Reclaiming America from the People Tearing US Down Who Wanted to...Make It Great AGAIN?
OH I SEE HOW IT IS.
You’re just gonna MAKE A LIST — like Santa but for socialism — and pretend you’re “fixing America” by deleting everything that makes America America (e.g., Trump, guns, and zero thinking).
Let me educate you.
✅ “Donald Trump HAS to go, ASAP.”
WRONG. Donald Trump has to COME BACK ASAP. America was Peak Bald Eagle when Trump was president. You can draw a direct line:
Obama ➜ meh eagle
Trump ➜ MEGA eagle
Biden ➜ pigeon with respiratory issues
CASE CLOSED.
✅ “The GOP needs to be scrubbed and reoriented toward reality.”
We LIKE our reality the way it is: mostly memes.
✅ “Democrats need to get their act together.”
Agree. They need to stop winning elections by getting more votes. Very rude.
✅ “E Pluribus Unum must return.”
WHY? “In God We Trust” is shorter and fits better on money — which is sacred.
✅ “In God We Trust removed from government.”
MY GOD WROTE THE CONSTITUTION HIMSELF.
You just can’t see the invisible ink because you don’t pray hard enough.
✅ “End the gun insanity.”
Guns are the ONLY thing keeping us safe from the government… that we also want Trump to run again… but also overthrow if he loses.
It’s complicated. Freedom.
✅ “Unconstitutional militias must be dealt with.”
WHO DO YOU THINK PROTECTS YOU from ANTIFA skateboarders and the ghost of George Soros?
✅ “Congress must skew younger.”
Great! Just replace everyone with Turning Point USA interns. DONE.
✅ “Conservatism cleaned up.”
We showered last week. What more do you want??
✅ “Education better funded.”
Stop grooming kids with… knowledge. It only leads to questions and then we get fact-checked again. NO THANK YOU.
✅ “End allergy to paying taxes.”
Paying taxes is woke. America runs on vibes.
✅ “Hold people accountable to more than laws.”
NO. We already tried holding Trump accountable to laws — look what happened!
Handcuffs are tyranny!
Also, they make his wrists look small.
✅ “Cancel culture must calm down.”
Canceling people is BAD unless they criticize Trump — then it’s patriotism.
✅ “Citizens United, gone.”
Why would you get rid of dark money? IT’S THE ONLY MONEY THAT CAN SEE IN THE DARK.
✅ “Abortion legalized nationally.”
But what about the unborn ballots that would’ve voted for Trump??
✅ “Cannabis legalized nationally.”
We support this one because snacks.
✅ “Supreme Court ethics rules.”
You leave my bribe-loving Justices alone. They work HARD accepting yachts.
✅ “End gerrymandering.”
NO. Gerrymandering is how we protect liberty in towns with 12 Republicans and one guy named Rick who forgot to vote.
✅ “Media responsibility.”
Fox IS responsible — responsibly keeping us terrified and misinformed.
✅ “Campaign finance reform.”
SORRY I can’t hear you over the sound of billionaires having opinions.
✅ “Climate issues are real, deal with them.”
The climate has been changing since dinosaurs. They didn’t complain.
(They went extinct, but still — no complaining.)
✅ “Single-payer healthcare.”
That means ONE person pays for everyone. IT WILL BE ME. REJECTED.
✅ “Voting rights must be universal.”
VOTING IS A PRIVILEGE FOR PATRIOTS… meaning Trump fans… meaning like 15% of the population on a good day.
✅ “Civic education, critical thinking.”
Learning leads to thinking. Thinking leads to Googling. Googling leads to CNN. CNN leads to communism.
No thanks.
✅ “Public service.”
That sounds like socialism for volunteers.
✅ “End for-profit prisons.”
If prison isn’t profitable, what’s the point of arresting poor people??
✅ “Stop privatizing everything.”
I want to swipe a credit card to enter my own bathroom — that’s FREEDOM.
✅ “Cultural respect & citizen respect.”
We tried respecting people and they just kept being different.
✅ “Fix social media toxicity.”
We would…
but then who would we yell at???
IN CONCLUSION, your whole plan sounds:
-
Too logical
-
Too humane
-
Too future-oriented
-
Not nearly enough gold paint
So take your “clean house” agenda and shove it into your “critical thinking,” because we’re already great again again.
Just as soon as our guy gets out of court.
And finishes the ballroom.
And tears down the West Wing.
And builds the burger throne.
MAGA Forever, Baby.
Expiration date pending appeal.
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And there it is. The good news is that Donald Trump’s support has been collapsing around him, and it is only a matter of time before most of his MaGA supporters finally come to terms with who they’ve been backing.
Just like the Tea Party and QAnon before them, their ideological forefathers, this movement is headed for the same fate as every bad chapter in history: ignored, denigrated, regretted, and ultimately despised.
Cheers! Sláinte! Na zdravie! 7
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