When the reality sets in that Western democracies want nothing to do with him, his options shrink fast. North Korea might have once seemed like a mutual admiration club, but it’s far too unstable for long-term comfort (and there’s not enough golf). China is off the list too — the language barrier alone would require actual study, and Mandarin flashcards aren’t Trump’s style. Which leaves the obvious choice: Russia. Not only does it come with a leader who’s shown him personal warmth, but it also offers a political climate where wealth and connections mean more than pesky things like accountability.
When Russia becomes the stage for Trump’s next act, the location matters. He could nest in Moscow, rubbing shoulders with Kremlin power brokers while enjoying top-floor views and imported steaks. Or settle in Sochi, a Black Sea resort beloved by Putin, where yachts bob in the harbor and winter barely exists. St. Petersburg offers a backdrop of gilded history and cultural prestige — perfect for photo-ops. Kaliningrad places him on Europe’s doorstep while keeping him under Russia’s wing. The wild card is Novosibirsk, deep in Siberia, where cold weather keeps the press far away. And then there’s Yekaterinburg, a city flush with oligarch wealth and a discreet elite, where private deals happen far from public eyes.
Where in Russia would Donald Trump move?
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🏛 Moscow Penthouse – Close to the Kremlin, close to the action.
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🏖 Sochi Beach Villa – Putin’s playground, year-round golf potential.
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🖼 St. Petersburg Palace – For that faux-historic gravitas.
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🌍 Kaliningrad Compromise – Technically Russia, brushing up against Europe.
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❄ Siberian Bunker – Out of sight, out of subpoena reach.
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🤔 Other – Your guess is as good as ours.
Once settled in his Russian refuge, Trump’s days could be a mix of staged rallies for Russian state TV, occasional appearances at Putin-approved events, and endless rounds of golf at a custom-built course that few are allowed to play. Surrounded by a loyal inner circle of exiled sycophants, he could broadcast nightly “truth” messages to his American base, basking in his self-styled role as the wronged leader in exile — a figure both absurd and dangerous, but far enough away to be mostly contained.
A Day in the Life of Trump, Russian Edition
The morning begins in a gold-trimmed bedroom suite with blackout curtains to keep out the inconvenient glare of reality. Breakfast is a spread of imported McMuffins, prepared by a chef brought over from Florida at taxpayer expense (or so he claims). Between sips of Diet Coke, Trump takes calls from American loyalists, dictating “truths” for social media while Russian state TV producers suggest catchier slogans.
By late morning, he’s off to his private golf course — carved out of a former military base — where the scorecards are pre-printed with his winning totals. Putin might stop by for a photo op, but only if there’s an agreement to “exchange” flattering coverage for more flattery in return.
Yes — there is golf in Russia, but it’s not widespread, and the climate limits it mostly to the warmer months (unless Trump funds indoor or heated facilities).
Examples of golf in Russia:
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Moscow Country Club – Russia’s first 18-hole championship course, built in the 1990s, often used for elite and corporate events.
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Pestovo Golf & Yacht Club – Just outside Moscow, combining golf, boating, and luxury housing.
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Skolkovo Golf Club – A Jack Nicklaus–designed course near Moscow, considered one of the best in the country.
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Peterhof Golf Club – Near St. Petersburg, shorter season due to the colder climate.
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Sochi Golf Club – The southern resort city’s milder climate gives it a longer season, making it Russia’s most “Florida-like” golf destination.
While golf in Russia is far from a national pastime, the country boasts a small but surprisingly elite selection of courses, many designed by big names like Robert Trent Jones Jr. and Jack Nicklaus. Moscow Country Club, Skolkovo, and Tseleevo Golf & Polo Club have all hosted professional tournaments, while Sochi offers a milder climate for a longer playing season.
Most courses cater to the wealthy and operate April through October, but their lush fairways, manicured greens, and opulent clubhouses could easily be spun into “the best, most beautiful courses in all of Russia” — at least according to Trump.
Afternoons are for business. From a gilded office with views of the Kremlin (or the Black Sea, if he’s in Sochi), he Zooms into meetings with exiled oligarchs, plotting new “media ventures” aimed at American audiences. His translator — hired less for language skills than for her ability to praise him — ensures every Russian phrase sounds like an oath of allegiance.
Evenings bring formal dinners in marble halls with chandeliers the size of pickup trucks. Cameras capture him toasting with vodka he never drinks, proclaiming the U.S. a “great nation, once,” and hinting that one day he’ll “return by popular demand.” Then, a late-night TV spot airs, painting him as the tragic hero in exile — the misunderstood visionary wronged by a corrupt system.
Finally, he retires to watch replays of his old rallies on loop, falling asleep to the sound of his own voice promising a future that will never arrive. Outside, Russian security keeps watch, not for his safety, but to make sure he doesn’t wander into trouble that Putin hasn’t approved.
And so, his story would come full circle: the man who promised to “Make America Great Again” might spend his twilight years trying to make Russia love him instead. Whether it’s Moscow or Sochi, palace or bunker, the irony will be as thick as the snow in Siberia — a self-proclaimed patriot who found his final refuge under another country’s flag.
The only real question now is… will this all play out when Trump leaves office in 2028, or will it happen sooner — maybe this year, or next?
Compiled with aid of ChatGPT
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