them “classes“ or generations after me through each decade, in looking back how it has a more dangerous group when you were young, then you see today. So by extrapolation I would have to say that when I was a kid in the 50s and 60s, OUT scary kids must have been carrying around handheld nuclear bombs or something.

Bill’s second story on the podcast is about his being involved when he was young, stealing alcohol from a package store. He didn’t do it. He was waiting in the car, if this is the true story. But it got me to thinking… I don’t remember ever stealing alcohol, and I certainly drank it in high school. It’s one of the reasons why, by the time I got in the Service at 20 (after kicking around America a bit) I really wasn’t into drinking any more and much preferred getting stoned on weed. For Christmas one year my sister gave me this long thing pocketbook telling you all about wine. It was designed to talk with you to buy wine. And so I got into wine. In the late 70s I would always have like six bottles of $40 wine at the ready One of my friends who worked in the shop, up front of the parachute shop, in the fabric and rubbergear shop, came over one day and I turned him on wine, taught him about it. He’s from California so decades later he sent me six bottles of California wine out of appreciation. Last time I heard from him he was very into Jesus, so...another lost to the ethereal. At some point in my late teens, early 20s when I got that wine book I read it and got into it and that led to my lifelong appreciation. Years later, when I got to Western Washington University, Prof Rees, told our class that he was gonna teach us how to think. Give me a subject, he said. People called things out until I said, almost jokingly, BEER. He stopped, pointed at me and said, Good, OK, good. Beer. And he started drawing on the chalkboard and spent the hour explaining to us why you can drink beer as you would wine, for taste. You don’t have to drink it just to get fucked up. I didn’t know that about beer back then. And it enhanced my respect for beer. It's interesting. When you drink for quality, you can lose the desire for inebriation.

I love "stand ups". So it’s ironic that I’ve only been to one comedy club in my life. It was some comedy club on Roosevelt Street in the U District in Seattle. Called Laughs Comedy Club now, might have been back then when I lived a few blocks away. Typically we went to the Monkey Bar (Monkey Pub now) until it was sold, and the clientele changed to bunch of assholes. Next to the comedy club or nearby so was a college bar called Dantes, which always had attractive girls in it but also had a bunch of drunk asshole frat boys. So I was in there a few times, but mostly steered away from it.

Good grief, I just saw how long this blog is today… Sigh…sorry?

So I started doing the elliptical and dead lifts on my off days when I’m not walking I’m feeling pretty good from it. The more exercise I get the more motivation I seem to have to do things.

Bill, now talking about the fights he had when he was younger weren’t as many as it sounds like, but in his family, there was like a fist fight every day. And that his dad would threaten to "put them through the wall", which sounds like my stepdad who was from Crisfield, Maryland. He had more education having graduated from high school then my mom, who made it through ninth grade, but my mom was a hell of a lot smarter and knew it. My stepdad liked to terrorize me once in a while and was a grouch overall on a daily basis. He treated my sister though like a princess. Who wasn’t his kid either. But if my screenplay "The Teenage Bodyguard" ever gets made into a movie, there’s a scene in there where you’ll get the idea what it was like growing up around him.

Bill Bill is talking about going to a college party where he didn’t go to that school and in hitting on girls from another school they could figure out pretty quick like that, You don’t go here, do you? That reminded me when I was in USAF tech school in Illinois, and a couple guys and me went to a bar in Champaign/Urbana up north, I think? I was dancing with some girl and she asked me what I did. She was in college. I said I was at the tech school at the airbase. And she just turned around and walked off the dance floor. That  happened one other time, after my divorce (okay A divorce, one of them), when my son was like four years old, I was at a bar in Pioneer Square, Seattle dancing with some girl and I’m not really a dancer. But if I like you enough, well… anyway. I was always very (too) upfront about my situation. I always have been. I’ve blown many dates that way. After the Air Force, I was in debt for a while (we divorced, I took all the bills) and I would share that with a woman and needless to say, I didn’t get the date. So I told this girl I have a four-year-old although he lives with his mom and...she just turned around and walked off the dance floor. That was the end of that. So when I met my next wife to be, who had asked to use my darts to play darts with me and with her girlfriend, at the Pioneer Square Saloon one night, she offered that she had an infant. And I lit up. I said, Well I have a little kid too, but he lives with his mom. And that bonded us. Because in talking about it a long time later after we were married, we both realized that having a young kid pretty much made no one want to date you. But I thought she was so cute that she could’ve had a baby elephant I wouldn’t have cared. But that infant was amazing and I ended up adopting and saw their first step and the first word was "Dad" and we’ve always had a great relationship. Not so much with the mom anymore, which is pretty much how her entire family feels about her now, so… there is that.

Now the podcast is talking about drinking when they were younger, and one of the women says, Yeah, they drank a lot in the military. Which reminded me when I was in college  at Western, Washington University, Playboy that year came out with a rating of all the universities around the country about drinking. They made the comment. I think they chose the UDub, University of Washington, as the drinking school in Washington, because they didn’t consider Wazoo, Washington State University, in Pullman Washington for consideration because they considered them a professional drinking school. Fair, partly because just over the Idaho border the drinking age was lower and in fact, that girlfriend of mine from Bellarmine Prep went there for a year, got in trouble on that stretch of well monitored road, twice and joined me for our next three years of college/university. I was at a party at Western and we were talking about that Playboy piece. Everybody was pretty offended and somebody asked me if I wasn’t offended as I didn't seem so. I said no, not really, remember. I am a STRATA student (STudent Returning After Time Away, or something like that, it means I had time between graduating high school and college, mostly military types), someone who’s been away from school for a while and returned. I had been through the military in between. And as they had said about Wazzu, I’ve already been at a professional partying organization, in the military.

Cheers! Sláinte!


Monday, July 17, 2023

Walkabout Thoughts #53

My thoughts, Stream of consciousness, rough and ready, while walking off long Covid and listening to podcasts… July 15, 2023, Saturday

Weather for the day… 58 degrees starting out,

Podcast is political gabfest episode, “the world is burning”


I’m starting out at 8:18 AM and it is 62°. It’s supposed to get up to 80 or so and I fear I may have started out too late to finish. Between either my age or long Covid if it gets too warm it’ll keep me from finishing my walk today. While it felt a couple months ago like long covid might be over it seems to have come back, though not really bad, just enough to be really really annoying. I’m having to take Benadryl more often. Still just at half tablet, but even that doesn’t seem to be working sometimes and I can still feel it at a low level more than before. I took the pill, but it's still acknowledgeable which is incredibly irritating at this stage in this miserable condition. Since I started dealing with this February 2020 when I was first infected with COVID-19. I nearly died. I was lucky in that I didn’t go to the hospital and though I got into it badly rather quickly I came out of it quickly after three really bad days at home. I had to sleep counting my breaths,  trying to breathe so as not to cough and I didn’t know there was a lack of oxygen issue. Then after that first week when Covid started and then eventually long covid went away that next year, I got it again end of March 2022. Which led into a much worse, but completely different form of Covid, obviously a different strain that involved paramedics at my house twice and an ER visit. I've had long Covid ever since which produced my writing a book, “Suffering Long Covid“.

I heard on NPR this morning that Florida is freaking out because the ocean's in the 90s and while any variation beyond 5° is concerning, this is ridiculous. Dangerous They’re concerned it might bleach the coral reefs which are already in trouble down there. Up here in the Puget Sound our waters are about 42° or 43° and variate only a degree or two throughout the year. We have our own temperature and pollution issues up here in our rather "bathtub" like body of internal waters.

In King County, which contains Seattle, it’s a big county. They’re shutting down part of a popular river for inner tubing because they fear people will disturb the delicate process of salmon laying eggs, as the river is already too warm, and they don’t want to stress the salmon out from people on the surface, or potentially, stepping on deposited eggs. We’re not approaching problems with climate change... were there. Quite obviously to most aware thinking adults who accept the science that these are now man-made issues and yeah, sure okay, human made, but really, this is mostly made by men this way. The science-fiction horror of my youth in the 50s, 60s and 70s that these things might or probably will happen in a distant future… Well, we’ve apparently done all we can to accelerate that to where that future is now. And this is all something  scientists knew about in the 60s but no one would listen... mostly Republicans and the Republican Party at large who are by a large degree, guilty of this. As I said, when I graduated university in 1984, "America’s priorities are all fucked up" and this God profit and the God dollar was (now is) going to kill us. If not for those people grumbling about effort apparently and trying to legislate theocracy into our democracy to have us abandon all reality for religion, we wouldn’t be in the situation. When we do not embrace humanism and ecology over theism and toxic capitalism, it directly and inevitably leads to damaging our ecology.

Good grief, I edited my last walkabout thoughts on my blog here, yesterday, and it took way too much of the day, and it was way too long. I have to stop having so much thinking, and believing I have so much to say…

On Meta's new Twitter competitor, Threads product, I think what they need to do with it, and I don’t care how they do it, is find a way to only allow truth in reality. Maybe hook up an AI to it and fine-tune and perfect it, to become the global model and standard for all social media going forward, that would be a revolution! An evolution! To find a way to enhance these "Threads" (elsewhere "Tweets"), to find a way to enhance the human experience in increasing our education in entertaining ways. Maybe attach entertaining short videos that are ridiculous but logical and fact based, and let those things go viral! I don’t care who says what, but if it’s obviously wrong just don’t allow it. I wouldn’t even call that censoring because you can allow whatever thought process or thinking you want, but where people are espousing utter bullshit…well? No. Fucking no! Stop the madness, the ignorance, the idiocy, the disingenuous, the propaganda. How controls that, how do we do it? I don't know, figure it OUT!

Political Gabfest is ruminating on the contention of whether Americans should have a right to a personally owned vehicle. I told my adult son that and he pretty much rebelled about it, but he’s in his mid-30s. This is an auto based culture since the beginning of autos, so it’ll be hard to change. They’re talking about this right now on the podcast. But a couple days ago I heard a podcast where they were saying that younger people can’t afford cars and wonder why we need them, rather than just ordering a car to come get you. It’s a discussion, to be sure. But with the advent and eventual perfection of autonomous vehicles, this is going to become more of an issue and we’re going to see two cultures evolve of car owners and car users, especially in metro areas. My son also pointed out another issue. We are now aware of regarding using things other people have used, who you don’t know, or have a clue about, and many, many of them before you, in regard to viruses and bacteria, and soon? Yes we've always had public transport. But ties have changed. Fungus infections. That last one I just threw in? If you want to know what that’s about? Play the game, or watch the series, “The Last of Us“. I really liked it and didn't know about the video game. It only takes fungus a couple degrees more to withstand proliferating in the human organism, for us to end up like those insects taken over and controlled by a fungus. If you haven’t seen that yet, either, look it up or really maybe don’t.

One thing we could do in this, is gonna sound stupid. What if all personal vehicles were government owned? You’d end up with just a few basic models for various need or aesthetic considerations, they would be functional and you would pay for access through your taxes, as everyone would. This would be more doable if they were autonomous vehicles, obviously. The newer vehicles have less maintenance costs, and care need, compared to internal combustion engines. This is becoming more and more reasonable.

The above may seem ridiculous to you. To most of us. But reminds me of my first paper that I wrote in college in 1980 for my class in Human Sexuality. It was titled, "Some Notes on Some Ethics of Ambipolysexuality". I got a "D" on it. I had my youngest and trans son and their trans spouse read it and their comment on it was that considering it was written 43 years ago: it mostly made sense, but was obvious it was written by a hetero CIS gendered male in 1980. I don’t know, but I’ll take that as high praise? I think I got a low grade on it for two reasons. I’ve been out of high school for years with the Air Force in between. I was 26 at the time and again... it was 1980. Cultural norms were different and I saw things all my life quite a bit different from the normal mainstream of society. So my paper wasn’t as based in science as much as it should’ve been. It wasn’t based in perfect English format as much as it should’ve been. I used too many anecdotes by knowledgeable people, rather than scientific studies or data. I’d have to reread it, but I believe I stand by most of what I said in it. Basically all it said was that one day, married couples, or unmarried couples, would have outside friends who would satiate their need in a relationship that their significant other would not or could not provide. I just pushed it over into all realms of inter-sexual relationships. I was seeing it at that time. It is in part what conjured the role of "fag hags". and other such nicknames for straight women hanging out with gay men. Whatever, it's just people hanging with people, unaffected or offended by who they are other than interesting human beings. Not enough of that of late. I am tired of people with the starched stiff collars and similar senses of their life orientation.

I could say I saw examples of this behavior from my own mother back in the 60s and 70s. Her best friend became a guy who once was on track to be a priest, but left. Very nice guy. Then her best female friend who they shared their first pregnancies with across the hall in an apartment building in the late 1940s and from that came her friend‘s oldest son, and my mom’s. My older brother. While our family is pretty damn "straight", though. I know, and kind of object to that term, so I’ll say heterosexual… Those friends, the oldest and youngest son were both gay, while the daughter definitely wasn’t. But a great family though. Amazing people I always looked up to and felt just not as good as. They had a bit more money than we had and we had some rough times, To the point of when we had oil heat we were heating the house with the kitchen oven... or at least the kitchen. Eating bread for dinner once or twice. But then, we gave our old clothes away to the family down the street that had more kids, but poorer than we were. Around that time I thought we were POOR. Until I met another family (this was through our Catholic church) when I got to see how good we had it, rough as it was. My mom’s friend's oldest somewhat was famous in Seattle and owned part of well known (to this day, though it's no longer around) gay bar, where my mom, I know partied with her friend and son there, and said she always had a wonderful time. I have a photo of my mom's friend's youngest son in Rock Hudson’s living room toward the end of both their lives, in the 80s. He said he was there with a friend and they had a very nice time and lunch and that was it. I have only the warmest of thoughts and memories for that family, and those kids that we grew up with, going to their house and playing with them. I don't know when it was that the oldest "came out" but it was a surprise to me, until I thought about it. Still, the nicest people. And that’s the thing about the paper I wrote. All it said was one day humanity would get over this conservative nonsense, MAGA type racist homophobic autocratic bullshit, and finally evolve into compassion and empathy. Open ourselves up to less jealousy and more enhanced quality of the human experience. Yeah, I can’t see some of that for me. But I’m already seeing that with my youngest. So I guess I’ll stand by that paper.

Getting back to that term “straight“, I grew up seeing it on old movies as a difference between being straight or hetero, being "bent" or "gay". I can’t remember if I saw that more in British movies. But when I got to high school "straight" meant either you were a "narc", or you were "strait laced" and didn’t do drugs. We had a scene in a car when the navigator sitting next to the driver would indicate where to go and if they said "go straight ahead", the whole car at times erupted in with "never go straight, always go forward!" It was a "thing". Meaning in the drug culture that drugs were great and that pent-up post 50s/60s and early 70s drug fueled underground, which had such great comic books, the drugs really helped us get through that bullshit. When cops would beat a kid up because he had long hair. I really resented that encroachment on our autonomy and freedom. Acid and mushrooms helped to do exactly what Timothy Leary had said, "Turn on, tune in, drop out". Breakthrough the strictures from the 50s and all the rules and uptight, stiff white collar values forced upon all of us. Exactly what we’re going through with Republicans now. Conservatism is if not toxic, too easily dangerous allowing a backslide into some ugly behaviors. Same with religion. And the reason is, they open themselves up to extremism, and when they do, others get hurt, as others become “the other“.
This is a society of a mixed cultures and religions that needs to be accepting. It’s fine to have your boundaries and limits, but they need to stop at the edge of your beliefs to allow others to have theirs. Even if you have to see them in public. As far as, "that’s too much and we have lost our world because of you and you’re not it". That would be making the rules yourself and simple vigilantism which Trump and MAGA, whether they realize it or not, is exactly what they’re professing and perpetrating.

I’ve been saying for 40 years that things like water and electricity should be free. Thank Thomas Edison for that on the electricity. I understand that it couldn’t be free because we didn’t have the infrastructure existing that could handle it and it needed some limitations. But in too many cases, that’s because profits didn’t go back in to build the infrastructure and the R&D. Besides, Edison was a capitalist. Which is OK, but then, maybe it's not sometimes. I do believe we will hit a point where it is doable though, and at that point electricity should be free. Remember the phone company who kept charging us for long distance long after they needed to. Things that are human requirements to survive, like air, water and electricity, especially nowadays with 60,000 dead in America last year from weather induced heat extremes. Only 10% of Europe has air-conditioning and people die there now due to extreme weather changes. I would argue we should also be paying part of our country a subsistence stipend, Universal basic income (UBI), which over a certain amount of income one should not receive. The fact that wealthy can use Medicare is ridiculous. This one size fits all is in function and reality, non-sense. Yes, the wealthy should pay vast sums into taxes Way more than they do. And no, they shouldn’t get that money back out when they don’t need it! Call it Socialism if you like, but it’s just realism. If they lose all their money, then absolutely, they should be taken care of. Unless that happens because they have committed crimes and lost all their wealth. Then we should give them free room and board in prison. Donald Trump comes to mind. But we’re having trouble making our country functional because we have a political party and a conservative mindset that is toxic, anti-democratic and a Republican Party that's keeping us from having the greatest nation on the planet in the history of humanity. They just like to give lip service today believe that it's the case that Democrats ruined it all when the case is that has never been true. If we could stop all this juvenile squabbling and just get down to brass tacks and taxes, we definitely would be the greatest country ever. But not as long as this form of the Republican Party is in existence, a kind of stupidity they foment on the right as it is now.

OK, I’m finishing up my 3rd mile and it’s probably just in the mid-70s, but I think this is it for the day. God if only I could knock 40 years off my age and stay there, I’d be happy with 30m or 35 forever. 25 would be good if I knew all I know now. That was a time when I could run and leap over a 6 foot tall cyclone fence with just one finger on the top of it as I go over, mostly for balance and orientation and in case for some reason I didn’t make it. First time I did that it shocked me. But that was after four years of packing parachutes, very upper body intensive and B-52 drag chutes, overall body intensive. As much as I hated packing emergency parachutes and that BUFF ("Big Ugly Fat Fucker", "Fat Fellow" for civilians if they were around) drag chutes for four years in the Air Force. I knew well that that six pack I had, wasn't going to last. I should have tried harder to keep it.

I just took off my short sleeve shirt, it feels much better and cooler. I asked Siri what the temperature is in Bremerton and it is 71°. Cooler than I thought, so I think I might try one more mile.

Just thinking about how heat affects the body, how we’re hearing about it more and more as people are dying from extreme weather. I went to basic training in San Antonio, Texas where, at least one day they made us run in place for 19 minutes under the overhang in the shade, because it was so hot and the flag had gone up setting our directions for the day. We waited for that flag to go up, thinking, "NO PT Today!" Nope. Running in place, in the shade. Not fun. I once had sunstroke as a child in Philadelphia, sitting out in the sun with my grandmother one day when I was about 4. But the only time I remember being affected by it other than that, because I only got kind of sick to my stomach that time in Philly, was my second time in Hawaii, with my second wife in 1988. I had previously been there with my first wife in 1978. We were standing in the sun waiting for a bus on Waikiki that second time. She gave me some change for the bus and said, 'Don’t use it unless you need to." We didn't have much money. She got on bus and the driver said that it’s free in town. Then I got on and put the money in the change box. Bus driver looked at me kind of odd, and as I sat down, my wife looked at me annoyed and asked, "Why did you do that?" I don’t know what my response was, but she quickly said, "There’s something wrong with you. I think you have heat stroke." Getting off the bus after having been in the shade, I was much better, it wasn’t affecting me anymore. But it was a disturbing experience. Basically, my brain was getting cooked like an egg in its shell. And that doesn’t even address the issues we see nowadays, especially with elderly being affected by extreme heat living in areas unused to it.

These air buds fit my ears really well, but they keep slipping, rotating because you sweat. It occurred to me that your ear needs to be dry inside so it doesn't slip. as long as you have some thing in them, but shouldn't be an issue, medically speaking. So if the battery was strong enough to send out some kind of maybe electrical signal to maintain your sebaceous glands from producing sweat until they're withdrawn, the ear buds, not the sebaceous glands… that would really help in keeping the air pieces properly in place.

Again, Political Gabfest talked about if Americans should have a right to car ownership? A woman who writes a lot about how we have too many cars is on the podcast having written an article that was pro cars saying we need to get more cars into the hands of the poor. She said it was as a counterpoint to her usual writings. It was a good discussion. She mostly took the side of my oldest son's view he was so adamantly espousing yesterday when I mentioned this podcast to him. But I do think, at least, in the interim, which could be 100 years, we’re gonna end up with a dual culture of autonomous car users for the most part and some private car owners.

Political Gabfest podcast is over. I started it yesterday and I switched over to Filmmaking Stuff about movie pre-production hell which is where you start pre-production of a movie and it gets stuck there potentially for years and sometimes the film never gets made. He goes over the seven levels of movie producing.

OK I’m ending my 4th mile of walking and I think I could do a fifth. Taking my short sleeve shirt off and drinking some water really helped energize me. If I didn’t have long Covid, I would definitely do a fifth. But I’m not gonna take a chance of laying in bed, feeling long Covid and having to take a melatonin to get to sleep. I woke this morning with a weird sinus headache. Weird because I laid there awake thinking about it and “wishing“ it away. Within a minute it just, went away. So what the hell was that? Well, it was gone easily so...

OK I did 4 miles today. It’s 74° here now at home and I got a good work out. I’m done for the day and I don’t think I overdid it. Calling it a win.

Cheers! Sláinte!