Walkabout Thoughts #60

My thoughts, Stream of consciousness, rough and ready, while walking off long Covid and listening to podcasts… August 8, 2023, Tuesday

Weather for the day… 67° starting out, 71° when I got home

Podcast Smartless episode with Paul Giamatti
Then WTF with Marc Maron, episode "Show business is my life." Gary Mule Deer documentary

Look up OC & Stigs directed by Robert Altman

So it’s been a few days. My last walk was last Thursday. My long Covid book is in my son's health food store and he asked for more copies because it’s selling. So I thought I’d throw some Amazon ads up on it but  they rejected them because of capitalization issues that I cannot figure out what the hell they’re talking about. But my book death of heaven, which is a pretty good book if I do say so, the last reviewer said it's the "best horror book they ever read". Ignore the fact that though she was honest, and an avid reader, we were housemates back in the early 90s for nearly a year, in the U District area of Seattle Washington. My antiwar documentary short film, Pvt. Ravel‘s Bolero" is doing well and with the last two awards now has 22 international film festival awards, with more to come, hopefully. My screenplay "The Teenage Bodyguard" now has three international awards. Aside from having long Covid, which is continuing to diminish in half life stages, which makes you feel like it’s never gonna go away as it’s now been over a year, I’m otherwise having a pretty good year, artistically speaking. I’m also feeling what you hear people say about being an overnight sensations, when famous people who get that...their response, is yeah, I did this all really fast overnight after like 20 years of working at it hard and feeling utterly hopeless. Well not to worry, I'm no overnight success, yet, if ever...

So with today’s walk, I’m having problems with the muscles in my left arch, it’s been tender to step on lately, so I used hot and cold on it last night. It’s a lot better but still kind of tender. Still I’m out walking on it hobbling along. I want my damn 5 miles. It’s been a while. Think I only got in 3 miles last Thursday which just ain’t acceptable

SmartLess guys are asking Paul Giamatti, since he did cartoons at Yale towards the end there, as well as acting towards the end, what his goto doodle is. I had some in high school. If I go back and look at my old papers I tend to see stars everywhere, which at some point, when my kids were young, would’ve been considered... I don’t know, pentagrams or something. I think my crazy ex-wife said about my my oldest son, not her son but stepson, when he was drawing "pentagrams" weren’t pentagrams. She thought he was gonna grow up and be a serial killer. He was a problem kid (ADHD, broken family and pissed about it, as I was as a kid) I don’t think we were much unalike. But then having had trouble with his mother and his stepmother, thanks to me. Sorry kid. Never my intention. She thought he was into, I don’t know? Devil worship? I said, what the fuck? I said when I was a kid I drew those, too. They’re just fun and easy to draw without thinking. A kind of Zen thing. Anyway, I also liked to draw spaceships, little simple doodles, but the main one I did was a snake head with octopus legs. I have no idea where I got that from it was just fun to draw, and I did it all the time, again and again.

Jason is asking Paul about his movies because it feels to him like everything has been and has been really prestigious. In an odd way that reminds me of having pets. All my life people have commented on my pets as being uniquely cool pets. And for years, I just assumed I was lucky but I picked them well, which is true, but I finally came to realize, when I had a friend I thought was a very cool person, who went to the same thing where they said people always said their pets were cool. I thought they were pretty chill too, and I said "Hey maybe it’s not so much our pets as it's us? Because pets do take on, you know, certain characteristics from their owners." So maybe some of the films Paul is in are seen in hindsight as prestigious, are in part that way because of him. He would probably say, maybe, in some small way. But depending on the talent and crew you associate with, the screenplay, you accept working with directors, and other actors, in those  you work with who you're asked by or you’re attracted to, maybe it’s somewhat his choices, so in the end, the movies came off as very good films. Wow, that was a convoluted sentence or two...

You know, I realized a week or two ago that I’ve had a really productive phase recently. I think these "walkabout thought" blogs have helped because I felt I needed to get them out (transcribe, sort of edit and publish). A couple weeks back, I spent three days getting caught up and that was a chore, working all day every day for a few days... on something. But it’s interesting that before Covid I had done a couple of films and mostly had finished my latest "Pvt. Ravel’s Bolero" documentary/filmic poem done, then took on the effort during long Covid and getting it out to film festivals, which took a lot of effort for me at the time. Then since I did that, I have gotten out 2 books, sequels to "Anthology of Evil", my first collection of short stories. Then since I didn’t have any new movies as I was submitting my last two films to festivals, I started submitting my screenplays. I guess my true crime screenplay is finally ready because it started winning awards, while just a few years ago it wasn’t winning anything. It’s just a matter of spending years if you have to. to keep fine-tuning your craft and good things will come of it.

Paul saying, while his film "Sideways" kind of killed the Merlot industry for a bit, he’s really not a wine drinker and didn’t know anything about it. He prefers Mezcal. The guys (Smartless) started talking about Jason when he was younger, driving around with a candle lit on his dashboard. The things we do when we’re young like that. The only thing I can think of for myself was that I used to wear leather driving gloves. This was when I had my 1967 RS/SS Camaro convertible which two years later would it be called a Z28. I didn’t really wear the gloves to be cool, although it may have evolved into that. I actually wore them for functional reasons because I was a street racer. I kept losing drags in my Camaro because it had a 350 stock engine, and I kept coming up against "built" engines. I was far better at any kind of a rally thing, as I was really good at driving a course. Or zipping through town and finding, or losing somebody. Which came in handy in the Air Force when I lost a cop once. I knew he was going to give me a ticket for speeding as I happened to zip by him hidden on a side street. This is in my "The Teenage Bodyguard" screenplay. I was in a 1975 Monza Town Coupe of all things. I whipped around the block and came back up behind him. Going downhill to a stoplight. Pulled up behind him at the light. I saw him looking both ways for me. Where did he go? He turned left and I turned right. I started wearing those driving gloves long before that, because when I was going fast around corners and straightening out the wheel would whip around straight it could hurt. Also, my hands would slip sometimes when I spun the wheel to go around a corner (this started in my first Camaro), and I found that wearing gloves really stuck to the steering wheel, as well as protecting my hands and skin. So I kept wearing them for a while after I wasn’t doing that kind of crazy shit anymore. And then I think I went in the Air Force and I don’t know if I started wearing them again when I got my second '75 Rally Sport Camaro. I traded in the Monza in about '77? A whole different kind of animal, not a rally car but could do 140 on the freeway and it just hummed along after you hit 100MPH. When I got that Camaro I stripped all the California gear off the engine with a kid I worked with on base in the parachute shop and put an Edelbrock manifold and Holly 650 "double pumper" and glass pack mufflers & headers on it.

So they’re asking Paul for acting "horror stories". He couldn’t think of any, and they asked, what about forgetting your lines? And he said, No not really. But then he came up with a story about Seattle when he lived here. Which reminded me of, let’s see, my second or third grade doing a school play. I was on stage with my best friend, Jimmy Snowberger (or Jimmy Snow), believe it or not two, of my friends, it always blew me away about their names. One moved away and was replaced by the other, oddly enough. We were doing this play about two prospectors eating dinner in the wild. I’m standing, he's kneeling down by the fake fire. I ask if he wants me to clean the plates. He says, No three Rivers will take care of it. I asked, three rivers? And he says, Yeah. Here three rivers, here three rivers. And a dog is supposed to come over and lick the plates clean. Right in the middle of this really short play? I said my line while looking down at him. And I see him hesitate. I think I see him freeze. He looked up at me, blank. And I would’ve given him his line, but stupidly, I said, don’t you dare. I said it slow and stern. Do not walk off the stage and leave me here alone! Which apparently gave him the idea. Because I look up and see the teacher in the wings. He turns around and sees her. He looks back at me. Then he just stands up and walks to her. Leaving me standing there, sideways to the audience. I look out of the audience, of a whole auditorium of parents staring at me. I  looked over at him off stage, as if to indicate to the audience that it’s him, not me. I can see him talking to the teacher. Finally he comes back kneels down, says his line and we finish the play to big applause. I never got on stage again, for years. Until eighth grade at Holy Rosary parochial school when they forced me to be in the school choir for Christmas. I refused at first. My eighth grade class had a thousand year old Nun and leader of the Convent there and our principal. So I sung in the Christmas choir. Mom got a kick out of it anyway. Interesting to note that I never again wanted to do acting. I actually took theater 101 at University because I want to learn about theater and I didn’t see anything indicated about having to act. First day, our Yale Masters grad theater teacher tells us we'd have to get up and act out who we are, on stage without speaking. Almost every guy in the place got up and walked out of the theater. I just sat there squirming. He then had us count off by threes to go up by groups. Then at some point I'd had enough and got up and walked out. That was just after he said about the guys leaving, that that was good, and part of his plan. That weeded out the guys who didn’t need to be there. As I stood and started to walk out, I looked around and it seems like every girl in there was really good looking. As I walked away, there was a groaning of disappointment by the entire class. I wasn’t too bad looking back then and I kind of stood out on campus. I’ve always wondered, had I known the girls were gonna react like that would I have stayed? If I could’ve just gotten over that few moments on stage acting like a fool, how would things have gone from there? You know, the problem wasn’t so much getting on stage, as it was that I really had no clue what to do. Probably few others did too. And I had a phobia to doing things when I totally don’t know what I’m doing, or if I know that I’m gonna do a bad job for lack of whatever it takes to do it. I always want to do well. While I used to be a bit of a perfectionist, it rattled my nerves so bad at the time but I eventually got over it. The Air Force had helped some. College certainly helped. Getting a degree in psychology and having to take group therapy for a quarter helped (I rebelled about taking "group", but was told, then you don't graduate, so...). But there it is. Then in the early 90s I got a head shot join taken at a talent agency in Seattle, the Mode Talent Agency, and then sent me out for auditions. But there were some internal problems at the agency and they fired two women who worked there, and they seemed less professional and never called me back, that was the end of that.

OK I’ve now walked 2 1/2 miles and I’m limping pretty good on my left ankle, so 3 miles is it for the day today, again. Dammit! Well headed home now. I’ll ice it down and heat it up. Keep doing that all day, put some more CBD oil on it like I did last night.

Paul has a pretty interesting story about being on stage in a small theater in Seattle when somebody out of the audience gets up on stage with him, and kind of disrupts everything. He can tell it better than I would

Now they’re talking on the podcast about, Will having to get a colonoscopy this week or the week of this recording. And they’re talking about what they’ve gone through and things like that. I may have mentioned this before, but in 10th grade I had to have surgery on my left arch. I have really flat feet and somehow still got in the Air Force. But when I came out of surgery and was awake again, the nurse came in from surgery and said everything went well. Your doctor will be in to talk to you and I've got to say, you had all of us laughing all the way through surgery. And I said what? I said, I remember that you told me to count backwards from 100 and I remember getting to 96. She said, oh you were really talkative. I said, well what did I say? She said, don’t worry about it. I said. no I really want to know what the hell I said? She said, honey what happens or is said in surgery stays in surgery. And she would not tell me, which worried me even more. I mean a 15-year-old guy doesn’t wanna feel exposed that he said some embarrassing shit when he doesn’t have a clue what he was saying. You know? Oh well, no closure on that event.

What if she had told me everything I said, and I wrote it down and worked on it and created a standup routine and became a comic out of it? Maybe I would’ve gotten over my fear of being on stage sooner? Who knows?

OK since it’s funny beyond the joke that they tell on the podcast… Jason tells a joke, which apparently the guys have heard 30 times already and he gets it wrong every time, but he’s telling Paul that  aDr. walks into an operating room, patient's laying there. Doctor says, OK Jerry, this time no hard-on. The patient says, Dr. my name is Kevin. And the doctor says, no, I’m Jerry. I preferred the way Jason told it. It was succinct to the point had a punch but the guys are still ribbon him about it, mostly because he’s done it wrong so many times before.

So I’ll be honest about this. I put my book "death of heaven" in the free little library here on the street. And I don’t know, the third or fourth time I’ve done this over the past few years. The longest it’s gone without somebody taking it, I think was a week. Seems to me it’s been here now like going on three weeks. Still sitting there, homeless, but happy for the shelter, but it's wishing somebody would take it home and read it. I liked my last review on Amazon saying it’s the "best horror story I’ve ever read", and they’ve read a lot of horror stories. I say that because I know who posted that. And no, they would tell the truth if they thought it sucks, they're just that kind of person.

Cheers! Sláinte!